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INFANS AMORIS 


THE TALE OF A ONCE SORROWFUL SOUL 


Romance 


BY 

T. EVERETT HARRY 


“ And I shall send Mine angels before My face with a 
great trumpet ...” 


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THE 


Hbibey press 


XonDon 


PUBLISHERS 

114 

FIFTH AVENUE 

NEW YORK 




Montreal 





THE Ue*ARY OF 

C0NGRE3S. 

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APH. 21 190? 

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CLASS ^XXa No. 

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CORY A. 


Copyright, 1902, 

by 

THE 

Bbbes press. 


TO 


PRIESTS, SINNERS, 

AND 

ALL THOSE THAT ARE IN DARKNESS. 














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CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER PAGE 

Prologue 7 

I. “ What made the Angels Weep ” 18 

II. The Sign of Hope 30 

III. Infans Amoris 54 

IV. Visions 76 

V. The Tempting of Satan 103 

VI. The Temptation of Herod 120 

VII. “The Wages of Sin” 143 

VIII. A Soul of Unrest 164 

IX. “ The Encircling Spirit World ” 182 

X. The Living Love 221 

XI. The Saviour’s Prescience of the Evils of To-day... . 237 

XII. The Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission 273 

Epilogue 295 

Appendix 332 



INFANS AMORIS 


PROLOGUE. 

I, who speak, am one gone and forgotten. I am 
one who is in Glory and Joy. I am one who sinned 
and was forgiven. I know the penalty of sin, the 
acute agony of Regret, and the inexpressible tortures 
of Remembrance. I, who write, am one who knows — 
knows the glories of Heaven and the tortures of hell. 
I am one who was in the flesh when Christ was born, 
— who sinned, and was forgiven by Him. I speak in 
the idioms of the English language; I express myself 
in English, though Hebrew was once my tongue. 

I speak as from out a tomb, as one dead and gone. 
I am what the world calls dead — my body has lain for 
many a hundred year rotten in the ground. Yet I 
live ! Live you will ask, how can I live if I died ? 
One will say, “ Absurd ! If you are dead, you are 
dead. ‘ Death is the end of all.’ ” 

Vociferously I answer them : 

No ; death is not the end. What we term “ death ” 
is only a form of speech meaning the Soul leaving the 
body to enter into real Life — a Life of Glory or a Life 
of Grief. There is a Beyond — a beyond to be pre- 

7 


8 


Infans Amoris. 


pared for in fervent prayer and expectant trembling. 
Ah, it would be a grand thing for some if death were 
the end of all — what a self-made Fate for the damned 
would be obviated! But, joyfully for the good, sadly 
for the bad, there is a Life after death, — ■“ Death ” is 
not the end; the soul cannot be annihilated. Could 
one realize what a hideous and odious thing sin is, 
what it caused Christ to suffer in the Garden, when a 
sweat of blood oozed from His pure pores, he would 
realize that for sin no punishment could be too rigor- 
ous almost. Could one know the transporting, trans- 
cendent bliss of Heaven, the supreme joy of the God- 
love, he would truly say: For such a Reward no 
work is too hard, no humiliation too bitter. 

I, who give this to the Sad Planet, am one, as I said, 
who lived in the flesh when Christ was born. I saw 
Him as a babe, — I saw Him die. It is by His love 
that I am where I am — in Heaven. Of Heaven — I 
know the glories thereof. O, I know the ecstatic and 
rapturous delight of the Just, — in being in the Crea- 
tor’s vision, — in being bathed in His fountain of inex- 
haustible, magnanimous Love, — in hearing the sweet, 
mellifluous song of the angels, — and in seeing the 
glory of Light, the beauty and sublimity of Re-creation. 
And knowing this, knowing what I once did — what 
made the God-Man weep — I cry: 

O God, Thou are a God of mercy, and Thy mercy 
endureth forever — to spheres and lives that are now, 
and to spheres and lives yet to come. Thou lovest 
man, and man loveth Thee not. Thou hast, in Thine 
exceeding Love, sent Thine own Part — Christ — to 


Prologue. 9 

earth, — to be born to cold and snow, — to sorrow and 
be wronged — ultimately to die. 

Of Him will I speak, of His Love as a Child, — for 
He is to the world a Child always — Infans Amoris. 
It was He who gave the world a second birth, a cleans- 
ing ; He gave to man a new Law, an easy Law, a holy 
Law — and this Law is just. I speak in knowing, for 
having experienced and seen, I know. For my sin 
was terrible; I darkly stained my soul. But for every 
gesture of sinful joy, for every kiss, for every evil 
word I paid a pang of torture. The joys which I depict 
relating to Jardac and me were sinful ; — did I not pay 
a penalty? Who will say that the punishment due to 
sin is not hard, not just. Yet Sin itself makes its own 
sequent punishment. “ By your words will ye be con- 
demned,” says Christ. And it is our evil works that 
condemn us. 

I sinned. It was the Infant of Love who pitied me, 
who forgave me. I am, and was, a living witness of His 
mercy. Hence I come from Him to tell of it, in simple 
love. Yes, of His Love and of His Mercy will I tell, 
— and how that Love and Mercy were wounded when 
He saw the world To-day. And if my life of example, 
my telling of His love,, my warning, do aqy good, He 
will be pleased — and His pleasure is my joy. He is 
Love: — Repenting, no sin will He refuse pardon; lov- 
ing, He will love in return; rejecting, He will also do 
the same. But woe betide him who knows the Law 
and casts it aside. . . it were better for him had he 
never been born.” For the New Law is easy, merciful, 
and just. No excuse will be of any avail if it is re- 


10 


Infans Amoris. 


jected. Moses and the prophets had a hard Law, a 
strong Law ; by it the sinner, even on earth, was pun- 
ished severely. But the Law of Love is easily ful- 
filled ; the Reward of its fulfillment is munificently 
rich. 

In this tale I speak plainly, extenuating no sin. I 
tell the facts, the joys — the punishment following, — a 
proof of God’s self- working Law of Justice, of Christ’s 
Love, ... of a Mother’s Love. 

I am a Spirit. Many doubt the ability of spirits 
coming to earth. Of these narrow-minded agnostics, 
I say: “ ‘ If they hear not Moses and the prophets (in 
the New Law, Jesus and the Priests) neither will they 
believe if one rise again from the dead.’ Requiescat in 
pace.” And if such as these should see me as I spirit- 
ually am, they would declare me to be of scientific 
composition, able to be solved by Science. 

It seems so strange that some people will pin their 
faith, rejecting Religion and denying miracles, on that 
fruit of a sickly and finite brain — Atheistical Science : 
the science of an egotistical professor, who, in his 
atheism, denies the existence of God. Ask this all-wise 
professor to solve the mystery of Creation ; ask him 
who made the world, what it was made of. He will 
either answer, “ From an Atom,” or, “ From Noth- 
ing! ” Now if it be from an Atom, ask him where the 
first Atom came from. If he says “ From Nothing,” 
ask him to form a dollar from vacuous space ; tell him 
that “ nothing from nothing leaves nothing.” * No 

* Note. — Brief note may here be made of the “ latest ” theoretical 
fad of the pseudo-scientists, called the “ Corpuscular Theory.” 


Prologue. n 

doubt the present professor is very wise, very well in- 
formed in recondite learning, very positive, sure; — 
but, ah, how inferior is this latter-day production to the 
old Grecian philosophers 1 — he is not so well informed 
of “ atoms ” as Democritus was — and even Democritus 
believed in the soul ; and even the abstruse atomic theo- 
ries of Democritus are not so true as the theory of 
Heracleitus — but, gracious, what has old, primitive 
Heracleitus to do with the advanced pedant of to-day ! 

. . . .But if men are so advanced as to deny the tremen- 
dous forces that surround and control the earth — forces 
that are terrific, potent, limitless, either good or bad, 
I can only say, “ Rest in peace ” — for the day is at 
hand when the peace of the unbelieving and evil shall 
be dispelled, and the powers that control men’s desti- 
nies shall be revealed. And though to all mortal souls 
I, as Horatio said to dying Hamlet, say 

The “ theory ” is that the beginning of material was not an atom, 
but one thousand minute corpuscles revolving around a central one, 
forming the “ Atom.” This class of persons consists of wise men 
who claim that two nothings make something, and they are quite 
jubilant over this, their latest discovery, for it seems to solve the 
question how the physical elements of matter which made the 
others, are accounted for, the original elements being, as they claim, 
about seventy. 

Truly — 

“ Man wants but little here below. 

But the question may be put as how these infinitesimal elements 
formed themselves into stupendous worlds. As well divide an apple 
and say the whole apple came from that one division. Just let us 
gaze at a crowd of men, at a sylvan forest, at a falling cascade, at a 
pure white lily, and ask ourselves, Is it not easier to believe in an 
infinite God of Love, who created these, than in an infinite nothing- 
ness ? Author. 


12 Infans Amoris. 

“ Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest,” 

it is probable that flights of devils will sing some to 
unrest, — for as men form their lives, so shall they form 
their After. But in spite of pedants, for my part, I 
cannot see any logical theory why man could advance 
against the belief in spirits and miracles when he has 
almost incredible facts demonstrated and made known 
to him ; as, the freezing of water over a flame, the boil- 
ing of water on ice, and photographs being taken 
through the human body, proving that things which 
seemingly do not exist really exist, that light is all- 
penetrative, and is as great a factor of creation as ma- 
terial. And though the present Churches are antag- 
onized to Science, because Science cannot be reconciled 
to some parts of the Old Testament, I say that Science 
is beginning to declare the Truth, — and some of its 
manifestations prove that miracles are scientific facts. 
— and the day is coming when, in spite of its draw- 
backs in the forms of misinformed “ professors,” it 
will show the proof of Spirit over Material, and the 
surrounding world of souls will be seen, and the puerile 
atomic theories of creation will dissolve in Light. 

Spiritualism is compatible to the great Laws of Na- 
ture. Hence I say: The earth and all planets spring 
from the ever-loving Intelligence and Fancy of the 
Creator; — is the loving Creator’s Fancy and Intelli- 
gence nothing? Blasphemy it is to say so. Now, as 
God is real, so also spirituality is real. Mortals can- 
not see God though He is real. Hence it is ab- 
surd to deny the existence of spirits because man’s 
finite eyes cannot perceive them. And it is as 


Prologue. 13 

easy for a spirit to float around the earth as it 
is for man to do so on “ flying machines ” and balloons, 
— and it is easier for a spirit to float in air than for the 
material body of man to ascend. If I am a spirit, one 
will ask, how is it that I can write or speak. For this 
errand of love, I have as in a whirlwind come down 
from God’s Sphere to Earth. Being on the earth, I 
enter an animal — a beast of God’s creation ; I enter 
and inhabit the body of a beast that Man scorns. I 
am here for a little while, then I shall again depart. 
Though I am here, the glory of God encompasses me 
— for His Love is everywhere. I will speak to sinners 
from whom there is hope. I wish to speak (or write) 
so as to tell that no sin is beyond pardon, provided the 
sinner sincerely repent ; that God is God of all, not of 
one sect or church ; that Sin punishes itself, and that 
it alone makes man’s misery; that God is ready to for- 
give the most heinous sins, provided there is repent- 
ance ; that God is a God of Love, pitying and sorrow- 
ing for a mortal’s misery, and is ready to remove the 
misery, all that is necessary being the mortal’s cooper- 
ation. My life which I give is a proof and example of 
this; my sins were horrible, my grief miserable; I 
followed Satan and left God; — yet repentance gave 
me Hope, and I got to Heaven. Hence I sound the 
Trumpet of Truth, in warning the world, speaking as 
one who knows, as a mortal that knows men, having 
lived and sinned as man, as a spirit that speaks no lie, 
loving God, being with Him in Heaven. And pro- 
claiming Truth, I sound the Tocsin of Doom — Doom 
which the world is bringing upon itself ! Doom 


14 


Infans Amoris. 


which is at present written in meaning characters of 
flame in the heavens, which sounds with awesome sol- 
emnity in the air, which rumbles and roars in the in- 
nermost bowels and corners of the Earth... .As an 
angel I come, am sent in Love, to write and proclaim 
His Love, His Mercy, — I having experienced it, — and 
to warn the Sad Sphere of its imminent doom. I give 
the warning — tell the greatest evil, and how it may be 
remedied. And if the Evil is not counteracted, and 
God reborn, then the Doom will fall. Seeing Christ 
in His mortal life, I know how He grieves for the 
world’s coming sins ; being on earth now, I see the 
cause of His worry and grief. As I sought His life, 
so men now seek His life and take it by killing Him 
in others’ hearts — and these vile degenerates of good, 
satellites of Satan, are worse than I, since they do it 
for GOLD. Needless it is to say who this class of 
men are. They cover the world, and in the guise of 
faith they destroy it. And in my narrative I warn 
the sheep, knowing how and why to warn them — in 
the boundless love of God. I am a Spirit, and hence 
speak not worldly; I speak spiritually to those who 
will hear me. Now for him, who, seeing me unbur- 
dened by flesh, exclaims : “ She whom I saw, fiery, 

phantom-like, and diaphanous, is a combination of 
fluids or drugs, or else she is the fumes of a dead 
body acting scientifically on the atoms of material and 
color in the air. . . .Only a phenomenon,” — and so say- 
ing, sinks back in his chair and smokes a cigar, feeling 
satisfied at his astute perspicuity; — for him there is 
little hope ; to him my task is vain. But is he not one 


Prologue. 15 

of our educated Twentieth-Century egotists?. . . .Yes; 
and he is also well “ educated.” There is where the 
trouble comes in. Egotism is his virtue. “ As though 
an unseen world existed ! ” says he, incredulously. 
“ There can be no such things. It would be too hor- 
rible ! ” — with a shiver. And who will doubt his au- 
thenticity or veracity? Was he not educated at Y^le, 
Harvard, or Oxford ? Is he not wealthy and “ got 
money to burn ? ” Are not all the fair damsels “ stuck 
on him ? ” and do they not affectionately, demurely, 
with a smack of the lips, apostrophize him as a 
“ bird? ” He is “ lionized; ” he is interested in science 
— invariably the muddled science of positivists, the sci- 
ence that holds aloof from true Spiritualism. He is 
interested also in politics, philanthropy, and re- 
ligion ! . . . . Religion ? Certainly he is interested in 
religion : — Does he not (methodically, if at all, for pro- 
priety’s sake) attend “ church ” once or twice a year? 
Does he not scribble his name — MR. So-and-So — in 
the donation lists? Mark the Mr. I . . . Does he not 
listen to the “ sermon ” with his eyes closed — in hu- 
mility (?)... .Is he not religious, even though he de- 
nies spiritually, and sometimes the existence of God 
Himself? Most undoubtedly he is religious — with 
Twentieth-Century sectarian religion. He being this, 
a veritable king — (of the meat market, or gold market, 
or wheat market, or any market,) — he being, outside 
of his kingship, an “ educated young man,” a “ lady- 
killer,” a charitable citizen, a loyal servitor of the 
King, or a staunch upholder of M in the presiden- 

tial campaign — is an authentic, infallible oracle. He 


16 Infans Amoris. 

is this? . . . Yes. Then who will doubt him? Who 
would be so churlish as to contradict him ? . . . Why 
no one, assuredly. 

The society “ queen ” and demi-monde I do not ex- 
pect to accept my narrative. Neither do I expect the 
society brute and dandy, nor the up-to-date scientific 
professor to accept the moral and lesson of my tale. 
These people will not believe. Could they do so, could 
they see what things occur unseen by mortal eyes, the 
terror and grandeur of the knowledge would drive 
them all to either monasteries and nunneries or lunatic 
asylums ;... .their weak and sickly Brain could not 
bear the true, scientific Truth. Lowell, even, did not 
dream of what a truth he hit at when he wrote the fol- 
lowing extract from “ A Glance Behind the Curtain : ” 

“ We see but half the causes of our deeds, 

Seeking them wholly in the outer life, 

And heedless of the encircling spirit-world 
Which, though unseen , is felt and sows in us 
All germs of pure and world-wide purposes.” 

Furthermore, the demons in hell believe in God, in 
spirituality. Man alone does not. Yet the demons are 
worse than Man ! . . . Why? “ Because they (or Satan 
alone,) tempt Man,” is Man’s ready answer. If they 
tempt Man, they do not make Man commit the sin: 
Man does it of his own unrestrained volition. The 
Devil suggests, Man acts ; — which is the worse ? . . . . 
The devils, according to the legend, committed but one 
sin and were cast into Hell; — how many sins does not 
Man go on committing ? . . . . 


Prologue. 17 

O Egotist, realize thy baseness and worthlessness. 
Hearken to the Christ Child ; obey His Law. Repent, 
and repenting, sing: 

“ I am sorry for my sins, O God forgive ! And glory be to 

Thee Mayst Thou be forever praised by the Thrones, the Cher- 

ubim, and the Seraphim ; mayst Thou be forever adored by the 
Powers, the Virtues, and the Dominations ; mayst Thou be forever 
obeyed by the Angels, the Archangels, and the Principalities ! May 
the planetary circles of fiery and living beauty forever give thanks to 
Thee 1 May the stars forever form a silent anthem ; and may all 
birds of song be unceasing in their carols ! May Thy Love and 
Power last forever; and when that Love and Power shall fail, may 
the angels sin and fall into hell, — may the heavens disappear, may 
clouds of darkness and trembling descend into hell and carry Satan 
up, supreme, — may Satan have our souls may all this happen 
when Thou shalt cease to love — but thanks be to Thee, /or that shall 
never be ! ... . Forgive, Forgive ! O Christ forgive me ! ” 

Thus singing from the heart and repenting, thou 
shalt be forgiven, and Christ will be to thee, as He was 
to me, and is to all sinners who implicitly place their 
trust in Him, a Child of Mercy and 


Infans Amoris. 


CHAPTER I. 


“ What Made the Angels Weep/' 

Hark ! hear ye the ripple of gurgling water ? Hear 
its quaint song of mellifluous ripple-ripple. Hear how 
melodiously, like a sweet, unceasing song, it falls over 
rocks imbedded in a frondage of fern — gurgle, gurgle, 
gurgle! What a dream of meditation! — what a vast 
area for conundrums is expanded in this aqueous ele- 
ment! What a proof of the Divine Creator’s all-suf- 
ficing Love and Concern for Man ! What an unmarred 
symphony, played not by the visible hand of Man, but 
by the Supreme Intelligence of God. What music is 
more harmonious than the music of Nature? — Nature 
not defiled by the hand of Man ! What sublime emo- 
tions do we not experience when we analyze the glories 
of Nature: the meaning of the murmuring brook, the 
song of the birds, the wistful wail of the winds, the 
howling of a storm, the beauty of a flower, the green 
of the meadows, — all which form a perfect Symphony 
of Accord, as the planets form a Symphony, though 
to men mute, by treading their fixed paths respectively ; 
— and who will solve the Enigma of the Stars? 

Did I hear the song of a bird ? — or was it the dulcet 
tone of Jardac’s voice — the voice which held for me 
the music of Paradise? No, it could not have been 
18 


u What Made the Angels Weep.” 19 


the voice of Jardac, for I had my eyes set on his face 
and his lips had not moved. Fool! fool that I was, 
that he was all in all to me ; — he was the center of my 
admiration and love. All my faculties were employed 
for his pleasures — his; my King. 

When I contemplate on those days of folly, I grow 
almost sad. Oh, who will measure the follies done in 
earth’s evanescent passion, miscalled “love?” Who 
will count the numberless infidelities practiced by 
wives? Who will tell of the damaged names and 
ruined honors? Who will expatiate on the grief of 
the progeny who inherit a crown of derision and 
shame? Ah, I fain that I were able to impress upon 
the minds of many that but one in a hundred truly 
loves — loves with Heaven’s love, Heaven’s greatest 
gift. Truly ’tis a boon, not to be lightly spoken of, 
the boon of true love. Earthly “ love ” is a chimerical 
and fugacious passion which rises like a flame and dies 
away, leaving the body shivering and smoldering in 
pain, makes the soul a lifeless ember; which rises at 
the sight of a beautiful face and form — this is called 
by the sacred name of Love. Blasphemy to call this 
corporal attraction by the profound name of Love — 
a name which is the appellation of one of God’s great 
attributes. Thus we can see that true Love is a gift 
from God, a boon from Heaven, predestined for any 
two souls from their beginning, forming the Affinity. 
When this true Love is led by earthliness astray a 
gross sacrilege is done — a Sacrilege as there is none 
other. 

I lay in Jardac’s arms — a new thing for me. I 


20 


Infans Amoris. 


was dead to heavenly truths and things ; I was earthly, 
though not licentious and sinful. I did my duties to 
God methodically and without heart, — I was luke- 
warm. I loved Jardac more than anything on the earth 
or out of the earth. No words of love had as yet been 
spoken, though I instinctively felt he loved me. He 
loved me? Loved me? Why, certainly he loved me! 
Did he not travel a long distance every evening to see 
me, (under pretense of also visiting my mother!) 
Did he not load me with fruits and flowers ! — And 
after this eve .... did he not tell me and show me that 
he loved me? Do not ask. He did love me, — as all 
men love, — as all men love their paramours and vic- 
tims, and then desert them, caring naught for the soul 
stained. Is this not natural? Is he doing no wrong? 
Is it not unnatural and wrong that Man is bestial 
base, low, and degraded ? Is not degradation his native 
element ? He seems at least to tell one so, for “ ac- 
tions speak louder than words.” Is not meanness 
natural to him? Is not passion — “ripping fun”. — 
his god ? Consequently does he not seem to be true to 
his native gifts — if his native gifts be meanness, sy- 
cophancy, and sensuality? If his native destiny is to 
be good, holy, and uprighteous, he, either erroneously 
or maliciously, is gravely going astray. Yet in spite 
of all, he is “ the highest ‘ creature ’ of creation ; ” the 
beast is a beast, he is a man. He has a soul and stains 
it, the beast has none ; he flings insults and blasphemies 
up to the Throne on High, the beast does not ; he, who 
was created to glorify God, does not glorify God ; the 
beast, created for the use of Man, unconsciously glori- 


“ What Made the Angels Weep.” 


21 


fies God. Which is the superior? . . . Man, devoid of 
Soul, full of sin, is lower than the sinless beast. 

On the eve of which I write, the moon was full; 
she shed her mellow, fulgent radiance lavishly; — all 
objects open to her rays were clearly visible. In the 
distance I could see the gold-spiked dome of the Tem- 
ple and the beautiful “ Solomon’s Gate.” The gold 
and jeweled ornamentation sparkled and scintillated 
like living flame — it formed a magnificent spectacle; 
its huge dome rose heavenward, the gold spikes ap- 
pearing like so many stationary stars. The jeweled 
figures of iridescent grandeur were sanctifying in their 
significant import. The heavens were ablaze with 
thousands of twinkling stars, which to my imagina- 
tive fancy was a sabaoth of fire ; — they formed various 
figures — figures which I in love’s illusion conceived. 

This was an evening in which one could dream of 
love, sanctifying, beautiful, and fair. I lay in Jardac’s 
arms — strong, muscular arms. The scent of the frag- 
rant aloe trees permeated the air ; the pure, little white 
myrtle flowers seemed like a myriad of stars on a sky 
of shining evergreen ; the rippling song of a bird vi- 
brated in the fragrant air — a sweet, liquid melody, an 
inspiring, heart-whole song. The noise of the traffic 
in the City was becoming subdued, as the hour of 
eleven was nigh. The moon slowly sailed along in her 
unobstructed path; she seemed like some lost soul — 
wanting, waiting. Was it any wonder if Luna was 
sad when she saw the crimes perpetrated on this dark 
sphere under the cover of darkness ? Did I then think 
of this? Ah, no! Jardac took my soft hands, tenderly 


22 


Infans Amoris. 


drew me closer to himself — no wonder ! I was maid- 
enly fair, delicately well-formed, and voluptuously 
beautiful. My body was sylph-like and pliant in form, 
white and flawless; my face was minion, oval, and 
sweet; my eyes were limpid blue; my hair was of a 
golden hue; my cheeks were rosy and dimpled. Was 
I not worth winning? I was a virgin; — I had never 
before loved. But I was as most women. I was 
taught the Jewish Law ; I obeyed it — obeyed it because 
others also did. I indulged in no sinful pleasures ; I 
knew not the real horror of sin. I knew the Scrip- 
tures, — I respected and revered the memory of the 
holy men spoken of, though I felt no love for them. 
Had I been reared indifferently ? you will ask. I had 
not ; I had been reared methodically, My mother was 
almost a religious fanatic; she spent most of her time 
in prayer. Because she was thus she thought that I 
naturally would be the same, and she took no pains to 
impress the facts upon my mind. 

“ Nathana love, hearken to me : I have known thee 
for a year; six seasons have passed since I met thee. 
I have been a welcome visitor at thy father’s house, 
though he being away, I see him but seldom. Thy 
mother thinketh me a pious Jew. Nathana, precious 
gem, I have often been with thee alone; — thy mother 
trusteth me ; canst not thou also trust me ? ” thus spake 
my lover, though never before had he spoken so ten- 
derly to me. 

I gazed up to his magnificent countenance ! Ah, he 
was a beautiful man ! Dark complexioned and master- 


“What Made the Angels Weep.” 23 


ful was he, though his physiognomy betrayed sensual- 
ity — but I did not see that then. 

“ Trust thee, Jardac? — Why should I not trust thee? 
I have always done so,” I responded. 

“ Ah, Nathana,” he cunningly said, “ sometimes 
doubts assail me. Thou dost oft-times lay in mine 
arms. Thou perhaps dost not dream of what I will tell 
thee, — but do not think me bold. The beasts love me, 
the cur comes, grovels and casts himself at my feet, 
the doves fly about my head — all loving me .... Why 
shouldst not thou also love me? . . .” 

Why should I not love him? — I had always loved 
him. When I first saw him I was irresistibly, singu- 
larly attracted towards him. Ah, evidently he did not 
know. Why — his very glance was a thrust of rapture, 
his every gesture was dear to me, — and his voice I 
drank in like wine. 

“ I do love thee,” I impetuously cried ; and I, in 
abandonment of self, flung my naked, white, velvety 
arms around his lion-like neck. 

A smile of expansive, complacent satisfaction rip- 
pled over his kingly and majestic face. He, with a 
dexterous movement, lifted my supple form, ... .with 
a gliding motion arose, held me to him — kissed my 
upturned face!.... Ah! what a sweet realization of 
heaven on earth !. . . .what a crown of unequaled glory ! 
No queen on a throne of gold, on a dais of jasper and 
diamonds, could have been so happy, so joyous! The 
intoxicating and thrilling rapture that surged through 
my being caused me to tremble .... What a delicious 
taste to my soul were those red, luscious lips! what 


24 


Infans Amoris. 


a deliriously maddening sensation akin to pain twinged 
from my feet to the roots of my hair when he convul- 
sively clasped me to him ! . . . . What a thrill, so like an 
electric current, circuited through us, binding us One. 
Oh, oh . . . the stars in the cerulean roof on high 
danced before my startled vision, the pale moon seemed 
making a direct course to me — Would it come and 
crush us — not us, but him f . . . Oh, no, no! Did I 
hear a seraphic sound — the sound of an angel’s sing- 
ing? . . . Did I hear a demoniacal grin — a snicker of 
fiendish triumph subdued? . . . Were demons near to 
harm him? ... I fearfully clasped him closer to me. 
Silence enveloped us, save the gurgling of distant 
water. For two minutes we stood thus : Those two 
minutes were in heaven. My heart throbbed close to 
his, tempestuously ; my blood seemed as a stream of - 
burning lava. — Did the moon give a sadly satirical 
smile? I jerked myself from Jardac, rubbed my eyes. 
Had I been dreaming? . . . 

Reality now seemed to encompass me; — one minute 
ago I had been in a dream — the effects were upon me 
still. I retreated from him and blushed with maiden 
bashfulness. Had I been unladylike? bold? No; for 
he with a stride was again by my side ; .... in a mo- 
ment his arms encircled me. He hastily whispered : 

“ Come ! come ! follow me ; I will lead thee where no 
one will interrupt our dream.” 

And he tried to lead me away. I hesitated. 

The leaves of the tamarind tree above us gave forth 
a plaintive sound. 

“Where?” I inquired, dazed. 


“ What Made the Angels Weep.” 25 


“ To love — to my home,’’ he replied. And he kissed 
me, .... I grew wild in the warmth of that maddening 
kiss,. .. .and as his arms encircled me I yielded my- 
self wholly to him. I would go anywhere with him, 
to thus purely adore him. I went with him, thinking 
of naught in my excess of joy. On — on — slowly— 
lovingly. . . .on. 

With his arms about me we went — went on a path 
leading to transporting rapture, sin — ultimately, if fol- 
lowed, to Hell. The tall cedars mournfully and sen- 
tiently bowed as we passed them ; a moaning sigh arose 
among the trees ; several dark clouds rolled simultane- 
ously in the heavens, a rattling roar of thunder ensu- 
ing. I trembled. . . .1 gazed into the air. . . .1 thought 
not of what vast realms of glory unexplored were 
there; I dreamt not what worlds of unmarred beauty 
were revolving above. I neither thought nor hazarded 
a guess concerning the invisible occupants of air and 
space. 

We hurried on — a storm was coming ; huge drops of 
rain began to fall, On, ... .on, ... .on we went. Once 
in awhile we rested, then went on again, he speaking 
loving words to me. The somber skies grew darker, 
the pale moon altogether disappeared from view, the 
stars and planets became utterly obscured; clouds of 
infernal blackness came rolling along the firmament, 
changing its quietude into a state of perturbed tur- 
moil. The lightning in livid forks of red flame darted 
athwart the troublous sky. The rattling of the thun- 
der became incessant. Not a word passed between us. 
An impressive and foreboding storm was this. Was it 


26 


Infans Amoris. 


to warn a soul on the brink of perdition ? Did this soul 
receive the warning? . . . 

On, on, on! over hard, stony roads; on, out of Jeru- 
salem; on, over green grass, over the flowers of the 
field; onward we quickly trod, resting as little as we 
could. I thought not of the home I was leaving; 
I was with him. After we had traveled about two 
miles, we halted. I gazed at him, then about me. 
A magnificent building, though somewhat small, rose 
picturesquely before us. Jardac produced a key from 
his pocket, inserted it into the curious lock, pressed 
it — whereupon the huge door flew open. A blaze 
of cheerful, mellow light welcomingly greeted us. 
There was the song of birds,. . . .the sound of music, 
. . . .and a flash of color. 

“ Enter ! ” I heard Jardac imperatively say, and in- 
stinctively I entered he after me, across the courtyard. 

“ This is my home,” he said. “ When I came to thy 
home in the City of Jerusalem, I saw thee and deter- 
mined to win thee. I detest hastiness. I took my time ; 
— I won thy heart. I love thee. Thy mother thought 
me a poor shepherd ; I am not. This house is about 
two miles from the Temple. It is very seldom visited; 
we are free from intrusion. Thou must forgive me 
for taking thee from thy home so abruptly. Had I 
asked thee to go with me, explaining all circumstances, 
thou wouldst undoubtedly have refused; — I know 
woman’s capricious nature well. I took thee by storm ; 
thou didst in a state of dreaminess follow me. Now 
here we are to dream a dream of love. Don’t ask me 
to make thee my wife — I am married, though I care 


“What Made the Angels Weep.” 27 


not for her. Nathana, idol of mine adoration, wilt 
thou not give thyself to me ? For before God thou art 
my true wife ; the maudlin ceremony of church-craft 
cannot bind us tighter.” 

I hesitated; but who could resist that tempting 
glance — that offer? Even were I not his wife, he 
loved Me, — he had said so. I was half stupefied. The 
bronze chandeliers, the marble statues, the green 
palms and the jeweled ornaments all commingled to- 
gether and rushed and whirled in my excited imagina- 
tion. 

“ Wilt thou stay with me? ” he asked, and seeing my 
hesitation, he bent and kissed me ! — “ Wilt thou not 
be mine, indifferent of extraneous ceremony — mine in 
love?” 

“Yes, I will stay with thee; I will love thee; but,” 
— as I thought of my mother — “ what will my mother 
say ? ” — I hesitated. 

“ She will say nothing ; she cares little for thee,” he 
said ; somewhat derisively continuing : “ All she cares 
for is prayer. Thou wast not useful to her, thou canst 
be so to me — thou canst love me and make me happy. 
Moses, Abraham, and all the holy men were of use to 
God; — everyone must be of some use. Nathana,” — 
his voice sank lower — “ wilt thou not be thus useful ? 
The sight of thy face makes me happy, and thou shalt 
not go unrewarded. Thou wilt not moan for the bless- 
ing of Hymen; we will be the slaves of Eros — aye, in 
a fairyland of fairness, for this place is a fairyland. 
A grove of fruit and shade trees spread their branches 
here ; a brook of pure crystalline water rushes past ; the 


28 


Infans Amoris. 


scenery is magnificent, and when the sun sets it forms 
a panorama that is sublime .... Come ! ” 

As the dulcet tone of his voice died away I went to 
him, — I followed him. He led me up a wide stair- 
case, up to a room. He opened the door of the room, 
entered it. I following. It was furnished in Oriental 
style. The tapestry was rich with golden brocade ; the 
rugs of tiger skin and Persian wool were gorgeously 
brilliant. The palms and exotics mingled were somni- 
ferous in their influence, and they caused a drowsy sen- 
sation to fall over me. Delicious odors were exhaled 
from unique cassolettes. A rosy haze illumined the 
apartment. Jardac and I simultaneously sank on a 
divan, which was covered with the softest cushions. 
With him thus, I felt as though I were on soft and 
billowy clouds. And there, I just shut my mind on 
other thoughts than — love. 

“ Love, lay thy head here,” — he by a pantomimic 
gesture indicated that he wished my head to be 
on his bosom — “ and gaze into mine eyes. Seest 
thou not the love which consumes my soul, which 
causes my heart to beat fiercely, and which causes me 
to feel as though I were on fire? The long walk did 
not tire us; why? — Because, Nathana, love was at 
work strengthening us, making us new beings. Ah, 
Nathana love, I will love thee forever. When I cease 
to love thee, may this house crumble to ebon ruins; 
when I cease to love thee, may the heavens fall and 
consume the earth by hot fire ; when I cease to cherish 
thee, may the Roman Empire in mutability and corrup- 
tion decay ; when I cease to adulate thee, may this body 


“ What Made the Angels Weep.” 29 


of mine become a putrid, rotten thing ! See ! See ! how 
I love thee ! ” 

He with facile celerity raised me aloof ; — I was frag- 
ile in form. 

“ If thou wilt not be mine, to live with me, say so,” 
he said, “ and I will cast thee to the floor and leave 
thee. If thou hast much to say, if thou love me, say 
so, and I will cherish thee forever. . . .” 

His insidious fierceness of demeanor and sententious 
speech impressed me most forcibly (as he~ intended it 
should). I thought him virile, manly, and brave. For 
that I exceedingly loved him all the more. His black 
hair was awry, his dark eyes were aflame, and he trem- 
bled : — I thought it was from love, now I know it was 
the sensual gloating of a victorious and cunning 
“ beast.” I uttered an hysterical shriek of laughter 
. . . threw myself upon him . . . tenaciously clung 
there — and he tightly enfolded me in his arms. Did 
not the Angel Guardians almost weep for a Soul going 
out of the Path of Rectitude, by delusion and blindness, 
into the Path of Earthly Enjoyment — perhaps Sin? 
Would not all the Spirits of Love, Color, Beauty, and 
Flame have wept — if angels could weep — for my sad 
plight ? 


CHAPTER II. 

The Sign of Hope. 

“ I will be thine, my lord, ... to worship only thee 
as my king. See ! See how I love thee ! ” . . . And I 
wrenched myself from his clasp and cast myself at his 
feet. I kissed them. I saw his bosom heaving with 
perfect satisfaction, and he indulgently smiled. 

“ She is mine. She loveth me ; but who couldn’t 
love me ? ” said he, egotistically to himself ; though I 
then never thought him capable of such a conjecture 
.... regarding me ; but I now know. Continuing his 
conjectures: — “She is innocent; how shall I break 
that seal? It is a hard task. She thinketh not that I 
wish her only for amusement ! Hum ! Hah ! .... I am 
very wealthy; she knoweth it not. I am one of Cae- 
sar’s friends, temporarily visiting here for pleasure; 
she knoweth it not ; she thinketh I love her as she lov- 
eth me; I do not. . . .though there is something ” — he 
gave a perplexed gesture as his conjectures arrived at 
this pitch — “ in me that wants her. . . .not as / want 
her ; but there seems to be something invisible, intangi- 
ble, binding us . . . But — bah ! I am becoming morbid 
and morose. I will have my kisses, then see the tragic 
farewell — then my sojourn here shall be ended.” Aloud 
he said with a wistful expression, “ Ah, Nathana, thou 

30 


3i 


The Sign of Hope. 

hast decided rightly; thou art mine; I am thine. See 
this festooned room — festooned with an interminable 
chain of pink roses ; see the burning incense — smell 
it; see the glorious flowers of every hue, — inhale the 
fragrant and vivifying scent ; see the palms of Asia, 
of Greece, of Egypt ! . . . the olive branches of Rome ! 
See the laurel branches — emblem of our victorious 
and triumphant love ; ’—nay, he should have said “ of 
our degraded and fallen love,” — “ see the cupola- 
shaped dome, blue, and covered with a thousand minia- 
ture golden stars ; see the Oriental frescoing and art 
work, and the Persian silks and satins ; see the mosaic 
floor of fantastic designs, covered with expensive rugs ; 
see the huge, carved table, and on it cool sherbets and 
the vintage of life, the favorite of Bacchus, the delica- 
cy of the old gods, the glory of the present — Wine! 
. . . .Whew! Whew ! ” — he gave a sharp, shrill whis- 
tle, and then .... music vibrated tunefully through the 
domes, arches, and halls. — “ Hearest thou the divine 
sound of music? Hear its low and minor sound. . . . 
so like our own low, sweet love.” As he said this, he 
stooped and lifted me from my humble position at his 
feet. He raised me, half-carried, half-dragged me to 
a long, wide divan, which was covered with cushions 
of Persian design, rugs of Asia, and costly fabrics 
from Rome. This divan was in an alcove; at its 
back rose huge, aromatic plants in the air, and 
over it they spread their giant leaves, indicative 
of a roof. Two Turkish stands stood by the divan; 
on one were several bottles of choice orange-col- 
ored wine and small glasses; on the other was an 


32 


Infans Amoris. 


Egyptian pot in which incense was slowly smol- 
dering. He laid me on the divan . . . and sank 
beside me, holding my soft little hands. He then drew 
a thick portiere, which hung from the ceiling, to- 
gether. A rosy haze of light came through the nar- 
row aperture of the curtains. What a dream, . . . 
what an Aladdin’s palace! I felt indolent, amorous, 
drowsy, and happy ; . . . a delicious, inexplicable sen- 
sation subtly crept over me. The unseen musicians 
were discoursing a lively, rollicking melody, and ever 
and anon there would come the sound of timbrels. 

“ Nathana,” he said, “is this not a dream?.... 
the night steadily rolls on ! . . . . the stars one by one dis- 
appear! . . . the pale moon is hid! .. . . the storm 
ceases! the sun sends his shafts of gorgeous crimson, 
pink, and saffron up into the sky, . . . the day begins to 
break,. . . .the birds begin to sweetly sing, — what care 
we? The day will fade,. . . .the sun will set, and set- 
ting, will cast into the sky the shafts of crimson, chry- 
soprase, and yellow, a mute yet expressive farewell, 
. . . .the night in darkness will fall !. . . .troublous 
clouds will roll in the horizon!. . . .the moon will sail 
and die!. . . .the stars will twinkle, — yet here we will 
be. The time will roll on; the seasons will come and 
go, . . . .the trees will send forth their shoots, they will 
blossom and give fruit,. .. .the frugiferous harvest 
will be reaped, ... .the birds will fly away, ....the 
Roman Empire will fall and crumble into moldering 
ruins !... .the world will disappear — where shall we 
be? We will forever sinfully love! and when our time 
on this earth is over, we shall go into fire and dark- 


The Sign of Hope. 33 

ness! Why should we not? Nathana, see the con- 
suming fiery flames of hell: — see the black imps leer- 
ing and malignantly laughing at our grief! — see thy 
mother in heaven wailing for us ! — see thy God pitying 
us! ... ” 

At this graphic and vivid picture, I uttered a shriek 
of sheer despair; I tore from his clasp; I jumped from 
the divan. 

“I see,” I cried despairingly, “I see! I see thou 
knowest that we are sinning and we shall go to hell. 
I see what a horrible deed we anticipate! I did not 
think, — now I see. I left my mother, I left my 
father’s house ; I came with thee to be a concubine — 
though God knoweth I dreamt of no such thing till 
now ! I must go ere ’tis too late. It is not too late 
now — now, is it ? ” And so saying, I eagerly cast at 
him a glance of pitiful appeal. “ In the name of Je- 
hovah, answer me ! ” 

“ Yes, Nathana,” he said, and his tone of voice in- 
dicated inward satisfaction and triumph, — “ it is too 
late ; ” — I gave forth a shriek of despair — “ thou 
knowest not,” he went on, “ what time it is. Till thou 
wouldst reach thy home the sun would be^ well-nigh 
risen, and then thy mother would say, ‘ Speak ! where 
wast thou last night ? ’ What evasive answer couldst 
thou give? Wouldst thou lie to her? Wert thou to 
tell her that thou wast with me all night, she would 
have thee stoned for fornication, even wert thou inno- 
cent, for she would not believe thee. Thou hast loved 
me, the man of a wife. Now why wouldst thou leave 
me?” 

3 


Infans Amoris. 


34 

I gave him a glance of incredulous amazement. I 
felt miserable, unhappy, yet despite all, I felt glad that 
I could not return. 

“ What, Jardac,” I cried, questioningly,— “ wouldst 
thou still have me stay with thee? If so, why didst 
thou draw that picture ? ” 

He smiled and again kissed my upturned face. Ah, 
I must have been a picture there. I was clothed in a 
negligee tunic of thin white muslin, tied by a girdle 
of soft sky blue. I sank prostrate at his feet. I 
clasped my hands, . . . raised them heavenward. My 
blue eyes were wet with hot scalding tears — tears 
of regret, joy, and grief. My face was lividly pale, 
my lips tightly compressed. My hair, which held sun- 
beams in its golden sheen, hung loosely over my shoul- 
ders, which were partly bare. I was a picture of 
meekness, grief, and love. 

I did not know, or even think, that Jardac’s reason 
for drawing that picture was to arouse me, so that I 
might realize my position and become reconciled to 
it, so that afterwards, when he offered temptation, I 
might not then become shamed, scared, and leave. 
But what woman will perceive the cunning and rodo- 
montades of him by whom she is held, as it were, spell- 
bound in chains of necromantic fascination ! 

Did I analyze what he said? No; I unquestioningly 
accepted his words as indubitable, infallible, and immu- 
table truth, and hence did not question them. Seeing 
my silence, he reproachfully said: 

“ Thou didst seem anxious to leave me. Did that 
picture of my imagination, that ranting talk, that 


35 


The Sign of Hope. 

empty vision scare thee? Did a picture of the punish- 
ment we should perchance suffer if we loved, scare 
thee from remaining with me? Wouldst thou leave 
me? For weeks have I longed for this, when we — 
two spirits of madness and love — could lie in each 
other’s caresses drinking in the burning nectar of the 
joys of love, being consumed by the riotous, unabated 
fire of passion i O ! this is love — the mad kisses, the 
unsinful sin, the hilarious cries!” — (The seducer!) — 
“ Nathana, I am quixotic, romantic, and have all that 
money can buy. For my joy a hundred women live, 
for my kisses a hundred maidens long: they are all 
ready to answer my call to be my amusement. But 
thee I truly love — I choose thee, simple girl, thou vir- 
ginal wanton — And now wilt thou leave me? Dost 
thou not love me? Dost thy soul not see me as thine 
own — and dost thou fear the fable of hell ? 

“ For my part, even were that to be our end, I would 
still love thee — if hell were the end, so truly do I love 
thee, Nathana. If thou truly dost love me, thou 
wouldst without regret and hesitancy give up home, 
father, mother, honor, and God for me; I would do 
that for thee.” He gazed at me reproachfully, like a 
deeply wronged animal. 

“Yes! yes! I love thee, Jardac,” I cried; “I abso- 
lutely love thee ; I will give up all for thee ; yet I have 
some regret,” — hesitatingly — “ perhaps I really do not 
love thee as I should.” 

“ If thou dost not,” said he, “ I will teach thee. We 
will forget all unpleasant things; we shall live, love, 
and enjoy ; bother not to do daily work, there are plenty 


x Infans Amoris. 


36 

of slaves in this miniature palace. Our life shall be one 
of uninterrupted joy; our days shall be days of plea- 
sure and peace, our nights shall be nights of mad rap- 
ture and unceasing love. My love for thee shall never 
cease; thy love for me shall be my life. For thee 
have I prepared this gorgeous home — a home that 
Herod might be proud of ; — I have naught to do in life, 
and hence I do romantic things — as a diversion. I 
have dreamt of this sweet realization for long; yet 
true it is, my love, that anticipation is sweeter than 
realization ? So did Herod tell me : When he went to 
kiss gay Cleopatra — the lips that quaffed the vinegar 
wherein was dissolved the wondrous pearl — he was in 
mad joy; when it was over he almost hated the wanton 
Egyptian queen, and he loved poor Mariamne all the 
more. Now let me see whether such be true ! ” And 
he languorously impressed a rapturous kiss on my lips 
— “ Nay, nay, — realization is sweeter.” 

And sitting by him in joy, I dreamt not of how 
I would pander to the man of whom he so familiarly 
spoke, Herod — all to regain the love which he said 
“ for thee shall never cease ; ” I dreamt not of how 
I would nearly go mad with the impatience of waiting 
for it, how I would distraughtly wander around the 
numerous porticos of Herod’s palace, waiting for the 
innocents of Bethlehem to be slain ; how I would pet 
the doves of Herod’s dove-court, and whisper in their 
ears, “ Get for me my soul’s joy, Jardac ;” how I would 
beseech the aid of evil souls to obtain him again: — I 
dreamt not of this. I was in joy, aye, in sin, — and I 
was glad. I ran from God, forsook Him ; “ for our 


The Sign of Hope. 37 

nights shall be nights of . . . unceasing love.” That 
was sufficient. 

“ O Jardac,” I wantonly cried, encircling his neck 
with my arms, “ how I love thee.” 

“ And what is better than love,” said he, “ little one? 
Thou shalt never regret thy love ; we shall love , revel, 
and — sin. Start not! — We shall sit by yonder brook 
and tell of love ; we shall pluck flowers and hear their 
love tales; we shall listen to the birds, and know that 
our love surpasseth theirs. Love — love, wild, unre- 
strained, and sweet ! Love is the dream of the gods, 
the imp that brings kings low, — yet love is not known 
in Rome. Here is love, here with thee and me. We 
will enjoy all the pleasures of life, all that wealth can 
buy. Nathana, never let remorse bother thee, — and 
never speak of regret, — don’t let sorrow enter thee, — 
it is like to a blighting frost on an opening bud. . . . 
Lie down. Dream only of love. I will give thee 
some of this rich wine, which is sweet, mellow, and 
fine,” — his voice rose into a rich, baritone tune: 

“ Wine sweet, mellow, yellow wine, 

Which is made of fruit of vine, 

Which is drank by gods above, 

In which we will dream of -love ; 

Which was made by nude Bacchus, 

Whose fine form would near shame us, 

Who, with ivy and wine pure, 

And with jolly old Satur, 

Had fine times with sw r eet Bacchante — 

Foom, doom, doome — ant, ant, ante ; ” 

which forgotten song was, indeed, a favorite at all 
lascivious balls in those times. 


Infans Amoris. 


38 

I, obeying his imperative command, laid myself on 
the cot. Did I give my love to him without regret? 
Ah, my conscience truly upbraided and burned me. 
Something in me rebelled and entreated; but I heark- 
ened not; ... I was happy with him. I forced con- 
science into quietude; I would enjoy love — even sin — 
for him. I loved him better than God ; I would do 
anything for him. Had I been taught to truly love 
my Maker, I might not have fallen. But that “ might- 
have-been, ’’ — has it not a deep and tragic meaning? 
Ah, I thought, how different was my love from that 
of my prudish Hebrew friends. 

Jardac handed me a glass of wine, I took it, kissed 
the brim of the glass, and drank it. It was of a delic- 
ious flavor, and the sensation following it was exqui- 
sitely delightful. .. .He, Jardac, also drank a glass. 
Several minutes elapsed, then he pulled a knob on 
the wall. Several minutes again elapsed, then an 
almost nude slave came, with a thin garment thrown 
over his arm, and on his other arm was a basket of 
sweet-scented flowers. After depositing these on one 
of the stands, he noiselessly, as he had come, left us. 
Jardac bade me arise. He lifted the diaphanous gar- 
ment, which the slave had brought, and held it up to 
view. It was a beautiful thing. The silken, filmy 
gauze was araneous in texture ; the garment was em- 
broidered with golden lace intermingled with small 
rubies and pearls ; and it was scented with some de- 
lightful Oriental perfume. — And afterward, when 
clothed in this diaphanous habiliment of gauzy beauty, 
I must have been indeed lasciviously charming. 


39 


The Sign of Hope. 

The music still continued,. . . .it caused me to thrill 
with perilous pleasure, . . . the sweet enthralling tune 
was deliciously transporting. Ah, what a powerful 
influence has music — it can raise a soul into heaven, 
or sink it into the dark depths of a hell. The incense 
smoke rose like a thin spiral thread, scenting the place. 
Jardac cast and strewed the flowers upon the couch — 
Ah, how those little things of God’s handwork were 
defiled ! — but not so much as our Love was then sac- 
rileged and defiled and our soul’s beauty lessened. 

Jardac donned a loose, thin, gorgeous garment of 
crimson and gold, which had lain on the divan, and 
then seated himself by me. Ah, what wild words of 
fluent flattery, amorous love, and thrilling temptation 
he poured into my ears ! How I did implicitly believe 
him!.... I heard his words, “This is love;” I felt 
his burning breath, — I loved it ! This was a complete 
rendition of self. — This was his amusement, his planned 
pastime — my half-conscious sin. 

The wine flowed, the music rang through the 

apartments, the scent of exotics, plants, and in- 

cense blended, permeated the air,. . . .the rosy haze be- 
came crimson to my dizzy eyes,. . . .the frescoing took 
on hideous shapes, ... the captive birds sang songs 
of reproach and derision .... I was on fire, .... I was 
in deluded rapture, ... my brain was delirious with 
joy; my soul was mad in hell. It was a sad, sinful 
revel of wild kisses, laughs, and cries ! . . . . God was 
forgotten, all was forgotten in this ephemeral mad- 
ness of enchanting, wanton joy! 

I stayed with Jardac five months — five months of 


40 


Infans Amoris. 


untiring pleasure, — five months of languid, dreamy 
sleep, perfect joy and rest, — five months very far from 
Heaven, extremely near to Hell, — five months which 
would have, had I not seen the Infant of Love, 
caused my eternal damnation. Jardac, as I learned, 
was enormously wealthy; and he had his time to him- 
self. As five months drew to a close — was he tiring 
of me ? was he filled with love to satiety ? O God ! no ! 
.... Why did he not wish me with him so often ? — 
why did he give me sharp, laconic replies? Would 
he cast me off. . . .now, — now when I was nearly five 
months enceinte ? . . . . 

“ Go ! ” the tone was stern, cold, and inflexible. 
“ Go, I say. Thou hast lived here in luxury for five 
months. I am going to Rome, and alone.” 

“ Oh, Jardac,” I cried imploringly, despairingly, 
“ — do not so cruelly cast me aside. Thou sayest I 
lived with thee in luxury — now I must go. . . .Oh, oh, 
oh,. . . .thou art cruel. I have been thy true and un- 
reserved love;.... we have loved. Canst thou so 
forget thy promises and endearments ? ” 

“ Yes ; I can. They were nothing to me. I have 
had many women as I had thee. They were cast 
aside; — why shouldst not thou also be? Art thou any 
better than they ? ” — said he, *a leer of disdain on his 
face. 

“No; I am a vile thing; — I know it. But I left 
home for thee ; I left my mother — perhaps broke her 
tender heart ; I sinned and gave up Heaven for thee,” 
I sobbed. 


4i 


The Sign of Hope. 

“ I did not compel thee to stay with me. I left thee 
to thine option. I know I influenced thee, — that cir- 
cumstances and actions worked for me — that is not 
thy fault. But I said to thee when I brought thee 
here : ‘If thou wilt not be mine, to live with me, say 
so, and I will cast thee to the floor and leave thee ! ’ 
Thou didst willingly answer : ‘ I will be thine/ Thy 
free will was working. As for leaving home for me — 
others have also done so ; as for losing Heaven — there 
is no such place. I am wifeless, — I lied to thee. I 
am a Pagan, a Roman, a friend of Herod’s, a bacchana- 
lian .... I acted my part very well ; I am an excellent 
protagonist. Now for the finale! — Give me a parting 
kiss and bless me, my dear; then go to be stoned by 
men who follow a loving Jehovah! ” 

“ Oh, Jardac! thou are breaking my heart/’ I plead- 
ed, piteously. 

“ I thought that I possessed thy heart. Thou didst 
often tell me that I did have it ; now she says she has 
it ! ” He smiled a mocking, sneering smile, as though 
addressing some other one present. 

He then bent down and kissed me ; then exultingly, 
relentlessly said, in a dominant tone of mockery : 

“ Go, animal ! — I need thee no more.” 

He entered the door, banged it ... I was left alone ! 
This was the reward of my trust!— Was it not just? I 
gave forth a wild wail of mad despair and a harrowing 

moan of sullen anguish, and turned— to go— 

where?. Yes, where should I go? Would any one 
receive me? . . . But perhaps my mother might for- 
give me. I would go and ask her. If they would 


42 


Infans Amoris. 


stone me, I should be out of misery, — for what had I 
to live for? Love was gone; — hence all was gone. 
Instead of being betrothed as was the custom, to 
Jardac, we had loved of our volition; instead of 
being lawfully married in rich garments embroidered 
finely with pearls, veils, and gold, we had slain Love 
by sin, clothed in garments of clouds ; instead of thus 
marrying and purely living, we had loved in an un- 
restrained, unconventional way. I had sinned for 
love ; I had sinned willingly, aye, gladly. I had gladly 
complied to all Jardac’s desires. And now — now I 
was deserted, betrayed. . . . 

This is the fruit of sin. Oh, so bitter ! Had we 
loved purely, we could yet have been in joy — so sweet ! 

I wailed at this thought — remorse maddened me. Had 
I been true to myself, to God, I should not have fallen. 
Herein is the grandeur, the help of true Religion. In- 
sufficiency of religion let me fall. Hence I cry to the 
sad world to-day — telling the transcendent efficacy of 
religion in resisting temptation, — showing how I fell in 
the insufficiency of religion. Faith is the fulcrum of 
Virtue, — and Virtue is in a precarious state To-day: — 
Virtue stands on the precipitous crag of Priestcraft, 
Hypocrisy, Sensuality and Irreligion. 

“Oh, Jardac,” I cried in a clamorous wail, “my" 
love ! Oh, oh, oh ! ... . thou hast broken my heart, .... 
taken my honor, .... given me shame .... and I — I 
loved thee so ! .... I love thee still — ” I broke off in 
inarticulate sobbing. I heard a laugh of derision 
from above, and looking up, whom did I see but Jar- 
dac — Jardac at an open casement, peering through some 


The Sign of Hope. 43 

vines which crept over the exterior walls. His face 
had on it the expression of a beast delighting in the 
torture of its victim; he doubtless enjoyed the sight 
of my impotent misery and grief. Oh, it was bitter — 
bitterer to my soul than aloes or gall is to the mortal 
tongue. I shook with an icy chill — a pang of horror. 

“ Oh, colder than the wind that freezes 
Fonts that but now in sunshine play’d, 

Is that congealing pang which seizes 
The trusting bosom, when betrayed.” 

I was in an anguished state; icebergs pressed upon 
me ; fire consumed me ; and in a pitiful look at Jardac, 
I mutely but eagerly besought some pity. As my eye 
caught his, he threw a kiss — a kiss signifying mockery 
and disdain — at me ; it stung me ; and, without utter- 
ing a sound, I ran, ran, and ran — I ran till I could run 
no longer, and I then sank prostrate, exhausted on 
the grass-covered earth. 

Oblivion encompassed me. I slept.... And when 
I awoke night was fallen. The stars twinkled and 
scintillated in the deep violet sky ; the moon was full; 
the evening wind was vivifying, invigorating, and ex- 
hilarating in its pastoral freshness. The scent of 
various trees and shrubs was wafted to me on the 
gentle zephyr. I felt better, stronger, more hopeful — • 
though my grief was little abated. I sat quiet for a 
little while, then arose, yawned, and began to walk 
towards Jerusalem. 

Was I any different now than when I had walked 
it over five months ago? Ah, what a change had 


44 


Infans Amoris. 


taken place in me. Then love was pulsating in my 
simple heart, — now I was fluctuating between love and 
despair. I loved Jardac still, not as I used to, — but 
something in me loved him — what that vague some- 
thing was I could not tell. Had he asked me to re- 
turn to him, would I have done so? Yes; I would 
have complied to his request and gladly returned. 
What a mingling and commotion of memories — mem- 
ories sweet, pure, tender, and sad — came to me! O 
God ! Thou alone dost know what I then suffered — 
that is beyond my power to delineate or depict to man. 
Only he who so suffers knows — and the suffering is 
acute ; it is hell. I walked on, walking slowly, and 
in an hour I entered Jerusalem, and continued walking 
towards my home. 

“ What will mother say ? What will father say ? ” 
I inwardly, fearfully, anxiously asked myself, looking 
upward, to find myself at my old home — the home of 
undesecrated memories — memories of when I was a 
pure and simple child without stain. As I gazed at 
the familiar trees, flowers, and doorway, — as I gazed 
at the window of the room in which my mother slept, 
I threw myself upon the ground and shed bitter 
tears. 

“O lost childhood! O lost virtue !... .where are 
you? . . . lost in infinity? never to return? . . . O 
mother, dear, dear mother, were I only as pure as thou 
art! Oh, that I were pure . . . Now! Now I realize 
that my destiny was to be good — I went astray. O 
God, have mercy — ” 

“ Nathana — ” 


The Sign of Hope. 45 

Who spoke? Did I not hear my name being gently 
called ? 

“ My poor child . . .” came in this sweet, low, mod- 
ulant voice. I instinctively glanced up to my mother’s 
window. Yes, there she stood — there stood the mother 
who had been forgotten, the mother who still re- 
membered me. Did she still love me? Oh, I hoped 
she did. I longed for her pure, sinless love ; — for what 
earthly love to an aching soul is like unto the mother’s 
love? I could almost be happy if she would come 
and lay those undefiled hands of hers on my brow; 
I could almost be happy if she would speak words of 
pardon and comfort to me; and I could almost be in 
happy ecstasy if — but no; she would not dare kiss 
me. I would not, even if she wished, allow her to 
stain her lips by kissing mine — mine which had been 
kissed so often, and kissed unlawfully. 

The figure moved from the window, .... in several 
minutes it was beside my prostrate form speak- 
ing. 

“ My poor, lost babe, my little girl! ”... .she said, 
“ what art thou now ? . . . . My poor, frail child ” — and 
she began sobbing, and those tears fell upon my flesh, 
and they burned me, — they were as “ coals of fire ” on 
my head. “Nathana! speak! speak to the mother 
whose heart hath been broken, who hath bitterly paid 
the price of her negligence .... who, obeying the 
priests, served Jehovah but in name, after fashion.” 

I by a supreme effort forced myself to gaze at that 
face. 

“ Mother,” I faintly faltered. 


Infans Amoris. 


46 

Those angelic hands smoothed my brow; her kind 
words soothingly comforted me. 

“ Nathana, I was amiss in my rearing of thee,” she 
sighed, “ I prayed and prayed, yet even then I did not 
serve God rightly! — I forgot thee. I taught thee the 
faith of our fathers dogmatically, without deep medita- 
tion ; — I should have taught thee truly to love God ; 
I should have depicted His love and mercy and good- 
ness to thee in every leaf and flower, not only on the 
altar of sacrifice.” 

“ Reproach not thyself, mother ; it is my fault that 
I am what I am,” said I, painfully. 

“ But let that pass, child, for the present,” said she ; 
“ but I repented and suffered. No one shall know of 
thy sin and thy shame. Thou shalt be taken care of. 
Come ! ” 

“Father?” ... I almost inaudibly asked. 

“ Thy father,” said she sadly, “ is dead. Speak not 
of him.... the memories are bitter. He is with 
Abraham and Moses, — thanks be to the Maker, — his 
body lies in the sepulcher in fine linen at rest.” 

She helped me to rise and led me into the house. 
Comforting me, she led me to her chamber and sat 
me upon her clean, spotless mattress. 

“ I am defiling this ! ” I exclaimed. She answering, 
said : 

“ I am here in place of God ; I am thy mother. Even 
if thou defile these material things, thou dost not de- 
file my soul. Let me help thee, winning a high place 
in Heaven with John” (my father). 

Can I tell how that night was passed? how I told 


The Sign of Hope. 47 

her of my love and sin, of my delight and despair? 
Can I tell how, as my head lay on that pure bosom, 
she smoothed my golden hair? I can inadequately 
tell : it was a night of heaven to a lost soul. Ah, how 
I loved her ! yet I did not yet really love God nor re- 
pent of my sin. I was. sorry for it; yet had I been 
asked to return to Jardac, I willingly would have 
done so. It would have hurt me to leave her, but I 
would have done so for him. I deserved no pity, no 
help, — but God is very good. 

* * * * * * 

I lay on my mattress one December morning. The 
sun arose and cast his cheerful beams into the room. 
My face was wan, yet happy, for beside me lay a 
being; — two chubby arms were around my neck; two 
deep, innocent blue eyes were fixed on mine ; and sweet 
little lips uttered an “ Ooh, ooh ! ” I kissed them, .... 
hugged the child to me. O! I loved it — loved it as 
one destitute of love loves. I almost adored and wor- 
shiped it. It was my child, and it was two weeks 
old. My mother loved it and was kind to it, as she 
had been kind to me for four months, hiding me from 
the public and loving me. 

The expression on the innocent child’s face was se- 
renely angelic ; there was a far-off expression in its 
eyes; on its face was an innocent smile. 

“ Baby,” I muttered, “ we shall dress and go below, 
for mother will have breakfast ready, thou little 
angel.” 

I arose, dressed myself, then the child. I pressed 
it to my bosom, gazed at its face. 


48 


Infans Amoris. 


“ It looks like Jardac, yet there is something in 
baby which is not in Jardac. O Jardac ! love ! dost 
thou know of this ? ” 

Did the baby see the tear that fell from my eye? — 
he sympathetically laid his face near to mine. Such 
a little mite ! yet what love did I not lavish on him ! 

We went below. I almost happily entered the kit- 
chen. 

“ Where is mother, baby ? ” I cried, “ Mother ! mo- 
ther! ” No answer was awarded. . . . 

The presentiment of some catastrophe came to me — 
the foreboding of a shock. I went to the door to 
look out — What was that under the distant tree? I 
walked near .... I saw it was my mother in a kneeling 
posture. She was so still! so silent!. .. .Was she 
praying in the cold ? .... I went to her, .... looked at 
the motherly face — O God ! she was dead — my mother 
was dead! A peaceful smile was on that face — a 
smile of joy, a rapturous smile. Those white, wan 
hands were clasped in prayer. No trace of disease or 
cold marred that sweet, tranquil face — as sweet in 
death as it had been in life. The gray hair formed a 
coronal of glory ; the lips were red, ‘not blue ; they were 
opened in prayer. The eyes were turned heavenward 
— but they were glossy ! She did not move .... 

“Mother! mother!” I wailed. I frantically kissed 
those lips — once, once again for the baby .... Sobs 
welled up in my throat. 

“ She is happy, — she is in Heaven, where perhaps 
I shall never go. Mother, it is well that thou art 
dead. All I wish is that thou dost only pray for me,” 


The Sign of Hope. 49 

I mutely wailed in appeal. My mind began to leave 
me. I was as crazed. ... I frantically rushed into 
the house, methodically caught several cloaks, wrapped 
them around baby and me, gave a parting glance at the 
old home, stepped out of the door, and distraughtly 
went out on the highway, — left the home forever. 

Let some kind neighbor wrap her dead frame in 
linen, cover her face with a napkin ! let him show all 
the signs of form, — but she — the pure soul — was gone. 
An idea had seized me that I must run, wander, and 
roam. Her dead body maddened me — made me so 
lonely. It was only a chrysalis . . . She was gone 
. I could not stay there without her, my only 
living comfort. I could find respite in wander- 
ing, — and I would wander. My head ached, my 
eyes pained me, and a sense of irreparable loss 
gnawed at my heart. My head seemed turned, I 
lost my senses. Yes, yes, I had baby — whom I 
loved as the child of Jardac; but mother, mother — 
oh, sad sorrow ! — was dead — dead, I vaguely thought. 
On, on I walked out of Jerusalem. I dimly re- 
membered how Jardac had led me from Jerusalem 
once, how absorbed in love I had then been, how obliv- 
ious to all but him I had been; all was beauty and 
love then, — all was desolation and sorrow now. I 
wandered awhile on over hills, down precipices, past 
cheerless trees. Ever and anon I would rest, sitting 
quietly, then I would arise and shriek . . . Oh, terrible 
was my fretful, irascible misery! At times I would 
dully apostrophize baby in my despair, the poor little 
thing! — yes, he still lived. I fed him at times from 
4 


So 


Infans Amoris. 


instinct, but for myself thought not of food. A cool 
chill wind blew, and my body became cold ; dark 
clouds hung in the sky — and I felt more desolate and 
weary. At times memory would become sharp, and 
I would mutter curses against God, revile Him. I 
would seize baby, violently shake him till he would 
cry, then kiss and caress him. Then I would sit 
down, draw the cloaks tighter around us and gaze 
blankly at the threatening sky. I moaned, wailed for 
mother in harrowing cries, cursed Jardac when I 
thought of him, then would fall into a dull state, to 
be awakened by wild cries — cries which my frightened 
imagination evoked in the wind. Mother — mother . . . 
dead? Oh, my head ached, grew dizzy . . . Jardac — 
where ? And I would wander on ... . Angry tears of 
regret would roll from my eyes. What a sad plight 
was mine. I was madly miserable, dully dejected, 
and now, as evening was coming, a fierce thirst parched 
my burning throat. I found some wild, half-dead, 
acrid herbs ; I omnivorously ate them . . . Bah ! I was 
sickened . . . O, for a drop of fresh water, for a crust 
of barley bread! I felt as though my stomach was a 
dead vacuum, and I instinctively ached for food. My 
limbs ached with a rheumatic pain, for I had gone up 
and down so many, many hills, I had bruised myself 
on so many rough stones. Yet I cared not. Bodily dis- 
comforts comparatively did not bother me. Go on, 
poor, forlorn, distraught creature, suffer pain — and 
gain joy. Baby, baby, sweet little child! — its lips 
quivered with the chilliness of the wind. I warmed 
him, fed him ; — ah, better. I wildly laughed and then 


The Sign of Hope. 51 

I ran . . . Evening fell ; the sun set behind clouds ; 
and now night was falling. ... A sickly sensation grew 

upon me, my legs grew stiff, my head dizzy; 

it swam. My eyes . . . bulged from . . . their sockets ; 
.... my breath grew . , . . labored .... very difficult .... 
Jardac, mother. . . .oh, good God! my poor brain grew 
blank, and I sank to the earth, fretfully fell into a sort 
of lethargic sleep — “ to die ! ” . . . 

Oh, God of Glory! — what . . . what was that! 1 
sprung up, holding baby aloof. My soul seemed to 
awake, and a strange joy made me utter a cry ! What 
instinct . . . made me awake — after a long period of 
resting sleep? 

I gazed around me, amazed, dumfounded . . . 
Lustrous faces bright and beautiful smiled at me ; . . . 
away. .. .off ... .some half-formed creatures glanced 
at me with wild smiles of hate. . . . And . . . and . . . 
what delusion of my senses was this ? The undulating 
land as far as I could see was literally covered with 
magnificent flowers — wondrous flowers, blossoms of 
a golden, luminous hue, whose corallas were brightly 
golden, whose pistils and stamina were of a sparkling 
silver, and the delicious fragrance they exhaled was 
transporting in its sweetness. A warm zephyr blew 
by me, and on it were unintelligible messages — sweet 
words of rapture, songs of love! Startled, amazed, 
electrified into life, I gazed, gazed. . . . The night was 
full of witchery — nay, nay . . . was it night? No, for 
that . . . that — that glorious thing dissolved the dark- 
ness. Up there. . . .so transcendently grand a 

monstrous cross of living, moving, glowing fire shone 


52 


Infans Amoris. 


. . . I trembled . . . with vague ecstasy. — Was this 
the reward of my suffering? Was this one act of Provi- 
dence acting towards the salvation of a mortal’s soul ? 
Did kind spirits of the air cause me to leave home. . . . 
wander hither? 

“What — what is this? ” I fearfully cried, 

with a vague premonition of something about to 
happen. I did not understand. .. .What miraculous 
'thing.... or mad illusion. .. .was this? I timidly 
walked forward, a strange sensation of overwhelming 
joy in my bosom. Ah, how grand! . . . The inde- 
scribable grandeur of this significant Sign was dazzling 
in its scintillant points of flame. “ Come — come — 
come. . . .gloria — ! ” seemed wafted to me by gentle 
....unseen voices. On.... I walked towards this 
wondrous fire, holding baby closely to me, my eyes 
glaring at it. In the short distance ... it beamed, O 
supernal wonder, prognostic of the Divine! The bril- 
liancy was intense ; ... it was of incandescent flame ; 
. . . sparks splutteringly flew, hissed, flashed — O 
sacred thing! ... it was a living light. . . . 

A strange new hope filled me with expectation; joy 
animated me; — no bodily pains did I feel. The scene 
of almost barren land seemed to roll up before me and 
deliquesce. The glory of the Cross outshone all. . . 
What was wrong with baby? — he gave a strong jump, 
— a new expression entered his innocent eyes. “ Ooh 
— ooh,” baby vociferously, continuously cried, as 
though he wished to express an opinion and was on 
account of his immaturity unable. 

Nearer, — nearer did I falteringly approach. The 


S3 


The Sign of Hope. 

fiery arms of the moving, irisated Cross seemed open 
to swallow me. . . . My eyes ached, — they could hardly 
stand the intensely colored brilliancy of t]je animated 
flames. As in a dream — there came — came to my 
enthralled ears a song — a song seraphic, sweet, and 
triumphant. Could I stand this pre-natural glory? I 
knew not, in that instant, who and what I was .... 

“ Gloria in excelsis deo, et in terra pax homi- 
nibus bonae voluntatis.” — Glory be to God on High , 
peace and good will on earth to man. 

With this Gloria ringing in my ears, I went to the 
Cross. The fiery blaze of rainbow colors grandly en- 
compassed me ! On — on ! I seemed propelled on- 
wards ! I seemed to be entering the fiery form, .... 
further! — I was being swallowed into its symbolic 
arms!. . . .Hosanna, O Glory, O Glory!. . . .a moment 
more — and I was in an almost dark chamber — a rude 
stable. 


CHAPTER III. 


INFANS AMORIS. 

“ The one great purpose of creation, Love — 

The sole necessity of Earth and Heaven.” 

Whittier. 

Was I in a cave ? a stable ? . . . I had walked down 
a steep incline, the glory of that radiant, lustrous 
mystic Sign around me. My eyes were dazed ; . . . 
blue vapor floated before me ; . . . . small circles of 
yellow and crimson flame whirled in the air. I heard 
the rushing of waters, the moaning of wind, the bray 
or cry of an animal. I smelt the fragrant scent of 
flowers mingled with the scent of hay and straw. 
Gradually the opalescent mist, the many colored cir- 
cles, the blue vapor, all which were around me, faded 
away ; the rushing of water became subdued .... I 
heard the sound of voices. My sanity returned to me. 
I rubbed my eyes, .... gazed before me — and, lo ! — 
what did I see? Nothing but a Child and two simple 
personages behind Him, and before Him five humble, 
dirt-stained shepherds. What did this indicate? . . . . 
Where was I? — In a stable somewhat large; — there 
were stacks of hay around two sides of the wall; at 
the farthest end were an ox and an ass in a roughly 
54 


Infans Amoris. 


55 


made stall. Their eyes glared lovingly and humbly 
at the Infant, who near them lay in a manger full of 
straw, “ wrapped in swaddling clothes.” An humble 
place was this, but — a feeling of joy which I could 
not analyze, overcame me. I felt ashamed. The baby 
in my arms “ Oohed ” and “oohed,” jumped and 
smiled. I gazed at the strange scene being enacted 
before me. There was the manger, old and worm- 
eaten, — and in it a Child — a small Mite, .... a sweet- 
faced Infant, whose golden locks, though sparce, shone 
like a halo of supernal light, in whose eyes — tender 
blue eyes — was a queer expression ; — a look of pity 
and sorrow intermingled with joy, shone from them. 
Into these wonderful eyes the Mother gazed lovingly. 
She, the Mother, was a fragile creature, whose beauty 
was splendidly sweet and pure, — not grand and daz- 
zling like the “ society beauty ” of to-day. She 
seemed weak, but she forced herself to minister assid- 
uously to the Babe. The man — apparently the father 
— who stood back of the crib, was a rough, uncultured- 
looking man, but his physiognomy bespoke piety, love, 
and reverence ; he was a faithful guardian at the man- 
ger. The animals slowly sniffed the air, then slowly 
moved to the manger, .... gazed down into the Child’s 
face — the Child smiled at them ! As though an instinct 
had been satisfied, they moved back to the place 
whence they had come, with a wise, sagacious, loving 
look in their eyes. I gazed upwards,. ... lo, from the 
black fissures and crevices of the rocks, .... growing 
forth in luxuriant beauty, starry flowers of a million 
shining hues crept forth, singing a mute joyful song 


Infans Amoris. 


56 

of fragrant joy! I was startled. Strange, amazing! 
Flowers growing at this season, . . . and that Child ! 
Humble shepherds prayed before Him, nudged each 
other with smiles of wondrous joy! The sweet Mo- 
ther — the Child! O! a feeling of tremendous joy and 
love submerged my soul, and intuitively I felt that 
this — this was — a .... a ... . God ! 

“ And thou , Bethlehem Eplirata , art a little one 
among the thousands of Judea; out of thee shall He 
come forth unto Me that is to be Ruler in Israel: and 
His going forth is from the beginning , from the days 
of eternity 

These words echoed in my ears. My mother had 
often spoken them of the promised Messiah. And the 
words now being spoken, in my mother’s voice , for- 
cibly struck me. Was I in Bethlehem?. .. .Was this 
the Christ-Child?. .. .1 fell on my face in humility! 
. . . .Dare I go near Him, He who came to save sin- 
ners? With a shameful face, a trembling form, I 
arose and with downcast eyes approached the manger. 
The shepherds after a mute, soulful prayer, arose and, 
without speaking a word, reverently left the subter- 
ranean stable. I forced myself to the manger — the 
Mother and “ father ” did not seem to notice me ; they 
were under the influence of God. I felt that this was 
the Christ-Child. 

I gazed for only a moment at the Child. He glanced 
pityingly at me. I remembered my SIN I al- 

most repented. I was not quite sure that this was the 
promised Messiah. He seemed so humble, almost like 
any other child. But His eyes! they shone with pre- 


Infans Amoris. 57 

cocious love, grief, and joy mingled. And those su- 
pernatural, fragrant immortelles of bloom — ! 

“ Is this the Christ-Child ? ” I muttered. 

There then suddenly sounded in the air the flapping 
of a million downy, shining wings, .... darkness slow- 
ly began to encompass me, .... I was falling, — falling 
into what unimaginable depths profound? . . . Who 
and what was I? — I was in interminable, illimitable 
darkness. 

“ Is this the Christ-Child I heard someone ask, in 
my own voice, though I spoke not. 

There resounded then an ominous crash of deafen- 
ing thunder, .... a flash of white fire flew through the 
air — not only a flash was it, ... . but as I saw it fly 
past me, I saw a face — my dear mother’s kindly face! 
Her expression was divinely angelic; her face was 
young, perennial in its freshness ; her hair was molten 
golden, and her eyes seraphic blue ; — no wrinkle marred 
that flawless countenance which shone as living 
flame. . . .A moment only did I see it, . . . . also I saw 
her hands upraised in enthralled prayer. Then slow- 
ly, distinctly, and sweetly, a Voice grand and sublime, 
said : 

“ Child of Sin and Doubt, let doubt no more assail 
thee : that Child is the God-Child, the Child that will 
show Man how to live, who will die, not to calm 
anger, but to show that Death is Life, and lift Man 
higher. This is the Child who, by the prayer of Anne, 
thy mother, thou art allowed to see, — to worship. Ac- 
cept this surpassing opportunity, — hold fast to all ger- 


Infans Amoris. 


58 

minating graces ; for temptation will assail thee ; — but 
overcome it, and it will prove a blessing.” 

I awoke! awoke from — what? sleep? . . . Before 
me was the Child — It was my God — the God whom I 
had forgotten, whom I had grievously sinned against. 
He came here to troubled earth ; the cold atmosphere 
was biting His frail, tender form. . . . He had come to 
love and to die — for sinners, for me. A terrible love 
surged through me. My Soul was keenly awake; I 
was living. Oh, I would that I were able to depict this 
greatest Love ! . . . 

“ Child ! Child ! I love Thee, for Thou art my God. 
I sinned ! I repent ! I would that I were pure ! . . . 
O Holy One, purge my soul ! ... let me suffer grief, 
death, — anything! only, make me pure enough to love 
Thee.” 

I grew warm. I seemed to effervesce in the ec- 
static joy of that transcendent moment . . . but 
smoting shame was upon me. Oh! if I were only 
worthy to kiss those unsullied, sweet, little, tender 
hands ! There I humbly knelt in absolute silence be- 
fore the loving Babe, my soul joyfully singing ve- 
hement glorias ! This was the Babe who, to show 
that Humility is a virtue, humbled Himself to take 
man’s form ; who, to show His love for poverty and 
unostentatiousness, was born in the stable ; who, to 
show Man how to live, lived a life entirely exempt 
from sin, pure, prayerful, and obedient ; who, to prove 
His love for Man, died an ignominious death on the 
Cross . . . Him I was before, — this Child who was as 
no other child, — He, who in Love came down from 


Infans Amoris. 59 

Heaven, and truly — now, then, and forever — is — In- 
fans Amoris. 

Baby sat in my arms, quiet and mute. A queer, 
knowing smile passed between him and the Infant — 
a smile that seemed to say: 

“ We know each other; we shall soon be together.’' 

The Virgin-Mother lovingly caressed the Child; Jo- 
seph alertly watched with zealous, astute solicitude. 
He, the incarnate God, was here to be adored, — I 
would adore Him : — He was here, the Great Example, 
the Prototype of Perfect Life. 

I bowed my head to the earth in my self-acknowl- 
edged subjective unworthiness. I thought of my un- 
recallable past life — a life of unlawful love and guilty 
sin. Ah, I bitterly repented of my sinful life ; now I 
repented, though in my heart I loved Jardac still — ■ 
loved him holily, not licentiously. I prayed for for- 
giveness and for pardon; I prayed for Jardac I med- 
itated on the Love of this God-Child, on my extreme 
unworthiness to be here. But He came to save sin- 
ners — not the just. He humbled Himself so much as 
to allow me to be near Him at His birth ! . . . Who 
shall say that His Humility and Love are not beyond 
all compare? If He should forgive me, I would go 
and live for Him alone, trying to win His kingdom — 
A doubt assailed me ! . . . perhaps He would not for- 
give me. . . . 

“ Christ, wilt Thou forgive me?” I wailed, implor- 
ingly. 

Then a sort of dull obscurity fell over me, . . . my 
sight grew stronger, ... I saw the faint outline of 


6o 


Infans Amoris. 


material, stone, hay — before me were lucid, parallel 
bars of light — brilliant light, etherious, of rainbow 
glory. And as my sight grew stronger, other glories 
came to me. I saw circles of ever-multiplying fires, 
and these were full of ever-increasing beauties. And 
my soul waxed stronger, my vision grew accustomed 
to the glories coming to me. The confusing multi- 
plicity of radiant splendors unfurled to me as I grew 
able to stand it, was blighting almost. What a daz- 
zling manifestation of a God’s descent from Heaven! 
I saw spiritually; I saw His birth as it really was — 
surrounded by glittering angels and polyphonic strains 
of celestial sound. And I recoiled, — amazed, — af- 
frighted. My body seemed as a veil over me ; I saw 
through it, and I exulted in the exalted Glory of 
Heaven. And if it had not been for the strength of 
my soul, my body would have melted in the fervor of 
love, in the sight of an Immortal God of Love. There 
lay the Child of Love in the crib — He who loved chil- 
dren, who was as a child, who taught all to be as chil- 
dren, loving, pure, and holy. O — O — He was daz- 
zling! . . . He was brighter than sun-flame! I can- 
not describe Him — it was God’s Spirit whom I saw, 
the Majestic Spirit of Love! Around the crib were a 
multitude of heavenly spirits,, . . . they were burning, 
living, fiery beings; their countenances were as light- 
ning — sweet, lovable, and sublime. But their bril- 
liancy was as naught compared with the exalted bril- 
liancy of the Child — nay, God — in the crib. He not 
only lay on a crib, but under Him were billows of 
snowy clouds, through which at times evanescently, 


Infans Amoris. 


61 


like to opal fire, flashed iridescent color and flame. 
And from Above shone a circular ray of beaming light 
— a Pathway in which the angels moved. On either 
side of the crib was a dark steel-grey colored cloud, — 
and in the middle of these two clouds, He shone, a 
million times brighter than the sun. His countenance 
was brilliant with exquisite Love, — and a Smile — such 
a Smile, a Smile of exquisite mercy and grand for- 
giveness to sinners, a Smile of transcendental glory to- 
the just — surged across that sweet, pure, God-like 
Face. And as I watched Him lying on those snowy 
clouds, which were ever and anon flashing with iri- 
descent flame, I saw a Circle of Light grow about His 
head, ... it flashed, and was of silver, blue, crimson, 
and gold light interwoven, ... it grew, expanded, 
and widened in its colored glory, . . . widening and 
multiplying, it encompassed the stable, . . . quivering 
like eddying water when a stone is thrown into it, wid- 
ening, growing, this lustrous, beaming Ring encom- 
passed the World itself! . . . The Re-incarnation of 
the World was begun — begun at the birth of Him 
who to the World would give as a baptism, a New 
Law — a Law made perfect by pure Love. And up 
into the Path of Radiance colored meteors flashed pris- 
matically — in lurid flame — from this Mystic Ring en- 
compassing its God. ... As the light of the Ring passed 
over me, I became as it were reborn; I felt strong, 
joyous, and exaltingly happy ... Yet, as a poignant 
rapier, there stung in my heart that dagger thrust of 
conscience — sentient Shame. Oh, God ! I acutely 
suffered! ... As I realized what glory it was given 


62 


Infans Amoris. 


me to see, as I felt the holy radiance of that ineffable 
Love shining from out those blue, flaming eyes, then I 
realized my utter Unworthiness, my undeniable Little- 
ness. Every scene of my sinful life appeared before 
me in awful vividness, as in a phantasmagoria, — and 
in heaven I suffered hell ! . . . 

“ I am not worthy — not worthy ” I muttered. 

A smile of forgiving welcome irradiated that in- 
tensely fiery, shining Face of Love Divine. I felt 
soothed. — Oh ! how sweet was the love that swayingly 
surged through my very soul! ... I strainingly 
gazed up into the radiant Pathway shining from 
Above. Beautiful, brilliant angels were ascending and 
descending; — their luminance was as electric flame; 
their sublime countenances expressed triumphant joy, 
irrepressible glory, and heavenly exaltation ; — and 
from their lips there continually flowed that song, 
which beginning then, has been since sung perpetually, 
in memory of His birth, by both angels and men, — 
that song of joy : 

“ Gloria, — Gloria, — Gloria, — Gloria in excelsis Deo! 
. . . Gloria, — Gloria, — et in terra pax . . . homnibus 
. . . bonae voluntatis . . . Gloria — Gloria — Gloria in 
excelsis ...” A sublime, crashing peal of harmoni- 
ous, heavenly music was vibrating tunefully in the air 
— music glorious and joyous — for the birth of the 
World was begun, — the World born to Love perpet- 
ual, Life eternal, and an actual Glory everlasting. 
The music kept on, made by the angels, etherial, ever- 
radiant creatures of flame. It awoke all heretofore 


Infans Amoris. 63 

somnific good in my soul. I felt exalted and joyous 
Who would not feel joyous on such a morn! 

In the angels’ hands were flowers not of earth, but 
amaranthine flowers of extraordinary, perennial 
beauty from Heaven, — flowers that would never fade, 
whose scent would never lessen. And these flowers 
of iridescent color, flowers shining with a silvery 
luster, they — the angels — offered to Him who lay, a 
gloriously blinding vision of Light Supernal, in the 
manger on rainbow-illumined clouds. . . . Presently 
there broke into the angels’ music and song the un- 
precedented song of dulcet-toned birds — sweet birds 
of tune; they sang their carols sweetly, joyously, as 
though they were effervescing in excessive rapture. 
They sang their glorias tunefully, in harmony with the 
other angelic voices. Soon again another glory be- 
came visible to me ; flaming sparks and coruscatious 
stars of every hue whirled and blazed in this circular 
Path, — and forming into a precise circle, they orbicu- 
larly revolved around Him, the King of Stars! A 
brilliant, amazing spectacle of a God’s manifestation 
was this ! . . . Hardly could any mortal eye stand this 
terrific yet serene celestial glory. . . . Then . . . He 
— the Spirit — spake . . . ah, to my mortal ears those 
mellifluous accents were unendurable, to my Soul they 
were as nourishing wine. I heard that Voice — the 
Voice which makes angels rejoice and devils tremble 
for very rapture — saying in music Divine : 

“ Thou art forgiven,” — ah, what a sweet consoling 
sentence, — a sentence that for ages to come shall be 
the joy of repentant sinners, — “ inasmuch as all who 


Infans Amoris. 


64 

repent and grieve for their sins are forgiven by my 
Father’s permission in Heaven. Contrition merits 
forgiveness, atonement merits pardon, — inasmuch as 
both merit joy. I leave Heaven and come to earth ; 
this mission of love I enjoy. Yet taking Man’s form 
I suffer, for as Man I can grieve, — and seeing the ma- 
licious and hideous sins of men to be perpetrated in 
ages to come, I acutely suffer. My heart is torn . . . 
Oh, if Man would only realize that I come from 
Heaven to forgive, not condemn, — could he only bring 
himself to know Me as I am ! . . . Thou art forgiven. 
Go, and sin no more!” 

What a sweet command! . . . Who could disobey 
it? Gazing at Him — for an instant only — did I see 
Him, — He is God. And beside Him whom did I see? 
— A radiant Angel in Woman’s form, — a Soul spot- 
less and free from stain, — a creature whose dazzling 
luminance was as grand as the angels themselves, — a 
being around whose head circled a coronal of roseate 
and azure flame, intermingled with many sparkling, 
silvery meteoric stars, — a Woman whose beaming 
smile was compassionate and loving, — whose virginal 
purity women should copy from, — whose sweet 
motherly solicitude for her Divine Son is an Example 
of a mother’s true duty and love, — whose hands care- 
fully ministered unto her Son, and which now are be- 
loved by angels. Ah, what a vision of Woman unde- 
filed — as she should be! What a Mother, what a 
Queen ! So he lies who says that She was “ only ” 
woman, sinful and impure. Can God, the Spirit of 
absolute Purity, enter a defiled form? No; He can 


Infans Amoris. 


65 

only enter one which is similarly like Himself, wholly 
pure and unreservingly lovable. And She was this, 
this Mother of Christ. Around Her played meteor- 
like flame, and a roseate grandeur enveloped Her. 
Her soul was brilliant and dazzling, and it is no won- 
der God could love such a one . . . yet every mother 
can become so fair an angel. O ! what a Destiny for 
Woman ! 

I gazed upward into the sky — for I saw as though 
the rocks above me were transparent — and saw a 
Being . . . falling, descending! ... It was the 
Figure of one whose form was tall and majestic, but 
whose face was dark with deep suffering and torture, 
and from his eyes shone “ the worm that dieth not, and 
the flame that cannot be quenched ”... There were 
depicted on his face grief unendurable, agony above 
torture — torture above measure — measure above com- 
pare. But as he downward came, a ray of hope faintly 
irradiated his grand, yet withal terrible countenance. 
At length ... he sank into the stable, . . . down to 
the earth bent he in lowly humility, . . . inexpressible 
joy shook his fiery frame. He was behind me. I felt 
his burning presence, yet I was not afraid ... At him 
the Divine Child cast a glance of appealing commiser- 
ation and heartfelt pity, as though saying,: “ Poor 
Satan, thy troubles are hard to bear, but perhaps a 
better day will come.” And I heard a voice sibilantly, 
faintly whisper : “ Where sinful man is, Satan, the 

ruler of things very dark, can also be. His intense 
joy is beyond measure that he has a chance, for a little 
time, to be before his God . . .” What must not the 
5 


66 


Infans Amoris. 


Love of this Child be ! ... He allowed even Satan to 
worship at His birth! He also allowed me; He for- 
gave me. Ah, sinners, His Love is beyond all com- 
pare! His Mercy is beyond all human solution! 

Suddenly to me the Ring began to diminish and 
disappear; the grand Circle shining from Above faded 
away; the angels disappeared from my vision. A 
grand peal of mysterious music made the very air 
tremble — and with a minor wail of farewell it slowly, 
wailingly ceased ; the glory of the queenly Virgin- 
Mother faded away into a luminous maze, . . . the 
maze fading into the air, leaving her as only woman 
to my vision. Naught remained but a sign : 

The two dark clouds were on each side of the Child. 
The scallop-like edges of the clouds were fringed in 
silvery light, and between these somber, grey, silver- 
edged clouds, He shone like a Rising Sun, His radi- 
ance shining forth in soothing colors of indescribable 
grandeur ; — lights of opalescent tint shot and radiated 
from Him ... ( 

“ ’Tis the Dawn of Salvation ! . . . The Dawn of 
Hope for both Devil and Men,” said a silver-toned 
Voice from Above. 

I turned ... to see white and crimson fires play- 
ing around the styled “ King of Darkness,” who, if 
the truth were- known, reluctantly suffers and rules and 
toils in Evil, — who would probably gladly grasp at 
a suitable opportunity to redeem himself if it were 
offered, — who will not of his own free will leave evil 
and thus save himself. The sweet songsters of carol 
were still singing; no birds did ever before sing so 


Infans Amoris. 


67 

light-heartedly, so sweetly, so sublimely ! ... At length 
the song ceased, ... a wind seemed to pass over 
me, ... a cloud of quivering darkness, seemingly 
a portent of evil, came rolling along, and passing over 
the Spirit behind me, carried him also away, ... a clap 
of long-drawn thhnder ensued : — the Vision of unpar- 
alleled sublimity was gone ! — I was awake. . . . and 
I saw as corporeal eyes see — not as things really are, 
but as they seem. I gazed at the Child! — hot, bitter 
tears were falling from the Child’s supernal eyes. His 
form trembled and quivered in His intense, puissant 
grief. There He lay, seemingly unconscious of the 
existing spiritual glories around Him. And gazing 
into His eyes, I saw ... a Look — a Look of terrific 
Agony almost unendurable ! There shone from those 
sacred eyes of tender blue a look of compassionate 
Pity and immortal Woe! . . . and from those baby 
eyes flowed crystalline tear drops. Tears ... a mute 
prayer to the Father in Heaven — who is a Father of 
Love, — not a God of Vengeance, — a God *of Loving 
Justice. The Virgin Mother eagerly endeavored to 
soothe Him, but in vain ! . . . for who could soothe 
Him but Man only — Man for whom He shed those 
potent tears ! How willingly will He not forgive, if 
it was for Man’s doom that those tears were shed! 
Not then knowing the cause of the tears, I was non- 
plused and amazed. 

“ O sweet Child,” I almost inarticulately, but sympa- 
thetically cried, “ why dost Thou shed bitter tears, . . . 
Thou who art God ? . . .” 

No verbal response did He vouchsafe me, . . . for 


68 


Infans Amoris. 


as a human babe He naturally could not. And, oh, 
how I lovingly pitied Him — this sweet holy God. As 
this chord of tender, compassionate pity throbbed in 
me, as this sense of commiseration for His primitive 
grief surged through my Soul, as I uttered the last 
words of my pathetic query, a darkness again enveloped 
me, . . . then ... a yellow mist illumined the air 
before me . . . clearing slowly, . . . then I saw a 
series of visions. 

I saw a Man, . . . before Him was a promiscuous 
crowd of men, and speaking, He said : “ He that hear- 
eth you heareth Me, . . . and He that heareth Me, 
heareth My Father who is in Heaven.”— So said He, 
the God-Man, to several apostles and to the Priests. 

A heavy mist of unimpenetrable darkness came roll- 
ing in as this vision faded away, . . . 'then, as it 
cleared, I found myself in a large, stone, subterranean 
apartment — a part of the catacombs. — The atmosphere 
is damp and cool, the place dismal and dreary in its 
blackness. Mural decorations are here and there to 
be seen. There are many people assembled ; they 
are on their knees ; their eyes are meekly cast to the 
stone floor in reverence and humility; — many are most 
poorly clad. At a slab of stone stands a priest — a 
good, true man. They meditate, silently pray, and 
then arise, move to the stone. The priest comforts 
those who come to him, blesses them, and does as 
Christ would do. He then takes bread and wine, 
blesses it, breaks it, and together they eat in the com- 
munion of Christ. They are happy: Christ is with 


Infans Amoris. 69 

them. “We assemble in His name: it is our duty,” 
says the priest, “ to Him and ourselves. Talk to Him ; 
He will hear you. Confide and confess to Him; He 
will hear and forgive you. Then eat of this bread in 
the communion of the Body which suffered ; then 
drink of this wine in the communion of the Blood that 
was shed.” After the supper, they kneel again and 
thankfully pray, — and their prayers rise up to Heaven 
as incense in a forest temple. After cleaning the 
sacred utensils, the priest turns and smiles (a curious 
action for a priest would many think). There is no 
assumed look of sanctimonious piety on his open, 
happy face ; no flourishing gestures, sucking of teeth, 
or expectorating; he has a peaceful conscience — why 
should he mourn? Is lie not rightly happy? 

“ Brethren,” — his mellifluous voice breaks the 
silence, — “ we are all assembled here this morning to 
celebrate the birth of our dear Saviour. Nearly two 
hundred years ago, brethren, He came to this earth 
and took on Himself man’s form. He enjoyed 
this errand of salvation and mercy. He came to 
show an example. He came to teach man how to 
live. He came to give to man the New Law — a Law 
of Love which is perfect. He came to save sinners, 
and the repentant recreant He will never refuse to par- 
don. Had he not come, we should still, perhaps, be 
either under the Mosaic Law or in Paganism. Had 
He not come, many souls would be in awful grief. 
Had He not come, the power of Satan would perhaps 
be unlimited and strong. Realizing what benefits are 
derived from His humble birth, can we not help but 


7o 


Infans Amoris. 


love Him? . . . Meditate on His life: see Him as a 
Child, obedient, docile, and loving; see Him as a man, 
teaching, healing, and forgiving; see Him in the Gar- 
den . . The priest’s voice sank low — “ See the 
darkness around Him, . . . the apostles are asleep, 
He is alone. See His agony when He sees into ages 
to come, when He knows how many of the creatures 
He dearly loves will stray from Him, sin, and be lost. 
— Before we commit a sin, remember that Christ in 
the Garden suffered for those sins ; and in compassion 
and love for Him and His grief, in the name of our 
souls which He loves, let us refrain from sinning. 
Let us see Him on the Cross ; . . . see the darkness 
enveloping the earth — lo ! — see the red sparks of flame 
shooting in the troubled sky, . . . see the dark rocks 
being torn asunder, ... see the dead arise! . . . see 
the three crosses, ... see the central One, . . . see 
Who is upon it ! . . . Hear the roar of trembling 
thunder, the rattling of fierce earthquakes ! . . . and 
see the awful Agony on His face, . . . see the hot 
scalding tears falling from His loving eyes, . . . see 
the wounds in His sacred hands — the hands which 
healed many, which could rule angels, . . . see the 
wounds in His sacred feet — the feet which trod the 
earth to find sinners, to comfort and to forgive, . . . 
see the wound in His heart — but that wound is not so 
bitter as the Wound inflicted by the atrocious sins of 
men ! Hear the blasphemies and cries of derision ! 
. . . hear Him in despair crying : ‘ My God, my God, 
why hast Thou forsaken me ’ — this was to express His 
true grief, to show to what extent He was delivered 


Infans Amoris. 


7i 

into the power of evil men ; for His Father, — His Self, 
— would not, could not, forsake Him. See the vine- 
gar and gall offered to Him! . . . See Him die, a 
smile of Angelic Love illumining His fair counte- 
nance ! He it is Who was born to-day. Let us love 
Him truly, wholly, with a heart-felt love.” There 
were tears in the man’s eyes ; there were tears in many 
eyes. He went on: “To-day, when the remembrance 
of Him is in our souls, when we have Him by us — 
being gathered together in His name, — let us resolve 
that in spite of persecution and torture, Him only we 
will love and serve. We may be humbled and derided 
on this earth — but of what avail is the ephemeral 
glory of earthly things? Let us live for Heaven, fol- 
lowing the example of the Christ of Love and Mercy, 
and we shall fare well. Follow Him in every way; 
when beset by temptation, do as He did. When tor- 
tured, do as He did, — say for your enemies, ‘ Father, 
forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ They 
know not what they do ; if they did they would not 
persecute us. They think they do right; — God bless 
and lead them — lead them to the Cross ! If they serve 
their faith truly, thinking they do right, Pagan or 
Gentile, they will doubtless go to Heaven. Despise 
them not ; hate them not ; — love your enemies and pray 
for them that persecute and calumniate you. If you 
repay them with malice, your conscience will judge 
and condemn you ; your thoughts will place you on 
your merited basis. If you love and pray for them, 
doing as the Redeemer did, they will be ashamed, will 
see good in you. For if you do not follow the Master, 


72 


Infans Amoris. 


how can they ever join you seeing you are no better 
than they. We must bear with one another, helping, 
praying for one another, — and the cross of sorrow 
shall prove to be joy, Death a transition to higher 
things. Follow the Saviour, the God in Man, living 
in poverty and faith, and the transcendental and ever- 
lasting joys of Heaven shall be your portion. Be not 
daunted by the cowardly pains of the arena or rack, — 
be not afraid of the lions ; hope in God — love God.” 

A silence pervades the sacred place — a place ren- 
dered more sacred by the words of this Priest. It is 
this kind of Priest the world now needs, not one who 
preaches for gold and for the mundane glory of the 
Church, — but one who tells of Christ’s love, and ex- 
horts sinners to repent, — who causes tears to flow. 
Of these, were the words spoken : “ He that heareth 
you heareth Me.” 

Before dispersing, they sing. Their voices rise 
high in fervor. They sing this happy hymn. 

“ Shepherd of tender youth,* 

Guiding in love and truth, 

Through devious ways ; 

Christ our triumphant King ! 

We come Thy Name to sing, 

And here our children bring, 

To shout Thy praise. 

“ Thou art our holy Lord ! 

The all-subduing Word, 

Healer of strife ! 

Thou didst Thyself abase, 

* This hymn, roughly translated from the Greek, is said to be the 
oldest hymn of the primitive church. 


Infans Amoris. 


73 


That from sin's deep disgrace 
Thou mightest save our race, 

And give us life. 

“ Thou art wisdom’s High-Priest 1 
Thou hast prepared the feast 
Of holy Love. 

And in our mortal pain 
None calls on Thee in vain ; 

Help Thou dost not disdain, 

Help from above. 

“ Ever be Thou our Guide, 

Our Shepherd and our pride, 

Our staff and song. 

Jesus, Thou Christ of God ! 

By the perennial Word, 

Lead us where Thou hast trod, 

Make our faith strong. 

“ So now, and till we die, 

Sound we Thy praise on high, 

And joyful sing ; 

Infants, and the glad throng 
Who to Thy faith belong ; 

Unite and swell the song 
To Christ our King ! ” 

A vapory mist of golden light, as of sunshine fall- 
ing through clouds, carried this good vision away. 
Then I saw other visions — saw the evil ones which 
caused sorrow to encompass the heart of the Incarnate 
God. These visions quickly passed through my brain 
by a spiritual telepathy, — and in them I saw how, as 
ages went by, men would fight in sanguine battles 
and fierce wars and long for one another’s lives — how 
kings, potentates, and queens would revel in treachery 


Infans Amoris. 


74 

and sensuality, depressing those under their control 
with a rigorous haughty sway; I saw how — above all 
sins the most egregious ! — Christ’s simple, supernal 
doctrine would be changed, and how the vile changers 
of it would make their abominable power of evil felt 
by barbarous, merciless tortures, how those under 
their displeasure would be goaded to sin by torment. 
I saw a vision of the Roman Inquisition : — I saw how 
those who elect to serve the gentle Christ, without a 
shred of pure Christianity in them, would toil with un- 
flagging persistency to join temporal power and sub- 
jugate the rising truth-tellers, casting aside mercy, 
love, and pity in the doing of their wretched work. 
Yes, in the closing of that terrible vision, I saw a gol- 
den fane — and the fane was in a pitch-black darkness 
— and out of the darkness rose the hymn of thanksgiv- 
ing, “ Te Deum Laudamus” and a continual roar of 
cannon made the air tremble — and these sounds of 
earthly music and roar were mingled with the demoni- 
acal praises, anathemas, and petitionings of human 
fiends ; — and in this fane of stupendous, glaring, 
tawdry decorations was an altar — and before it was 
one whose aged face wore a saintly smile of joy, but 
whose miserable soul was a veritable devil in its sin,— 
it was a Pope of Rome, a “ Representative of Peter,” 
a “ Vicar of Christ.” And the huge Show continuing, 
a celebration of thanks that some heretics had been 
slain by the papist murderers, a sweeping, driving fire 
roared along, carrying the Papal aggregation away 
in a maelstrom of thunder and wind and fire, — and 
there rattled on the dismal air the menacing words 


Infans Amoris. 


75 


pronounced in thunder, “ Ye workers of iniquity, ye 
know not of what spirit ye are,” — and a denser dark- 
ness fell. I saw visions of the beginning of the “ Re- 
formed Churches,” — how wrongly the work was done. 
I saw a Church, which was supposed to abrogate the 
evils of the Mother-Church, incarnated in the lust of a 
king, and born in the blood of the persecutions of a 
queen. Oh, the horror of the things that I saw ! No 
wonder did the Son of God cry ! Out of these visions 
I will narrate only the ones that may help the lost 
sheep of the Sad World of To-day. 

The next vision which I will narrate is one which 
shows me a Priest of To-day, a typical priest, misrepre- 
senting the Saviour Christ. This vision can show the 
deplorable difference between simplicity and elabora- 
tion when compared with the vision before told. — The 
priests are in touch with the people, more so than the 
prelates f and it is they who are greatly accountable for 
the abomination of desolation of the world to-day. 
Where is purity in the holy places? Nay, there is 
none, if little. The holy places are desolate, they are 
now dead bodies, — and wheresoever the body shall be, 
there shall the eagles also be gathered together , — the 
eagles that eat dead flesh, and with it make bait for the 
sheep, — and the sheep are led to the slaughter, hear- 
ing of wars and rumors of wars, — but the evil servant 
who leads the sheep astray will be confronted unex- 
pectedly with the just Master whom he disregards, 
and the Master shall separate him, and appoint his por- 
tion with the hypocrites. 


CHAPTER IV. 

Visions. 

I am in a Christian church — a magnificent fane, 
huge, and gorgeously decorated, — for it is Christmas 
Day. The marble Altar is decorated with shining, 
verdant smilax, laurel, and ivy greens, — regal white 
lilies, rich- roses, and odoriferous carnations also help 
to elaborate the beautiful Altar and Sanctuary ; the 
scent of these fragrant beings permeate the air, lavishly 
scenting and sweetening it, — the lighted candles shine 
like many stars, — and the golden, jewel-incrusted 
sanctuary lamp shines like the Magi’s Star ; — aromatic 
pine trees are around the Crib, in which is an image of 
the Holy Christ-Child; — fancy, drooping evergreens 
are draped along the sanctuary walls and over the 
Altar, statues, and doors. The marble Altar is large, im- 
pressive, and grand ; the Tabernacle, the receptacle of 
the Sacred Host, is brilliant and dazzling, — the elabor- 
ate paintings are rich and expressive. A large Crucifix 
is above the Altar, and upon it is the Figure of One 
[who died so that others might live. What a sense of 
shame, of love, comes over me as I gaze at that man- 
gled form so skillfully hewn out of white stone. And 
on each side of the Crucifix is a gilded angel, likewise 
76 


Visions. 


77 

of stone, — and, as though wafted on a gentle wind, I 
hear the words : 

“ Thou shalt make also two cherubim of beaten gold 
on two sides of the Oracle. 

“ Let one cherub be on the one side, the other on 
the other. 

“ Let them cover both sides of the propitiatory, 
spreading their wings, and covering the Oracle, and let 
them look one towards the other, their faces being 
turned towards the propitiatory, wherewith the Ark is 
to be covered.” 

Which words were familiar to me ; which words are 
in the Old Testament — a Testament of the Jews, a 
Testament received by Christians as infallible, inspired 
writing, but which is full of writing not “ inspired ” 
infallibly. 

“ Credo in unum Deum, Patrem omnipotentem, Fac- 
torem coeli et terrae, visibilium, omnium et invisibil- 
ium” I hear the loud, sonorous voice of the stout priest 
drawlingly singing. “ I believe in one God, the Father 
Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth, and of all 
things visible and invisible ,” — a grand confession! if 
only every one would believe and adhere to it. ... I hear 
the unharmonious choir singing the Credo, — only one 
person sings from the heart, all the others frenziedly, 
jealously sing to show off their fine voices. 

Ding ! ding ! ding !....“ Sanctus, sanctus, sanctus 
Dominus Deus Sabaoth says the languid, corpulent 
priest; — following — a grand peal of triumphant music 
ensues, followed by a blare of operatic horns. Then 
comes an incongruous medley of screeches and sighs — 


78 Infans Amoris. 

“ Sanctus, sanctus, sanctus,” sing the choir. The Mass 
continues. 

Ding, ding, .... ding ! The acolytes ascend 

the altar to hold the costly chasuble. “This is My 
body ” — the Host is elevated. Ding — ding — ding ! . . . . 
“ This is My blood ”• — the Chalice is elevated. Ding — 
ding — ding!.... The choir renews its hysterical sing- 
ing, which ceased before the consecration, and the 
Mass continues. 

I gaze at the large congregation. A mixed crowd. 
And but few are good and pure in intention. Oh, the 
sadness of this desolation ! Oh, the sorrow of faith 
laid waste, God desolated in the temple ! The abomina- 
tion of desolation is bitter ! And how few are fervent ! 
How many go through outward Form ! A stern proc- 
lamation rings in my ears. 

“ Because iniquity shall abound, the charity of many 
shall grow cold.” 

Their charity is cold — made cold by the Priest who 
knows of God, but who voluntarily uses Him as a tool 
to extort money from the laity. 

The lady of wealth, the demi-mondaine, and the sis- 
ters sit front. The Lady has a white kid prayer book 
and a pearl rosary ; her eyes seemingly are closed^ but 
instead are partially open, and she furtively “ takes 
in ” the style of her sisters’ dress. Whenever she 
crosses herself, she makes a confused sign — a sort of 
semi-circle — not even touching her powdered fore- 
head. 

The wealthy Gentleman also sits in the front of the 
church. He comes to Mass for propriety’s sake, not 


Visions. 


79 


even knowing its mystic meaning. Whenever he rises 
he gives a grunt of dissatisfaction, and kneeling, goes 
at it so wholly in earnest that he lets his huge, bloated, 
obese form of flesh and bones and little soul fall so 
heavily that he hurts his pachydermatous knee. Sen- 
sual thoughts of the coming night’s pleasures fill his 
brain, and he goes awkwardly to the altar railing 
with the anticipation of sin beaming from his face. 

Some nearly bend over their seats ; some diligently 
peruse their prayers, gesticulating with religious fer- 
vor; some pray for fair weather, some for indul- 
gences ; — faith is in few, and those few are of the 
poorer class. With religious simplicity they pray, 
humble, meek, and mild. And when they are at the 
railing to receive the “ Bread of Angels,” the priest 
seems reluctant to feed them, and hastily growls out the 
Latin formula. 

What an aggregation of people — people who profess 
the faith of the Man-Christ ! 

Here can be seen the Animal in Man, the Beast in 
Woman ; Faith only in the Poor and the Children ; the 
Metamorphosis of Devil to God ! Yet whose fault is it? 
From whom do the offenses come? Who is it that 
quells the Spirit of Faith and places up Symbols, who 
fights over inane symbols, such as statues, relics, bones 
of saints, garments, etc. ? 

“ Woe unto you, Pharisees, for ye make clean the 
outside of the platter, hut within is all uncleanness! ” 

The sheep are led astray; they are blinded. They 
are led astray; the Son of God betrayed. O priests, 
does not the alarming tones of Justice’s voice haunt 


8o 


Infans Amoris. 


ye — “ Woe unto that man by whom the Son of Man 
is betrayed ?” Yes, not to only Judas may these 
words be applied, but to all the clergymen who betray 
the Master, for they are greater sinners than Judas, — 
yes, by a thousand times. 

After half of the Mass is said, the priest slowly rubs 
his hands, turns, and then reads the “Epistle to Titus 
second chapter, eleventh to thirteenth verse,” then 
“ Gospel according to Saint Luke, second chapter , first 
to fourteenth verse” — which Gospel gives an account 
of the birth of Christ. When he is done, he turns, 
smacks his thin, sensual lips, and rubs his obese, sanc- 
timonious and pimpled face; then slowly, softly, per- 
suasively, says : 

“ Dear brethren, in the Name of the Father, the 
Son, and the Holy Ghost ” — he crosses himself — “ And 
she brought forth her first-born Son, and wrapped 
him up in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger, 
because there was no room for them at the inn ! ” 

“ Over nineteen hundred years ago to-day,” he sajs, 
“ Christ, the founder of our Holy Church, was born. 
Born in a stable, to show His humility — for it was a 
great Condescension.” A look of rapt fear comes over 
this worthy man’s oily, fat, florid face — “ To think, 
after the Great Mystery of the Incarnation, a God was 
born in man’s defiled form — born of Our Blessed 
Lady,” (He does not seem to know that man’s form 
if pure and undefiled is sublime, elevating and most 
beautiful. . “ He was born in a stable,” he con- 

tinues, “ among the beasts, the dumb beasts gave Him 
warmth ” — he frowns darkly — “ and, while the dumb 


Visions. 


81 


beasts kept Him warm, the Angels outside sang. The 
angels said to the shepherds, ‘ Fear not ; I bring you 
tidings of great joy, that shall be to all the people !* 
Tidings of great joy! — yes. Tidings that meant He 
would found our Mother-Church; He would give His 
Blood as our toll to Heaven ! . . . . What a privilege ! — 
a privilege to belong to such a noble Church — a Church 
that has withstood storm and persecution, error and 
sin — a Church that has His Body and Blood on her al- 
tars, of which Melchisedec prophesied, in the Holy 
Mass — a Church that has the power of loosing and 
binding, given it by Him who is born to-day, by say- 
ing to Peter, the Prince of the Apostles, ‘ Thou art 
Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the 
gates of hell shall not prevail against it! ’ On this grand 
statement we stand before you, ambassadors for Christ, 
to preach Him who is born to-day, to loose and to 
bind. Truly the angels brought glad tidings when 
such a thing was foreseen ! — what glad tidings to us 
Catholics, who belong to the Church of the Rock, with 
the Vicar of Christ as our head ! ” He extends his 
arms in a flourishing, melodramatic gesture, and his 
eyes flame with pride, and his red face grows redder 
still with the grandeur of his profession. 

■ I feel sad ; and to me there comes a soothing voice, 
as the murmur of a flower through a gale saying : 

“ Thou art Peter, an apostle, through whom God 
hath spoken ; thou hast confessed me to be the Son of 
God; thou hast spoken by the revelation and inspira- 
tion of the Spirit: Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-Jona, 
for flesh and blood hath not revealed it to thee, but My 


82 


Infans Amoris. 


Father who is in Heaven. On this rock, — men full of 
faith, full of truth, as thou art now such a rock — men 
speaking by the revelation of God, and confessing and 
following Me, — I build My church, — My Church of 
Pure Faith in the hearts of men ; and the gates of Hell 
shall not prevail against it* — for if one have faith as 
a grain of mustard seed, Satan’s power is of no avail.” 

“ Yes,” the voice of the priest says — and he picks a 
smelling piece of flesh from a tooth with a pick, then 
blows his nose, — and goes on — “ it — is — glad-tidings. 
It meant salvation for us, for before His death the 
gates of heaven were closed — were closed — were closed 
on sinful men. His blood opened heaven, — gave bap- 
tism to the Holy Church. We live on His sacred 
Blood; we have never, like our refractory brethren, 
departed from it. It causes me sadness to see the per- 
verted Protestants doing — doing — ” he suavely sucks 
his lips, and a bland smile of pity — an excellent simula- 
tion, by the w^y — comes over his face — “ I cannot but 
pity them. They are lost, and they will not return to 
the original Light — the Light of which the Angels 
brought glad tidings, the Holy Roman Catholic 
Church ! ‘ He that heareth you, heareth Me,’ said He 
who was born to-day to us — us the Priests. I may 
here say — ” and he grew cold, and gazed reproach- 
ingly at the heterogeneous congregation — “ that you 
do not show sufficient respect to the holy priests. You 
seem to be backsliding. And in the name of the Infant 
of Bethlehem, I adjure you to pause! Think! — You 
do not respect the priests as the old men of the old, 
* Please to consult Matt, xvi: 15-18. 


Visions. 


83 

grand regime did. The new generation is more lax. 
We must draw the ropes tighter! — Think! Think of 
Him who was born to-day, the God in Man! Think 
of us priests, enunciators and promulgators of His 
teaching! Do we not merit respect and obedience? 
The priest is higher than the king on a throne, the 
president of a republic ; Holy Orders places him above 
all, stamps him with the Cross of Christ, makes him 
a server of the Infant of Bethlehem — once and forever ! 
You do not respect me. A certain lout from uptown 
said that I should go among the poor! — is it because 
I do not ‘ go among the poor ’ you do not give me 
sufficient deference ? I tell you that a priest is not ex- 
pected to go to those who come to church every Sun- 
day except the pew-rent Sundays, then stay away so 
as to escape paying their just dues — he is not expected 
to go to them; he is not expected to go to the filthy 
slums, and get cursed in the bargain. Those who want 
conversion must come to the priest; those who want 
heaven must pay their just dues; — Christ did not run 
after the poor; He accepted the ointment of Mary! 
Our Protestant clergymen go to the slums and hovels 
of mire, you say — They do — a trick of Protestant char- 
latanism ! You must respect me, you must pay your 
just dues. If you come to the tribunal of penance, get 
absolution, and then don’t improve and serve Holy 
Church, you are not forgiven. And when you die God 
will laugh at you, will condemn you to Hell. Then you 
will be in congenial company, and instead of going to 
balls, you will go to the exhibitions of God’s vengeance 
on vile sinners.” 


Infans Amoris. 


84 

He goes on in a sort of rhapsodical sermon, some- 
times telling of the Infant of Bethlehem, how He hu- 
miliated himself, — how He founded the Priesthood, — 
how terrible the General Judgment will be when the 
Infant of Bethlehem would condemn the heretics and 
bad Catholics to Hell, — how hard it is for any one out- 
side of “ Holy Mother Church ” to be saved. 

“ In confession,” he says, after a long, rambling 
sermon, “ last night, one of you confessed that you had 
made a vile resolution, to begin with the new year, that 
is, you resolved to quit paying so much pew-rent. Now 
this person’s pew is well front in church. You need 
not decrease my salary; it is small enough. And as 
you are already making your resolutions, I shall make 
mine, and they shall go in effect next Sunday : — There- 
after I will not marry any Catholic to a non-Catholic 
unless he pays ten dollars for a dispensation and gives 
me a fee of five dollars or more. I will not work for 
nothing. * * * And I will not say a requiem mass 
for a dead person for less than ten dollars ; if you are 
too poor for that, you need no requiem masses. And 
those who don’t pay pew-rent — I am not bound to visit 
them when they die.* You must be charitable — help- 
ing the Holy Church along. You get indulgences and 
manifold graces from her; — you should reward her. 
If you are not charitable, you know what to expect, for 
‘ faith without works is dead ! ” His stern voice ceases 

* These words were boldly and openly spoken in a church by a 
priest of the Roman Church, one of the “ ambassadors in Christ,” 
who “ represent ” the Lover of Souls. And any one who studies 
what he hears, may perceive the blatant Lie of the Clergy ; life is 
full of it ; — the pages of the press is teeming with it. — Author. 


Visions. 85 

its speaking for a moment. He picks a book from the 
altar. 

“ As this is the last Sunday of the month, I shall 
read the names of those who gave contributions to the 
erecting of an altar to the Virgin.” He reads a list, in 
which the feminine portion of the church figures large- 
ly — the wealthy ones at least. The names of the poor- 
er portion are not there, — and as he finishes reading, 
he gazes coldly towards the back of the church — and 
scowls. 

“ Now, friends,” says the priest, concludingly, “col- 
lection will be taken up. And I wish you all a Merry 
Christmas. In the Name of the Father, of the Son, 
and of the Holy Ghost, Amen.” After the collection is 
taken up he concludes the Mass. 

The wealthy drive home from church, speaking of 
“ Father John’s dear, piquant sermons — who is so nice 
in confession ,” — to them. 

Many of the congregation stand before the church, 
criticize the priest, speak of presents, and of a coming 
bazaar. The Irish portion uphold the priest with a 
fanatical allegiance to him, speak of “ taking a book 
of chances,” and go home — a Duck or a Turkey para- 
mount in their minds. 

The poor, simple ones go home on this Christmas 
morning sad, embittered by his words. Say they: 
“ We can’t pay ; we can’t get graces ; — God is cruel. 
Father John knows — he is bad — we will be; he has 
victuals, we have none. Curse God ! ” And despair- 
ing of mercy, with faith in “ Father John,” they will 
rush to Hell, thinking that as they will get there any- 


86 


Infans Amoris. 


how, they might as well sin and enjoy a little life; — all 
this egregious, grave evil is caused by the Priest 
who preaches not the Law of Love, who tells them not 
that Poverty is a grand recompense for their suffer- 
ings. 

Darkness closes around me. And a Voice in the deep, 
sonorous accents of trembling thunder, I hear, saying : 

“ Is this priest true? — No, he is untrue to himself 
and to Me. He takes his position as a good, ingenious 
way to earn a fat living, with no work. He carelessly 
reads the Scripture, studying not what he preaches, — 
thus preaching Me not as I am. He uses holy power 
wantonly and without respect ; he loves Me not ; he is 
the one who grievously leads souls astray ; — of him are 
the words spoken : 

“ Woe to the shepherds of Israel, that feed them- 
selves; should not the docks be fed by the shepherds f 

“ You eat the milk and you clothe yourselves zvith the 
wool, and you killed that which was fat ; but My dock 
you did not feed. 

' “ The weak you have not strengthened, and that 

which was sick you have not healed; that which was 
broken you have not bound up, and that which zvas 
driven away you have not brought again, neither have 
you sought that which was lost; but you ruled over 
them with rigor, and with a high hand. 

“And My sheep were scattered, because there was 
no shepherd; and they became the prey of all the beasts 
of the deld, and were scattered* 

“Ye priests, ye preach Me not as a God of Love; — 

* Ezekiel xxxiv. 2-5. 


Visions. 


87 

if you would preach of My Love, of My Mercy, the 
souls, realizing My Love, would love Me in return, 
and would be saved, and their souls would enjoy the 
ecstatic rapture of being in My Presence; you do not 
do it. You are incestuous, lustful, and hypocritical. 
Instead of teaching the doctrine of Love, you preach 
the dissipating doctrine of Superstition and Mam- 
mon. Few of you follow the Way, the Light, and the 
Truth! You follow the crowned Pope of Rome — the 
Pope who hoards up wealth and gold, and denies him- 
self to the people, who says ‘ Let him be anathema/ 
not, 1 Go and sin no more.’ He thus perverts the 
thoughts of good souls ! — and woe betide the whited 
sepulchers of the world ! In both the cathedral and 
the small chapel is howled forth the Doctrines of Gain, 
of Papal Infallibility, of Saintly Intercession, and a 
Dark, Burning Hell. I am pictured as the God of the 
Priests — a God who upholds the temporal Chair of 
Peter, who needed a Bloody Sacrifice in Christ, who 
condemns souls to Hell, who steals consciences, — who 
am not propitious to any except it be through saints 
and priests ! O base lies ! leading my sheep astray. 
Free thoughts of genius — my Voice speaking through 
men — is forbidden by these proud, insolent priests. 
Dogma and Form chain their congregations ; Super- 
stition supersedes Faith in Christ; Fear replaces Love 
— and when Love is gone, Discord reigns supreme. 
Woe to the usurpers of Truth ! the propagators of Dis- 
cord ! Instead of words of truth and comfort from all 
altars are obstreperously spoken the words of Untruth 
— vile words exhorting money by irreligious threats 


88 


Infans Amoris. 


and calumnious lies. The Keys of Peter is their bait, 
— God’s help is little needed, — the Saints help them to 
heaven, so the fish are told — O poor, little fish ! I love 
you, love you ! Woe betide the wretches that elect to 
follow My Messenger Christ,* but lead the fish to 
death, so that they may live on wine and fat stuff ! — 
woe — woe to them. They make Hell, of which they 
love to speak, — not I. Beware of the fat, sleek, tricky 
creature, the wolf in sheep’s clothing, the unbearably 
proud and extremely haughty priest! O little sheep, 
beware of him. Know ye that when you innocently 
confess to him he inwardly smiles at your primitive 
innocence, knowing that he is a greater wretch than 
you, — and hearing confession, he inwardly exults at 
his evil power. Beware of him who is fastidious in 
dress, but black in soul ! Beware of him who seem- 
ingly fasts, but grows fat on the gastronomic living 
of a voracious gourmand ! Beware of him who is hum- 
ble to the Church, but who, following his superiors — 
bishops, cardinals, and popes — flaunts his pride in the 
face of the laity, for, as he audaciously claims, he is 

* “ The Pope has from time to time invested his surplus in- 
come in United States Government bonds, and the extent of his 
holdings of this sort is now estimated at 30,000,000 lire.” 

Philadelphia Press. 

“ Beware op all covetousness ! ” “ Lay not up for yourselves treas- 

ures on earthP “ There was no room for them at the inn.” “ The 
Son of man hath not where to lay His head.” FOLLOW ME . . . 

When we enter a church and see such garmented “ servants of 
Christ” and the glaring display of wealth, do we not hear from 
the church the most truthful, horrible, and demoniacal cry : 1 know 
not the man l ’ AUTHOR. 


Visions. 


89 

higher than the angels !* Beware of him, little sheep ; 
beware of his free will, it can’t be stopped — O little 
sheep, beware! Priests, such as ye are hypocrites! 
For ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; 
and ye neither go in yourselves, nor suffer them that 
are entering to go in. Little sheep, can ye not see the 
sad discrepancy between the ‘ ministers of the Gospel ’ 
and the Son of God? God is Love. I love you, little 
sheep. Beware of them who love themselves ! ” 

A vision is again shown me — a vision of a less gross 
crime, but none the less to be deplored and depre- 
cated. 

I am in a cold Sectarian church. It is Easter Sun- 
day. The pulpit is of expensive make, but very bare, 
— no works of art, no messages of inspiration here 
raise one to God. Several huge palms stand about, 
many pots of Easter lilies also, — but these only seem 
out of place. A Bible is on the pulpit, and a map of 
Palestine is near the preacher. Nothing is here to re- 
call God to us but a very ungod-like creature — the 
preacher. Crafty-eyed, cadaverous, with white hair, 
a tall, spare form, he stands forth to “ teach all na- 
tions, baptising them in the Name of the Father, the 
Son, and the Holy Ghost.” 

“ Jehovah was displeased with man,” he says, con- 
tinuing a previously begun sermon. “ Adam brought 
sin into man ; hence the power of Christ was neces- 
sary to make man fit in grace to do pleasing works ; of 

* Vide Cardinal Gibbons’s “ Faith of Our Fathers,” Ch. XXIX. 


90 


Infans Amoris. 


his own free will he was unable to approach God. He 
died for us — offered Jehovah His blood for us. 
Says St. Paul : ‘ Having predestinated us unto the 

adoption of children by Jesus Christ to Himself, ac- 
cording to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise 
of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us 
accepted in the Beloved. In whom we have redemption 
through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according 
to the riches of His grace/ Now, my dear friends ” — 
his smooth voice is as the cooing of a dove — “ you 
should get faith. Pray for faith, and faith will come 
to you. Faith is great — it leads us to Zion, beautiful 
Zion, where are golden streets, where asphodels grow 
by meandering streams of diamond dust. He died for 
us, and, as I said, He burst forth from the tomb to- 
day — the Risen God. His Rising proved His God- 
head — His dominion over Hell. You must, thank Him, 
for He saves you from Hell — Hell, the place of fiery 
punishment, made by God for the sinners whom He 
condemns. I showed you by the map where He rose. 
And after He arose He appeared to Mary. To Mary 
— a common woman! Strange though it is, He ap- 
peared to a woman, the sinner Mary. She did not rec- 
ognize Him. She is a type of a Church of to-day. But 
unlike her, the Church I mean is full of devils; but 
like her, it does not recognize the Risen God. It wor- 
ships images,* fondly believes in a vain place where 
souls work to Heaven, — whereas souls are for either 
Heaven or Hell, and then they don’t get to Heaven till 
the Judgment Day. ' Christ said to Mary after she 
* The Catholics do not worship and pray to images. 


Visions. 


9i 


knew Him, and in joy wanted to hug Him, ‘ Touch 
Me not!’ Why should He have said this — ‘ Touch 
— Me — not ’? ” He pauses — “ Because. . . .it would 
have been indecorous in an unpardonable degree for 
a woman to embrace Him so early in the morning.” 
His eyes almost close, his mouth purses, and he 
conventionally smiles. “ And I may here say,” he 
goes on — “ incidentally say that the Church to which 
I alluded, would not have dared to kiss Him, too. He 
will say to it, ‘ Touch Me not/ For it is corrupt, im- 
pure — you know it. Murder and lust and holy water 
it is founded on. Idolatry, bigotry, and indulgences 
are its doctrines. Indulgences were once sold from a 
wagon in Germany by a monk ; — and — and ” — his 
mouth purses with a delicious taste in it — “ in the cel- 
lars of its nunneries have been found babies’ bones ! ” 
He looks horrified, and sucks his “holey” (for they 
have not been filled) teeth. “ We will rise with Him 
and repay the Papists as they do. Christ says, ‘ As ye 
mete it shall be meted unto you,’ — and hence we must 
mete to them as they mete to us. And this having 
sprung into my head — it is an act of God — I must ad- 
monish you. Many Protestant ladies profess a liking 
for holy water — a base, low, superstitious imposture. 
You say there is little comfort in our reformed religion 
— I have all my comfort in religion; it is my staff. 
The reason you do not find comfort here is because 
you have not been touched by God. Ye must be born 
again! ye want the renewing immersion of the fire of 
faith. You must get it — get it and rise with the risen 
Saviour. Get it by giving donations to the church, as 


92 


Infans Amoris. 


Christ gave Csesar his dues. And do not let Mariolatry 
enter you ; it is entering some of our churches. 
It is a fearful thing, a thing that the risen Saviour has 
nothing to do with. Why, in Austria the zealous Jes- 
uits are printing pictures of Mary on paper and make 
the faithful partake of this Marian eucharist.* What 
has this to do with the Risen Lord ? I tell you this out 
of charity. Like St. Paul, I am charitable; I wish to 

help you, my people ” His soft voice falls into an 

exquisite wail. “ My people — my friends, we are bro- 
thers; we must help one another. Christ offered His 
blood as a ransom for us — we must offer our blood for 
Him. Good Father Roman of St. Mary’s told me that 
his sodality does immense good. Now if the sodality 
of a Roman Church does good, how much more will 
not our societies do good! To have us do good, Jesus 
rose. 

“ And Jesus rose from the dead, as we shall rise 
from the dead — as we shall rise gloriously if we have 
faith in Him — in Him — only in Him. His life in so- 
ciety was decorous ; His death offered God a pleasing 
sacrifice. From Him we can draw lessons : be pure 
when He calls us ; be as pure as we can — of course we 
can’t be perfectly. pure, no mortal can; be faithful — 
slander not the minister of the Gospel ; be charitable — 
give money to Foreign Missions, and also to the Poor 
Fund — I get only ten per cent, of that, the Poor gets 
ninety per cent. ; read good literature — if the critics 
condemn a book, don’t read it ; — be good thus, and you 
shall rise as He rose, and ye too will not be recognized 
* This is said to be a fact. 


Visions. 


93 

by your enemies in Hell, as the Messiah was not recog- 
nized by Mary. Coming into Church, you all see the 
beautiful, stained-glass window given by Mrs. Van 
Buren, to whom we extend our thanks. It would be 
a good idea for you to put other ‘ memorial ’ windows 
in to replace those common ones ; it will help to 
beautify this sacred temple of God. On the window 
given by Mrs. Van Buren you can see the Risen God ! 
is He not fair? 

“ What is nicer/’ he says, after a short pause, “ than 
on entering a temple of God on the Sabbath to see 
symbolic pictures, recalling to us His life? Nothing 
pleases God more than to decorate His earthly habita- 
tion .... nothing. He wants to be worshiped in beau- 
tiful, gorgeous places — He is beautiful, hence, instead 
of taking the ‘ sermons in stones’ in the forest, we 
should take the sermons of His ministers in fine 
churches. The Sabbath is a holy day, and we should 
spend it in a holy place — not in a park, where the 
young girl winks to the fellow and the fellow winks 
back. This sickening act of Sunday amusement is to 
be deplored. Surely the Saviour did not, does not, 
rise to these vile, lost persons. Let them run their race 
— in the park, and then they’ll awaken to the sad fact 
that Hell is their reward of breaking the Sabbath. He 
rose on the Sabbath, and the Sabbath should be kept — 
by going to church, resting, eating little, and praying. 
Do no work, for no sin is more displeasing to God 
than breaking His day of rest.” 

Thus he goes on in this tiresome, insipid strain, tell- 
ing inane platitudes that lead more to Hell than 


94 


Infans Amoris. 


to Heaven. His preaching of the Resurrection has in 
it no fervor ; occasionally he consults the Bible or the 
Map; otherwise he is an impassive automaton of 
emptiness. Several trite hymns are sung — hymns more 
disgusting than the Pagan songs — hymns mostly 
written by clergymen who compile a lot of silly words 
and call it “ sacred music ” — hymns called by number. 

Concludingly the preacher says : 

“ Let every child come to Sunday School ; it will be 
given some eggs — the children must have some Eas- 
ter.” 

The congregation goes home; it draws no lesson 
from his sermon; every Sunday it is the same. They 
are tired with society’s ennui ; they flatter the preacher 
when they see him, have him dine with them ; but on 
Sundays they have patience to listen for the sake of 
“ Dame Grundy.” They are lazy sheep in a meadow; 
the shepherd is cold; they rise no higher, have no 
aims higher than those of a barnyard fowl. 

A V oice I hear saying : 

“ Little sheep, lead down to Hell ! Little sheep, 
why do ye not leave the sluggard of the Gospel, and go 
to find Faith in Me through Nature : — the flower pro- 
claimed Me more than does he. Hypocrite, excellent 
adulterer, flatterer, and society favorite, what thinks 
He of Christ? He preaches of a sulphurous Hell, 
makes his sheep hate other flocks. O wretches of 
coldness, because iniquity shall abound the love of 
many shall wax cold! Sectarianism, dissension, dis- 
simulation, in one word — Lie, why discard the mira- 
cles and comforts of Christ, why not teach of the God 


Visions. 


95 

in Man with love? Why fight over vain symbols? 
Why let the vital truths become lost? Why make Me 
a merciless God, of My will condemning souls to a 
place of Hell? Why do ye not teach of the Model as 
a God, not as an Institutor of quarrelsome sects ? Why 
do ye not with love and purity preach Truth and lead 
the sheep upwards by Spiritual Light, instead of inun- 
dating them with Materialism? If they loved and, fol- 
lowed Him, temperance societies and their gossiping 
votaries would be replaced by men who would save the 
poor ? O bad ministers, unscrupulous hypocrites, elab- 
orate liars, you do not teach all nations, living in pov- 
erty with Christ, loving and converting your enemies — 
Woe to you, because you are as sepulchers that appear 
not, and men that walk over and are not aware l Love 
one another as I have loved you, and work not for per- 
sonal, temporal advancement, — for it is easier for a 
camel to pass through a needle’s eye to Heaven than it 
is for you.” 

I am in the clergyman’s study — the clergyman por- 
trayed in the preceding vision. He sits by his desk, 
whereon is a bottle of cogniac. Ever and anon taking 
a swallow, he reads from an unexpurgated edition 
some of the low, vile, pandering tales of Boccaccio. 
Gloating with inward joy at the pages, he exults in the 
pictures he conjures before him. “ As wise as a ser- 
pent, as harmless as a dove? ” No, a wretch of veiled 
turpitude, who knows not Duty. On the desk is a 
Bible, paper, pen and ink. He has just finished “ pre- 
paring” next Sunday’s sermon, — regardless that Christ 
commands His followers to speak without forethought, 


Infans Amoris. 


96 

but by the Holy Ghost. His sermon is a rhapsodical 
disquisition on “ Marriage.” I read a part of this 
inane tract — lies from beginning to end. 

“ ‘ This is now the bone of thy bones, the flesh of thy 
flesh ’ — two in material flesh, between whom all is love, 
felicity, never sin. Adam and Eve — ” and he gives a 
tiresome resume of the “ wedding of Adam and Eve.” 
“ Marriage is a ceremony performed by God’s minis- 
ter,” he says, “ making two bodies one, to cohabit, to 
love, to be faithful unto death. No marriage can be 
contracted while one of the pair lives, except by legal 
divorce, which breaks marriage (and this said divorce 
must be given only on solid ground) ; and then one 
is free. Death is also a release, and the party may 
marry again without sin, believing in God, helped to 
grace by the blood of Christ, and remain pure. Man 
must earn his bread by the sweat of his brow, be the 
ruler of the home, the manipulator of his business and 
the father of his children ; the woman must in all be 
submission to the Man, serve and love him, and be 
saved as St. Paul says by child-bearing — ” and so on. 

That vision passes. (And I may here remark that 
such untruths are believed by the majority of Christians 
to-day. Let a woman marry, revel in lust, then get a 
divorce so that she may get another man with whom to 
pander to vice, she is still “ respectable.” Let an unmar- 
ried girl do this same thing, — she is an outcast. But 
so long as vice is concealed under a “ sacrament ” per- 
formed by a minister — which is no marriage at all, but 
merely a blarney of words — it is not called sin. There 
is but one sinless Marriage, that of the Soul; there is 


Visions. 


97 


but one Love of Affinity. And any other marriage 
than this, no matter whether legal or church contrac- 
tion makes it “ right ” in the eyes of the world, to God 
it is nothing more than a life of sinful, vulgar lust. 
And the demirep that sells herself for a gold piece is 
of the same level as the fair divorcee, who knows not 
the meaning of Marriage, of Spiritual Love.) 

The next vision which I shall narrate is one seem- 
ingly pure and nice, but extremely vile and low, vicious 
and degenerate. 

I am in a drawing-room, at a grand ball. Many la- 
dies are there, dressed in robes of fine silk, Irish and 
Honiton laces, and glittering jewels. To demonstrate 
the lowness of this place, I show a beautiful woman 
and a man. They are seated under some palm trees, 
secluded from sight. She is a married woman, of the 
ultra-fashionable class. He is a “ gentleman,” and al- 
though on him gleam many first-water, adamantine 
diamonds, he owes considerable money to a certain 
u friend ” — a money-lender. 

“ Blanche,” says he, “will you do what you say?” 

“ Cert, old boy,” she replies, “after Gerald goes to 
Del’s — you know he’s going to a supper there to-mor- 
row night — then you may come. I shall be at home 
to you.” 

“ O you sweet thing,” he mutters, and he places his 
arm about her slender waist ; “ what shall we do in that 
long evening ? ” 

“ We shall talk — repeat the worn-out tales of con- 
ventionality — sing — ” 

7 


Infans Amoris 


98 

“ And love,” — he smiles. 

“ Love, — ” she replies — “ we shall have a scrump- 
tious time — ha — ha — ha ! Bully ! ” 

“ And get dead drunk — ” 

“ No,” she says, shaking her golden head, “ Gerald 
will be home by three, and if he should discover 
you — ” 

“ Wouldn’t there be a rumpus ! ” he laughs. 

“ I wouldn’t care what there would be for my part,” 
she innocently says, “ but for you — how I care for 
you ! ” 

“ Ah,” says he, taking her delicate palm in his, “ you 
are a ‘jollier!’ You know you told Dude the same 
thing when he run you.” 

She does not answer him. A frown crosses her 
mobile face, and she hastily withdraws her arm from 
his in sullen petulence. 

“Are you cross, Blanche?” He winks to him-' 
self. 

No reply. 

“ You devil ! ” And he seizes her face and fondly 
kisses her full, red lips. 

“ God ! ” She springs up. The hostess, a wealthy 
lady of the select coterie, looks at them. She heard the 
loud report of the kiss and looks to see — pulling aside 
a large palm leaf. 

“ Pardon me,” she mutters, and walks away. 

The guilty pair gaze at each other in strained si- 
lence. Then the lover says : 

“ She won’t say anything, Blanche ; for she knows 
I’m on to her ” 


Visions. 


99 

“ What do you know about her ? ” inquires Blanche, 
excitedly. 

“ Ah ” 

“ Please do tell me.” 

“ What will you give me?” 

“ Myself ” — sweetly. 

“ O, get out'; I had you already; cheap at ” 

“ A kiss — give me another.” 

He kisses her, softly this time. 

“ Blanche — have — you — ten — in cash ? ” 

“ No, not here,” she replies, “ but — to-morrow eve — 
tell me what you know about her ! ” 

“ To-morrow night.” 

They leave; evil thoughts stain their minds — low, 
bestial thoughts. 

I pass into the private room of a l^dy. Gorgeous, 
with every luxury, it really is a sumptuous place. 

By a table, on which is champagne, fruits, cards, and 
a chafing-dish, are three women and two men. All 
worthy satellites of society — women who figure largely 
in the journals, lauded up by pandering journalists. 
They freely partake of the wine, play cards, and their 
conversation is immoral in the vilest degree. 

“ Mrs. Lynn,” says one of the gentlemen to his part- 
ner, “ are you sure your husband won’t be back from 
the club till two ? ” 

“ Yes, love,” she replies, laughing, “ you seem to 
care a great deal for your precious skin.” 

“ Indeed I do, friends,” he replies — “it's the only 
pretty thing on me, and I can’t use powder with the 
skill of Mrs. Lynn.” 

L.of C. 


100 


Infans Amoris. 


“ Why, you’re a liar, Pete,” shrieks Mrs. Lynn, “ you 
never saw me using powder.” 

“ Remember the night I called — was shown to your 
room by the servant whom you pay to keep mum — you 
were applying the costly ” 

“ Shut up — ah ! ” 

The door opens. A tall, sleek, sanctimonious-look- 
ing man enters. 

“ Rev. Seawell ! ” 

They arise with champagne glasses full, and “ To 
the health of our good pastor,” drink. He bows obse- 
quiously. 

“ The reason I am so late,” he explains, “ is because 
I had a heated altercation with a Catholic priest down 
town. I’ll give him a heat in my sermon next Sun- 
day, — and suppose I preach on you evil sinners — your 
‘ leprosy ’ would form a theme for a sound, risque ser- 
mon.” 

“ You monkey — ” shouts the youngest woman, and 
she suddenly fires a full glass of champagne at him. 

It misses his blandly smiling countenance, and 
breaks on a vase of rare Etruscan ware. 

“ Repay me — offer reparation,” he says, sternly. 

“ My lord,” she says, and blushes — for she had en- 
tered society only this season, and was “ fresh,” — “ kiss 

^ _ 99 

me. 

He omnivorously kisses this slim, sweet girl, and 
taking his face from hers, she spits — spits on his 
bearded face. He utters a curse, and tears suffuse his 
soft blue eyes. 

“ Just wait,” he replies, wiping the spit off his soiled 


Visions. 


IOI 


face, “ I shall have revenge. When you’re married 
and have a swarm of your progeny about you, — then 
I’ll say — I tell ’em that their respectable ma gambled, 
swore, drank, and was the better-half — temporarily — 
of a preacher.” 

“ Do,” she replies, laughing gaily, “ but you won’t 
have the chance.” 

“ Why ? ” he inquires, his eyes opening wide. 

“ Because,” — and she fires a banana skin at him. 

They proceed to progressive euchre and other 
amusements, drinking freely, laughing uproariously, 
ejaculating dates, stones, and glasses of champagne at 
one another, enjoying the joys of a private “ at home.” 

“ If my husband should see me — ” suggests Mrs. 
Lynn, sneering. 

“ — And my wife ! ” says the Rev. gentleman, and 
a look of meekness passes over his protean face. 

“ And my fiancee — ” says the partner of the other 
married woman, hilariously laughing. 

“ Well, I’ve no one to fear but aunty,” says Miss 
Newest, the partner of the “ minister of Christ.” 
“ Isn’t that perfectly lovely — ha-ha-ha ! ” 

“ One more round of ‘ the boy,’ and then we’ll have 
another game of euchre,” says Mrs. Bigman — ( ‘ I’ll 
be the stake — Ha-ha-ha ! ” 

They drink, excellent props of society, drinking 
the drink of the gods — the gods of evil — evil of society, 
high society. A true picture of social strumpets who 
pose to the world as moral! 

What a retrogression of man! How much lower 
than the beasts! How vain for such is the grand 


102 


Infans Amoris. 


Christian faith ; yet who is the cause of this retrogra- 
ded humanity ? Sternly comes the reply : — The dere- 
lict ministers of the Gospel, the Pharisees of the new 
but falling Jerusalem. Hence I, who witnessed the 
Child’s sorrow, say, as He did — Watch. 

I have related out of these quickly passing kinetosco- 
pic visions what I think the people of to-day may take 
to heart. Now is the time, when Evil is almost pleni- 
potent, when Good is almost subservient to Evil. Let 
all take warning! Let all hear the voice of one who 
loves God — a spirit of His Kingdom. 

And after seeing these horrific visions of coming 
deeds, in which evil men fell into darkness, I awoke to 
mortal existence. And after awaking, I knew not the 
meaning of those visions — visions which the Holy 
Child saw in sad love — but now I know; now I give 
the world the benefit of my knowing. 

The then almost unintelligible visions faded, .... 
darkness ensued, .... I was in the stable before this in- 
carnated God. I somewhat comprehended why He so 
dolorously cried, but I did not fully realize why. The 
Child Divine moaned and wailed in His pristine grief, 
.... His little heart seemed torn in the conflict of 
sorrow and pain, .... yet through His tears He smiled 
■ — a sweetly happy smile, .... but — my baby began to 
sob, fret, and cry; superstitious awe overwhelmed me, 
for it was so strange — so awful! And a sudden timo- 
rous fear coming over me, I turned on my heel and 
ran, ran — I ran from the stable in a dubious, fearful 
mood. Yet in me there was a glorious happiness ! oh, 
so sweet ! . . . . 


CHAPTER V. 


THE TEMPTING OF SATAN. 

What a grand, resplendent panorama did I see! — 
the sun was rising in the east ; the incipient pearly 
dawn was visible. Yet this panorama of brilliant sun- 
shine and glory was as naught compared with the 
Panorama of the Divine, which I had lately seen. 
Northwest of me was the town of Bethlehem, south 
of me lay a path leading off to the lone and dreary 
canyons. 

The sun was rising; beneath him was a dais of 
yellow, silvery clouds. Colossal billows of golden 
grandeur sailed majestically, like triumphant kings 
returning from high conquest, in the field of burning 
azure. I had run from the stable, had slowly traveled 
several hours, and now the sun was risen. My heart 
was beating fearfully and apprehensively, a lump, a 
gasping contraction, arose in my throat and choked my 
utterance. And gazing upward, towards the shining 
sun of brilliancy, I saw a grand Figure come between 
the sun and the earth, ... it grew dark, .... the 
Figure came sweeping down, .... and a terrific roar 
of menacing thunder vibrated with a ghastly and pre- 
natural resonance on the heretofore still air. The Fig- 
ure, whose luminous countenance shone as living flame, 

103 


104 


Infans Amoris. 


on pinions of darkness . . . came .... descending 
downwards, the thunder roaring and clattering all the 
while! I closed my eyes. What terrible apparition 
was this? Was I dreaming? What wonderful things 
were happening to me ! Suddenly there was a blind- 
ing flare of scarlet flame .... a rush and sound of sable 
wings beating on the air, . . . and a vague darkness 
fell around the earth ! But before me . . . grand, su- 
premely beautiful, terribly sad and care-worn, stood 
... he whom I had seen in the stable. A terrible fear 
conclusively clutched at my heart ! . . . would I die ? 
. . . was he here to claim my soul ? ... (( Christ — 
Christ/' I muttered. He was my only Hope, my only 
Succor. 

“ What a sweet Name ! ” said this beautiful being be- 
fore me, rapturously and reverently, — “ A Name that 
causes the devils to hope; a Name that will perhaps 
be my salvation, — causing me to cease to toil, — to 
work, — and to suffer!. . . .oh! oh God, Father of Jus- 
tice, I would that I were once again in Heavei}! Seldom 
do I see that Loving Countenance of Glory Divine, .... 
now, because He is in Man's form, because hateful 
Man goes to Him, because I can follow Man,. . . .now 
I can often see Him ! What a Food to my hungry, 
wicked Soul ! What a light is the Smile of that One 
Face!. . . .O Man, I mast tempt, — ’tis my self-imposed 
work in penalty for my unrepented sin, — 'tis my pun- 
ishment. When out of Heaven I was cast, I let hate 
enter me, and I resolved to be man’s enemy. That 
resolve hate makes me keep, — and keeping it I — O 
God — God ! — suffer .... I am as it were a rod in His 


The Tempting of Satan. 105 

hand, — and when I whip others I am also being whip- 
ped. O terrible, self-compelled task . . . My will was 
set, and now it acts ; and in my hate of cursed man- 
kind, I, out of envy and evil tempt, — for that mean, 
vile, earthly worm has chances that I have not — ” And 
he trembled and swayed to and fro in rage, terrific 
hate, *and pain. “ Ah, how delicious it is to ruin the 
soul of a man,” he went on ; “ how awful the sequent 
burden of horrific pain I incur upon myself ! I love 
yet dread to tempt .... I am a miserable paradox ! O 
God, what a fate is mine ! ” And bitter tears rolled 
out of those inhuman eyes. A clammy sweat of agony 
was upon his face ; a sad, satirical smile passed over 
that countenance; and a terrible agony caused him to 
compress his lips. As though he had a hard task to do 
and wished, yet did not wish to do it, hated to do it, 
loathed it — he slowly came down to earth. The sun 
rose up and flamed behind him, seemingly a coronal of 
flame. Then the clouds on which he had come van- 
ished, and he was there as if he were only human. 
Wickedly beautiful was this half Angel-Devil, half 
Man. All definite thoughts left my mind. I felt as 
though I were an anomalous, brainless, distraught 
creature; only fear was upon me for this sad, angry 
Creature of Darkness. Suddenly he said : 

“ Dost thou love Jardac? If so, dost thou wish him 
to return to thee?” 

I became aroused from my temporary stupor; — and 
in amazed, hopeful consternation, I cried: 

“ Love — love Jardac — Jardac ! . . . .Jardac come back ! 
. . . .Jardac ! ” 


io6 


Infans Amoris. 


“ I see that thou art too sanctified to love that volup- 
tuary still,” he said ironically, and a look of joy and 
hate intermingled caused him to grit his teeth, — “ Yes; 
there is no hope for me! I must,. . . .she will! God, 
oh, oh ! ” This was a long, quivering wail — a wordless 
appeal for pity, for compassion, as it were. 

“ Wilt thou have him to sin with,” he asked, and I 
trembled, — for his face was clouded and his voice was 
as sepulchral thunder — he went on, — “ after seeing 
thy God who in His infinite Love comes to save thee ? ” 

“Jardac — may I have him?” I faltered. My old 
passion — as a fanned fire — revived ; .... I was surely 
forgetting God. O perfidy of humanity ! 

“ Canst thou have him ! — if God permit, if thou art 
not hurled into outer Darkness ere thou gettest the joy 
of lust! ” said he, wistfully. “ Thou art given a* great 
ray of Hope, — thou hast friends in Heaven who pray 
for thee, — thou hast seen One whose Birth is a joy to 
fiends, a glory to angels ! Thou hast been pardoned, 
— and now, now thou wilt not resist mine evil influence 
and suggestions, — thou dost jump to sin with an alac- 
rity that emulates that of a demon. Thou art a true 
type of that contorted wretch — Mankind. Creatures of 
slime, why does God shower all His choice blessings 
on you, — while I — I — I — cannot cease hating you ; 
you — evil men and women, make me hate you, — and 
hating you I love to harm you, — and harming you I 
harm myself, — and this makes me hate you all the 
more .... Oh — oh — I long for Heaven ! I cannot 
enter there to stay, oh, God! I cannot repent, for 
Evil I love — I love to bestow sorrow and evil on you, 


The Tempting of Satan. 107 

men and women — for it gratifies my hate — hate be- 
cause your submitting to me makes me more retro- 
graded, more miserable ! O miserable woe ! O Dark- 
ness of the Dominion of Sin ! If I would repent, I 
could enter Heaven. O the joy! — but you will not 
let me, you will not cease to listen to me. O the futil- 
ity of the God-Man’s life ! Few recognize the sensi- 
tive rising or falling of the Soul ! few study the exacti- 
tude, the scientific precision of the growth and the 
retrogression of the Soul ! O Souls of Men, I hate, 
abhor, despise you ! Easily led, I love to lead you ; I 
hate you for submitting, — for your submission makes 
my pain; yet I exult to see you sin, love to see your 
pain; — yet I hate you with a malignant hate because 
your sinning makes me more ungodly. O, pusilani- 
mous, sophisticated, mean, low, vile, cringing, impure 
fools ! But by thee, O Man, I can see Perfect Love.” 
At the utterance of this last expression his throat 
swelled with joy, but he heaved a heavy sigh. 

“ Creature of dirt,” he went on, — “ I am an artist ; 
let me paint a picture for thee. Close thine eyes of 
lasciviousness, and in spite of my soul-torturing lassi- 
tude, I’ll paint thee a picture as things perhaps Will 
be . He extended his dark, wan hands over me ; 
his eyes became fiery. I closed my hurting eyes . . . 
and saw — Oh, what did I see? .... 

I see a grove of green and fruitful orange trees ; 
the luscious mellow, yellow fruit hangs ready to be 
plucked. The viridescent grass is long and luxuriant. 
A translucent stream of cold, refreshing water runs 
merrily along. A sweet scent is wafted on the warm, 


io8 


Infans Amoris. 


redolent zephyr-wind. The deep azure sky begins to 
darken ominously, and then — a peal of entrancing 
music bursts upon the air. Two figures .... emerge 
from a shady, sequestered nook — the virile figure of a 
handsome man and. . . .the flawless, lovely form of a 
young girl .... They rapturously, languorously clasp 
each other, separate, gracefully bow, join hands, pi- 
rouette, and. . . .fly off in a whirling maze of delirious 
gyrations. Roses bend from umbrageous trees to kiss 
them ; sweet odors blow by them on the wind .... 
“ This shall last forever,” the man amorously whispers, 
gloating at the girl with a transporting smile of light, 
mixed with evil desire, soon to be gratified. Then . . . f 
a lurid ball of crimson fire writhes across the sable 
vault of heaven, which suddenly grew very dark ; 
fiendish faces peer maliciously and enviously at these 
two — I hear the Fallen Angel’s voice. . . .the phantas- 
magoric scene rolls up and melts away. 

“ Dost thou will that that should be ? ” he asked, 
sternly. 

I hesitated. The two figures in that vivid picture 
were Jardac and I !. . . .1 remembered Christ. 

“ Don’t think of Him if thou will’st that that should 
be,” interposed Satan, frowning. 

Had I not lately repented of my sins? Was not 
God’s powerful grace upon me? Yes; but the vision 
evoked all evil in me, and mixing with my love, in 
spite of my lately acquired graces, caused me to wish 
for that- 1 cried : 

“ Yes! yes!. . . .give me Jardac — my lover. . . .Jar- 
dac.” 


io9 


The Tempting of Satan. 

“ Foul vampire of the mundane hades — Beware ! ” 
cried this Angel-Foe, “ I warn thee ; thou dost sin of 
thine own option! Hence — Beware! As this God- 
Man is born, if He live many will be saved from 
pain. My hate of Man makes me long for His death, 
for I will not that men should be saved. Every infini- 
tesimal sin of men sinks me lower in hell, — I sink in 
pain according to the enormity of the sin. Oh, I 
dread — dread the fufillment of this temptation ! Vain- 
ly methought thou wouldst spurn me, — but I shall 
make thee — O vagaries of Man ! Dost thou acquiesce 
to do my work, to be my aid, to — get the desires of 
thy base heart? Wilt thou serve Ego and Lust — and 
then die f ” 

A mystery was he. I did not comprehend this mys- 
terious Spirit of Evil. I tried to suppress the sweet 
image of the Divine which irrepressibly rose with 
exasperating persistency before me. I would again 
have Jardac; my love for Christ and baby was nothing 
compared with my love of him. 

' “ What wilt thou that I do,” I eagerly cried, as one 
in a dream. 

“ When I have left thee,” he said, with a roll- 
ing of his flaming eyes, “ a colt will pass thee. 
Mount it with the outcome of thy unlawful love; it 
will carry thee to Bethlehem. Give the child to a 
woman whom thou wilt see in the doorway of a house 
of fresh mud, with a roof of white, and give her this.” 
And he practically gave me a sort of porte-monnaie, 
wherein were some gold shekels. “ That will open her 
heart — all men love that all-powerful god ! The 


no 


Infans Amoris. 


beast will ride thee to Jerusalem. Follow instinct, and 
I will lead thee to Herod. I shall use my power, — 
for it is powerful over those under me, those of the 
Dominion of Sin, — and thou wilt be alone before 
him. Just let me make a man think of a plan whereby 
he may benefit himself — and, presto !.... he runs! 
Ha-ha ! Man furnishes me with innocent amuse- 
ment ! Ha-ha-ha ! ” 

There was a shuddering bitterness in this uproarious 
laughter, — and .... as he ceased .... a million frozen 
tongues seemed to take up the sound .... and .... wild 
weeping, harrowing cries, shrill, sepulchral laughs and 
plaintive, pitiful moans echoed about me .... and in it 
all — there was hoarsely whispered : 

“ Gloria in ex cel sis — Deo ” . and there came a 
subdued but prolonged roar of dull thunder. 

“And on earth .... evil to man,” cried Satan. 
“ Evil — evil — evil to man .... evil — evil to .... to ... . 
man,” was echoed again and again. 

“ Evil to men — to men . . .” and there was a sound 
of dolorous sobbing. 

“ When,” continued Satan, “ thou art before Herod, 
quietly obey my servants who well serve thee, — then 
dance — dance like a houri ! Methinks thou wilt be 
irresistible. Old voluptuary that he is, in spite of his 
seventy years, he will long for thee, — excellent man. 
But seduce him,. . . .tell him thou wilt be his as the 
recognized mistress of a king , but tell him that he is 
not king, as there is bom the Christ, the Infant of 
Love, the true King of the Jews. Tell him that thine 
aim is to be the esteemed favorite of a great king ; that 


Ill 


The Tempting of Satan. 

lie shall prove his kingship by slaying the newly born 
King. Tempt him well; I shall aid thee, — for my 
thought-vibrations find a reflex in evil men. Circum- 
stances will prove to him the veracity of your state- 
ment ; he will fear. This fear, mixed with his desire of 
you, will be perfect in having the Child — or all chil- 
dren — killed. He will be helped by his followers — 
my workers — the Herodians. I will aid thee, — yet my 
power is naught compared with an evil but beautiful 
woman’s in making Man an Animal. Thou canst 
feed his kingly fears, — thy graceful body will be a 
most delightful snare. To possess thee, and at the 
same time to keep his throne, he will do evil — aye, 
vast evil — and when he has proved himself undisputed 
king and claims thee — ” 

“ — Must I be his ! ” I cried in pained apprehension ; 
for none other than Jardac should possess me. 

“ No ; thou will be in another’s power.” He smiled 
— sardonically, meaningly. But I seemed to be mes- 
merized. 

“ Jardac’s,” I rapturously cried, “ I shall be his.” 
The delightful anticipation was inexsuperably sweet. 

I thought not of the heinous enormity of the sin 
contemplated. I began to feel a doubt of him; his 
smile seemed deep, untrue. 

“ How do I know,” I inquired, “ that thou wilt keep 
thy promises — I know thou lovest evil, Satan, — but — ” 

“ I keep all promises.” 

“ Hast thou the power,” I asked, and an inward in- 
stinct made me tremble. 

“ Have I the power ? ” he wailed, — “ I was once an 


1 12 


Infans Amoris. 


angel in God’s bright Heaven. Ask me whether I 
have power. I have power in the Dominion of Sin ; I 
have power over him who obeys my voice ; — but I have 
no power in the circle of Christ, over those who are 
pure. I can make the pure suffer by my human vo- 
taries, — but I cannot make them do a sin! In this 
dreadful Dominion of Sin, where unrepentant souls are 
like to me, I have power ; and even here .... my power 
is subordinate to God’s. I am wicked, — oh, if you 
mortals would only fear me, overcome me, then I 
could begin to cease to hate — but .... terrible is the 
Law of self-working Justice ! At the sight of Infant’s 
tears thou dost become affrighted and dost run away, 
while to me — I shall show thee my power.” 

And then ... he cried commandingly, in a loud res- 
onant voice : 

“ Devils in the clouds, come with infernal blackness 
and darkness and material clouds, and lift us up, and 
carry us into the mountains of Judea, — by the power 
of Spirit over all Matter.” 

Then .... the sky darkened, and tempestuous roaring 
clouds came rolling along,. . . .carrying us up,. . . . 
away! Through the thunder-roaring air we sped! 
My baby cried and frantically tried to jump from my 
arms ! A terrible heat was about us; intense darkness 
was over me. Invisible hands bore us along ! 

A minute more — we were on earth again, on a snow- 
covered mountain of Judea. It was wintery cold, and 
darkness was about us. 

“ See these snow-covered plains ! — Spirits of Evil in 
the earth, do as I desire : cause the earth to rise and 


V 


The Tempting of Satan. 113 

fall, — cause lava to flow and melt the snow, — cause the 
earth to crumble and roar, that the sinner may know 
my power ! ” At this terrific command, I heard a 
thunderous crash, . . . the snow-covered earth rocked 
and hove like a billowy sea. . . .O terror! in the dis- 
tance. . . .the earth tremendously yawned open like the 
gates of a hell. Lava and smoke poured out, .... 
the snow melting .... the heat burning ! I was para- 
lyzed with fear, I was crazed — distracted — from mute 
horror. A tremulous fear for Satan came over 
me. Presently the fire receding into the chasm, there 
ensued a spluttering of crackling sparks, .... and with 
a tremendous, resounding clap, the huge, ignivomous 
gap closed, and closing, threw stones high up into the 
impenetrable darkness of the air. 

“ Dost thou see my power ? ” he queried, strangely — 
“ the dominance of Spirit over Material ? ” 

“ Yes! yes!.... take me away?” I cried, regaining 
speech; for horrified terror was causing me to shrink 
and violently tremble. 

“ No ! ” cried he vindictively and triumphantly, 
“ Thou shalt suffer and see.” And he strangely waved 
his arms in the air, muttering some incoherent words. 
At this a serpentine form of gold and crimson fire 

leaped and writhed athwart the sky, fiery forks of 

blue flame played about him . . . and he rose! A 
stifling, luminous vapor enveloped us — and -in this 
a pre-natural star suddenly appeared behind him, 

blazing and brilliant. He extended his arms, he 

seemed like some martyr dying, the star showing with 
fearful distinctness his scowling yet sad face, his 
8 


1 14 


Infans Amoris. 


dark, agonized rolling eyes, his grand, imposing form 
And suddenly millions of stars appeared in the heavens 
and formed themselves into the Form of a Cross, — the 
Sign I had lately seen, — and it stood immovable in the 
black chaos of the frowning skies. Although a sweet 
pang struck me, yet I did not even partially relent. 

“ Ah ! Ye devils ! my power moveth her not, — let her 
see me in a part of my hellish glory ! ” 

As these words with brazen distinctness echoed in 
the air, a mystic brilliancy grew behind him. caus- 
ing the star to dissolve and fade away. It was like a 
golden sun,. . . .and, blazing, burning, it arose, he be- 
fore it. Higher ! . . . . Black, white, fiery wings of dual 
shape flapped and whirled in the air, ....a million 
hissing balls of sulphurous blue flame writhed 1am- 
bently about him, .... anon ! .... a crowd of exquisite 
maidens, whose forms gathered substance in fire, ap- 
peared around him, — in their eyes was an inexpres- 
sible, almost unendurable woe. They seemed to wor- 
ship him, bending low in misery and shame. Wild 
music surged tempestuously in the air — such mad 
music ! .... a minor wail, developing into a lascivious, 
hilarious tune — oh, grand ! — I thrilled with sad emo- 
tion and horrified pleasure. This strange extrava- 
ganza continued, rising higher, a glory to devils ! 
And after a little while he who stood before the blazing 
background of amber fire, about whom hissed and 
whirled fiery balls of blue — now again argentine- 
flame, — who looked imperiously wronged, woefully 
sad,- justly malicious, said — said he in a warning tone: 

“ These souls of misery were such as thou ! . . . . Show 


The Tempting of Satan. 115 

her your misery, ye impure, accursed servers in my 
kingdom,” — said he to them with a glance of loathing. 

No words did they utter, but they looked at me — I 
cannot pen or depict the terrible woe, the awful de- 
spair, the sense of gnawing loss, and the supernatural 
hypochondria which looked at me. They were all fair 
and beautiful, but repulsive in their degenerate and de- 
plorable fate. Unprecedentedly some other spirits — 
men of sad beauty, but ugly in their sin — appeared. 
Each one was with one of these damned spirit-crea- 
tures, .... a blinding flare of fire shot around them, 
forming a circle around the King, in which were these 
doomed souls of men and women. They gazed at each 
other with a look of tortured malignancy and sad re- 
proach, and memory stung with its keenest sting. A 
pitiful, desolate, debased love was their portion. Oh, 
how they wrung their hands and groaned ! The scene 
was bitter, terrifying, and decidedly repulsive to me. 
Satan exultantly cried : 

“ Devils, lift me up ! Angels, draw me high ... I 

wish to rise to Heaven! ” And the tender love, 

the great hope which shone from his eyes was as from 
heaven. 

Then the damned souls, exemplaries of sin and 

its results, disappeared, the music in a wail died 

away, — in their sin hellish leers and railing blasphe- 
mies — for one instant pealed in the air. With a howl 
— a musical howl of joy and pain — he began to rise. 
High!. . . .higher!. . . .with the swiftness of lightning, 
amid the resonant and deafening din of ceaseless, sul- 
len thunder, .... he rose on pinions of black clouds, 


n6 


Infans Amoris. 


surrounded by glowing fire and lambent flame, essay- 
ing to rise to Heaven ! He was transfigured in light. 

“Ye gods of old! ye are blest in not being; for if 
you ever were and were doomed, you think that ob- 
livion and non-existence are better. Hope and Glory ! 
.... I have been before the true Infant of Love. He 
bade me have hope ; and in this hope, of mine inherent 
power, I assume and risk to rise. Into hell all ye dev- 
ils of earth!.... Ye made me suffer, — ’tis no phan- 
tasm, but a horrid, hideous, arrant truth. And thy 
world even Christ will fail to regenerate. Eman- 
cipate me, O God ! . . . . and let that maudlin sphere — 
a blot on the escutcheon of spheres — go to be de- 
stroyed. Take Thy precious Love from it, — it cares not 
for Thy Love. To work, Azazel, to work ! I live in 
the present ! .... I assume to rise ! ” and he smiled, — and 
a grand joy irradiated his face. 

Higher ! . . . . did devil ever soar so high ? . . . . My 
strained vision could hardly discern that glorious 
figure in the sky. Back of him blazed that mystic 
shield-like disc of radiance, .... the vortiginous balls 
of blue sulphurous flame shot about his gigantic form. 
Up!. . . .up!. . . .into the Cross of meteors and stars 
sailed he ! . . . . then 

A blinding, terrible, unexpected Blaze dazzling illu- 
mined the darkness, — an Angel came down from 
Heaven ! On blinding, flaring pinions of gold, azure, 
and pink clouds, in a fiery chariot of spluttering, pris- 
matic, and iridescent flame, drawn by eight horses of 
perfect form, fiery and sublimely beautiful, came he, 
holding aloof a sword of terrifying menace. It was 
of red, writhing fire, and in letters dark were on it the 


The Tempting of Satan. 117 

words : u Will Bars the Gates.” I reeled — the 
scene was terrible! Satan gave him a look of hate — 
of terror !... .an awful tremor seized him. All the 
hope on his face instantly froze, .... the glory around 
him faded away — he began to fall ! 

“ Mikayl, thou art fair and powerful,” I, as in a 
dream, faintly heard Satan temptingly say ; “ and thou 
shouldst lift me up by love — ” 

“ Begone, once beloved,” said the Angel, sternly, 
“ thy time is not yet. Thou art now unfit, by tempt- 
ing man, for Heaven. By the Will Supreme, depart 
thou, and fulfill thine accursed hate, and suffer thy self- 
inflicted pains. Tempt me not ! ” 

Down, .... down .... into the darkness of things 
profound!. . . .As by a superior power he faded from 
me. Mikayl with sword aloof, 'mid fiery splendor, 
re-entered the Kingdom of Light and Glory, which 
from its foundation is destined to live forever for the 
souls who live in life as they should. An opalescent 
haze remained in the air. Something came over me, 
overwhelming me with terror and fear. And I ran — 
ran — ran, propelled onward by a prolific Force invis- 
ible. Onward I went . . . “ Jardac,” was my only in- 
voking cry. Him only I wanted, in spite of terror, 
in spite of Hell itself. The warnings I did not heed ; 
— I wronged myself, stained my soul, also hurt one 
whose burden is very hard to bear — yet for my pas- 
sions he was not spared. 

The allegorical vision and Satan were gone ; the sun 
brightly shone. It somewhat bewildered me, — but on- 
wards I ran. I felt strange ; I felt as if I were under 


n8 


Infans Amoris. 


the influence of an evil dream. As Satan had said, I 
met a colt. It carried me to Bethlehem, and then, at a 
newly built house, I gave the child and the money to 
a pious-looking woman who agreed to care for it, but 
who seemed suspicious of me. Anyway, I left her. 
The wise, well-informed colt of its own guidance rode 
me to Jerusalem. The sun rose higher; a beautiful, 
sparkling, exhilarating morn was this, a morning that 
I shall never forget ; a morn in which I saw Salvation ; 
a morn in which, in a glamour of passion, I forsook 
N Jesus and Goodness to win — Jardac; and the winning 
I knew meant sin. I regretted to part from baby — but 
— Jardac ! ! ! I felt as if I were under a spell. 

And I was. And what spell is more pernicious than 
the spell of sin! What power is more luring to bad 
deeds than that of a beautiful woman ! Truly the power 
of sexual attraction causes more sad evil than the direct 
influence of Satan. Truly the words, “ Will bars the 
gates” are very true. Will closes heaven, opens hell: 
my will caused me all my awful, racking pain. It is 
the Will of men To-day that makes Evil, — and Hell. 

Onwards I rode, .... in the path leading to — sin. 
The fruit of that mission as chronicled down, and to 
the end of time will proclaim Herod a merciless mur- 
derer, but which in reality was caused by the tempting 
glance of a woman’s eye, the exquisite contour of a 
woman’s form, the dazzling fairness of a woman’s face. 
And this tragedy of Bethlehem — caused by a woman — 
that woman I — in the sacred Name of Love — is written 
up in nature’s Books of Record, and placed in the ar- 
chives of God for all eternity,— to all time. And it is 


The Tempting of Satan. 119 

a proof of man’s base passion, which in his peccability 
he blasphemes by presuming to call it — Love; it is a 
proof of the joy and sorrow of Satan in evil, and the 
sorrow mortals incur upon themselves by Sin. I speak 
in knowing ; — as Christ did, so did I see Satan “ as 
lightning descending from Heaven.” 

Author’s Note. — The Author is indebted to that eminent au- 
thoress, Miss Marie Corelli, for some of his knowledge of Satan, 
and he also sincerely thanks the authoress in question for the help 
he obtained from her writings in spiritual study. 


T. E. H. 


/ 


CHAPTER VI. 

THE TEMPTATION OF HEROD. 

I was a votary of Satan. Days seemed to pass, yet 
I went on ! At length, after what seemed to be an in- 
terminable journey, I passed a gate,. . . .on. . . .on! I 
dismounted, and instinctively walked onward, onward ! 
Darkness was upon me. On .... a blaze of flaring 
light — a hum of voices : I was in a room of the palace 
of Herod, on Zion. 

‘Twas a large and exceptionally richly furnished 
room. Many gorgeously dressed personages were be- 
fore the old voluptuary on a throne. Many colored 
lights illumined the apartment, and a red light shining 
on his painted face and dyed hair, caused a feeling of 
repugnance to repel me. I would run away, ....but 
no! Jardac rose before me: I saw his masterful, 
magnificent face, his thick, red, honeyed lips, his 
deep, fiery, passionate eyes so dark, his thick 
clustering hair — hair that it had been my joy to 
fondle and caress; — I saw his herculean form, in 
the clasp of which my heart had trembled ! In spite 
of his arrant cruelty, his base hard-heartedness, I loved 
him still. Any cost would I pay to win him ! . . . . only 
to have him amorously clasp me once more in those 
muscular arms of steel! — only once more to have him 
120 


121 


The Temptation of Herod. 

impart some of that intoxicating honey from his ex- 
quisite lips to mine ! — only once more to fondle his 
beautiful, silken hair! — only once more to feel the hot 
warmth of snowy bosoms ! to feel the maddening beat 
of heart against heart ! — only once more to revel in the 
witching orgies of a wild, frantic love!.... to unite 
passion and sin! to mingle heated pants with warm 
breath ! — only once more to cling — cling, in spite of the 
leering devils of hell, in the face of the Terrors of Sur- 
rounding Darkness, in spite of Judgment and Death, 
under the gaze of sad spirits’ eyes ! — only once more to 
endure the exquisite, tingling pains of hell, only once 
more to change pure heaven to a Bloody Desolation ! — 
only to do this, to love in the unrestrained, passionate, 
wild way, oblivious of the sacrilege of love on the 
Altars of Lust! Only to do this — to drink till drunk 
with the bitter-sweet wine, — to drown in the turbulent 
stream of mad realization, — to wander in the tempes- 
tuous storm of gratified temptation — only this, and .... 
then I could in rapturous fire die — What would then 
become of me, I dared not think. 

As the “ King of Darkness ” had said, the assem- 
bled persons, adulating satellites of Herod, with an 
obeisance to their King, left the apartment. I was 
then alone before the King. He did not see me, — 
he was absorbed in contemplation and perplexing 
thought, his thick eyelids shut. 

Suddenly .... a dark-skinned man, utterly bare save 
for a girdle tied across his loins, came to me. He had 
dark, evil, sinister, sly eyes — eyes that seemed as 
glazed, translucent gates, behind which burned fearful 


122 


Infans Amoris. 


fires! With a supercilious smile, he handed me a 

shimmering garment. — “God!” I ejaculated, for 

it was the same one that I had worn when I had first 
been in Jardac’s house ! I turned to question this dark, 
mysterious personage — but where was he? He was 
gone ! ... as quickly as the lightning flies athwart the 
heavens, so quickly he seemed to disappear. While 
standing thus in stupefaction, a sweet euphony soun- 
ded in the air. Herod with a start and a frown looked 
towards me — he shut his eyes,. . . .no, he did not close 
them, but Another caused him to remain immovably 
deaf and mute, by engrossing his mind with evil 
thoughts. Then four gaudily-dressed children with 
cherubic faces came, carrying a large slab, to me, and 
placed it before the dais of the throne. This slab was 
of gold, artistically worked in vermiculated beauty ; on 
it were small serpents and worms formed of scintillant 
jewels. They seemed to be alive, living, — moving fire 
seemed to quiveringly course through the queerly beau- 
tiful slab. On it these boys placed a thick, velvety rug. 
In my arms I held the diaphanous garment of sweet old 
time. Two almost nude girls, who on their heads wore 
garlands of roses, came and assisted me to attire myself 
in this diaphanous gauze. And after a few mo- 
ments, a loud burst of music sounded, drowning the 
preceding euphony. Fifteen sylph-like maidens, also 
clothed in gauze, at this juncture came gracefully, 
dreamily in — whence?.... I dared not think ! — for I 
knew! They were clothed in many colored gauzes, 
elaborately trimmed with gold and gems. They as- 
sembled around me, bowed mockingly, and lolled upon 


123 


The Temptation of Herod. 

the soft rugs on the floor. They all had flowers, and 
these they played with, as though they were compelled 
to do so by a strict, unrelenting power. A violescent 
light was turned on, as the natural lights were put out, 
.... and then, as though I were an implement in a me 
chanic’s hand, I moved .... began to dance, .... fast 
.... gracefully, in serpentine twists ! Herod, though 
startled, was absorbingly gazing at me, eagerly drink- 
all in. I was exceptionally beautiful then, more so 
than they who, reclining on the floor, served to en- 
trance me. Louder grew the musical extravaganza, — 
faster flew my visible form, — more absorbed grew the 
staring King — he madly rushed to me ! 

“ Fairest creature, mysterious goddess, beautiful 
dancer, fairest that the earth doth hold, be mine! I 
know not who thou art, thou must be a queen ! 
Prithee, tell me, wilt thou be mine?. ...” 

I faintly smiled and continued to dance. No answer 
did I give him. Oh, how I detested and despised my- 
self !. . . .but it was to win — my one Lover, Jardac. 

“ Thou comest here to dance and arouse me for 
naught, fair damsel!. . . .If thou be a penniless queen 
come to me, I shall make thee extensively rich. These 
golden floors and costly rugs thou shalt tread upon ; on 
all my softest satins thou shalt lie ; all my choicest 
wines thou shalt drink; to wit, thou shalt be a rich 
queen .... only be mine ? ” I ceased dancing. I 
laughed outright. In spite of my self-reproach, I 
felt hilarious. It seemed so ludicrous that he was 
being used for my benefit, while he wished me for his. 
My silence angered and irritated him. 


124 


Infans Amoris. 


“ Thou demirep ! wilt thou me slay thee ? ” said he 
angrily. 

“ No, my King,” I answered in mock humility, — 
“ my life is by the far too precious for thy hand to 
slay. Now Herod — ” And I opened my arms and 
ceased dancing. He with a bound was by me. I 
pushed him gently away, simpering : 

“ My good King, I am not won for naught.” 

“ What wiliest thou that I do? ” cried he, impatiently. 

“ Prove to me that thou art King ,” I answered in an 
insinuating tone. 

“ Prove to thee that I am King?” cried he, laugh- 
ingly, “ — why if I be not King, who is ? ” 

“ Now thou art coming to it,” I said, — “ there is a 
King born in Bethlehem, who is said to be the real 
King of the Jews. If I am to be the possessed of a 
king, I must be positive that he is the King. For my 
aim in life is to live in luxury with the rulers of the 
earth.” 

“ A king born in Bethlehem ? ” cried he, in incredu- 
lous consternation. My curtness provoked his cu- 
riosity and desire. 

“ Yes; and He is a King,” I cried, and sorrow and 
regret began to come upon me, but forcing the voice 
of conscience into quietude, I went on, — “ a very King 
of splendor .... I have lately seen Him.” 

“ Who art thou ? ” he suspiciously queried. 

“ It is not for thee to know, — only have this Child 
killed ” 

“Where is He?” interposed Herod, interrogatively. 

“ I know not, .... I cannot remember . . . . ” And 


The Temptation of Herod. 125 

truth to tell, I forgot where I had seen the “ King ; ” — 
my memory failed me — or was Fate at work in its in- 
vincible course? 

“What then dost thou will that I do?” he asked, 
anxiously. 

“ Find Him,” I responded, commandingly. 

“ If I cannot find this King? ” he asked, fearfully. 

“ I will not be thine,” I rejoined. 

“ Canst thou relent a bit?” he softly said; for he 
doubted me. 

“ Either find this new Child-King,” I replied lacon- 
ically and to the point, “ or kill all male children 
under two in Bethlehem if thou canst not find Him, so 
as to make sure. For knowest thou that I will be but 
the courtesan of a king whose rights are beyond all dis- 
pute. I am worth it ; I am fair. And I tell thee, to thee 
my origin must remain a mystery ; sufficient for thee is 
the possession of me — and for that — find Him.” 

“ I will find Him ! ” he confidently cried — “if He 
really exist” 

“ Then I will be thine,” said I, not having the least 
intention of fulfilling my promise — “ thou great 
Herod.” 

“ Let me taste the honey from thy lips now ? ” he 
asked, as a child asks for candy. 

“ Not now, Herod,” I said ; “ and let me infer to thee 
that thou must not even know my name, station, or 
life.” 

“ No, all I care to know is, .and I know, that thou 
art the most beautiful creature alive ! ” — he exultantly 
cried, — “ and I shall soon possess thee ! I shall be, am, 


126 


Infans Amoris. 


King, — and thou, who are fairer than dead Mariamne, 
shall be greater than she.” A shade of bitterness 
passed over his wrinkled face. 

“ Be not too sure,” I warningly said. 

“ Why, woman ? Speak ! ” he cried, his anger and 
fear of losing me aroused. He also loved me. What 
an admirable creature is man ! 

“ I may die, for I have no home,” I evasively an- 
swered. 

“ Thou shalt stay here, for this palace is thy home. 
Come. But the maids will also — where are those girls 
that were at thy feet?. ...” His eyes blazed for the 
moment with superstitious fear, for ere he turned his 
head, these had vanished completely, no trace remain- 
ing. 

“ They left,” I said, and smiled. I loved to see him 
terrified, for I loathed him. 

“ They melted ! ye gods ! . . . . Perchance thou wilt 
also melt. By the gods, thou shalt not ! ” and he with 
a stride was by me, and he clasped me in his arms ; — 
something told me to be, made me, docile and yielding. 
“ I’ll carry thee to thy room — a sumptuous place, 
where we can feast and drink the fruit of the vine.” 
And so saying, he easily carried me away. I closed 
my eyes — Jardac rose up before me; — I fondly forced 
myself to believe that I was in Jardac’s entrancing 
arms,. . . .my imagination yielded,. . . .and I was 
aroused by finding that I had clasped my arms convul- 
sively around Herod’s neck and kissed him. A revel- 
lent shudder of sickening revulsion caused me to 
shiver coldly and draw back. 


127 


The Temptation of Herod. 

“ Thou lovest me ! ” cried he triumphantly, — “ Ah, 
thou choice maid, thou shalt see Caesar’s Court; thou 
shalt be honored and loved. And I will find that 
‘ king,’ though I doubt whether it can be so, — methinks 
thou art laboring under a vivid delusion. But I will 
not seek thee till I have ascertained the truth. Give 
me twelve sunsets to find out the very true truth, and 
if I find that thou art in a delusion — ” 

“ I will not be thine ; I will go and find another 
king, though beside Caesar none is so great as thou, O 
Herod ! ” I said in a flattering tone, with a sycophant 
smile. 

After going through several passages, many halls, 
passing many soldiers, and crossing wide rooms of 
Roman grandeur and pompous show, we arrived at a 
room. It was fixed for a lady’s use. We entered. 
And he going to a clepsydra, which stood on a massive 
ebony table, said: 

“ By the great Jove ! the clepsydra tells that the sun 
will soon set! Set thee down on a divan, some fruits 
and wine shall be brought thee for refreshment.” 

I sat down, as he bade me, on a huge seat hewn out 
of ebony and upholstered with the softest and finest 
material. He said : 

“ This room is fitted for royal lady guests from 
Rome, beloved ; but from henceforth it is thine. Now 
will I have wine and fruit brought thee. I’ll also have 
my great Dreamer come.” 

“ Thy Dreamer ? ” I questioned. 

“ Yes, he is a wonderful man,” he satirically an- 
swered. “ He is neither a Jew nor a Roman, but he can 


128 


Infans Amoris. 


read the past and the future, and his discourse is very 
amusing and interesting/’ 

He left me, making an exit through a small door 
near-by. I gazed at this grand, luxurious apartment; 
it was a gorgeous place of purely Roman style, — over 
the huge, richly carved door was the Roman eagle and 
a crown of laurel formed of marvellous gems. I was 
aroused from my contemplative taking-in of the apart- 
by the entrance of three persons : Herod came first, 
followed by a tall, gaunt, unprepossessing man, — he in 
turn being followed by a boy bearing a tray, upon 
which were several bottles of the choicest vintage, and 
a bowl of choice, mellow fruit. The boy-slave placed 
the tray upon a miniature table of onyx and left. 
Then said Herod to the man : 

“ Seat thyself, good Felski, and have some wine ; 
this lady, whose name I know not ” 

“ Whose name is Nathana, and who is — but let Fate 
take its predestined course ! ” said this man wisely and 
sternly, with a prehensile gesture. 

“ What art thou ranting about, my good old man ? ” 
asked Herod. 

“ Nothing, no — no — no ! nothing, surely naught,” 
he responded, with a leer. Herod smiled an expan- 
sive smile, and said: 

“ This lady is my love, . . . and Felski, I’ll tell thee, 
I love her better than any I have had — ” 

“ Nay ! nay thou dost not — ’tis the very devil,” 
roared Felski. 

Herod smiled and winked at me, and continued : 

“ She loves me, .... for she kissed me — ” 


The Temptation of Herod. 129 

“ She kissed another,” interposed Felski, strangely. 
I stared dazedly at him. 

“ How the man raves ! Ha-ha-ha ! ” and Herod 
whimsically roared and growled in convulsive laughter 
of mirth. 

He was more to be laughed at, thought I, for he 
fondly imagined that I loved him — him, an ugly old 
voluptuary. I began tremblingly to fear this awesome 
Felski. I felt that he was not of the ordinary class of 
dreamers. Herod seated himself beside me, and pour- 
ing out three cups of wine, gave us each one. Then 
said he to Felski: 

“ Tell me where the girls, who were with this 
queen, have gone to ? ” 

“ Into the fires of remorse ! ” calmly said this mystic 
man. 

“ Well, by all the gods, thou art losing thy head ! ” 
said Herod jocosely. “ If they went into any fire I 
didn’t see it, — but I suppose I was too much absorbed 
in gazing at this sweet one to see them depart.” 

“ I have no head to lose, good king. Another pos- 
sesses it — ” said Felski, not heeding his last remark. 

“ Jupiter and Thunder ! what will the man say 
next ? ” roared Herod again in mirth and disdain. 

“ Aye, aye, one possesses it Who is above me, — 
Whom I am not worthy to touch, — Who lives on earth, 
— Who was born last night — Jesus !” 

Had a lightning bolt struck one of us it could not 
have caused more consternation. 

“ Who art thou— thou ? ” I cried in shrinking ter- 
ror. 

9 


130 


Infans Amoris. 


“ Yes, sinner, tremble,” said he sadly and reproach- 
fully, — “ I am one who has long believed in Him, — 
and though I am not worthy to see Him, I would not 
Him forsake ! — Him who is the Child-King of the 
Jews’ of the World! ” 

“ Man, cease thy ranting ! What has come over 
you two?” cried Herod to us, for Felski had risen, — 
and I had jumped from the couch, and prostrated my- 
self at his feet. 

“ He caused me to fear ! ” I cried. 

“ Sit thyself, thou slippery-mouthed fool. Who 
told thee of the Child-King?” questioned Herod, 
tremblingly and anxiously. 

“ My Father,” answered Felski solemnly, gazing 
heavenward. 

“ Thou old fool, thy father cannot be in the world, 
— he must be dead,” said Herod, nervously. 

“ Nay, He will never die, because He was never 
made ; ” and so saying, the mysterious “ Dreamer ” 
seated himself and drank the wine. 

Herod not understanding him, thought him a rank 
fool, and tried to banish the thought of the “ Child- 
King ” from his mind, but in spite of his conciliatory 
conjectures to himself, it would remain, and he was 
sorely troubled. He tried to appear placid and calm, 
but the equanimity of his brain had begun seething, 
and a ferment of thoughts ensued. 

“ Seat thyself and dream of the past, for instance, 
prehistoric Egypt,” said Herod, and then he drank 
seven cups of wine ; it having a soporific effect, caused 
Fim soon to become drowsy. 


The Temptation of Herod. 13 1 

“ I see the hot sun,” began Felski, closing his eyes, 
— “ it beats upon some pyramids. The land about is 
a forest ; a mighty river rushes by. The Sphinx 
has its impassive, inscrutable face ; no secrets does its 
questioning lips give away. It fronts a lonely fane. 
A palm tree gently stirs, and music surges in the 
air .... A gorgeously arrayed party approaches, with 
banners a-flying and horns a-blowing. First, in a 
palanquin cometh the great King of Egypt, then the 
priests and seers, then the fair women of the king- 
dom. The King frowns as they approach this colos- 
sal structure, and he mutters, ‘ When will the god de- 
scend from above? ’ At length they arrive at a pyra- 
mid.... the mighty king presses an ivory button on 
the wall.... the wall yawns open. He enters, the 
priests and seers following. The women remain out- 
side. I enter — before me is a golden altar* and upon 
this altar, engraved on stone, is a semi-human figure — 
the figure of a man with a fox’s head. The music be- 
comes low, and a minor wail is struck. 

“ ‘ O Anubis ! conductor of the spirits of the dead, 
I beseech thee to hear us/ cries the King, falling upon 
his knees and offering fragrant incense from a golden 
censer.” — Felski sings the prayers in a sonorous tone. 

“ ‘ O Anubis/ cry the priests in unison, lighting 
torches, — ‘ let the seers prophesy when the god will 
be real, — when darkness shall be driven away and light 
appear.’ 

“ Outside, the women sing : 

“ ‘ O Anubis, hear us, we beseech thee ! — thou con- 
ductor of spirits, who know many things, let and lead 


132 Infans Amoris. 

a spirit to one of our seers, that he may tell when 
Light will come.’ 

“ Then silence reigns . . . they await the spirit . . . 
A rushing wind coldly blows through this rich temple, 
....the silken tapestries move restlessly to and fro, 
. . . .the rocks rumble and growl,. . . .then a man steps 
up to the Altar of Anubis, saying: 

“ Anubis is by me: We are in darkness . . . 

and the sun will set many a thousand time ere the god 
will be incarnated. But He will come, .... He will be 
born in a stable, born of a Virgin, and shepherds of 
Judea will worship Him,. . . .then also there will come 
a sin-stained woman. She will worship Him, but will 
leave — and try to cause the death of this God ; but she 
shall not succeed. We, Egyptians of Egypt, seekers 
of the Unknown, hunters of the Unseen, shall there be 
in the place wherein Anubis will place us — the spirit is 
gone ! ’ He moves slowly back, and a low wail arises. 
The priests approach the altar, utter some low words, 

. . . the Altar moves away, and a large gap is seen, 
leading into a dark, subterranean apartment. 

“ ‘ Spirits of ye dead,’ they sing aloud, 4 rest ye in 
peace ! Glory to ye gods.’ And then a fiery blaze of 
electric splendor flashes through the place, that for one 
ghastly moment I see into the subterranean apartment 
— it is full of embalmed mummies in gold and jeweled 
sarcophagi, surrounded by their jewels and emblems. 
I close mine eyes.” 

And Felski, with a weird gesture, rose, towered in 
the air, and cried : 

“ Ah, ye priests and seers of old Egypt in the Eter- 


133 


The Temptation of Herod. 

nal Place, ye were in darkness, — ye worshiped the sym- 
bol — eight thousand years ago ye in the beginning of 
a creed dreamt of the Real, but had only the symbol; 
ye respected it ; yet those who will have the Real will 
crucify, betray, and outrage Him ! And woman, thy 
lying lips have already tainted the purified air, .... 
thine evil desires seek His life. O perfidious, base crea- 
ture! It was thy sex who listened to the snake, and 
it was to please thee that man sinned ! . . . . Fire, fire ! — 
Yes, hell is full of women ! ” And with a groaning 
laugh he rushed away. I was terrified. I knew not 
what to do. 

“ He means me ! ” I cried, — “ O how does he know 
— Jardac.” And this name being my ever-brilliant 
star of hope, I relented not. And then I fell back on 
the divan — closed my eyes with pain and fear — and 
listened to a strain of music which became audible. 

I was aroused by the sensation of some one tenderly 

putting his arms around me. I opened my eyes 

saw Herod bending to kiss me. 

“ Satan ! ” I cried, invokingly. 

And as though thrown away by a prolific and ter- 
rific force, Herod reeled backwards, ... .and fell.... 
only for a moment; then he arose, and I, fearing his 
wrath and anger, was surprised when he knelt down 
and humbly said : 

“ Lady, forgive me, .... I loved thee so ! I could not 
help but wish to taste those lips — the power of thine 
eyes made me reel.” 

And he, who was to others a cruel, voluptuous mon- 


134 Infans Amoris 

ster, became as a passive, docile lamb ; — and he left me, 
saying : 

“ When I hear news, I will return to thee. If the 
Child be found, He shall die, for no one is king but me ! 
I will send a maid-slave to thee. Farewell to thee; 
may the gods will that I see thee soon.” 

After he had left me, I approached a mirror and 
gazed at myself .... What a change had come over 
me. I was brilliant and animated ; the glory of my 
hair was as shimmering sunshine. No wonder, was it, 
that an old man “ loved ” me to distraction. There 
was a fire in my eyes ; there was a gesture which I had, 
which heretofore I had not. I was, all in all, much 
fairer, fuller and more seducting than when, on that 
memorable night I had left home for Jardac. As I 
stood before the mirror, the memory of my mother 
returned to me. I crushed it away by invoking that 
one name — Jardac. As it was, I was sustained by a 
dark power ! . . . . After awhile I heard a soft footstep 
behind me, and turning, beheld a young Jewess. 

“ Lady, come and have a bath,” she said, bowing 
humbly. 

“ All very well. What is thy name, prithee,” I said, 
somewhat condescendingly. 

“ Martha, my lady,” she responded. 

She led me into a smaller room, where there was a 
large pool of water in a marble pond. She, with punc- 
tual care, removed my filmy garment and bade me 
jump into the scented water, she, herself, undressing 
and following. With pleasurable care she sponged 
and bathed me; I enjoyed it. Around this artificial 


The Temptation of Herod 135 

pond were tall palm trees, on which were singing 
birds ; in the center was a fountain of warm scented 
water. In spite of my loathing for the possessor of 
all this exorbitant luxury, in spite of all, in the hope 
of meeting Jardac soon, I endeavored to enjoy myself, 
and began speaking confidentally to Martha. It 
seemed that she was a lovable girl, and was not cared 
for by the retinue of servants in the palace. So, when 
I spoke kindly to her, she rewarded me by her con- 
fidence. 

“ My mother I remember not, Lady. My father 
died in prison ; he was put there unjustly. And I was 
brought hither and made a slave,” was her simple, un- 
elaborated tale. 

“ Poor girl,” I muttered compassionately. “ But 
canst thou tell me who this Felski is? ” 

A look of awe came over her sweet little face, and 
she exclaimed : 

“ Oh, I do not know ! He was here when I came. 
The King thinks him a vapid, fanatical dreamer ; he is 

more! Lady, he is more. For one night — oh! I’ll 

never forget it — I was in the garden under an olive 
tree. The moon and the stars were in the heavens, 
and I sat there praying to the God of our fathers for 
my father. All of a sudden I heard some one’s voice. 
Looking I saw Felski. In a passionate tone, he said : 

“ ‘ Ye seraphic choir invisible, I hear the music di- 
vine ! Music — a balm to the tired soul, — a sweet sym- 
phony to angels ! In all matter there is music : — in the 
song of the birds, in the wail of the hungry beast, in the 
rippling, crystalline element called water, in the flowers 


Infans Amoris. 


136 

— in the earth. And ye stars in yon cerulean void, ye 
form a song so grand, so incomprehensible, so sublime, 
that I am loath to enter the adulterer’s palace. O ye 
angels of air, ye angels of space, play your euphonies 
and sing your songs to my willing ears. Ye are my 
friends, for mankind is repulsed by me. My body is 
hideous, my soul is pure. (J when will my moment 
of dissolution come? I hope I shall depart and come 
to thee, ye spirits 'of flame and music, after I have 
seen the coming King. . . .O Father, let me only see 
that Son Divine, and I will lay my weary head upon a 
stone and offer my whole self to Thee ; — but as I be- 
long to Thee, I in reality cannot .... Again ! ye angels, 
let me hear the sound of harp-strings ! ’ ” — and Lady, 
cried Martha, excitedly, her voice vibrating with pas- 
sion, “ he stood still, and,. . . .and,. . . .1 saw a vari-col- 
ored coronal of light encircle his head ! O Lady ! it 
blazed .... it was grand ! And he looked so happy, and 
then he began to sing! O I shall never forget it — so 
holy, so awful. This is what he sang: 

/“O God, the Father, Ruler of Light, God Eternal! 
Let a worm of defiled smallness offer Thee his thanks 
for Thy supereminent mercy and exuberant love. From 
all eternity Thou hast been, and to all time Thou wilt 
be ! ’ ” She repeated this, and in fervor she began to 
chant Felski’s song in her clear soprano. 

“ ‘ Thy Love is impassibly inexhaustible and super- 
abundant. Thy Glory is supernal — supremely super- 
nal, for all supernal glory issueth from Thine ever- 
radiant Self. Thy vimineous Love brancheth out to 
every sphere, on which are beings of Thy creative, 


The Temptation of Herod. 137 

fanciful Intelligence. Thou hast by Man been cast 
aside and blasphemed, yet to him Thou dost extend 
Thy mercy and Thy Love. In this Divine Concern 
and Love for Man, Thou dost send Thy Son to earth, 
to be born most humbly — to be born to cold and snow, 
— to grief and tears ! O God, why art Thou so merci- 
ful?. . . .Who shall measure the bounds of Thy Love? 
Who shall tell of the extent of Thy Compassion ? This 
Child of Mercy, of Infant Love, will at His birth shed 
bitter tears, — will forgive and pardon, — and will be re- 
warded — rewarded, O Merciful God, by base unthank- 
fulness. He will grow, be buffeted and scorned, as all 
good in this mundane sphere of hypocrisy and lies is 
scorned. He will heal and raise the dying, — He will 
preach Love and Mercy. Yet they who in ages to 
come will of Him preach, will not preach His Love 
and Law, but will preach the Law of the Love of 
Mammon ! And woe to these, they are gold with- 
out and dross within! Truth will be crushed by 
them. 

“ ‘ O God, I can see the summit of Calvary, — I see 
the Consummation of Love, of a Law made perfect; — 
a World is re-born ! Lo ! Lord, how the thunders 
will roll, — how the spirits will exult in their redemp- 
tion from the toils of pain and sin!. . . .Thy Son, O 
Lord, will be nailed to a tree by those whom He loves, 
.... the earth it will rock, and the sky it will roar, .... 
and the earth will its bowels open, and the graves will 
bear, all! And dying, He will realize how vain for 
many His mission will be, and dying in grief He’ll 
commend His Soul to Thee. 


Infans Amoris. 


138 

“ ‘ Glory to Thee, O God ! Glory to Thee ! ’ . . . 
And, Lady, he fell prostrate on the ground and ate 
some of the earth ... I ran away and — and ” 

“ Thou art somewhat afraid of him, child. Do not 
be ; he will not hurt thee,” I said, comfortingly. And 
I sighed. My perception seemed blunted. 

But this revelation had terrified me, and I resolved 
that never more should this “ Dreamer ” see me. At 
any cost would I win Jardac — aye, even if whole 
Bethlehem had to die. So is the heart of Woman — 
when it truly loves. When I thought of him my heart 
would beat tumultuously, and a terrible sensation 
would press my temples — as though fiendish hands 
held me; — and thinking of him, my blood would turn 
into fire, and a tingling sensation as acute as pain 
would flow through me, — I would feel as though I 
were engulfed in lava. And letting myself go on in 
this stream of lurid imagination, my throat would 
cease to emit words — and the joy of loving became 
as keen as pain. And imagining that he was beside 
me, my breath would come in operose gasps; my lips 
would hunger for caresses. So did I love him — and 
this passionate love had started at the “ picture ” drawn 
by Satan ; for ere that I had been purified, and had 
been under the influence of my sainted mother ; — 
I had controlled myself. But in spite of all, I was his, 
and now I gave myself wholly up to my desire. 

But Herod should not possess me — that I irrevoca- 
bly determined. The graceful curves of my form 
should only he — Jardac — feast upon, — for him only 
would I live and bloom. Ah, when we should meet 


139 


The Temptation of Herod. 

again ! How I would caper to his various caprices ; 
how subservient 1 would be to his desires ; how charm- 
ingly agreeable I would be ! I would captive hold him, 
for I knew his various and promiscuous vagaries well ; 
and I would humor him. And I became so lost in these 
entrancing fancies, that I threw my naked arms amor- 
ously around the assiduous Martha, and frantically 
hugged her, muttering: 

“ Jardac, — at last ! . . . . Jardac ! ” 

“ Lady ! ” cried the frightened Martha, in constrain- 
ed terror, and she nearly fell over in the pool in sheer 
fright. She muttered, “ The King will kill me, .... 
that story of Felski — did it scare thee?” 

“ No, pet, no,” I reassuringly asseverated, — “ I 
thought of one whom I loved, — not Felski.” And I 
kissed her ! I kissed her ! I, a base, vile creature, dared 
to kiss unsullied lips ! I beat my bosom in painful com- 
punction. I dared not call on God ; nay, I sought the 
death of His Son. I dared not repent. 

And now, as I write, I really wonder at that great 
Love. I sinned most sinfully, — caused my dead 
mother perhaps woefully to grieve, — was forgiven my 
sins, and was allowed to see the Christ at birth. I, 
an evil creature, an impure, defiled, debased thing, 
was granted pardon, and saw my Lord. Hence let all 
sinners hope. Seeing His bitter, wistful tears, seeing 
the little writhing Form on that memorable Christmas 
night, seeing His grief and His horror of sin, I did not 
hesitate to seek His death — for the “ sake of love ” 
. . . .And how many women now do not do the same 


140 


Infans Amoris. 


thing? — They seek His death by killing Him in other’s 
hearts ; and they, who do this, are almost lost. 

Let us contemplate Society: — I see now my Vis- 
ion fulfilled. I see wives holding a husband’s love, a 
husband’s honor, and flagrantly flinging them into the 
dust. In the darkness of night the “ true and honor- 
able wife ” will leave her husband’s side, and sneak 
stealthily away to her lover. I see the mother giving 
the children laudanum, so that she will not have the 
“ bother ” of tending them. What a deed ! — risking 
the life of the child, while it should be an exceeding 
pleasure for her to hold those chubby hands in hers, 
and to have unsullied lips unmarred by lies kiss her; 
she should love to teach these diminutive angels of 
God; she should teach them by example, the virtues 
of Love, Fidelity, and Duty. But does this beautiful 
creature do it? No. Ah, what an account will these 
mothers have to give for those neglected duties, those 
base infidelities, those lost souls ! It is the mother 
who holds the Fate of the child — and what is the fate 
of the children of To-day? Do they not grow up car- 
ing naught for God, their god being Fashion. Their 
pleasure is Society, where slander breeds and thrives, 
and where it is sold by the powdered and painted mon- 
gers for the price — the Key of Many Hearts — Flat- 
tery. Is this the place for children? And when they 
“ tire,” for recreation what do they seek, — but “ love ! ” 
And what is this “love?” — I will not say, for the 
“ pure ” lady who reads this narrative, reading the un- 
extenuated truth, might go into a fit of hysterics or 
convulsions, for her equable temperament and unde- 


The Temptation of Herod. 141 

filed but weak mind could not stand “ so shocking a 
thing! ”... .Yet she indulges herself and is not 
“ shocked,” you know ! Wonderful ! 

Ah, was it any wonder that Christ in the primeval 
manger wailed and writhed in acute and unendurable 
pain?. . . .May my sin be compared with the “Society 
queen’s ! ”... I sought His death for sin, and sin for 
love, — but the Lady of To-day does it solely to gratify 
herself. And to do this, she spares no one; she ruins 
others by her wiles; she corrupts the young;; and she 
is a queen of Society so long as she is not found out. 
So long as her subtle poison produces a passing pleas- 
ure, so long as her slanderous tongue pleases those who 
love gossip, so long as she has lovers under a husband’s 
name, so long she reigns. And it is her supereminent 
duty to guard herself and to keep up appearances, — 
so she will not be found out. But the time is at hand 
when she shall be found out ; the time is at hand when 
those who lost their souls by her will curse her, drag 
her into her self-made awful Hell ; — and then she will 
wail, but she shall not be spared and given mercy — 
for she worked for none. And He, who will come in 
clouds and heavenly glory, will say : 

“ Where are thy good works? ” And she, “ wishing 
that the mountains would fall upon her,” will be com- 
pelled to answer : 

“ There are none ; I was a debased but admired wan- 
ton ; I am a hideous soul now ! ” 

“ O Woman ! ” will He say, — “ to thee was given 
the power to save, but thou didst tempt, and tempting 
others, fell! With a sweet tongue, thou didst others 


142 


Infans Amoris. 


sting, — with a seducing face, thou didst others tempt, 
— with a fine disposition, thou didst enjoy carnal pleas- 
ures, — with a husband’s name, thou didst seek dis- 
honor to honor, — with children, thou didst kill their 
souls — what dost thou merit ? ” 

And what will Woman answer? 

Verily true is it that she has the power to save: — 
let the music of her voice speak of God, and man will 
soften, — let her soft lips caress, they will soothe, — let 
her honor be shining bright, and others will imitatingly 
follow her; — but let her be bad — O Woman, how many 
souls are not lost by thine accursed wiles P....O 
Woman, a bright place is for thee in Heaven if thou 
wish it. Let thy sweet words not tempt, but comfort, 
— let thy soft hands not seduce, but others help lend, — 
let thy lips also move in prayer, and let thy life be not 
for earth’s and society’s ephemeral glories, but for the 
place “ prepared for thee from the foundation of the 
world,” — a place which I know is worth working for, 
— the glories of which are beyond all compare ! 

“ Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth, where 
the rust and moth consume, and where thieves break 
through and steal. 

“ But lay up to yourselves treasures in heaven, where 
neither the rust nor moth doth consume, and where 
thieves do not break through and steal. 

“ For where thy treasure is, there is thy heart also.” 
— Matt. vi. 19, 20, 21. 


CHAPTER VII. 


“the wages of sin/' 

“ Martha/’ I asked, when she had recovered from 
her fright, — “is the King a moderately good man?” 

“ O Lady,” she cried in consternation, “ do not ask 
me ! If I say what I believe he would have me ” 

“ He will never know,” said I assuringly ; “ he shall 
not castigate thee or inflict any other punishment on 
thee.” 

“ Well,” she slowly replied, “ he is not a good man, 
else he would not keep me in here, for I feel as if I 
were in a dark, cold prison. He has had many wom- 
en .... ” hesitatingly — “ as he hath had thee.” 

“ Girl ! ” I cried, — “ he hath not me ; — he may think 
so, but I’ll never be his.” 

“ Thank God ! ” cried Martha, fervently ; “ Herod is 
bad ; many of us Jews know all, — and it is useless for 
him to try to ingratiate himself with us.” 

After my bath and anointing were over, she 
brought me a rich jewel-adorned costume, and, after 
clothing me, led me back to the boudoir. She was a 
proficient on the harp, and many an hour did she pass 
pleasantly with me playing. While I sojourned in this 
palace, I had all the heart would wish ; but — Jardac I 
had not. 

i43 


144 


Infans Amoris. 


True to his word, Herod did not visit me. And from 
what the astute Martha could learn, he was inquiring 
diligently about the “ Child-King.” At first he was 
inclined to disbelieve me, but murmurs reached him 
from other sources, and he became worried. Then he 
consulted the rabbins to find where the Messias was to 
be born — at Bethlehem they told him. Hated by the 
Jewish people, he feared for himself; and his wicked 
desire of me spurred him on; — for he loved his pas- 
sions more than his throne. Ah, he was a typical man ! 
But on a certain day a peremptory summons came to 
me to go to his private room. Martha garmented me 
in fine, regal clothing, and then escorted me to the 
door of the room. When I entered, three men bowed 
and exchanged glances of unconcealed admiration. 
They were sagacious-looking individuals, and their 
countenances were of foreign cast. They were finely 
clothed, and wore gorgeous bazubends. 

“ This lady,” spake Herod, addressing them, “ was 
first to bring me news of the ‘ King ! ’ ” 

“ Aye, aye,” spoke one of them, — “ the King. With 
thy permission, may we address her ? ” 

“ No,” answered Herod, sternly, stamping his foot, 
“ she is not here to be questioned by you. Nathana — 
if that be thy name, — wilt thou not tell us where the 
Child-King is?” 

“ Who are these men,” I inquired, making an obei- 
sance. 

“ Tell her,” said Herod. 

“ We, Caspar, Melchior and I,” answered the dark- 
skinned speaker, “ are astrologers — of our station we 


“ The Wages of Sin.” 145 

will not boast. We study the heavens, know the tre- 
mendous glories of them. Interested in the people, we 
have sunk into occult knowledge. The world is lost 
as it were, and a god must save it. We expect this 
god, — and He is here. From all time the nations have 
looked for the incarnate God, born of a virgin, incar- 
nated in a new womb of fire. So is Zoroaster a type, 
said to have been born — Dagno his mother having 
conceived sinlessly ; so have all the Asiatic creeds 
leaned towards the truth; Japan has their Fio, — China 
Hoang-Ti, conceived by a flash of lightning, — the 
Lamas their Budda, — Egypt their Isis — but we and 
all truth-seekers have the Infant of Love, Christ, born 
sinlessly of a virgin after the rebuilding of the Temple; 
so are we told by the Iran — and by light. All religions 
have the idea of the descent of a God thus, — but we 
still expect Him. He will save His people from their 
sins, — and Him we long to see. It is a tradition with 
us that when He would come a Star would guide us to 
Him — a Star — the Star of the Hope of the World. 
The Star for which we longed to see has come ! It has 
led us here to Jerusalem ! We cannot see it, — so here 
the Child must be, the new God, the King of the Jews. 
We thought his honored highness, Herod, would surely 
know where the King-God is. ’Tis strange such 
miracles are unseen! Yet ’tis like men. Herod, great 
King, on the night we saw the Star, for a transient 
moment the clinging vines that grew over our habita- 
tion burst forth into wondrous bloom and crimson fruit 
— and wild music surged through the air all the night. 
’Twas grand! Our souls did exult and shiver in the 
10 


Infans Amoris. 


146 

ecstatic strains! Truly He is a God, the true King of 
the Jews ! Only a rumor of His birth we hear ; surely 
the whole city ought to celebrate His coming! And 
thou, Herod, oughtest to have been apprised of His 
place of birth ! ” 

“ Aye, I should have been,” growled Herod, angrily, 
horrid contortions corrugating his visage. “ Ye have 
been in Jerusalem a day; I have tried to find out of 
Him ; but I can hear only rumors, unconnected, wild. 
The King of the Jews! — Now, mine honored friends, 
this estimable Lady here first told me of Him. I dis- 
believed her, thought she was playing me a great 
joke. Nathana, I beseech thee by thy God, by all Pa- 
gan deities, to tell us what thou knowest.” 

“ I can tell you nothing,” I mechanically said, with 
an andamantine firmness. 

Herod sighed. 

“ Well, astrologers, kings,” he said, “ we must needs 
find the new God-King; ’tis our duty. Whole Jerusa- 
lem must honor Him, give magnificent ovations to His 
name. If the star led thee here, truly He must be 
near. Nathana,” adddressing me — “ on thy life tell 
us what thou knowest.” 

“ Nothing,” I bowed, answering, and proceeded 
to walk to the door of exit, “ except that He is born, 
near here, in Bethlehem.” 

“ ’Tis of no use,” said Herod, laughing bitterly, 
“ she seems to be blind. But I tell ye, Bethlehem is 
large, but nevertheless, I ask ye to go there; yes, go 
on; hunt Him; — and when you have found Him, let 


11 The Wages of Sin.” 147 

me know — His birth shall Caesar know and honor ; I 
must honor Him ” 

As I was opening the door the men gazed suspic- 
iously at me. Then 

“ Never shalt thou honor Him here,” cried a vehe- 
ment voice. There was a boisterous sound, and sud- 
denly Felski towered above us, the figure of a lithe, 
gaunt prophet of evil, his eyes flashing, his hands 
raised. “ Not here, but there — there where flesh hides 
no truth, where He is known as King, indeed. I have 
seen Him, . . . killing joy — my Jesus . . . the . . . 
holy . . . Christ .” And with that sweet name on his 
lips, he reeled, fell dead. 

And as he fell, one of the astrologers rushed to him, 
crying : 

“ Felski, beloved and unforgotten brother ! ” 

The room was illumined by yellow and purple lights, 
and the sight of this dead man among the extravagant 
luxury of the apartment seemed grotesque. And rev- 
erently gazing at him, the men muttered some inco- 
herent words. As ugly as he had been in life, so fair 
and calm was he now in death. A sweet, placid smile 
was on his still face, it was wholly unruffled and calm. 
No tell-tale lines of bitterness or evil marred that 
frank, open countenance; no wonder. 

Herod summoned slaves and commanded them to 
“ take the beast away.” He was wrathful and trou- 
bled. And I escaped into the hall where Martha 
awaited me, and we went to my apartment. 

After several hours Herod came to me. He was in 
a fretful mood, and spoke roughly. 


148 


Infans Amoris. 


“ They say what is true,” he said, “ for on many a 
life have I heard the words, i And thou Bethlehem, the 
land of Juda, art not the least among the princes of 
Juda, — for out of thee shall come the Captain that 
shall rule My people Israel.’ I told the men to find 
Him, to do so secretly, so as not to let the people get 
to know it. If He come forth, the Child-King, insur- 
rection will be inevitable. The people hate me — I want 
thee to tell me what thou knowest.” He arose and 
drew a sharp sword from its sheath and held it above 
me. His face was extremely repulsive, and I would 
have left this repulsive monster — but. . . .Jar dac! 

I was clothed in a gorgeous garment that looked 
like woven gold; it was thin, clinging, and betrayed 
the admirable, seducing contour of my form. My 
hair was tied loosely; — and I was so ravishing as I 
fell on my knees before him that he relented, bent, and 
seized me in his arms, casting aside the sword. He 
hugged me to him, and I thought I should go 
mad ! 

“ Herod,” I murmured, “ now thou knowest the 
veracity of my statements, the truth of my assertion. 
The King of the Jews is born. His birth is proved by 

a miraculous star — and other — glories ” I paused, 

regretful of my loss. “ Thou must believe — me — Fel- 
ski — the men.” 

“ Bah — get on — miracles ; that is delusive, but ” 

he bit his lips ferociously. 

“ Thou knowest the people are on to it,” I con- 
tinued; “ they hate thee — and justly. They would de- 
throne thee if they could. Now if He live there will be 


“ The Wages of Sin.” 149 

trouble, thy throne will not be firm. Thou wilt be in 
danger of losing thy kingdom, — and me.” 

“ Nay — nay,” he cried, “never shall I lose thee; I 
shall slay every vile soul of Jerusalem for thee ; to keep 
my kingdom.” 

“ All that is necessary,” said I, “ is that thou dost 
slay this Child. God though He be, it must be done 
— Jardac ” 

“ What ! ” he said, looking at me, and sitting me on a 
divan. 

“ Wilt thou let Him live ? ” I asked, satirically. 

“By Jove, — no!” he replied, muttering an oath. 
“ I long ago determined that He should die, — He 
must die, — for if He live ” 

“ The populace will have their revenge on thee,” I 
interposed, my ringing voice making him quail, “ they 
will mete to thee as thou didst mete to them. And 
being no king, I shall be the mistress of another, per- 
haps of Csesar.” 

“ No,” he said, “ for He shall die. Oh, I must not 

fail ” tears of fear were in his eyes — “ I cannot. 

My friends will do all for me, and to kill Him will be 
easy. The trouble is — where to find Him. Dost thou 
not know ? ” 

“The town of Bethlehem/’T replied, and I wanted 
to remember the place of birth, but I could not, — 
“ where I cannot recollect. Oh, search for Him, and if 
thou canst not find Him, to make sure, have all male 
children under two killed.” 

“ But,” said Herod, “ where didst thou come to find 
Him?” 


Infans Amoris. 


150 

“ Herod,” I said sternly, decisively, “I cannot tell. 
I forget where He was, how I found Him ; I remember 
— but I will not tell thee ; no, not if thou offer to make 
me queen; not if thou slay me! Go ” and I jump- 

ed up and imprinted a kiss on his lips, — “ wilt thou 
not send forth soldiers to devastate Bethlehem of its 
male young? For thou wilt surely find Him — do it 
quickly.” 

“ Yes, He shall die,” he exclaimed, passionately, 
“ but we will wait till the astrologers return. They 
are strange — they knew Felski. Yes, something has 
happened, and we shall soon know.* 

He suddenly arose and left me. 

I tried to collect my thoughts, but in spite of my 
persistence I could not. I was an excellent temptress, 
a proficient, — yet some one seemed to tell me what to 
do and say. O I was anxious to have the deed done — 
I so longed for Jardac. Whenever the thought of the 
heinous murder of a merciful God’s body came to me 
with terrible thought, I just thought of Jardac — that 
was an antiseptic for all vehement protestations of con- 
science. Oh, I was debased, low, a love-lorn woman 
'without self-respect, who hesitated not to try to have 
an incarnate God killed for personal pleasures. 

Many days passed monotonously, and I became 
nearly crazed. I wandered on the porticoes of the 
palace, caressed the pigeons — and desired Jardac. I 
most madly, impatiently, longed for Jardac — to have 
him pour into my soul the nectarean draught of wicked 
joy! Oh, oh, — no pain is so frantically maddening as 
love in abeyance, — it was worse than hell to me. 


“ The Wages of Sin. 


Herod several times tried to come to me, but I refused 
him. So knowing that I was determined he remained 
away and inquired of the King.. But one day, while 
sitting in the anointing room, absent-mindedly 
playing in the scented water, a message came to me. 
It was written in Hebrew characters on vellum, mean- 
ing— 

“ Nathana : — The wretches have not returned. Into 
every house of Bethlehem have I sent my men ; He 
cannot be found. The people are more quieted ; it will 
pass over. May I come to thee, who am King, to love 
thee? 

“ Herod " 


To this I replied : 

“ Thou art not King to me if the children be not 
killed. He liveth among them, I know. If He should 
appear when He is grown — a King, it will be bad for 
thee or thine. Yet not alone for thy throne, but mostly 
for me must the children die so as to surely slay Him 
— every one ; for remember Athalia ! The Herodians 
will aid thee; — it is easy for thee thus to make thy 
throne substantial. Do it. 

“ Nathana.” 


His answer promptly came: 

“ Nathana : — I cannot slay so many. Accursed 
be the wretches for not returning. Let me come to 
thee; I am mad; — Jerusalem is mad — mad because 
the rumor is dying out, because my throne is substan- 


152 


Infans Amoris. 


tial. Even if He live, I shall be dead when this de- 
scendant of David is grown. I want only thee. I am 
mad. I have loved no maid since I saw thee, thou 
loveliest thing. Let me come, to stay. All glory shall 
be thine. 

“ Herod." 


An anger possessed me as this I read. 

“ He will not slay them,” I wailed. “ I shall lose — 
Jardac ! ” 

And in reply, I briefly said: 

“Prove thy kingship and thy love! 'Twill make 
thee safe, — no harm will come of it, — and thou canst 
have me ! If not, then to-morrow morn I leave. Let 
me see the land of Juda rid of usurpers, and then shall 
I be the mistress of its honored KING. 

“ Nathana.” 

I sent this, and then, as I knew the sun was setting, 
I falteringly went out on the large terrace. The scene 
was grand! Flaming in a field of red, fiery splendor, 
the sun was sinking behind the distant hills. The air 
was fresh and cold, and it refreshed me. I felt 
stronger and better ; — yet there was an awful load upon 
me. The one thought that occupied and terrified me 
was, “ I shall not get my Jardac.” Gazing at the pan- 
orama of fire I trembled, and was seized by a violent, 
nervous ague. My brain dizzily reeled — and from out 
those driving clouds of crimson and saffron there 
peered hideously grinning faces! The sun himself, 
turning into a ball of coagulated fiery blood, came 


“ The Wages of Sin.” 


i53 


whirling to me, — stars flew about and encompassed 
me, — fire was being ignited within me, and, growing, 
consumed me, — devils and imps leered and sardoni- 
cally grinned at me;. . . .and above all — I heard a terri- 
ble groan — a groan of anguish. And in the distance 
I perceived an army of soldiers riding fast towards 
Bethlehem .... And presently the sun, covered with 
hideous, uncanny shapes, came crushingly upon me 
. . . burning. . . consuming me — red flares and blazes 
encompassed me, and continually were, in accents 
sepulchral and brazen, the words repeated, as the 
sentence of a condemning judge: 

“ A voice in Rama was heard, lamentation and great 
mourning, — Rachel bewailing her children, and would 
not be comforted, because they are not!” 

* * * * * 

A breeze passed over me; I awoke. The sun was in 
the east, — it was rising. I had slept on the balcony all 
night, and now I was numb, senseless, and well-nigh 
frozen. With tottering steps and an awful fear clutch- 
ing at my heart, I entered the palace. I summoned 
Martha and had a warm bath, then ordered and ate 
some succulent meat. I expected to hear from Herod, 
and, while cogitating on this, he entered. With a smile 
of victory on his flushed and brute-like face, he strid- 
ently came to me. 

“ Nathana, thou art mine,” said he, exultingly,— 
“the deed is done. Well nigh fifteen thousand chil- 
dren have been slain by my emissaries. I am king! 
There is none other ; I am glad. My rights will never 


i54 


Infans Amoris. 


be disputed.” And he came to me, threw his one arm 
about me — “ We will love, and thou shalt go with me 
to Jericho.” 

“Satan, God, Demons!” I invoked. And.... he 
victoriously, yearningly bent to kiss me. Never — I re- 
solved. I fastened my burning gaze on him, forced 
my will against him, and. . . .his face was near to mine 
— flushed — and .... a flare as it were of fire blinded 
him.... and with a howling cry he fell writhing in 
convulsions, — and his elaborate toga was scorched as 
with fire. 

I ran from the room, through corridors, halls, and 
rooms. A dark, intangible figure beckoned me on! 
.... At last ! . . . . light ! .... I was out of the palace . . . 
Hope caused me to exult. The deed was done, mur- 
der stained the land, essentially caused by my temptings 
and premonitions to Herod, — and now — now I was 
going to Jardac. A delicious thought soon to be torn 
and crushed ! Out of the palace I ran, madly, wildly, 
blindly — following — I was outside of Jerusalem. Sud- 
denly .... I grew faint, . . . . w *ak, .... my eyes grew 
dim, ....a dense darkness closed upon me.... and — 
and .... I fell — God ! ! ! Livid lines of red fire flew 
before me in a yellow mist, and I heard laughing — 
wild, vengeful laughter. I felt as if I were being tied, 
laid on some beast — and carried on.... Wild shrieks 
of pain were howled in my ears, ....and I heard a 
sad, stentorian voice cry as from a tomb — “ Azazel, 
Ariel, Thundrel — on ... on ... to show the mortal 
the wages worked, the vengeance of devils, the power 
of unseen hands, the truth of God, the evil of Lie, the 


14 The Wages of Sin.” 


155 


power of Sin ! — on ! ” And a terrific crash of thunder 
answered him. “ Aye — Aye, Sancte Lucifer, aye — 
amen . . . aye l” and a growing cry echoing around 
me, stifling with terror and pain. . . .1 opened. . . .my 
eyes — free. 

Some distance off was Bethlehem, ... .before me 
stood a princely Personage, smiling, around whom 
playedHambent blue flame. I would be given Jardac 
— O joy! O wondrous power, unseen glory of devils 
— sweet reward of sin ! . . . My mind grew clear, my 
love more impatient. I feared not the devils in the joy 
of anticipation ; I was half insane with wild desire. 

“ Jardac — Jardac,” I called. And impatience was 
causing me expectantly to tremble. 

“ Call, fool,” cried Satan, and sardonically laughed. 
“ I tempted him to return to thee ; he will not ; — but to 
other temptations of mine he does listen. He wants 
thee no more- — I want thee no more.” 

I had thought with joy that soon we would be in 
the orange grove, Jardac whispering soft, gentle words 
to me 

“ What ? God ! He won’t return ! ” I cried in an- 
gry grief and apprehensive pain. 

“ No,” he replied, laughing in vengeful exultation 
and triumphant joy; “ and I cannot make an insect of 
the forest do what it does not wish ! I cannot cause 
him to come to thee ; — he is lost to thee — on this terres- 
trial globe ! ” 

“ Thou didst promise,” I moaned madly, and tears 
of entreaty fell from my burning eyes. 

“ Never. ...” said he. “ Remember I neither com- 


Infans Amoris. 


156 

manded nor promised. I simply tempted. Thou in thy 
blind folly didst eagerly do what I bade thee. Worldly 
passion being evoked in thee, thou didst lust for that 
sinful blot on manhood, thy old lover, thy soul’s af- 
finity, who did thee abase. Thou didst work evil, — 
but He did not die, — but other evil was caused. Oh, 
I suffered ! Oh, I was glad thou didst sin, — thou wilt 
soon see what thou hast worked upon thyself. Neither 
God nor Devil inflicts pain on Man ; he does it him- 
self. I suffered, — I hate thee. Thou canst never have 
the fulfillment of thy desires. Begone, thou accursed 
carrion, begone . . . . and get thy reward.” And he 
gloated at me with malicious hate and gratified envy. 
And propelled onwards by a Force prolific, onward — 
on I sped. 

What an agony consumed my heart ! . . . . what an 
awful despair! I had totally given up God and Hope 
of Heaven, — I had caused my mother’s heart painfully 
to throb and break, — I had deeply sinned and caused 
the blood of children to flow: — this was my reward, 
worked upon me by myself. Oh, I was in dreadful 
misery! in fearful anguish! My heart ached with an 
excruciating vacuum. — O bitterness bitterer than gall ! 
— I could not have him, and he was all I wanted .... 

Had he never met me on earth, this might not have 
happened. Had he met me and taught me pure love, 
not sin, it would not have happened. O what happi- 
ness could have then been ours! But vain — in vain! 
Oh, God. And I hated him not ; I loved him devoutly 
— my longing for him made me mad. Oh, this is a 
proof of man’s evil ways, the proof that Man leads 


“ The Wages of Sin. 


i57 


Woman astray, that Love avenges itself. Yet Woman 
suffers more than Man, — yet it is she who saves man, 
who helps him to atone ! The legend of Psyche and 
Eros should be changed ; it should be Eros who burns 
Psyche with the oil — the burning oil, Sin ! 

“ Jardac! ” I wailed — “ O Lowe. . . .in spite of Hell 

I will have thee, Jardac L...O my one god! 

Jardac! Oh — oh — oh — oh — God . . . Jardac! Love, 
— Love ! I have so surely expected thee, that — that — I 

cannot bear to — to lose thee — Jar ” I broke off in 

an inarticulate sound. My throat became swollen, — I 
clenched my hands, the nails pierced my palms and the 
blood flowed, — my lips became blue, and my eyes pro- 
truded like glassy balls from their sockets. Death 
was preferable, a thousand times, than this heart-eating 
torture. Foiled ! . . . . Baffled ! .... I had darkly and hid- 
eously sinned ; — now what was given me ? A blacker 
soul, — a hotter Hell, — an unendurable agony, — and an 
unquenchable fire. A gala crimson garment was upon 
me, — it looked as though it were stained in blood! 

A house appeared before me — the house where I had 
left my baby.... A sweet memory struck a tender 
chord in my heart .... one ray of Hope ! .... the mother 
love was stirring. My agony softened, — a sweet pang 
shot through my heaving bosom. Like a hungry, rav - 
enous animal I rushed into the house. It was empty. 
Signs of conflict were plainly visible; the household 
utensils were scattered in confusion upon the floor. 
Another door was before me. With hesitation I open- 
ed it. A sense of terrified suffocation came over me 
I trembled. With deliberation, beating heart, 


Infans Amoris. 


158 

shaking limbs— I stepped inside ! A flickering flare of 
red light suddenly illumined the dismal, grewsome 
place . . . and I saw — O God of Love ! . . . I saw 
my last Hope — my Child ! ! ! 

“ O ye devils and fiends incarnate,” I cried, and the 
agonized anger that possessed me caused me to rave 
and tear my hair in frenzied fury. “ God damn ye all 
to eternity ! . . . . My child ! . . . .Jardac’s — oh ! — Jardac’s 
child ! ” And I stood still, the infernal light weirdly 
illumining the place, causing me to see — a dead child. 
Lying upon the bare and bloody floor, white, naked, 
and cold in death lay a small child cut in twain ! . . . The 
clotted blood was there in a thick pool. With a crazed 
resolve I jumped to the spot, and in a crazed, stupefied 
manner cast myself upon the floor .... and drank some 
of the clotted blood ! 

“ Ha-ha-ha ! ” I heard a voice ; and that “ Ha- 
ha-ha ! ” was echoed as from a million mouths. I 
looked up, — before me towered — the once bright Star- 
of-the-Morning, Lucifer. 

“ God curse thee to Hell forever ! ” I cried. And 
rising, I held in each hand a part of the body of my 
child. The red flare grew denser; dark forms I per- 
ceived moving around the room in fantastic ghastli- 
ness ; and that continual “ Ha-ha-ha ! ” of sibilant de- 
rision nearly crazed me. 

“ The blood has been poisoned by the poisoned sword 
of the soldiers,” this Spirit of Evil leeringly cried, — 
“ soon thou wilt be in Hell, justly suffering. My ultion 
is grand — grand, ye devils ! . . . What a sweet amen- 
ity to my soul thou art ! ” And with a malignant, 


“ The Wages of Sin.” 


159 


sneering, sardonic laugh — he disappeared, a roar of 
crashing thunder ensuing. I bent my head. I was 
smothering! I ran, tottering, ready to fall, from the 
room out into the open air. 

The sun was rising high; the air was refreshingly 
cool. Afar, far off in the distance rose some snow- 
covered hills prominently to view. Above all others, 
one towered high. . . .the brilliant sun shone upon it, 
causing the snow to sparkle. A mad and goading 
thought entered my head. There — there in cold sol- 
itude would I go ! ... . There, where the mountain tow- 
ered above the earth, I could die !.... Heaven, hell, 
and devils should neither bar nor deter me ! . . . . On, 
faltering legs! carry the impure carrion to death! You 
will not refuse this last wish when you have so often 
walked the earth in the illicit pursuit of sin. Surely, 
ye limbs of a body in which slept a damned and black 
soul, will not refuse to carry your contortioned carcass 
to the gateway of hell ! . . . . And onward I sped — held 
up by demons, pitied by angels — on over land and 
snow! Never perhaps before did any being corporal 
perambulate the earth so swiftly. On, on, ye tiring 

limbs ! On ! The sun rose higher, the ground was 

cold, and my feet left prints of blood behind. Yet on, 
— onward.... to Death and to Hell! I cared not 
whither my soul would go — only oblivion ! . . . . On — 
on — for hours, — seldom resting, — in a distraught state 
— on ! 

“ Jardac— lost ! Baby— dead ! ” was my inward 

wail of stifled torture — and on. 

Ever and anon I would fall from sheer exhaustion, 


i6o 


Infans Amoris. 


and after lying awhile, I would coax my limbs, exorcise 
them, .... and onward I sped, .... on, on, over land, 
hills, grass, and water. My very dirt-incrusted soul 
rebelled against its almost extreme grief! My breath 
became difficult and labored. I was in crucial misery. 
O God! let me only arrive at the pre-eminent Point! 
. . . The air grew cold . . . The day was beginning to 
wane . . . The blood painfully oozed from my pores. 

... I began to tremble . . . and those “ Ha-ha-ha’s ” 
again derisively echoed in my dimly growing ears. My 
eyes were dim, and as through in a rush of flame, I 
saw sad spectral faces, praying, weeping, yet beckon- 
ing me on ! . . . 

Let the snow-capped mountain be my bier, let the 
winds sing my requiem, — let the vulturous birds of 
prey eat my flesh — and it would burn them ....and 
they would die! O ye legs, ye will not fail me in this 
last exigency ! On ! ... on ! ... at last — O tren- 
chant joy !... .after terrible grief, incoherent clam- 
oring and awful pain, I really at last arrived at the 
summit. I gazed down into the valley. The scene 
was extremely tragical and horribly grand ! Upon this 
white mountain, I in horror and pain and trembling 
stood, the crimson flower-embroidered cloak flowing to 
the winds, in each hand a part of the bloody body of 
the child. With ease I raised them aloof, and an im- 
mortal anger possessed me. I swayed to and fro ! 

“ O ye devils ! I hate you ! You have caused this ! 
Heaven curse you ! ” I cried, and anger and immortal 
agony invincible were upon me. I cast myself pros- 
trate upon the snow-covered ground. Strange as it 


“ The Wages of Sin. 


161 


was, I blamed not God but Satan! . . . Nowadays 
God is given credit for being one’s persecutor, but in 
reality Ego alone is culpable for his tribulations and 
sorrows; for deeds make Fate. From the awful 
ascent of the hill, I began to feel really tired, and a 
sort of deeper lethargy fell upon me. 

“ Love, accept this immolation ! and let my putrid 
body be the food of predaceous birds! No one but 
thee— Jardac — can mitigate my grief — ” I dazedly 
cried — stopping suddenly, ... for in the distance, 
high up in the heavens, I saw that regenerating Sign 
of Love — the Cross; of golden, fiery flame, towering 
and glowing, it shone, — and the warm transforating 
beams pierced my heart — and it melted. Something 
dark passed from me, — some evil spell seemed waning. 
I felt acutely relieved; and I became imbued with a 
sweet, regenerating Love. As icicles melt while the 
sun on a Winter’s morn rises over distant hills, so did 
my heretofore hard heart melt and my soul awaken in 
the Memory of Love — this Sign of Salvation. Blazing 
in its supernal, golden glory, surrounded by billows 
of clouds of amethystine silver, and sapphire flame, 
it caused potent memories sweet to surge through me. 
Strange though it is to tell, my bitterness passed away 
— and once more I remembered the Infant of Love! 

... A burning sword of blasting remorse pierced 
my soul ! . . . I remembered how in His manger after 
birth He had wailed woefully and had shed bitter tears 
for sinners ; — surely His infinite grief was bitterer 
than mine! . . . He loved me, — He had forgiven me 
— and how had I returned His Love? — In pursuit of 
ii 


162 


Infans Amoris. 


concupiscent love I had sought His death, — and thou- 
sands of children had been mercilessly slain, hundreds 
of homes made desolate. Then passionate, repentant 
agony caused me to whine. My soul awoke as it were, 
— saw — loved, — repented — suffered. 

“ O God, O Father,” I cried, “ I am . . . sorry . . . 
I am worthy of my grief. My sins merit it. O God, if 
thou canst have pity and mercy upon me, accept my 
grief. O God, I am sorry . . . forgive!” And I fell 
face forward into the snow, a pool of blood issuing 
from my mouth, staining the white snow crimson. 
O exquisite Repentance, O ineffable Love! Oh, how 
the Cross scintillated and sparkled ! I heard sweet, 
seraphic singing! . . . All the faculties of my soul 
were keenly on the alert ! . . . something would happen ! 
Before me in the air there shot jets of vari-colored 
glory like unto sunbeams dancing on the araneous 
web' of a spider. Something indefinably sweet came 
over me. A mighty love, a terrible sorrow caused 
me to spring up, . . . and, standing with eyes of 
glazed grief and pain bulging from their sockets, the 
sound of music — a threnode unlike any I had ever heard 
— echoed in the air ! It was like the deep, dolorous, mys- 
tic music of the ’cello — yet it was so uncanny and un- 
real. Presently a sensation as of wine running 
through me caused me to burn with inward fires; 
something burning scorched me; I felt as though I 
were engulfed in a fluvial flow of consuming lava. A 
struggle — a panting for breath ; there came a roaring 
sound — as of a falling cascade — to my noisome ears; 
crimson and blue wings of fire daringly encompassed 


“The Wages of Sin.” 163 

me, — and then . . . one more convulsed struggle, — a 
“ Christ forgive ! ” issuing from my parched and 
pinched lips, ... a blinding flare — a sickening gid- 
diness — and ... I felt as though I were making a 
painful egress from a close, crowded, stifling room, 
and I was free! — free from the bondage of mortality. 

On pinions pre-natural I was sailing upwards with 
lightning rapidity, — I was dead — aye, living! . . . 
“ Glory to God of supernal glory . 

“ Amen.” 


CHAPTER VIII. 


A SOUL OF UNREST. 

Ah, to the anguished soul the moment of dissolu- 
tion is sweet! . . . On, up, — on aerial pinions of 
flame. Through air, clouds, and space! The vanish- 
ing earth, which was quickly receding, became as a 
dim speck in the distance. On, up ! past populated 
systems of worlds — up ! An innate instinct drew us 
upwards — a feeling awful was upon me. I knew: I 
saw my life ; I knew how unfit I was to enter Heaven, 
how much work would be necessary for me. I longed 
to help others, I loved the work which I knew I must 
do; — but I suffered. My conscience judged me, sen- 
tenced me: — God — the Spirit of Light — saw me; for 
me He had naught but love. For the devils in hell He 
has naught but love : — Love is His Being. 

I had lately repented : I persisted not in sin ; I 
would do good work; I would do no harm. Hence 
Heaven was to be sometime mine. 

“ And My people, upon whom My Name is called, 
being converted, shall make supplication to Me, and 
seek out My face, and do penance for their most 
wicked ways, — then will I hear from Heaven, and will 
forgive their sins, and will heal their land.” * 

* II. Par. VI., v. 14. 


164 


A Soul of Unrest. 


165 

“ Let the wicked forsake his way and the unjust man 
his thoughts, and let him return to the Lord, and He 
will have mercy on him, and to our God, — for He is 
bountiful to forgive.” * 

These words were spoken to the prophets of old, 
and verily true are they. 

I could not yet pass the flaming “ gate for my 
“ wages ” were not sufficiently paid. By the word 
“ wages,” I mean the work sequent upon sin. Not 
that God needs satisfaction — i. e., suffering and pain 
offered to Him as penance, to “ appease His anger and 
displeasure ;” but the dim soul — i. e., the soul not 
bright and whole with good works — must pray and 
work, so that it may grow, acquire a heavenly beauty, 
and ultimately work itself into so pure and exalted a 
state that it can enter God’s world. Every sin de- 
creases the heavenly Life, and hence, to regain it, a 
meritorious work for every sin must be rendered. Sin 
engenders its own punishment — Remorse and Remem- 
brance ; Goodness engenders its own reward — Beauty, 
Holiness and Joy. God curses rio one into Hell — sin 
does ; God does not want the grief of a soul “ to ap- 
pease His anger ! ” Blasphemous and sacrilegious is 
the idea that the God of Love needs — or could even 
wish' — the sacrifice of suffering beasts, much less that 
of the soul of a man, to “ appease ” Him ! As though 
He were a sanguine murderer or a despotic ruler! 
God is pure Love ; hence He loves the soul and wishes 
it joy; — and in this Love, He sent to earth a part of 
Himself as an Example to men, and this sublime Ex- 
* Isaiah LV., v. 7. 


166 Infans Amoris. 

ample lived and died — all to give men the Lessons of 
Love. 

Sin itself makes its own punishment; for, realizing 
what Love is God's, what it might have been, the Soul 
suffers. And working its way to Heaven, Memory 
oft-times stings, Remorse oft-times gnaws, — for only 
in Heaven is found perfection and immunity from pain. 
And out of Heaven the Soul is vulnerable — I was out of 
Heaven; I had “wages” to pay. To pay the 
“ wages ” I was in the prison — the Purgatory of Air 
and Space' — of which it might be said: “ Thou shalt 
not go from thence till thou pay the last farthing.” 
And verily true and entreating are the words of the 
author of the “ Second Book of Machabees,” saying: 
“ It is therefore a holy and wholesome thought to pray 
for the dead , that may be relieved from the memory of 
sin.” For they need prayers. And could mortals 
know the awful grief of some of those souls in that 
“ prison,” they would be moved to heart-whole pity. 
Before I shall give a poorly detailed narrative of that 
“ prison,” I wish to say to those who deny the ex- 
istence of this place, vaguely called by some, “ Purga- 
tory,” by others, “ Limbo,” and by others, “ A place of 
waiting.” This place is not for all a place of peaceful 
waiting, but a place of dreadful woe, of holy sorrow, 
— and the impatience of waiting is a heart-rending and 
racking pain. And it is not a prison, except that the 
soul is the prisoner of its memory. 

Some mortals say that after decease a soul goes to 
either Hell or Heaven. There is no Hell for a pure 
soul; the soul creates its own Hell; there is always a 


A Soul of Unrest. 167 

Heaven, and it is the soul that shuts Heaven on itself. 
If a Soul works well on earth, it will go straightway to 
God’s World ; if a repentant Soul is retrograded by Sin 
it must redeem itself. Hence in the air around the earth 
the spirit works, and helping and comforting other 
souls, suggesting good thoughts to and warning 
mortals. Thus it raises itself upward, attaining its 
fated glorious End. In this “ prison ” in which the 
soul is free, the Soul, oh, so ardently longs, craves for 
Heaven ! It remembers its sins, and it awfully suf- 
fers ! It feels blasting remorse, and it writhes in 
anguish ! This pain is purging, makes it realize, and 
it zealously strives to get Heaven. The soul makes 
itself as it were! O the marvellous precisions of 
the scientific Self-Work of the Soul ! Everything 
counts, nothing is lost to it. It is a proof that 
God is good. 

What grief was upon me — an awful sensation of 
burning torture and awful grief. O God! could I 
stand it ? Oh, terrible torture of Memory ! of Re- 
morse ! It was bitterer than all earthly pain : — I 
was separated from Him for whom my soul most 
fiercely hungered. The scroll of my life was clearly 
unfurled and I truly saw myself and my baseness. An 
acute, racking Remorse caused me to writhe : an aw- 
ful, vivid Remembrance caused me to shrink in shame. 
Down ! down to earth again — sailing in the air — to be 
seen and helped in my misery by others — to be pitied 
and helped along! On this sphere I saw where I had 
sinned — and I suffered. And the remembrance — the 
remembrance of the night in which Jardac had led me 


i68 


Infans Amoris. 


from home, caused my weak Being almost to hate 
him. “ Had he never seen me I might be in glory,” 
thought I; and I almost hated — and fervently loved 
him. Oh ! my Being trembled when I thought of him 
Every gesture of our unlawful liaison irrepressibly re- 
peated itself before me. The God I now loved — aye, 
wholly adored and loved — I knew I had then griev- 
ously wronged ; and the sense of gnawing Remorse and 
stinging Shame, evoked from the thought that He was 
so merciful and good and that He had been rewarded 
by the basest ingratitude by me made me quail and well- 
nigh loath myself. Down, down to puny earth again 
— to suffer, — to see ! . . . Down ! A Spirit of Sorrow 
was I. I was among others . . . and seeing, I sorely 
grieved. Down to earth — in darkness. I was in dark- 
ness, though I could plainly see this puny sphere. I 
was out of the Light of Celestial Glory, in the Dark- 
ness of Remorse and Shame. In company with others, 
I sailed over the earth, . . . saw the places of awful 
memory, . . . lived again. I saw awful scenes en- 
acted about me — I suffered more acutely than ever I 
had in the flesh. And yet Love was mine — LOVE! 
And yet I shrank in tearful misery and shame. 

I was at my old home, ... at the spot where Jar- 
dac had declared his love, . . . went over the ground 
along the path where we had trod on that memorable, 
accursed night. Stabs of acute pain, of twitching 
agony caused me to suffer keenly ! These scenes 
caused the old memories to be so vivid! Oh, that I 
could escape from those pangs of torture ! . . . I ar- 
rived at Jardac’s mansion — O Memory take away thy 


A Soul of Unrest. 169 

sting! . . . The place was deserted. Over the earth 
and away ... to the Stable of Bethlehem. . . . 

Once more there, there was the crib, the straw, and 
the hay. No more. Again that night appeared be- 
fore me, — again I knew that those graces had been 
misspent, that I had most hideously and heinously 
sinned — and I paid pangs of torture and fervently 
prayed. Vividly there appeared to me the smile of 
recognition between Christ and the Baby. Jardac’s 
child was this that had been recognized by the Child of 
Love? — No; it was the Father’s child — the Soul. I 
had seen the glory of the Celestial Reality; and, oh, 
my Self hungered and longed for such a home — yet I 
was in darkness ; I was a Soul of Unrest. I had seen 
the agonized tears of the Child— oh, oh God! — spare 
me the pang! what an ungrateful, unworthy wretch I 
had been ! O perturbed Soul, no torture was un- 
worthy of thee. How that dear Child had cried — 
shedding tears for sinners ! How he had suffered in 
the manger when He knew what I would do, what un- 
gratefulness I would exhibit, what sensuality I would 
with alacrity jump into, what evils I would cause — 
and good ! Ah, the Soul doth truly suffer in the Real- 
ization of Sin. 

I loved God — loved Him wholly, with my whole soul. 
No other being existed for me in comparison with 
Him — yet I was separated from Him — 0 horrible tor- 
ture none is so great as thine! I was separated from 
God, knowing the hideous horror of my past sins, real- 
izing my unworthiness — Yea, I was unworthy : — In 
the hour after seeing the Child of Children, I let 


Infans Amoris. 


170 

goodness wane and sensuality grow — of my own free 
will, at the temptation of a vision. Within an hour 
after seeing the God-Child of Mercy, I, in spite of warn- 
ings, threats, and entreaties — from even Satan him- 
self, — willingly grasped at the opportunities by which 
I expected to reap the reward — sinful love. And did 
I get it? No. And now I thank God that I did not; 
for had I, in the abysmal depths of the unguessed tor- 
tures of a hell would I and he — Jardac — most probably 
now in torture indescribable, unnamable, be ! I exulted 
in thanksgiving that I had escaped that — for there was 
yet hope for me. And I prayed. 

Down, down to mundane earth again, unseen by 
mortal eyes, with woes unknown to mortal senses. 
I knew , I felt — moreover, I suffered keenly. Aye, 
there is no pain, no matter how terrible, — no grief, no 
matter how hard it be to bear, that is — barring the tor- 
ment of the damned souls in Hell — so keen, so soul- 
gnawing as the torture of the Soul, who knowing God, 
His Love and Mercy, and realizing its sinfulness in 
shame, is doomed to pay, in the world beyond the 
grave, the wages unpaid while in the flesh, for the 
sins done in the flesh. As I fell, every connecting link 
and circumstance of my mortal life was consecutively 
visible before me. 

As I fell, I saw the fruit of my deeds. Wandering 
around in air, there being many others near, I suffer- 
ing my agony alone, I saw sad scenes : Pausing in my 
spirit’s flight at a hut, I saw a mother holding the 
twain parts of a sweet, young child in her arms ; she 
hugged it, frantically kissed it, and in despair caught 


A Soul of Unrest. 171 

up a knife and drove it into her own heart, mutter- 
ing: 

“ The God of our Fathers and Abraham and of 
Moses . . . has . . . deserted — us — ” in choking 
gasps — “ Herod ! a million curses — of a dying heart be 
— upon thy head and so saying, she fell back — dead. 
Dead to live again — in grief. And as that soul went 
into Grief, my suffering became more unendurable and 
intense, for with sisterly love I sincerely pitied her, 
and I prayed for her. Onward, doomed spirit! suffer 
the fruits of thy will! ... I saw a father holding a 
wee mite in his hand aloft, crying: 

“Yea! yea! cursed be Thou, O God, who hast let 
Thy wrath descend upon us. Take Thy fill of damned 
bloody mirth! Take — take — take me and enjoy to 
Thy heart’s extent the sight of my going into hell ! ” 
And then, with a demoniacal cry of half-rage, half- 
pain, he drank a cup of pale green poison, and in a few 
moments — fell dead ... to live again. Another soul 
in Grief! Nathana, thy burdens are becoming justly 
heavy . . . Two girls of tender age were kneeling by 
a dead child. There was a glassy glare in the one’s 
eyes. 

“ Bruver— dear !” she cried in broken Hebrew, 
“ Bruver, mother’s dead — gone to Moses — I’ll go to ! ” 
And rising up, she ran into a house, seized a sharp pon- 
iard, and without any hesitancy, with childish temerity, 
raised it aloof . . . and drove it into her tender, sinless 
heart ; and closing those doelful eyes of glazed agony, 
she fell, speeding with spirit flight into ultra-mundane 
spheres,— perhaps, but not directly, to Heaven. As 


172 


Infans Amoris. 


this deed was done some burden seemed lifted off me; 
I felt a thrill of joy. Was this soul, by an undesigned 
deed, saved from a fate worse than death? Perhaps, 
for many were. The other child fell procumbent to 
the cold earth weeping ... A woman was before me, 
in a loud voice crying: 

“ Cursed be Thou — Thou merciless Dispenser of 
all evil ! Thou hast let that accursed Roman, 
under whose silken sandal we writhe, kill the children 
of Bethlehem of Judea — our own children ! We know 
Thou art unmerciful, — now — we know ! ” Others 
joined her, and murmured assent and approval. Curs- 
ings and revilings terribly echoed about me. Clothing 
was cast off, and women scratched their flesh in insane 
frenzy, and then, when the flesh was lacerated hor- 
ribly, clasping their dead babies, they raised their heads 
to the One above, and cried: 

“ See us ! See Thy chosen people ! See how we 
are rewarded ! O most holy, plenteous Giver of Love, 
behold Thy victims ! ” And laughing convulsively in 
mockery and insanity, they damned their souls, caus- 
ing Christ to wail in infinite, preternatural agony. 
Oh, oh, I suffered : Every curse heaped a greater load 
on me , for their curses harmed themselves ; and I 
pitied, and prayed for them. Every death caused the 
fire in me to burn more fiercely, — every torture of 
those stricken ones caused the painful compassion to 
become greater — And the knowledge that this was my 
work, that I — shown mercy by the One whom I 
sinned against, from whom my cursed deed kept souls, 


A Soul of Unrest. 


i73 

was by this One forgiven — forgiven at the last, caused 
me to writhe in merited shame. I fervently prayed ; 
and I prayed for others. That day seemed an endless 
cycle of time to me, — and that day I suffered, reeled 
in misery, writhed in anguish, for I saw so many sad 
scenes — scenes of sorrow that I was the cause of. 

“ O Holy One, alleviate her tortures, . . . soothe 
her suffering spirit. Let my supplication reach Thee,” 
said a sweet, doleful voice by me. It came from a 
spirit such as I. An impulse — a tender love of sis- 
terhood, caused me to cry : 

“ O lovely God of exquisite mercy, in Thy sweet 
compassion, in the name of the Child, take off this 
sister soul as much, and more grief as has, by her 
prayer, been taken off me.” And a smile of joy 
for an instant irradiated that wan, fire-consumed 
face. She then flitted away in her path of sorrow, 
paying the just, inexorable, yet withal sweet “wages 
of sin.” Albeit, I knew that God was most kindly 
good. 

Days passed to the earth’s measure of time — cen- 
turies to the soul’s measure of time — which is sum. 

Well-nigh a “ year ” passed — a year of work and 
torture, love and help, repentance and remorse. Thou- 
sands of souls were in this purgatory — thousands of 
souls who in life', had let their lamps burn dim, who, 
repenting at the last, had here to pay the penalty of 
sin and work, so as to become as they once were — 
pure and angelic. For, know you all, sin dimin- 
ishes the beauty of the soul — every sin, mark you. And 
to become bright, pure, and powerful — fit to enter the 


I 


174 Infans Amoris. 

Sphere of empyreal grandeur — the soul must pay every 
farthing and work — meritorious work — so as to re- 
form itself into its intended natural grace and luster. 
If this is not done in life, then truly it must be ex- 
ecuted in the next, ere it can enter Heaven. In this 
place between many souls sutler as it were in dark- 
ness ; and here the soul distinctly remembers and 
painfully feels every pang accruing from sin in twitch- 
ing pain — not pain as pains the material body, but the 
pain of remorse, — the dolorous pangs of remembrance. 
In this place — in the air around the earth and in the 
spaces between — the dim soul has little perfect joy : it 
instinctively knows what the supreme glories of 
Heaven are, but the blissful realization is not realized 
— but, oh ! the longing is intense ! 

In the interim of that year I suffered indefinable, 
horrible dolors. Other souls were with me, praying 
for me, comforting me, thus lightening my burden, al- 
leviating my torture, helping me to Heaven, — I pray- 
ing for them, — we fulfilling the exhortation, “ Bear ye 
one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” 

As chronicled previously, for every soul lost at the 
slaughter of the innocents, I grieved sincerely, and for 
every innocent soul saved, I felt a tinge of grand joy. 
And visiting the places of sad, sinful memory, I grew 
heartfully sad, — visiting the places of memories sweet 
and pure, I grew impatiently and fretfully reckless, 
for I longed, with a soul’s desolate longing, for the 
transcendent joy of Heaven. And with this longing, 
there was another longing — strange though it be, un- 
real as it may seem, / loved Jardac still. I ardently 


A Soul of Unrest. 


175 

loved Jardac with a heartrending love — a Love holy 
and pure. Oh, the awful, vacuous sense of incomplete- 
ness ! Oh, I nearly as it were went wild with longing. 
I prayed for him, hoped to find him soon. I did not 
hate him, no, no, I loved, forgave him. Yet he was 
essentially the cause of my plight, — he, a strong man. 

And I caution all you men possessing a maiden’s 
heart, not to ask the pure maid, whose love and trust 
are placed in you, to fall into the mire of sin. 
Woman’s nature, being finely strung, is easily led — led 
upward or downward. If her love and trust are 
placed in you, teach her of Heaven, of the goodness 
of God, and your reward shall superbundantly be rich ; 
you shall be with her in Heaven’s greatest joys forever. 
If her love and trust are placed in you, and you lead 
her astray, beguiling her into sin, causing her by your 
blasphemous tongue, to give up Religion, Virtue and 
Prayer — finally to become evil, you shall, unless you 
truly repent and offer acceptable reparation, be cursed 
into the things of darkness unfathomable. If she ask 
you first to sin, consent not, but reproach her and con- 
vert her. And know you, men of the world, when a 
soul is once stained it is “ a reed bent by the wind 
and it is subjected to an awful fate ! 

All who repent are forgiven. But how few sinners 
ere Death return to the Way, the Light, and the Truth, 
after they have once left the Path of Righteousness, 
from which they have wandered in the pursuit of sin, 
choosing the Path of Retrogression ! Going into sin, 
saying, “ When it is over, I’ll repent,” the sinner usu- 
ally meets with the just reward of presumption. 


Infans Amoris. 


176 

But the sinner who in darkness has wandered away, 
let him return, repenting and praising God, and let him 
not doubt — and doubting ask for a sign, for of the 
doubting evildoers may the phrase be applied : “ An 
evil and adulterous nation seeketh a sign; and a sign 
shall not be given it.” * And let the “ lost sheep ” re- 
turn and believe ; and believing, repenting ; and repent- 
ing, they shall be forgiven. 

O ye sinful souls, hearken to my voice: Extiolate 
yourselves by willingly placing yourselves, with hearts 
full of repentance and good work, into the beams of 
the blanching light permeating from God, called 
Mercy. And doing this, O sinner, no matter what 
clouds may benight thy horizon, thou shalt be in light 
— for the Light is within thee; and to angels it — even 
in the darkness surrounding thee — shall shine as the 
phosphorous luminance shines from the unostentatious 
glow-worm or the unpretentious fire-fly in a cloudy 
night. And be not influenced by the untrue talk of 
selfish preachers, political demagogues, and evil people ; 
but live in the love of God, committing no sin, and 
hardly endeavoring with all thy power to pay the price 
of past sins, thus regenerating thy soul, causing it to 
be a tree of vimineous goodness, love, grace, and 
beauty to the All-Seeing Eye. Pay the “ wages ” of 
thy sins by humiliation, piety, and brotherly love on 
earth, so that it will not be necessary for thee to do so 
in the Life after death ; — for the soul after its release 
is acute, and suffers a million times more keenly than 
it does on earth. I know — I terribly experienced. 


* St. Matthew, chapter xii. 39, 


A Soul of Unrest. 


177 

I tell the truth. Oh, awful, terrific, sad is the torture 
of Memory, the grief of Remorse. After “ death ” 
realization is acute, keen, — the soul loves God as the 
flower loves the sun, — the soul suffers in knowing, 
and working, it suffers, — and longing for that Great 
Love, it nearly goes wild in grief, expectation, and joy. 
Let all sinners repent and leave off their evil ways, — 
do not wait till death. It will be too late. Work must 
be done to get to Heaven. Do it. Do not spend all 
time in sin, — for the punishment sin wreaks on itself 
is horrific, terrific, horrible, beyond the telling in 
words. I know. Although I suffered not as unrepent- 
ant souls do, as souls in Hell do, I know what spiritual 
pain is. It is scientifically just, exact; — every touch 
of a mortal body that had in it a thought of evil is a 
dolorific pang to the soul in pain, and Remorse is mad- 
dening. Hence I warn all, I come to earth to tell the 
truth, I, a spirit that suffered. And of all the sins 
that bring blighting pain and wild agony, it is the sin 
of Love led astray — the Sacrilege of Love on the altars 
of the god — Lust. 

Hence I warn all who have sacrileged this sacred 
Grace! Repent, atone, — for if any one dies with 
wrongs unatoned or unavenged — beware ! Every 
touch, kiss, word that was sinful, I paid for in mem- 
ory; the love of Jardac and me was sacrileged, — and, 
oh, every thought of evil that had been mine repeated 
itself before me in the excruciating anguish of remorse. 
All the graces that had been given me in life and which 
had been misspent, I paid for by regret —I knew that 
12 


Infans Amoris. 


178 

if I had been good I would have been with God, — and I 
grew frantic in sorrow. The sinner may avert the pen- 
alty of sin by following the forgiving Christ and aton- 
ing. How good this is! Let all sinners wash them- 
selves in His grace. Let the man who has led a poor, 
weak woman astray, offer her reparation, lead her as 
near to Heaven as he took her from it, help her to 
atone, love her purely — and thus retrieve the fault — 
and if he does it not, let him beware ! As he sinned, 
so shall he suffer. And satisfaction is due the 
Wronged. And if he does not repent and atone, he 
himself is to blame if the wronged soul avenges itself 
— and fearful and baleful is this Vengeance! — Jardac 
had to have my pardon ; I gave it, he atoned on earth, 
prayed for me, followed Christ, and was sorry for his 
sins, — I in turn prayed for him, — and Justice was 
satisfied. 

Hence I do beseech all to follow Christ, and to “ go 
and make peace with thy brother/’ and to love and 
obey. And the only sure guide to Heaven is Christ — 
Christ taken as He is. He is not taken thus To-dav, — 
hence I warn the world, speak to the world, telling 
the truth to the world. 

And O mortal soul, I ask thee not to follow me, but 
follow Him who saved me. Repent, atone on earth, — 
and help all mortals to heaven, using thy faculties not 
for thyself, but for others. And doing as I advise, sub- 
sequently Heaven with its supernal joys and vari-col- 
ored radiance — and God- love, will, be thine inexsuper- 
able reward. Then shall darkness be dispelled for- 


A Soul of Unrest. 


179 

ever, and thou shalt see. And thou shalt be impervious 
and invulnerable to sorrow, grief, and pain. 

According to the earth’s standard of time, I was in 
this purgatory for about a year, when one night I de- 
scended into the room of Herod the King. He was 
lying upon a sumptuous couch; by his side were two 
slaves fanning him with brilliantly-colored ivory and 
feathered fans ; before him, on a low stand, was a rich 
epicurean repast, enough to cause any one’s mouth to 
water, to express it in common parlance ; but he gave 
not the least attention to it —he gazed at me. Once 
since my demise had human eyes been able to see me ; 
and it was no wonder that when he saw me his eyes 
bulged, glared, and protruded from their sockets, as 
though his terrified soul were making a labored exit 
through them ; that his face became convulsed and 
pinched; that he trembled and shook with fear and 
pain ; that his tongue burned, and an acrid taste flav- 
ored his sparse saliva; that his breath came in jerky, 
convulsive gasps ; — for I was a horrible remembrance, 
— I was a “ ghost in a bad dream.” For I appeared 
with a look of terrified, agonized sorrow in my eyes, — 
I was a picture of a terrible, desolate woe — and I was 
desolate. For God, whom I longed for more than any- 
thing living, was not with me, — Jardac was not with 
me . . . He might be in sin ; — and as I thought of that, 
as that fearful conjecture painted itself before me, I 
prayed fervidly — prayed that he might be saved. — I 
prayed for mortals . . . and no mortals prayed for 


i8o 


Infans Amoris. 


As Herod gazed at my delicate, fiery form, he cow- 
ered back under his covering, trying to hide me from 
his vision — but he failed. A spasm came upon him. 
The slaves yelled vociferously, running hither and 
thither. Exotics, perfumes, and drugs were brought, 
which the slaves carefully tried to administer to him, — 
but he would not allow them to get nigh to him. Those 
who stood by his side vainly tried to discern what so 
singularly terrified him. . . . but they could not see me. 
I stood immovably there before him, — terrible memories 
surging through me ; — oh, I suffered. And now, death 
was fast upon him; a terrible war was being waged 
between the material and the spiritual. He now knew 
the truth of things invisible, — he realized the enormity 
of his heinous sins, — he remembered me — and the 
sin of Desire ; and he was tortured as though demons 
were tearing at his very soul. He hated me, for he had 
sinned by me — and his evil desires had not been grati- 
fied. And what grief is more keenly bitter to man 
than to have his destined victim to elude his ravenous 
claws ! And Herod realizing the punishment await- 
ing him — caused by a wish which had not been grati- 
fied — writhed in agony and woe. All the sins of his 
life appeared before him, — and I was the sharpest dag- 
ger of all. His mouth filled with blood. His dim 
eyes bespoke excruciating anguish. 

“Devils! Woman! I see ye ... go! ... go 
. . . Curses be upon you all ! . . . Oh — oh ! . . . Ye 
hideous faces ! . . . Ye fiendish women . . . go! . . . 
don’t — don’t . . . torment me — GOD ! fire ! smoke ! 
pain — ! . . .” And roaring aloud, trying to grasp me, 


A Soul of Unrest. 


181 


he fell back on his couch before the constrained and 
amazed audience — dead. His guilty soul was fled. 

Away ! . . . whither ! . . . away I sailed, — a wind 
moaning, — a heavy mist falling with sorrow over the 
Earth. His soul was gone . . . and yet, who had 
been the instigator of his “ greatest ” sin, which has 
been chronicled down through ages of war and tur- 
moil, hate and bloodshed, religion and hypocrisy — but 
Satan? And who acted as the tool, who seduced and 
sought the “ King’s ” death the most — but me ! Of 
that I will no more dwell upon — Truth is hard. Only 
let me add that the world is in darkness ; — it willingly 
chooses the dark ; it prefers lies to truth, flattery to 
candidness, and impurity to morality. And Christ 
seemingly failing to save some — how can I expect to 
help ? 

Away, — years perhaps to pass in sorrow, — grief in- 
expressible was to be my portion. But do not com- 
plain, poor soul, thy sins were blacker than night ; thou 
shalt work towards Heaven, trusting in the “ King ” 
for help. — And in no one could I have placed a more 
surely-to-be-rewarded trust than in this King, Who 
is a vivificating River of Life to those who will drink 
in His graces, Who is a flower from which permeates 
the greatest of all sweet fragrance — supereminent Love, 
Who is the one Oasis in the desert of the world, in 
which is the evergreen palm of Sublime Concern, the 
luscious fruit of Everlasting Love, the inexhaustible 
fountain of Perpetual Life, and the restful sod whereon 
the weary sinner may place his head, and — rest. . . . 


CHAPTER IX. 


“ THE ENCIRCLING SPIRIT- WORLD.” 

I will not attempt to portray or to narrate all that I 
experienced and saw in this place of most hopeful tor- 
ture. Were I to try to do so I should fail. For there 
were millions of poor souls in this abode of regenerat- 
ing work and anguish. I will narrate only several 
scenes which I saw and experienced, thereby depicting 
that the works of this existence are to be recognized 
and remembered — not only remembered, but deeply 
meditated with devout fear upon. Not that only fear 
should keep the mortal from sinning, but the love of 
God alone. “ Fear God,” cry the priests and preach- 
ers ; “ Love God,” say I. God is pure Love. He 
wishes to be loved, not feared. “ Perfect love casteth 
out fear.” 4 

A man is upon a cot dying. The tortures of dissolu- 
tion are terrible to behold. He writhes in the utmost 
of human agony ; he suffers the keenest mortal pain ; 
but moreover — this is as naught compared with the 
spiritual pain he suffers. Remembrance stings, Re- 
morse burns. With his brain reeling, his smarting 
eyes, bloody and glazed, staring from their red, swollen 
sockets, his body seemingly adrift on a bloody sea, hun- 
182 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 183 

dreds of hammer-strokes knocking incessantly with his 
cranium, he sees a pallidly wan face staring at him — 
a face more vividly horrible than that of a petrified 
corpse ; a face whose hollow eyes betoken inward pain ; 
whose somewhat vindictive smile tells of deep wrong; 
whose hair seems as it were of luminous, condemning 
blood. Nothing real (as man literally accepts the 
term) is this, — a spirit of torture is she. The man 
stares aghast at her,. . . .terror freezes his blood,. . . . 
he raves in incoherent gutturals. To him a sea of 
clotted blood envelopes her, — sable clouds roll lam- 
bently around her almost transparent form. She raises 
her arms .... points accusingly to a seemingly bloody 
wound at her heart, at a seeming Mark upon her Form 
. . . and she continues these pantomimic gestures 
without cessation, dolorous love and irrepressible 
regret deeply wounding her. 

“Deliah! . . . spirit! . . . uh — huh — ug — ug! . . 
he shouts, tearing at, trying to grasp, this intangible 
apparition. His vocal chords become firmer; his 
nerves wax stronger; — the trepid Soul is about to 
leave. Again, distinctly in the sepulchral accents of 
the most fearful death, he cries: 

“ Deliah ! Spirit ! . . . take from my . . . soul . . . 
those awful eyes! Take from me. .. .the. .. .blame ! 
No more.... no more can I — I endure. .. .this pain. 
Go ! ” And he forcibly raises himself to a sitting pos- 
ture and beats wildly upon the air — “ Go ... to the 
place where thy crimes cause thee to be. .. .torment 
not an innocent. . . .man! ” Thus he tries to console 
and blinden his awakened conscience — but he fails. 


Infans Amoris. 


184 

“Go!.... cursed spirit, who seduced me to sin ... . 
Cursed be thou ! Go ! ” He pauses. His eyes dilate 
in constrained terror, then fearfully, timorously he 
speaks : 

“ She speaks ! I won her. . . .caused her to sin. . . . 
and killed her ! . . . . Ha — ha ! I am the cause of her 
grief! I!. . . .1 ! ” He pauses reflectively. . . . then 
leaps out of his cot, tearing his long gray hair, and 
cries : “ Yes ! I see ! .... I know ! . . . . She loves me ? 

I want not her love. To hell. . . .may God. . . .so for- 
ever torture thee. True, I won her. . . .killed her — ha 
Ha-ha-ha ! O ye devils ! . . . Ha-ha-ha ! — the thunder 
rolls . . . and roars in wrath ; consuming flame 
comes . . . rolling . . . tearing . . . burning . . . 
over me. O hellish conflagration ! — Yes ! — I killed her 
. . . the blood — drips from my hand ! . . She knows, 

— she bears the Mark, — and I am glad . . . Oh — oh — 
oh — oh ! ” — And with an inhuman moan of frenzied 
pain ... he falls — and is lost. 

The spirit, who is paying the penalty of love’s sinful 
joys, seeing her earthly lover die, go into hell, 
suffers great, acute pain, — and, moaning in petitioning 
prayer, she sails away. And I prayed for her , — and 
I comforted and consoled her. 

Now who will say the tortures of the dying sinner, 
of the soul in pain, are not just and true? And, 
know you, people of To-day, that oft-times the “ rant- 
ing ” of a dying creature is not ranting at all, but terri- 
ble truth. What one of you will dare to deny that not 
phantasms of waning brain, but true, vivid realities, 
are these “ ghosts ” seen by them in the hour of death ? 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 185 


At death the brain is acute, the perception is keen, the 
memory is immortal, — for at death does not the sinner 
reveal deeds of darkness unguessed done in years gone 
by! Ah, at death memory stings and remorse burns. 
At death a pure, unsullied soul, though somewhat tim- 
orous at the nearness of its exit from this world to en- 
ter the Next, is in tremulous, expectant joy. The ap- 
proaching joy overwhelmingly fills its soul, — the 
thought of being soon with the sweet Cause of All 
causes it to effervesce in delicious anticipation. Let 
the immortal Pope express his idea of the pure soul at 
death in this inspired poem : 

“ Vital Spark of heavenly flame, 

Quit, oh, quit this mortal frame ! 

Trembling, hoping, lingering, flying — 

Oh, the pain, the bliss of dying ! 

Cease fond nature, cease thy strife, 

And let me languish into life ! 

“ Hark ! they whisper ; angels say, 

* Sister Spirit, come away ! } 

What is this absorbs me quite, 

Steels my senses, shuts my sight, 

Drowns my spirit, draws my breath ! 

Tell me, my Soul, can this be death ? 

“ The world recedes, it disappears, 

Heaven opens on my eyes, my ears 
With sounds seraphic ring : 

Lend, lend me your wings ! I mount, I fly : 

O grave ! where is thy victory ? 

O death ! where is thy sting ? ” 

“ The mortal body does possess an immortal Soul, 
dominated by Will ; this Soul is a Germ of Life sent 


Infans Amoris. 


1 86 

from God to Earth, and by Work to obtain Immortal- 
ity. Susceptible of everything, this impulsive Spirit 
works either upwards or downwards. And when ret- 
rograded it must redeem itself. There is a hell for 
the retrograded soul — the Hell of Memory and Re- 
morse; there is no Hell of Fire. If the Soul descends 
to hell it must destroy hell. Love is its essence — 
pure, sinless love — Love that overcomes sin and death, 
Love that of it makes an angel. The old gods are 
dead, they are false ; of the thirty thousand gods not 
one is true; they are not immortal with Love; the New 
God lives and He should never die — the true Christ. 
He offers not innocent children to His Deity, He 
makes not woman the slave of man — for He is Love. 
Taught by Him we can raise our Soul to Angel, per- 
form stupendous wonders, raise the dead, control the 
elements, and sail aloof to Heaven/’ 

This essay was being read by Kritick, the private 
reviewer of a Roman Christian. It was in his study — 
a soft, lovely place, filled with flowers. The author, a 
young, wealthy, but good Christian, a disciple of Christ, 
listened to the reviewer’s criticism. The reviewer was 
a cynical, self-opinionated, well-informed man, vener- 
able in appearance, but jealous of inspired writings. 
His aim was to attract the people of Rome, but his 
feeble, flamboyant writings were entirely ignored, — 
the writings of Marcellus eagerly read. 

“ The mortal body does possess an immortal soul — 
a teaching thou didst learn from that usurper of 
Nazareth when thou wast in Judea. Bosh ! The same 
thing did Plato and Pythagoras vainly rant about, — all 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 187 


foolishness. ’Tis ridiculous imagery. Should be, ‘ the 
body possesseth life — a keen spirit which revels in the 
arms of woman ! ’ Ha-ha-ha ! ” His wrinkled face 
grew red, anc^he rubbed his hands, reading the MS , 
which lay on a table. “ ‘ Sent by God ; — sent by sexual 
joys — the God of Rome, it should be. A God! A big 
Spirit of Fire — rant ! ’ ” He read on — “ ‘ Love is its 
essence — pure, sinless love ; ’ why ’tis the veriest wishy- 
washy diatribe. ‘ Pure, tinless love!’ — there is no 
such thing ; strike that out ; ’twill make thee the laugh- 
ing-stock of all Rome. Think of Mistress Eudora, the 
courted and flattered courtesan, reading that! Why, 
she would be hurt ! ‘ Love ’ ” — his cracked voice rang 
— “ 4 is a fire of the blood, which makes man and wom- 
an angelic; love is essentially opposed to serene pure- 
ness.’ — Why, thou art insane; thou knowest that for 
thine old mistress thou didst have no pure love, a ‘ sin- 
less love ! ’ Wilt thou tell me that that amour was al- 
lied to thy better self — which thou dost call Love? 
Nay, see here, continue thy rant, thy rhapsodical har- 
angue; ’tis flighty. Settle down to substantial facts; 
don’t try to ‘ elevate ’ Rome. Thou fool ! And — Great 
Caesar! Dost thou want the populace to bring Him 
here to Rome ? Thou silly quack ! Raise the dead — 
utterly impossible ; perform miracles — yes, if thou call- 
est jugglery it, — but don’t practice legerdemain here 
for Christian miracles, — I shall reveal thy trickery. 
That is the grossest flight of silly, turgid imagination ! 
Why, thou wilt be slain if thou bringest the new King 
of the Jews to Rome, — Caesar will have thee swallowed 
by the large, fat lioness, by Minerva he will. And I 


Infans Amoris. 


1 88 

shall help to have thee done away with ; — by Caesar’s 
big toe, I will. Oh, destroy this, Marcellus; it will 
bring trouble on thee! The old gods satisfy Rome — 
they are as good as any god. Tell Rome that there is 
but one kind of love — the angelic revelling, the vicious, 
amorous sin ! Tell Rome that ; tell Rome to let Woman 
stay in her place, as men’s toy — for she likes it — and if 
thou must teach Christianity, don’t write this trash 
which thou dost call 4 inspired.’ ” He gave the young 
genius the MS. “ Marcellus, I tell thee the truth. I 
want thee not to be slain by the glances of women, and 
at last in the arena. Rome won’t stand, Sin won’t 
stand thy rubbish. Destroy that. If thou must, teach 
of Christ, but not as a purely loving, miracle-working 
God. Teach mediocral platitudes if thou must philoso- 
phize. Love as a pleasure is good, as a psychic force 
— bah ! That effusion is execrable trash, — ’twould do 
credit to the Man of Nazareth whom thou dost be- 
lieve a God. Destroy that — thou knowest lust is not 
holy; lust is love. Rant of the new God, but retain 
thy sense. I know what is good, what Rome likes. 
Show me a love in Rome that is what thou callest 
pure ! ” 

“ Well,” said the author, growing perplexed by the 
quacks of this venerable duck, “ what thou dost say of 
love is true — people do not love, they sin — if I write 
more commonplace ” 

“ That is it! ” interjected the old man, smiling idiot- 
ically, “ commonplace fiction, free from moralizing, 
full of risque situations, acuminated with witty retorts, 
is high-class writing. The public will from it draw 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 189 


lessons, will hearken to thee ; — but .... destroy that es- 
say ; ’tis untrue. Write if thou wilt, — and if thou dost 
want fame put up the great men in satirical, ridiculous 
caricature, — criticise them in common parlance, be vul- 
gar even .... and thousands of copyists shall be re- 
quired to copy thy works for the populace — and thou 
shalt have fame, not notoriety.” 

I was there. I, a Spirit, spoke to him by thought 
vibrations ; for I helped all mortals coming within my 
radius. This episode happened about thirty years after 
my terrible demise. And I relate it for the benefit of 
the modern World. 

“ Love is of the Soul. God is Love. Lust is an ani- 
mal passion not affiliated with Love. Tell all men to 
give up lust for pure love to become angels. Write 
solidly, conscientiously, — and listen not to bigoted crit- 
ics and readers. Brave all storms of prejudiced opin- 
ions ; tell the hard truth at all hazards, caring naught 
for the ephemeral applause of men. But be true, com- 
passionate, and charitable. Let inspiration flow from 
thee, not tainted by self-love. But tell, proclaim pure 
love, — Christ and His Spiritual Power and Love ! ” 

He thought thus, knowing not of, “ heedless of the 
encircling spirit world, which, though unseen, is felt, 
and sows in us all germs of pure and world-wide pur- 
poses.” 

“ Thou art sceptical, prejudiced, not spiritual,” said 
Marcellus ; “ thou dost not want mine original tales to 
eclipse thine; thou materialist, thou art opposed to 
all Good. Thou wouldst have me pander to the lust of 
Rome. Decry me in the Forum to thine heart’s con- 


190 


Infans Amoris. 


tent. I enjoy it. Thy declamations enhance me in 
the eyes of Rome. Thou dost really give me some good 
ideas, but — I shall neither destroy nor change this. 
Miracles are possible; and in spite of Caesar the New 
God shall be made known.’’ 

“ Thou wilt not,” cried Kritick, tears of wrath roll- 
ing from his eyes, “ thou dost disregard ME, the great- 
est writer of our age, me, who knows men — more than 
thou, thou Christian stripling. Thou hadst best go to 
thy mother’s breast, not try to sail aloof on the dipteral 
Angel of Delusion, whose wings are — nothing. I ad- 
vertise thee? Nay, I shall make thee appear the most 
grotesque thing in Rome ; I shall construe thy writings 
wrongly ; I shall show all defects ; aye, I shall make 
them ; I shall call thee visionary ; — aye, all fair damsels 
shall look on thy form with loathing, and thou shalt 
have a hard time. There is naught in thine inane 
trash! — ’Tis rubbish. My grand pasquinades will kill 
thee.” 

“ Shut up, Kritick,” cried Marcellus, laughing. “ If 
it were not for the fun of it I would discharge thee. 
Thou are prejudiced. An inner voice even tells me not 
to listen to thee. But, Kritick, do not let prejudice 
overrule thy senses. If the teaching of the Christ con- 
vert the world, thy voice will soon be still. For any 
Christian can see the hideous feet of the sceptical, criti- 
cal peacock, who sees no other’s feathers save his own. 
And if in future ages critics should manage to exist 
they will doubtless be as thou — a reincarnation of Zoi- 
lus over again. Kritick, thou hast little chance of 
getting to Heaven! Thou poor type of man, thou 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 191 


hast truly made a sorry thing of thyself in combating 
truth — truth as expressed to one by .... an inner 
voice.” 

A type of To-day! And many whose writings we 
condemned, who are “ excoriated by the critics,” are 
really inspired ; — hence the ill-will of the modern “Krit- 
ick.” 

I saw two souls suffering in desolate pain. They 
were in this “ fire,” suffering the pangs of remorse ; 
they had been here for a long time. While on earth 
they had heinously and greatly sinned. These two 
creatures died, strange as it may seem, repenting. They 
left a little child on the earth, and it grew up suffering 
the sneers and rebuffs of the “ superior ” creatures 
who were born in the wedlock of the body — (perhaps 
not of the Soul). But these “legitimate children of 
Law and God,” being born of wedded bodies (no mat- 
ter whether the souls of their parents were or not) were 
and are deemed superior ; — consequently, as is invaria- 
bly the case, this “ illegitimate aberration of the human 
race, a thing godless,” was dubbed and spat upon — 
spat upon, as was then and is now the case, by beings 
morally inferior, lewd in mind, godless of heart, and 
brainless. Yet this is the fiat, whether just or unjust, 
that has gone forth, instigated by man’s majestic will 
infallible. And it is obviously practiced, causing these 
unfortunates to cower in pitiful shame, to suffer poign- 
antly, to despise and loathe themselves — and finally to 
reproach God, saying, “O God, if Thou art equitous 
why dost Thou place me here? Why am I ridiculed, 


192 


Infans Amoris. 


mocked, and despised ? Why was I not born as others 
are? Thou art cruel, unjust ! ” Yet is God the author 
of the <£vil ? No, the law of Nature must needs work 
till the time of its cessation comes. God in His Justice 
can deviate from no fixed path, nor change a just rule 
to suit or please an individual. And Nature, taking 
its course, things strange, seemingly unreal and unjust, 
happen. May God be blamed for the “ disgraced ” 
child’s wrongs? No; only humanity — pure, godlike, 
charitable humanity is to blame. And “ humanity,” 
born in “ wedlock,” sneering at this child, merits its 
hate. Hence is it any wonder that many of the un- 
fortunates become misanthropists and sinners? But 

THE CODE OF HUMANITY IS NOT THE CODE OF A JUST 

God. 

As I narrated, such a child was left on earth by these 
two souls. For every sin caused by sneers and ill- 
treatment on account of its illegitimacy, which the child 
committed, these two souls suffered. But they prayed 
for the Soul, helped it, comforted it, atoning for their 
delinquency in sending an innocent soul out on a cruel 
earth, not born of God’s sacred institution — Marriage. 
The two souls were nearing perfection, but they await- 
ed the Soul of the child. Justice must needs always 
be done. And duties left undone always incur a pen- 
alty. At last the body of the child died ; the Soul lis- 
tened to this appeal : 

“ O Soul of the child who was made to suffer for 
our sin, forgive us. Ere we can have our peace, ere 
we can wholly rest, we must needs obtain thy pardon ; 
we love thee and we want thy love. Thou art saved, 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World/’ 193 


thou art not in a tenth part of a sorrow such as ours. 
For thy sins thou hast mostly atoned for on earth. Oh, 
forgive us, that soon we may be in the joy of the Lord, 
in Love supernal, in Light eternal. Oh, we humbly 
beseech thee to be clement unto us. As thou art in 
mercy, forgive us! Though by our sin, for which we 
have dearly paid, whereby thou wast brought from the 
Womb Eternal, imprisoned in clay and wronged, yet 
forgive us. No mercy greater than God’s is wot of, 
yet we must thy pardon obtain, Forgive! and lift us 
from this suffering most bitter, this fire unquenchable, 
to a place of mitigation, from whence, by the Power 
of God, we shall soon, if thou forgive us, be lifted. 
Then a world environed by supernal glory, whose ec- 
static joys are not delusive joys, whose Ruler is the 
Great Love, will be our home. Forgive us, oh, for- 
give us that soon to this world — where untruth, lies, 
sin, and shame have no place — we may go. There we 
could be in dazzling brillancy, in surpassing joy, and 
be impassible to pain. Soul, we beseech thee to par- 
don us . . . 

A sweet face radiant with forgiving love was turned 
to these two souls, and in the sweetly clarion accents 
of a bell, this angel answered : 

“ Sister spirits, I wholly forgive. Had you lawfully 
loved I would have committed less sin ; little have I to 
pay. Satisfaction is the Law — minute, perfect, exact 
Satisfaction. A life for a life, a love for a love, a hell 
for a hell, — as ye mete to others, so shall ye be meted 
to. A wronged Soul can mete vengeance on its 

13 


i 9 4 


Infans Amoris. 


wronger ; ’tis the exact natural Law. The unrepentant 
vengeful Spirit can wield a scepter of terrific venge- 
ance — all in the grand immeasurable Justice of Things. 
You did me little wrong, — yourselves ye wronged the 
most. I forgive you. Oh, it is grand to forgive. The 
God who liveth on the earth will teach this Lesson of 
Pardon, do away from evil men’s hearts the Law of 
Revenge. He is on the world, this Holy One, and 
loves Man with an exceeding Love of surpassing Un- 
selfishness. . . .and what will Man do? ” A devout and 
reverent love shone from the sweet, forgiving spirit’s 
countenance. “ I see that ere short time pass, He will 
be in a garden shedding fiery tears of pain..., and 
sweating drops of blood — all for unthankful mankind. 
Aye, aye, the mundane sphere shall be marked as no 
other sphere was ere marked or ere shall be. . . The 
blood of a God will flow on the soil ! . . . The burning 
tear-drops will ustulate the stones !. . . And ever, so 
long as the world will roam, the stars around it roll, in 
the sight of angels and of devils, it is tainted, tainted 
with the stigma of an unrewarded Love, a desecrated 
Blood., and most of all ... a GOD cast aside ! Spirits 
of ye dead, He to whom many of you will owe redemp- 
tion will be spat upon, scourged, and nailed to a tree, 
as though He were a malefactor — but He is a God Di- 
vine! Thus is Love always scourged, — and what a 
terrible vengeance it does bring on itself! Pray for 
the souls of mortals, that they may listen to Him. Fol- 
low me, rise nearer Heaven, where soon we will stay — 
the glorious world of a myriad colored lights, of beau- 
ties, godly and divine. Come ! ” And with a beautiful 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 195 

smile, it sailed upwards, away. The Law was satisfied, 
Justice was done. 

How true it is that Love avenges itself in a marvel- 
lously exact manner. Love made me suffer. Love 
gave me joy. Alighting on a rainbow pinion I heark- 
ened to the surging music of the spheres, it was Love ; 
I sank into the fragrant bosom of a flower; I saw 
Love; — I rested by meandering streams, — the mur- 
mur of waves was — Love, — Love, Love — how I loved 
it, how I enjoyed it, how I suffered in it ! I prayed for 
Jardac, besought God to let me be his Salvation. I 
longed to work for him, to be by him, — I resolved that 
I would not go to Heaven without him, I would wait 
for him, hoping to serve him. O Love, thou tyrant of 
souls, thou Sweetness mixed with pain ! Years passed, 
years of work, years in which I helped mortals on earth, 
all in the mission of Love. 

A soft, languorous wind blows, and on it is the 
scent of flowers in bloom. The river winds amor- 
ously around the mountain; and flowers bend their 
gentle heads down, down to kiss the lips of water. 
Luna’s beams shine forth in brightness, showing the 
beauty of nature, the glories of summer, — but the ef- 
fulgent beams vainly try to penetrate the shadow of a 
tree. 

“ I love thee — love none but thee,” says a modulant, 
rich, persuasive voice. 

Two figures sit by the river — the figure of a sweet, 
pure girl, the figure of a manly man. 

“ The flowers have their mates, we see,” he says, 


Infans Amoris. 


196 

“ the river loves its mountain ; the birds they sing in 
melody, hearkening to the fountain. Miriam, thou 
dost know my heart is thine, — thine only. I swear to 
thee by the moon that shines, by Nature, by all thun- 
der, I swear to thee by Love and wine — that I will be 
thine forever. Angel, Miriam, I leave my costly pal- 
ace, my gardens, my birds and friends ; I leave them 
all to come to thee — thou a simple maiden.” 

“ I know,” she murmurs, nestling close to him, 
“ and do I not love thee ? ” 

“ Thy love has not been proven,” he says, kissing 
the sweet upturned face, a face that reminds one of a 
sculptured angel. 

“ Prove— -how shall I prove it,” she replies, kissing 
him, no thought of evil marring the virginal bright- 
ness of her soul. “ Thou knowest that I would do 
anything for thee ; I am thine. Take me, let me serve 
thee, I love none other.” 

She flings herself upon him in unreserved love, — 
he is her angel, her pure sinless being. 

“ Ah, little Miriam.” he murmurs, holding her to 
him — “ this is love. The wild unrestrained giving of 
each other, the disregard of- virtue, the drinking in of 
passion; this is love. Never till now have we loved, 
— thou shalt know and realize the meaning of love. 
Love is not the single telling of tales, the Platonic un- 
impassioned song of phlegmatic men — no, love is wild, 
sinful, lascivious ! There is in it no sin — for it is a 
God and cannot be wronged ; no sin canst thou commit 
in Love. But if thou refuse my desire thou lovest me 
not, and ’twill be a sin.” His passion encompasses 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 197 

him, unscrupulous, wicked man that he is. She in- 
nocently looks at him askance, somewhat frightened. 

“ Love,” she murmurs, “ not sin — God is good — 
Love — we dare not sin.” 

“ Angel, Miriam, my love,” he whispers in her sea- 
shell ears ; his face grows red ; his evil desires stop 
not at the gate of virtue. She gives a scream, tries to 
rush from him ; he holds her. 

“ Thou devil,” she hisses. 

Innocent, her eyes are opened; pure, her purity is 
at stake ; trusting, one- tries to betray her ; loving God, 
one tries to lead her astray: — Tis the tale of Man and 
Woman. 

He, her lover, was to her a pure, cold, good, gentle 
man ; she knew not the tale of a burning glance, the 
convulsive clasp of a hand, the hot imprint of a kiss. 
Love was to her- a pure, spotless, never-dying thing. 
Now — she is tempted. I convey by deep thought and 
love to her mind the scene of such evil loves, the dark, 
guilty sin of it, the sequent pain, where love defiled 
and nude wanders in darkness and fire: I suggest to 
her pure, holy thoughts — she wants to run away. I 
pray for her, aid her. 

He casts her from him, walks from her in . a 
wronged, broken attitude. 

“ Go,” says her lover, “ go, — let me die. Thou 
lovest me not.” He seems dejected ; he knows how to 
play on her feelings. 

“ Love-god — ” she cries, flinging herself at his feet 
— “ thou kno west I love thee, would do anything for 
thee — anything but sin.” 


Infans Amoris. 


198 

He turns upon her, his eyes blazing with a simula- 
tion of anger, his voice choking with restrained sobs. 

“ Go,” he cries, “or I shall slay thee, false, low 
thing. I will leave thee, I will die; thou lovest me 
not.” He rushes to the river, she after him, crying 
wildly : 

“ Come — Anthony, love — I am thine — take me — 
crush me — smell the fragrance of me — and kill me — 
sin ; I will sin for thee, only do not leave me.” 

I vainly try to give pure thoughts to her ; I cannot^- 
she resists them. Driven frantic, she submits to degra- 
dation. 

The river sings its evening hymn — the purity of its 
song finds echo no longer in her heart. Two flowers 
of a pure white color, immaculate, free of sin, bend 
together, to tell the tale of how evil men lead weak 
women to hell — and a dew-drop, a tear of sorrow, 
drops from the one flower’s eye. The trees moan rest- 
lessly — talking the tale of Love. The moon’s beams 
shine, and they secure a scene that Love shall avenge. 
The earth’s ears open, hearing a tale that shall wreak 
a terrific vengeance on the Betrayer. 

He turns reluctantly. 

“ Wilt thou suffer mine embraces — the embraces of 
heaven ? Wilt thou this night not give me kisses only, 
but sweet nectareous love? wilt thou face yon smiling 
moon and sin — if thou call love sin? wilt thou let the 
beating of bosoms tell an untold tale? If thou wilt 
do this, then I shall live for thee ; I will not die.” 

She covers her face with her hands in shame ; her 
form trembles ; and she falters — 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 199 


“ Yes, if it must — ” 

“ Aye,” he says sternly, “ that only is love. Love 
the tyrant — the god that presses the grapes and drinks 
the wine.” 

He clasps her to him, imprints a hot violent kiss on 
her forehead. 

“ Oh, the sweet delight of love, — the pain of the 
killing sweetness, — the glory of the gods in heaven, — 
the ending — ” 

Her conscience cries aloud. But Love, the tyrant, 
abused, lead astray, forces her to submission. The 
voices of entreating spirits she heeds not. 

“ Clouds of vapor, fire and thunder, play havoc in the 
skies ! ” I mutely cry, “ Trees of earth, winds of space, 
play havoc on the land! Save the Soul by natural 
warnings — save the immortal soul ! ” 

Let Nature, let Thunder, let all the forces of the Ele- 
ments warn them ; let the lightning and thunder pre- 
vent the goaded submission of the Angel to the Beast. 
Let spirits of air bewail the sin of evil men in wrong- 
ing innocent women ! . . . And suddenly ... a huge, 
sable cloud comes swimming in the dark skies, filled 
with lightning and thunder, . . . and down falls big 
drops of cold rain. The trees wail and bend, and twi.it 
and writhe ; the dark river seethes and rises ; and all 
nature in tumult wars. . . . The storm is passed, — the 
sin is done ; the warnings were of no avail : — Man has 
degraded Love again. 

Thus did I try to help mortals by warnings, prompt- 
ings, consoling and leading them aright. As I had 


200 


Infans Amoris. 


sinned, so I now tried to prevent others from sinning, 
— and when I succeeded I raised myself nearer 
Heaven, atoning for a sin. As I had led others astray 
in life, so I now led them aright. “ An eye for an 
eye, a tooth for a tooth ” — is a key to a great truth. An 
eye for an eye: — when we lead others from Light to 
Darkness, by closing their eye of Truth, and making 
them blind, — then we must restore that eye — lead them 
aright again. Hence let the clergymen of To-d,ay be- 
ware ! A .tooth for a tooth: — when we take a tooth, 
take virtue and joy from a soul, we must return it. 
This is the Law — the Law of Atonement and Satisfac- 
tion ; and if this is not wanted . . . then the dreadful 
Law of Vengeance. 

Nearly thirty years I passed — years in which a 
strong attraction drew me downwards to Christ, and 
many times did I hover near this Saviour, — and O ! 
the joy of His presence was overwhelming! And in 
these years I suffered from memory, — but as they 
passed memory of sin decreased, expectation of joy 
refilled my soul. The pain I suffered, ever decreasing, 
was purging. I was a Soul of Unrest, a Spirit of 
Light. Sombrous, sable wings held me up, appalling 
lurid clouds of emerald and red fire held me down. 
Chains of remorse weighed, with stern rigor, heavily 
upon my soul ; a crown of thorns — vivid remem- 
brances of lover’s caresses — burned and pricked me 
with unflinching, merciless, unceasing pain. My 
hands were manacled — manacled by the remembrance 
of the sins of the hands. Sibilant whisperings of 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 201 


dread awe weirdly, with unearthly lamentation, 
floated in the air and void — whisperings of the mem- 
ories of sin. A dread, painful, expectant awe, trem- 
bling horror held me; and in the dark clouds scenes 
of sins of yore painted themselves continually in deris- 
ive mockery; — in the chaotic clouds of wind and fire 
were whispered the words of a sacrileged love. Con- 
tinually in the ominous, mystic accent of thunder, there 
dissonantly volleyed in the air and void, the words : 
“ Yes , I will stay with thee ... I will love thee” 
And as the whisper of a sneering fiend, there sibilantly, 
subduedly intonated the air the words : “ Lie down, 

. . . and I will give thee some of this rich wine, which 
is sweet, mellow, and fine.” And anon, loudly and 
harshly thundered the devilish, soul-torturing words: 
" This is Love! ” And the wailing wind with thrilling 
intensity and irrepressible mockery reiterated the repro- 
duction of the words of Jardac and me, in harsh ac- 
cents, with sentient mockery. The words, as living 
devils delighting in this torture, whispered and thun- 
dered in continual emulation ... And I prayed. Be- 
fore my vision in lurid colors of fire at times, 
when at the places of sinful past there appeared 
the transmagorias of past actions in vari-colored 
fire. And Remembrance stung with its keen sting; 
Remorse gnawed with a pitiless, merciless, gnawing , 
dole, lonely separation and a keen, pithy sense of lonely 
incompleteness were ever upon me. Always I prayed 
—This is “ Purgatory,”— that and the grief and the joy 
before narrated, I experienced. And th s great pur- 
gatorial pain caused me to pray also for other souls, 


202 


Infans Amoris. 


and praying for them I offered comfort and good sug- 
gestions to them, — and I consoled all souls coming 
within my radius, helping them upward to Heaven. 

* * * * * * 

Onward with lightning speed and velocity ! On 
through air, through colors of glory, — through storms 
and restless seas ... to Rome. A brdliant sunset 
was the glittering beauty before me. The sun had just 
sunk, and sending up his vari-colored rays of dazzling 
light into long and wavy rifts of fleecy and billowy 
interwoven clouds, caused it all to seem as some grand 
picture of an angel-artist. 

“ Pulchrum, solis oc casus!” was the enthusiastic 
cry of genuine admiration of the children of Rome in 
this evening. 

Gaze at the sunset: — see how in columnar shafts of 
silver and geld he transforms the grey clouds into still, 
fleecy billows of red, crimson, and gold. See the sun 
slowly sinking . . . slowly, — slowly — his magnificent 
beams, a benison of heaven, wane and decrease. In 
the west there yet remains sufficient glory to dazzle 
the weak human eye. Across the cerulean void 
stretch two long, wavy clouds, flashing with iridescent 
rainbow glory, . . . slowly they move — like to the 
visible wings of some grand Invisible Form ; — moving 
restlessly like the waves of a sea lightly disturbed, 
they hover as angels guarding the sinking sun. 
Slowly the silvery fleece becomes a dull grey, — and a 
feeling of dreadful, expectant awe fills the bosom of 
one. Slowly he retracts and reclaims his lavish 
beams, and he alone remains in glory — a king . . . 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 203 


the blue distant horizon a dais, . . . the rainbow col- 
ors of prismatic glory a halo — a halo worthy of any 
king. Reposing on a bed of pink and golden clouds, 
a glorious Hosanna and Gloria to heaven, with a smil- 
ing, lovely farewell, shedding a few teardrops of 
meteor-like flame, ... he sinks — sinks from human 
vision, — an Emblem of Death. The sun, emblem of 
life you call him, say I, is the Emblem of Death : — he 
sinks from sight, — dies ... to rise again to a new 
life ; to rise with a fresher and more brilliant glory 
than in setting. 

Such was the sunset at Rome the eve I migrated 
thence. The old palaces, the huts, and the Tiber, the 
circus and theatres, and the Temple of Capitoline 
Jupiter, all were bathed in Sol’s brilliancy. I gazed 
sadly at this wicked city, the “ Mother of Nations,” 
and I prayed for the souls that were being lost, and 
in To-day, when I gazed at Rome, I pray for it. As 
I gazed at the twenty-nine highways leading from 
Rome then, I gaze at the highways now. The high- 
ways to Rome were of rich, large slabs, and by it were 
magnificent tombs of shining marble incrusted with 
massive ornaments of bronze and gold. . . . Rome 
was sinful; it is yet. Rome was rich, its highways 
being grand ; it is rich yet with the world’s trash, 
baubles that men have placed their lives — and souls — 
in jeopardy to get. Rome is like a dissolute youth — 
tiring of the pleasure of one sin it assumes another. 
The way to Rome now is by giving Peter’s Pence to 
the Pope — that is the only glorious way. And to-day 
the words and bulls of the Popes fly throughout the 


204 


Infans Amoris. 


world, as the edicts of wicked emperors did then, — 
and To-day there stands . statues of saints for venera- 
tion instead of idols ; incense, mammon, lust, and 
and hypocrisy still remain, and will remain, — till the 
End. 

Operated upon by some potent attraction, I de- 
scended into a large villa. I was in a saloon, and be- 
fore me . . . was one— one for. whom my being ar- 
dently longed, — for whom I felt a terrible, separated 
love. I saw Jardac! . . . O! what unutterable joy — 
and sorrow- — were mine. 

The saloon was a vast apartment, — the tessellated 
floors were of differently colored marble, forming fan- 
tastic designs, cleverly executed and skillfully worked. 
In the center of the room was a pool of scented water, 
which came from a rippling fountain in the center of 
the pond. Various lights alternately shone upon the 
fountain, causing it to flash with golden color, anon 
with a thousand prismatic hues. Huge green palms 
and esculent fruits, rich white and saffron lilies which 
grew from thick, tangled, slushy moss, dazzling 
sapphirine irises and sweet, star-shaped anemones, and 
over and around all, creeping and pendulous vines 
which crept down to the marble floor, all picturesquely 
grew around the border of the shimmering, fragrant 
pond out of marble stands which were elaborated by 
work of sea-shells, — and from the foliage sculptured, 
classical faces looked forth. Above this pond was a 
huge, high dome ; — the interior of it was carved and 
painted so skillfully that the scenery was delusive. One 
could have imagined that the scenes were real, not the 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 205 

pictures designed by a brain. Around the dome were 
suspended lights of various colors, in lamps of finely 
wrought gold incrusted with jewels. Huge oynx col- 
umns supported the dome, being around the pond in 
picturesque stateliness. Around the pond were di- 
vans and stands of expensive make and odd design. 
The somnific scent of tuberoses pervaded the place, 
and a soft, low melodious euphony echoed throughout 
the halls and corridors leading from this saloon. 

In the midst of all this rare, spectacular, fascinating 
wealth of beauty, were two forms bathing in the 
scented pool. I gazed at Jardac. His thoughts were 
envenomed with sin. And loving him so dearly, oh, 
I keenly suffered. Memories bitter became stronger, 
— the fuel added to the flame. Oh, oh, no mortal, 
for ’tis beyond the power of man to conceive, — could 
give a microscopic guess at the agony, the fire I there 
endured. The scene I saw was obnoxious to me, — I 
rebelled and writhed against this pain surpassing all 
purgatorial pain. For once I rebelled against the 
torture. In the ebullition of grief which I could 
neither suppress nor control, I cried: 

“No more ! O God, no more. Thou art cruel,” — 
but I knew that all was utterly just. 

This was as it were the vortex of my purgatory, the 
quintescence of my pain. Baleful was the potent ef- 
fect it had upon me. I felt — no words can adequately 
describe the sensations of pain, joy, sorrow, and com- 
passionate pity that took possession, as it were, of me. 
Yet how fruitful was my visit : — I saved him from 
sin! And that was the reward of my mission. 


206 


Infans Amoris. 


The person that was with Jardac was a woman — a 
woman of the world — a typical woman of To-day. 
She was fair in body — but black, to speak metaphori- 
cally, in soul. She had hair— a sheen of burnished 
gold, — dark, deep-set brown eyes, — a little sensual 
mouth, — and a petit, well-developed, graceful form. 
Jardac looked somewhat older than when we had been 
together, — but he bore his age well. He was about 
fifty years of age, yet he looked as if he were no more 
than thirty. He had still that voluptuous, Herculean 
form; that virile vigor and strength admirable; a 
darkly handsome face ; and that unexcelled demeanor 
and haughty mien. Still I loved him. I loved him 
not as earthly children love ; — I loved him with a pure, 
purged, most holy and true love. And loving him, 
I deeply suffered, — oh ! and heartily, sorrowfully pitied 
him. He was staining and decreasing that vital life' — 
oh, could I only save him ! My love, my love, oh, my 
blind love — cease ! You hurt yourself, and wrong the 
Holy God. 

He and the woman Flora disported themselves, 
then merrily laughing and Jocose in humor, they 
nimbly sprung, with water dripping from their thin, 
clinging tunics, out of the pond. Jardac plucked a 
fruit from a tree, and began to eat it, — and then he 
and Flora went to a large divan, made artistically of 
ivory and ebony and covered with feathery cloth and 
silken pillows, — and drinking wine, the music becom- 
ing soft and low — like to the symphonic melody of 
water-lilies making love — they kissed each other. 
Even so had he once kissed me. He gazed at her be- 


“ The Encircling Spirit-World.” 207 


witching face, at her dazzling eyes, and fell more un- 
der the luring spell of sin. And what spell is more 
potent in producing evil than the spell of a woman’s 
beguiling temptation? An evil woman can destroy 
nations, corrupt creeds and create a Hell that man 
never could. . . . Ah, Flora, if thou hadst a growing 
spark, I would have prayed for thee, but a demon 
shone from thine eyes so seductive and brown; and 
there I was in my pain, seeing mine own love retro- 
ceding further from God. And, oh, how I did fer- 
vently pray — and my prayers did pierce the clouds. 
When they even gazed into each other’s eyes I felt a 
smart of pain ; and I did rejoice when she jumped 
from the divan and jangled a tambourine and 
danced. 

She spun on her toes like a giddy snow-ball; she 
languidly swayed to and fro as a pliant lily just born 
to love and to live; she swam through the air like a 
gay butterfly ; and she smiled, she coquetted, and — she 
stopped suddenly. . . . But of brief duration was this 
charming inactivity, ... a loud, crashing sound re- 
verberated through the saloon, ... a long drawn, 
sonorous wailing of viols, mingled with lutes, cym- 
bals, drums, — and the soft sound of varying chimes, 
then sounded, growing louder and louder, wilder and 
wilder. And in the crashes of these entrancing, rav- 
ishing strains, she approached Jardac, ... the music 
suddenly fell, growing sweet and subdued, . . . Jar- 
dac arose, grasped her warm, full arms, . . . more 
passionate and riotous grew the sentient tunes, . . . 
he entwined his godly arms about her shining bosom, 


2o 8 Infans Amoris. 

. . . and around they flew in a giddy maze. After 
several minutes the music tumultuously crashed^ they 
stopped and separated. A soft, almost inaudible mel- 
ody floated about them, . . . she paused on tip-toe, 
put her delicate hand to her sea-shell ears, bent her 
head in attentiveness, as though listening to an 
esoteric message conveyed to her in the music. . . . 
A blare, ... a wailing, ... a screaming, ... a 
clashing of cymbals and tambourines, . . . and away 
this houri flew, as on clouds of pink flame, . . . she 
beckoned a sweet farewell, smiled, ... a radiating 
light of variable hues shone on her, . . . and in strains 
so loud that the walls seemed to burst in the straining 
tension, this seducting creature of ravishing fairness 
disappeared. This was the way my love wiled away 
his hours ! — in a veritable harem, — oh . . . God ! . . . 

Oh, God, deliver all souls who ever implicate them- 
selves in such a heart-rending affair! I felt terribly 
downcast and solitary ; nothing but drear torture 
seemed before me ; — as much as these earthly crea- 
tures enjoyed their unchaste amusements, so much did 
I loathe and suffer for them — for I loved him so! 

At this juncture, when Flora disappeared, five be- 
ings, clad in diaphanous gauze of dazzling maroon 
and gold, with diamond stars glittering and flashing 
prismatically in their jet black hair, came dancing into 
the room, music loud and merry vibrating most tune- 
fully in the scented air. As they came in, humming 
a ravishing tune, a panel of onyx and gold, which was 
at the top of one of the magnificent piles supporting 
the dome, opened . . . and a huge, fiery, blazing sun 


“The Encircling Spirit World.” 209 


whirled out from it and took position in the central 
space of the dome, . . . and in succession there 
emerged other balls and stars of colored light, which 
in order formed themselves into a systematic orbit, 
and whirled and hissed around the central sun, which 
gloriously, dazzlinglychameleonized every second. This 
was J ardac’s invention. Thus this deceiver of women, this 
wealthy quixotic fool enjoyed his idle hours. Here 
he and other worthy friends would often disport them- 
selves with wanton women, but now, he was the only 
man there — and , a nice specimen he was ! He closed 
his eyes in a dreary languor, but suddenly opened 
them, for the lamps which were suspended, in air sud- 
denly became extinguished. And at that moment the 
maidens of rare southern beauty sprang into the pool 
and began to gracefully move in the water, and there 
pealed through the apartment a loud, shrill bugle call, 
. . . the unseen musicians ceased their heretofore 
thrilling music, ... a viridescent illumination was 
thrown on the lake, . . . and there appeared in the 
center of the pool, under the fountain, a woman — su- 
perbly fair, voluptuously fascinating, nonchalant and 
languidly gracious, and glorious in her dazzling smile. 

She was clothed in a garment of loose gauze em- 
broidered with silver ; on her auburn hair, which was 
as bronzed gold hanging loosely about her, was a dia- 
dem of electrified glory, which scintillated and shone 
like miniature stars. She raised her sculptured hand 
with grace, and like unto the music of sweetly tuned 
bells, her delicious voice melodiously floated in the 
air : 

28 


210 


Infans Amoris. 


“ Nymphs of the water, who is your king, 

To whom you do gladly tributes bring?” 

And in unison the others sang : 

_ “ Who is our king but Jardac our lord, — 

Who from our sweet lips gets his reward ! ” 

As their voices died away, above the pool, in the 
dome, the stars formed themselves into the words : 

“ Love — Divine Passion of the soul — 

Enjoy it.” 

All surveying, with smiles of rapture on their fair 
faces, the beautiful spectacle before them, they formed 
themselves in two files : — and the water dripping in 
argently sparkling drops from her, the queen stood in 
the center, . . . then sang: 

“ Come to me, Jardac, love, — 

Come to Viola, Dove; 

Gaze in mine eyes, 

See yonder skies ; 

Lie in mine arms, 

Drink in Love’s charms — 

The charms of passion, flame, and fire, 

Bewildering joys of Love’s desire. 

O ! the wild grandeur of Love’s seething bliss, 

Come in the water and give me a kiss ...” 

While capriciously smiling a lascivious smile of se- 
ductive, unchaste desire . . . the stars and sun sud- 
denly and noiselessly whirled into circular form, then 
into the opening, and the onyx panel with a grating 
noise moved back to its original place. Jardac then 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 


2 1 1 


left the couch, and moved to the pond, preparatory to 
entering, when — I could stand it no longer, — if I could 
only appear to him! ... to save him! If I could 
only form material so as to communicate to him, — for 
he was too earthy now to receive spirit-warnings. If I 
would speak by 'material expression — my Will acted — 
I formed about ME atoms of color and material : 
thousands and millions and billions of atoms quickly 
formed in me materially, . . . and ... I was in a 
gorgeous butterfly ! A proof is this of the predomi- 
nance of Spirit over Matter. I was a butterfly as there 
was perhaps none ever before, — in colored, brilliant 
beauty it was a perfect marvel. Two wings of lumin- 
ous, royal purple, covered as it were with scintillant 
dust, with six oval spots of gold, ribbed by dark crim- 
son and phosphorescent veins, were its; it had a body 
with the most artistic, fascinating, yet repulsive exter- 
ior covered with a brownish fur, — and two eyes — 
eyes from which shone red, lurid fire — were in the 
head ; yet those eyes greatly failed to show what grief 
unendurable was mine. A dissonant buzzing, wailing 
cry issued from the mouth. It attracted Jardac’s at- 
tention. There was a luminous haze, bloody in color, 
about me. And plainly seeing a bug thus, a sense 'of 
prolific superstitious awe held him for several mo- 
ments spellbound in terrified amazement. He fear- 
fully scrutinized the “ fly,” and puissant was the fright 
I evoked in him. On the verge of familiar sin, the 
sun of enjoyment shining fully upon him, I came, a 
sable, strange macula, terrifying him. Gracefully, as 
a swan sails over quiescent water, it sailed around in 


212 


Infans Amoris. 


the air, the “ bz-z-ing ” issuing from the throat, fire 
being emitted from those ghastly eyes. By the sheer 
necessity of fright, he timorously muttered: 

“ By . . . the god Jupiter, what . . . hellish thing 
is this ? ” 

He was not answered, . . . the creatures about him 
were mute . . . His fright lessening to some extent, 
although believing and knowing it to be an aberra- 
tion of the bug family, he approached me. Confined 
in flesh, how could he know me? I was only some 
strange, unreal bug to him, yet ... in his bosom his 
heart palpitated apprehensively, ... a burning sensa- 
tion surged through him, ... his vision became 
somewhat dazed, and his brain dizzy and obtuse. 
Precipitately, instinctively, he nervously seized a large 
fan and vainly endeavored to beat me to the marble 
floor. But I eluded every frantic hit, ... I seemed 
invulnerable and formidable. 

“ This — this,” he testily asseverated, his limbs quiv- 
ering and shaking, “ is some damned . . . unreal — 
thing ! ” By their expression, I knew that the beau- 
tiful creatures of unchastity implicitly coincided with 
him. And naturally, for they were his paid chattels 
of amusement. 

As the seconds sped on his brain became partially 
clearer. He thought the bug a real, yet strange crea- 
ture ; yet in spite of his inward comments, a sensation 
of timorous and tremulous awe penetrated and stung 
him. Then, with courage that was laudable, he 
rushed to this bug; — it flew about him, — and with 
those burning eyes of gory torture, a sanguine look 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 213 

on the face, the luminous haze quivering, I flew into 
his open arms. . . . The eyes stared into his! As 
though fascinated magnetically, he stood still, — one 
could audibly hear his every breath and see his palpi- 
tating bosom . . . 

“ By the gods/’ he cried, after recovering from this 
temporarily inert state, — “whatever creature this can 
be — it hurts me,” — and in perplexed despair, — “ and 
... I feel a part of myself in it !” 

The same inexplicable sensation I myself acutely 
experienced. — Love in darkness and light is One: 
glorious in transcendent joy in Light, odious in the 
most bitter pain in Darkness. And those who asking, 
“ What is love ? ” being answered in that worldly 
phrase, “ A sensation of the heart, a fascination which 
rises at beauty and dies,” are answered by a false re- 
ply. Love is the making perfect, the joining One, of 
two souls. The same One in Hell as in Heaven. 

“ What God hath joined together, let no man put 
asunder ” is a prolific, appalling, dread command. 
When two souls meet and are joined while in the flesh 
(seldom done in To-day), let no one by lies of guile, 
by seduction, by irreligion, nor by false slanders, 
part these two, — by making them sin by infidelity, 
causing them to hate one another. Woe to that per- 
son. His fate shall rest in the hand of these two — 
One. Let him hesitate ere he — or she — wishing to 
win a fair woman — or a virile man — seduce one of 
this One to sin, thus parting the perfect ! 

“ Kill it,” cried several of the water beauties in ef- 


214 Infans Amoris. 

feminate fear; “don’t let it get near us! We are al- 
most naked ! ” 

And with an almost superhuman stroke and access 
of courage, he hit at it. He struck the material, 
. . . it instantly atomized and disappeared. He gazed 
upward, . . . saw naught of the “ bug ” — but saw 
ME in my sad state of meritorious work and mutable 
grief, glaring at him with a piteous, woe-begone sor- 
row. He saw me with all the excruciating torture 
and the dread horror and the sentient misery of the 
Unseen enveloping me. Dark chaotic clouds and red, 
bloody, luminous flame he saw enveloping my frail, 
fiery form of Light. And around Me — he, to his 
amazement, beheld a blazing halo of prismatic, super- 
nal glory. He in mad frenzy bounded sheerly into 
the air . . . to reach me. He was ignorant of unseen 
truths. Perhaps I was a phantom of his fantasy; — 
such a seemingly awful transparent and fiery thing as 
that could not be the Nathana of olden days, thought 
he. He would see . . . He again jumped to me, 
batted at me, . . . and touched naught but empty air ! 
He fell back, panting, silent, and awe-struck. 

“ He is not sane,” cried one of the creatures in the 
pool. 

He heeded her not. Slowly the truth dawned upon 
him, — -he reluctantly succumbed to it. He knew that 
this weird, loving thing was Nathana — Nathana with 
whom he had spent many hours of rapturous joy, — 
Nathana who had willingly given up Honor, Virtue, 
Home, and Love for him, — Nathana whom he had 
sent away with cruel words, with a breaking heart ! 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 215 


Realizing the horror of the position, he reeled back- 
ward . . . and fell into the pool. The terrifying per- 
turbation of his mind was stifling. Being caught by 
these creatures, who loved him for the plenteous deli- 
cacies they received from his hands, he gave vent to his 
feeling. 

“ Nathana . . . love. Oh — oh — oh ! I love thee. 
Whate’er thou art . . . my soul is thine. Thou suf- 
ferest ... I see, . . . yet I cannot understand ! I 
caused thee to be in pain. Forgive, Love, . . . for- 
give ! ” And he stretched out his arms in dissatisfied 
pitiful longing. Ah, he loved me. He cared naught 
for any other. At this ebullition of feeling, the crea- 
tures gazed at one another apprehensively and jeal- 
ously. 

“ O God,” I fervently prayed, “ let him see the de- 
lusive folly of his ways . . . save — save him.” 

My eyes burned as with unshed tears. All the love 
of the soul longed for his welfare. Quite suddenly a 
beaming circular sheen of white and saffron light ir- 
radiated the saloon, coming from above. I felt 
greatly calmed at the sight of this soothing splendor of 
light. ... A rattling noise ensued, . . . the marble 
floor seemed to rise, ... it hove like the waves of a 
perturbed sea, . . . and then was still. And, as 
though crushed by terrific hands, the golden lamps be- 
came shattered and fell into a thousand fragments. 

“ An earthquake ! ” cried the startled water queen. 
Terror seized the fickle hearts of these almost soulless 
creatures. 

Jardac suddenly, as though electrified and animated 


2l6 


Infans Amoris. 


by a potent, prolific force, utterly bounded into the air 
. . . fell down below me. His eyes blazing with a 
fearful, a vivid, and an intense knowledge, compunc- 
tion gnawing his heart, remorse burning his brain, he 
cried in a fervid falsetto, yet musical tone: 

“Ye bodies of ye devils, beneath which lurk mani- 
fold vices, I SEE you! You are skeletons all. Bah! 
. . . I see the bones white as parchment, . . . and on 
every one is written * sin ’ ! The body is naught but 
dirt, — the color and light gone out in all of them. I 
see you , black, hideous, grinning, more hateful — a 
thousand times— than the devils in dark Hell ! Each 
one of you should have an exclusive place in the dark 
abodes of torture. Lust, hate, malice, wantonness, 
gluttony, and drunkenness are all inscribed upon you. 
Obnoxious are ye to me;” — and in a vehement wail 
of self-conviction, — “ yet what am I ? Begone ye re- 
minders of crime ! Begone ! ” And impelled by the 
force of the preternatural glare of his eyes, in confusion 
the girls rushed precipitately from the saloon. Then 
in a dazed, solemn, low tone, with a weird look of 
vague awe, Jardac continued slowly, distinctly enunci- 
ating the words: “I am in a deep, dark valley . v . . 
Around me are dark trees, each one a sin, . . . they 
are soft to the touch, and yield a fruit that bewildered 
the mind with sweetness, but which deadens the Soul; 
they . . . shut out the sunlight — the sunlight of enliv- 
ening Love .... The thunders roar strangely above 
me! ... I love this place. Onward I walk; ... a 
steep precipice yawns in fearful, abysmal fury before 
me ... A feeling of awe comes upon me, ... I am 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 217 

afraid ! ! Dark down in those solitary, dreary depths 
roars a torrent ; and the name of the torrent is Despair 
... As though the impending fate of eternal death 
were predestined, I feel as though forced to go down, 
invited therein ! . . . But a twinkling star is before 
me, . . . divinely fair — ’tis a woman’s sweet, entranc- 
ing face ! ! A ray of hope revived ! ‘ Kiss not the 

face ; let it guide thee to My Light ! ’ I hear a Voice in 
voluminous menace proclaim. But I heed it not 
... I grasp covetously at the ravishing Star ... I 
taste the delicacy of those lips — and ... ye rattling 
din of thunder cease your noise ! — The waters below 
in that enormous chasm of protruding menace, howl 
for me — its just and welcome prey! The star I cast 
aside, . . . and I fall ! Down, . . . down, ... a huge, 
sharp point of rock bespeaks itself in bloody, leering 
hatefulness below me ! It is a tooth of some monster 
. . . waiting for me — a morsel of drear, baked dark- 
ness. I fall on its sharp, poisoned fang, . . . my 
blood is wine ! ’Tis joy ! The world swirlingly yawns 
asunder, and flames, invoked by the murder of the star, 
environ me, . . . and I burn. Fire circles me on every 
side; — it rises into the air in pyramidal structures of 
flaming colored glory — Yet the glory is acute pain. 
And down into the dark, seething waters of eternal 
blackness falls the once-brilliant star; . . . and it 
seemingly dies ! Death — a dark domed cloud of ap- 
palling aspect, hovers over me. . . . Slowly, almost 
imperceptibly, it descends with a solemn, surging noise, 
and the confused muffle of thunder vibrates in the 
distinctly mystic air ! Ready to crush me in ravenous, 


2l8 


Infans Amoris. 


hungry fury, it writhes, — and quiveringly, suddenly 
falls! — victoriously it is almost upon my struggling 
form! My heart beats fearfully, — and my eyes pro- 
trude, — yet I love and enjoy this pandemonium. All 
hope seems fled, . . . ghastly flames of tapering white 
glory form about me, . . . and “ Sin ” is written in 
the heavens. A cry — seemingly that of a devil in his 
hell — dissonantly rings upon the air : A woman’s won- 
drous voice ! . . . And above me, in the distant 
heavens, is the Face of the Star. Resuscitated, though 
in weird, maddened torment, it gazes at me — in Love. 
I see what I have done; . . . vision fades, . . . Nath- 
ana, I love thee — oh, I love thee. Oh, those eyes of 
beseeching pity, immortal woe, and foreboding of im- 
minent peril ! Let that line of pallid torture fade from 
thine angel’s face, ... let a sweet, serene smile 
appear — ” 

“ Only by Love, by thy repentance can it be done,” 
I cried in joyous appeal. 

“ How ? ? ? ” he cried in ardent, anxious question- 
ing. 

And as he asked, I gazed to Heaven, and prayed 
.... And then, off in a vision of a myriad of lovely 
flowers, a great Cross shone — its tapering points were 
of golden flame, its transverse beams of purple and 
yellow light, and upon it was a Vague Figure — the 
Figure of a Glorified Being whose eyes smiled in Sor- 
row, whose nailed Hands helped poor souls to grace — 
and through the surging music of the odor of the 
flowers, there came the holy words, “ Come to Me, all 
ye that are labored and are burdened, and I will refresh 


“The Encircling Spirit-World.” 219 


you, and lead you aright. . . And the Radiant 
Figure shone with the palpitating glow of an arctic 
night; it was suffused with the soft lines of a morn- 
ing’s sunrise light. And this Holy Suffering Form 
so grand, so bright, so holy in Its empyreal light, grew 
lofty and grander still. The Figure appeared more 
Real, grew more Sweet, and the Cross of Sorrow fell, 
away, replaced by Three Stars of Azure Light — the 
Star of Hope, the Star of Mercy, — the Star of Love. 
And around the Godly Form that was being trans- 
figured, grew garlands of gems and odorous beings, 
and all were joined by flashing curves of prism-like 
flame, — and all around was indescribable radiance, 
glowing with grandeur, with exalted fire, — and celes- 
tial songs were wafted on the waves of heavenly sheen. 
And the God-like Form rose, with a Sweet Welcoming 
Smile, — the pricking Crown of Thorns grew dim, and 
there was a Crown of soft, sweet flowers, — and the 
bleeding Hands beckoned down — “ Come, repent, 
suffer as did I, and receive the Reward of Love — the 
Crown of Light.” 

“ The Christ,” I softly said, bowing down in 
prayer — “ Love, — go to Christ — the suffering God — 
the loving One, follow Him, — and come to Me.” 

The Holy Vision rolled away amid the clangorous 
melody of spheres, — and I rose, on a billow of cloudy 
flame. 

“ Love — to Jerusalem — to Christ.” 

And I rose from him — he would be saved. I thank 
God. 


220 Infans Amoris. 

A crash of sweet sound rolled between us — and I 
was gone .... 

My prayers of almost thirty long, long, sad, dreary, 
tortured years were to be fruitful — thirty years in 
which I had worked : prayed, consoled, and helped 
others, and by this, I was acquiring a glory brighter 
than any distant sun ; and now even Love was saved. — 
Who will not vehemently, joyfully, gladly exclaim — 
“ God is good f ” 

As lifted up in a whirling, roaring, mighty wind, 
as of a long gathering tempest, I was then lifted higher 
up and swept away, amid chaos and thundering . . . 
And that night, afar, far off, I saw the dazzling world 
of Heaven, ... and I heard the celestial choirs, . . . 
and I longed to enter, . . . but no, I would wait until 
Jardac was saved, and I would lead him who led me 
to sin, into Heaven. 

O I rejoiced, sang the praises of God. My mission, 
my prayers led him to go to the Christ, — O how pow- 
erful is fervent prayer. The joy of his conversion 
was a sunbeam to me, and I thanked God. I prayed for 
souls that were working towards Heaven — souls who 
yearned upwards like flowers to the sun, souls whose 
existence was love, whose mission peace. 


CHAPTER X. 


THE LIVING LOVE. 

Down in the river stood a Man! . . . O Glory! it 
was the Great Son of God. How I effervesced in the 
transcendent joy of that exquisite moment! Again I 
saw the Infant of Love, — once again. 

There was a mixed crowd of spectators on the 
shore ; and in the waters of the Jordan stood two 
imperial men. The one crude and uncultured, — the 
Other a marvel of humane sweetness and tenderness. 
No ravishing bodily beauty was His, but — His Smile 
was Joy; His Word, Life. 

John had been baptizing, and now that the Son of 
the God Eternal was come, John was reluctant to bap- 
tize Him. Slowly, almost imploringly, he said: 

“ I ought to he baptized by Thee, and Thou cometh 
to me, a creature who is only worthy to serve Thee.” 

And then from those supernal lips of total truth and 
comforting words there accentuated in a sweetly *low 
and distinct tone the humble words : 

“ Su ffer it to be now. For it so becometh us to ful- 
fill all justice^ 

John, with a meek and reluctant move, filled a shell 
full of the river water. There rolled along in the 

cloudy horizon a red, fiery cloud, ... it hovered 

221 


222 


Infans Amoris. 


above Him, this Perfect Man, whose face betokened 
a spring’s smiling morn redolent with a scented zephyr 
serene, — whose physique was marvellous in its pure, 
white beauty. The exposed flesh was luminous in its 
marble whiteness, surpassing all falling snow ; — His 
bared feet were as studded with milky pearls. I gazed 
upon the One Perfect Man. O, I loved Him — loved 
and feverishly longed for Him beyond talking. I suf- 
fered poignant pangs of longing — the longing of a 
heart unfed. And lo ! He gazed upwards, and slowly 
He spake the kindly words : 

“ Spirit of sorrow, let thy longing be satisfied.” 

Then John poured the water upon His holy Head. 
And in that instant — while the words struck me — the 
idea entered myself that were I to descend into the 
water and trammel myself in this element, I could come 
in contact with the Living Love Divine. Down ! I was 
in the water, ... it seethed, ... I felt confined, . . . 
yet, O what a surpassing sense of joy, of ecstatic peace 
pulsated through me. The water was around Him. 
His grace and peace permeating from His Perfect .Self 
impregnated the water and reached me . . . O God, 
how grand it would be if could every soul in pain have 
such an experience ! One in mortal life, knowing the 
joy, would leave life to experience it. Aye, truly 
as Scripture saith, “ And as many touched Him were 
made whole.’’ * 

Away off in the distant heavens there resounded a 
low, rattling din of mystic thunder, ... it came roll- 
ing in pregnant boding towards the spot where He 
* St. Mark, vi. 56. 


223 


The Living Love. 

was. Suddenly . . . the very heavens were rent for- 
cibly asunder, — a light supernal emanated from there- 
in, — the pellucid waters shimmered in translucent gold- 
en glory. And then ... a Fire descended . . . soft 
martial music floating in the air . . . and the Spirit 
sat upon Him . . . and a Voice, supremely sweet, 
thrillingly sublime, said : 

“ This is My beloved Son, in Whom I am well 
pleased.” 

Then Jesus stepped upon the shore and gazed at the 
people standing near-by, and His face of dazzling love 
intensely saddened into a Countenance of appalling 
tears. For He saw what those men were, who were as- 
sembled there; on each dim Spark there was a multi- 
tude of sins. 

“ John,” He said in appeal, “ watch thyself and pray 
that thou becomest not as one of these, — but these have 
I come to save. My Mission has begun, O Father in 
Heaven, of what avail ? How many will refuse to hear 
and accept Me ! ” And He walked away with that im- 
perial ease and humble dignity natural to Him. Yet 
His head was bowed low and His very soul was tear- 
fully sad. 

The men who were being baptized gazed after Him 
in stupefied wonder, in inexpressible amazement. 

Was this Sorrowful Man the Lamb of the Living 
God, Who was to baptize zvith the Holy Ghost and with 
href Was it possible that this humble Personage was 
One whose shoe John was unworthy to loose? — were 
the perplexing questions that disturbed this people’s 
souls. And gazing at Him . . . lo! four prismatic, 


224 


Infans Amoris. 


shimmering, dazzling beams of light shot from Him 
into the mystic figure of the Cross. What this Prog- 
nostic meant I could not fathom, — but it greatly sooth- 
ed and lulled the tempest of dreary sorrow in my soul. 
Here He was baptized, here the Spirit sat upon Him, 
in God’s Temple of Air. 

The waters of the river still held that circling grace ; 
but upwards I flew, aerial in spirit sped. Darkness was 
again slowly falling upon me — darkness, though plane- 
tary circles of light grew as flowers in the field of 
space. 

Away down in the distance I perceived one of the 
motley crowd, a witness of God’s obeying of the Law, 
throw up his arms and cry : 

“ The Lamb of the Living God ! Salvation and 
Hope!” 

To my great and unexcelled joy I saw that it was 
Jardac, and then. . . .1 could see no more. . . .1 as- 
cended up, up, up towards God’s Own World. 

* * * , * * * 

Rumble and roar .... turmoil of skies .... deep, sepul- 
chral thunder resounding in a rattling din of menac- 
ing fury ! Athwart the gathering clouds of somber 
pall-like darkness flitted like burning spirits of eternal 
torment, livid blue and crimson forks and tongues of 
flame. Away off a dark mountain towered in stub- 
born stillness before the living, cogent turmoil of the 
elements. It stared with a bold stare and an unflinch- 
ing gaze at the few white clouds being driven along 
by the driving palls of darkness. It stared aghast at 


The Living Love. 225 

this unfortuitous storm it saw the balls of crimson 
fire sputtering among the volubly rattling, thunder- 
laden clouds; it knew that the embryo of the Terrible 
was ready to burst in appalling grandeur and magnifi- 
cence, that the storm chrysallis was as naught. It 
heard a sweet, resonant Voice proclaim, in a kindly 
tone : 

“ It is written, not in bread alone doth man live, but 
in every zvord that proceedeth from the mouth of God 
— words that are life to the Spirit.’’ 

Then the rifts of jagged rocks on the elevated moun- 
tain filled with pensive tears, — and yet those enormous 
tears were enlivened by ecstatic joy. For the rending, 
growling caverns, the mountains all in all, recognized 
the Voice of their Omnipotent God. Away off in the 
tremulous heavens, despite storm and thunder clouds, 
reposed the faint crescent moon. Weird in her super- 
annuated decline, she gave a ghastly aspect to the stu- 
pendous scene. A desert, barren and sterile, was be- 
low me, and at the foot of the yonder darkly looming 
mountain stood two personages: One, a Man of su- 
pernal sunshine, a ray of light in this mystic darkness. 
Around His smiling yet pensive Face, circled an aure- 
ole of silvery glory. The Sun in the darkened desert 
of Life sent forth His plenteous beams of inexhaust- 
ible, matchless Love, causing the darkness of material- 
ism to fade away, spirituality sublime to reign. Pros- 
trate on the quivering sand before Him was one whose 
lurid eyes betokened inward fires. A little cessation, a 
short lull in his seemingly neverending period of evil- 
ness and torture was this. And what a mild, most 
15 


226 


Infans Amoris. 


thankful expression of unburdened relief and soothed 
pain flitted over his dark and kingly face ! He raised 
his arm. . . .a flash of viridescent illumination filled all 
of the visible heavens, showing distinctly and accu- 
rately the perturbation of the subterranean caverns and 
the stupendous magnificence of mountain tears. The 
clouds had burst upon the mountain, and the water 
rushing out, if not real tears, were similar to them. 

“ True,” cried Satan wistfully, “ true, and I live! I 
live by the Word . . . but how f ” 

Ascending through the thunder-vibrating air, they 
stood upon the groaning mountain. Satan extended 
his long and beautiful arms, and shewed Him all the 
kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. 

“ See, — see the glories thereof,” cried Satan in trem- 
ulous tones, “ these will I give Thee, — for Thou canst 
not get them. Thou art pure — and Purity and Truth 
never can win temporal power ; it is Lie that men obey. 
I can get Thee these ; I walk over the earth, ruling evil 
men and devils, and these can I get Thee, — and then 
Thou wilt be recognized — a real King. And men will 
then love Thee. They now listen to me rather than 
Thee — oh, I hate them for it ! Oh . . . my misery ! ! . . . 
my anguished loneliness and grief ! ” And the very 
rocks roared in sympathy as he wailed. “ Man is 
more evil than I, O Christ, — hence adore me, — lift me 
to heaven. To Thee — will I give all this power — mere 
rubbish of the earth, but which will make men accept 
Thee — and the glory of them; for to me they are deliv- 
ered , — and to whom I will, I give them. If therefore 
Thou wilt adore me all this is Thine , as man.” 


The Living Love. 227 

Satan stood before this God of Love, and anxiously 
awaited the reply of this King incognito. 

“ Satan, once bright angel of Heaven,” said Jesus, 
reproachfully, “ dost thou not know that evil grows, 
as good grows, and had not thy hate sown the seed, 
the sorrow now would not be thine ! Through Love 
alone can I reach the hearts of men, not by temporal 
power. I cannot raise Thee to Heaven, thou knowest 
well. It is written, Thou shalt adore the Lord thy God , 
and Him only , shalt thou serve. To adore thee — to 
love gold, vice, pleasure, and temporal sway — is a sin. 
And we dare not sin. Art thou not ashamed so to hate 
the weak angel that I love, for whose good I shall 
die?” 

Satan slunk away in shame, and murmured, “ Aye, 
aye,” — and from the very subterranean caverns and 
bowels of the earth, from the primitive forests of weird 
shade, from the lowest depth of cold ocean, from the 
cloud-riven and thundering heavens, came the univer- 
sal murmur of accent and accord, “ Aye, aye.” He 
went on in beseeching tones, a lugubrious expression 
on his face: 

“ Aye, Him only shall we serve ; but in ages to come 
men will His creatures honor, serve and offer orisons 
to. He will be slighted — the saints invoked. Instead of 
pouring ointment on Thy feet, by serving God and fol- 
lowing Thee, men will give to Thy untrue ‘ represent- 
ative ’ Peter's pence. Instead of going to the Father 
by the One Way, they will have to go by the ‘ Chair of 
Peter ’ — and he who will be the Head of the Church 
that will follow Thee, instead of Thy representative, 


228 


Infans Amoris. 


will be my Representative, instead of speaking ex ca- 
thedra by the Holy Ghost, he will speak ex cathedra 
by my prompting — for he will be my prolocutor, my 
votary, by virtue of his lust — his lust of temporal 
power, his love of gold. And as Thou wilt suffer 
Judgment before the Sanhedrim, so will Genius and 
Truth suffer before him. As Thou wilt be condemned 
by Lie, so will Truth be condemned by false Dogma! ” 
{Hence, 0 mortals of Earth, I cry with Christ ... 
Watch). “ Men will not follow Thee and wor- 
ship God, O Christ/’ went on Satan, “ but will follow 
Lust in Sensualism by the non-existence of true re- 
ligion; and their god will be — Gold. I adore God 
— men adore me! Yet for this I suffer, O pitiful, 
holy Christ! O Jesus, Thou art a, God — I love 
Thee. And how canst Thou so love that earthly worm 
— Man — as to die, to try to save him — for heaven ? O 
God, why is he to be made immortal — an angel ? — why 
will he rise and I fall — fall? for I hate him. Vile, 
vicious, uncouth creature of slime, he loves Thee not — 
he hates Thee — he worships not God . . . but Me — me. 
O Christ, sweet name of Love, in future ages Thy name 
man will make a mockery of, Thy death, he will say, is 
the end of a charlatan, Thy claims a Lie — he will disre- 
gard Thy Love — he will serve me, making grief for 
me, damning himself. Holy God, let me annihilate 
him without grief to myself — let me roll his little globe 
back to the fire of its birth, and let him be no more. 
For he hath no love for Thee, — for did not a soul Thou 
didst forgive at Thy birth — a vile, love-lorn woman — 
seek Thy death for sin ? Forgive me, and let me — who 


229 


The Living Love. 

was the grand angel of light and power in heaven — * 
rise to stay. Kill the Memory in me, even if Thou 
dost destroy an immortal essence ! Yet let me slay un- 
thankful, sinful Man — whom I hate, which hate makes 
me make him sin, which sin makes my misery. Thou 
knowest, God-in-Man, that the faith which Thou wilt 
make known will be altered to suit the taste of men, 
that a Pope will be put up instead of Thee, that Money, 
and not Virtue, will be the Gate to Heaven — man’s 
heaven .... vice. Better by a thousand times will it 
be to let me have my revenge. . . .annihilate the beast 
. . . .how canst Thou love him ! ” 

His dark arms outstretched, his bosom heaving hate, 
his eyes full of fear, love, and malice, he listened to 
the reply. 

“ Satan, Satan,” said Jesus, sweetly, “ Thou art in- 
deed in the dark if thou knowest not My love .... to 
create Man was Love, to save him Love, to give him 
heaven Love. If he sin, I can love and pity him, and 
he may atone. What I have created in love cannot be 
destroyed in hate. Satan, Satan, thou dost enjoy 
tempting man, and it naturally retrogrades thee — 
thou art unjust. If Man loves temporal power, sins, 
and forgets Me, I do not forget him. I AM for him, 
to be loved. O! I love him. Thou dost hate him. 
Hence thy grief. To be forgiven all hate must leave 
thee, thou must repent, thou must atone to Man. Al- 
though he may forget the existing spiritual agencies of 
love, they shall not forget him ; although he lose his 
soul, I live for him. I die for him, and shall do all 
that a God could do. O, if he would only listen to 


230 


Infans Amoris. 


Me, hear My voice, accept My love ! Thou darest not 
annihilate by sorrow what I love.” 

With a piteous sigh of anger and envy, Satan said: 

“ O Lord, so may it be ! ” 

He brought Him to Jerusalem , and set Him on 
a pinnacle of the temple, — and he said to Him: 

“ If Thou be the Son of God, cast Thyself from 
hence. For it is written, that He hath given His an- 
gels charge over Thee, that they may keep Thee; and 
that in their hands they shall bear Thee up, lest perhaps 
Thou dash Thy foot against a stone. Prove Thy 
power — the Power which so loves men.” 

And Jesus, with a glance of reluctant sadness and 
pity, said: 

“ Begone, Satan, thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy 
God. Go, greatest spirit of torture in Hell ; thou hast 
tempted Me. Go from hence that others may win a 
high place in Heaven, for in resisting thee they do 
hardly work. Begone.” And this was delivered in a 
no hateful and loathing tone, as though He hated and 
despised Satan ; no, ’twas given in that sweet, merciful, 
silvery tone, which is correlative to Perfect Love. A 
fierce, harsh, or gruff command of hate and despication 
would have been a total negation of true love. And all 
the temptations being ended, the devil departed from 
Him for a time. 

Then the thunders died away. The morning’s sun 
rose to view in all his brilliant splendor of matchless 
worldly light. I felt happy, joyous. Oh, my sorrow 
was fading, my joys increasing. 

Jardac was being saved! 


231 


The Living Love. 

I was seeing Him ! 

O, joy tinged and quivered through me. I felt that 
I was being perfected; — I felt a potent and electric 
Love nourishing me and causing me to develop into 
great angelic Beauty. Of course, I was indeed sad ; 
but that sadness withal was glad. Soon, I joyfully 
thought, I should meet Jardac ; soon we would be be- 
fore this lenient Master, who was the incarnation of 
perfect Truth and Love, whose mission just begun 
would be pregnant with great results. O, I was 
happy! I was rising . . . rising . . . rising up to- 
wards Heaven. 

The nocturne of pregnant signification was ended. 
The loving Face of kindly beauty was gone from me. 
And then, alleviated sorrow environing me, I spent 
three years. Little pain did I now suffer : — the re- 
membrance of sin was fading; the love and joy of 
Heaven were before me — me who was a Radiant Soul 
now. 

What a lesson may be taken from the temptation ! 
Especially notice the one wherein Satan wants Christ 
to exhibit His powers, to cast Himself from the Temple, 
so that angels would bear Him up. How few mortals 
take the lesson. They jump at every opportunity 
whereby they may show their talent and superiority 
for the praise of men; no humility is theirs; earthly 
honors alone they crave. To prove themselves great 
they seek the stage of the world, pushing others back 
to gain for themselves prominence. But not so with 
the Son of God. The Son of God was tempted by the 
senses, by the love of riches, by the praise of men ; but 


232 Infans Amoris. 

these held no attraction that submerged the power of 
will. 

As I said, I passed three earthly years. I was be- 
coming a radiant Spirit, beautiful and brilliant with 
electric fire. And I loved Jardac — loved him more. I 
awaited him, loving him; — I hovered near Jesus; I 
helped mortals. 

I was descending as a flame of lightning through the 
air, and I felt joyous, and then.... I felt a lulling 
sweetness perforate me, and below me was the King of 
Humanity, the Son of God, the LIVING LOVE. 

Standing on bare sand, the beautiful orb of light, the 
sun, His only visible halo, He surveyed with pitying 
love an irate creature before Him. 

“ Thou art a base impostor ! ” cried this wanton vi- 
rago of seething feminine passion. She was a dark, 
shrunken woman, of distinctly Hebrew type. Her eyes 
blazed vindictively with devilish wrath, and her bosom 
heaved convulsively. No answer aid those Holy Lips 
vouchsafe. 

“ Thou art a base, meretricious impostor ! ” she 
strenuously repeated, trying to elicit an answer from 
Him. Then in those sweet, chiming tones, as of bells 
distantly ringing, His voice accentuated words in the 
close, awe-struck, silent air. 

“ Thinkest thou,” He said, raising His hand of com- 
forting benediction, “that the God is an impostor?” 

“ Nay,” cried the woman, “ the God of our Fathers 
we love ; we obey the Mischna ; we offer to Him sacri- 
fices — Thou art false because He is true.” And with 


233 


The Living Love. 

a decided gesture of conviction, she stood glowering at 
Him, with that low, impudent look habitual to a class 
of the female sex. 

“ Aye, aye,” said this Sweet Humility, “ thou offerest 
to the God of thy fathers sacrifices, but knowest thou 

” and His voice of angel sweetness grew fervid, 

and there came a look of pity and wrong into those Ce- 
lestial Eyes — “ knowest thou that thy sacrifices are 
naught to the Father in Heaven — and Me. The prayer 
of a simple, pure heart is a million times of more avail 
than the one-millionth part of an ostentatious sacrifice 
of golden grandeur. Blood of calves God loves not 
— also incense and candles are perishable in essence 
. . . but an invocation to the Father in Heaven, from 
a heart free from guile and self-interest, shall last for- 
ever . . . shall last forever, — to all time.” 

“ He denieth the efficacy of our sacrifices, as though 
the work of Satan He previously hath done is naught ! ” 
shrilly screamed the woman, waving her arms of 
brown assertiveness in the air. And she said solemnly, 
menacingly : “ If my friends were here, if the priests 
were here, they would stone Thee.” 

“ And they will,” sadly asserted this Man of Sorrows 
in a plaintive tone that seemed like the shrill, dolorous, 
yet musical cry of a dying bird in a desert of hopeless 
despair. “ Aye, God knoweth it, they, the priests, will 
stone Me — stone Me as hard as they can ; by calumny, 
by sin ! O Father, why does man hate Me? Why shall 
I be misrepresented and stoned in ages and ages to 
come ? ” He paused, and tears — the tears of God — 
flowed from His sorrowful eyes. “ The priests of the 


234 - Infans Amoris. 

Jewish church — the present church — will stone Me. 
The priests of the coming church — the future Churches 
— will stone Me ! They can, — and they will ! O 
Father ! Father ! ” And with that piteous wail of sad- 
ness, He fell prone to the earth in an attitude of hu- 
mility, and His aspect was one of dejection and grief. 
The woman who had listened to these words in a state 
of stupefaction, now seeing Him thus humbly procum- 
bent on the earth, took advantage to satisfy her malic- 
ious hate, and. . . .she raised a stone. . . .and cast it at 
the prostrate Redeemer of the World. It struck His 
tender, godly flesh .... and cut it ; the sacred blood be- 
gan to flow. He arose. The woman retreated, cower- 
ing in shame before that Glance of Woe-Begone Pity 
and Forgiveness. 

“ An example of the Future World ! ” He wailed, 
looking beseechingly up to Heaven. 

“ Why speakest Thou not to me ? ” interrogated the 
woman, somewhat timorously. “ Thou didst well merit 
the hit! Thou wast preaching and my son heard 
Thee. Thou didst say to him, ‘ If thou wilt be perfect 
go and sell what thou hast, and give it to the poor, and 
thou shalt have treasure in Heaven, — and come and 
follow Me/ The deluded fool hath done so ; he left 
me, his mother, and hath gone to Thee. He acteth as 
a very child ” 

“ And/’ interposed Christ, slowly and solemnly, “ I 
have already said that unless you be converted and be- 
come as little children, you shall not enter into the 
Kingdom of Heaven. Thy priests and people are far 
from me, far from My Father in Heaven, for well has 


The Living Love. 235 

Esaias spoken, This people honoreth Me with their 
lips, but their heart is far from Me. Thou and thy 

priests are far from Me, ” and impressively and 

vehemently He spake — “ and farther yet shall some 
of the coming priests be who hurriedly and impatiently 
intone the rituals. Amen, amen, I say to thee, that 
when men cease to be as children, when Wealth is God, 
when Truth is confuted, when the Poor are detruded, 
when husbands in miserly ambition starve their wives, 
and are also deficient in respect, when Evil triumphs 
and has outrooten Religion. . . .then the end will be at 
hand! And though the World stoneth Me, yet this 
poor terrene sphere hurteth Me not so much as it hurt- 
eth itself, — for the fire enkindled from Lie, Infidelity, 
Irreligion, Hypocrisy, and Sin, is a hot fire — of eternal 
burn. O Love, soon to be betrayed ! . . . Man, accept' 
My Love ! ” And crystalline tear-drops of sparkling 
glory fell from His sorrowful eyes of tenderness. Thus 
He walked away, with only hearty pity and love for 
sinners ; — hate had no place in this Embodiment of 
Perfect Love. And who will dare to say that He was 
not a Child always, a Child of Obedience, Comfort, and 
Mercy, — and most of all, a Child of Love? 

A Child, an Infant — for even in the manger tear- 
drops of pure love were shed — an Infant of Love was 
He. Yet no endearing sobriquet, no matter how sweet, 
deep, and grandiloquent, can convey the meaning, the 
depth of the unparalleled Love of this Holy Man of 
Simple Faith and unreserved Child-like Love. 

I knew this Man was simply God; I love Him ac- 
cordingly. I felt that He would do great deeds, bring 


Infans Amoris. 


236 

many to Heaven, and love, — but I guessed not how He 
would ultimately leave man. All I knew was that He 
was a God in all, that He would save, that He loved, — 
and was to be loved. 


CHAPTER XI. 


THE SAVIOUR'S PRESCIENCE OF THE EVILS OF TO-DAY. 

Again, O Loving God, another joy — another vision 
of my Saviour came to me. Down, down, the impetus 
of Love drew me down. 

Down on the earth He was mounting a colt. With 
imperial ease and sublime humility of mien, He mount- 
ed the simple animal. 

In momentary speed, as the thought formed itself 
from embryo, I descended — by the will and permission 
of the Supreme Power — and entered the animal. Only 
to be near this Holy One, to feel His potently soothing 
and loving influence ! A soothing calm, a sweet, inde- 
finable peace and surging love perforated me, and 
caused me to exult with inward joy and exquisite pleas- 
ure. I longed to proclaim Him King vociferously. 

What a sweet and loving smile irradiated that sacred 
Face, as words of life flowed from His unsullied lips ! 

Onward we went. A vast multitude, with jubilant 
acclamations, cast palm leaves and rich raiment before 
Him, and many and many cried : 

“ Hosanna to the Son of David: Blessed is He that 
cometh in the Name of the Lord: Hosanna in the 
highest: The King of Israel !” 


237 


Infans Amoris. 


238 

Then and there He was recognized as a Superior 
Being. His disciples, being assured and cognizant of 
His mighty power and Divine Personality, cried : 

“ Blessed be our King, the Messiah, the Lord ! 
Blessed be the God-Man ; for His mission is Love. O 
all ye people, know you that He hath come to save sin- 
ners , that He hath said that there is more joy in Hea- 
ven upon one sinner doing penance , than upon ninety- 
nine just who need not penance. 

“ Love is in Him : — Love is the fulfilling of the Lazo. 
Fulfill the Law, all ye people, — fulfill His simple Law, 
and ye shall be saved to Life Everlasting. Glory be to 
the Christ who forgiveth sinners and feedeth the hun- 
gry, — who loveth Man and sufifereth for him, — who 
saveth Man, and who is by Man rejected. Blessed be 
our Saviour ! Glory ! Glory ! Glory to Christ the 
Healer, the Comforter of the dying. Blessed he the 
King who cometh in the name of the Lord; peace in 
Heaven , and glory on High!” 

Several sleek Pharisees in an acrimonious tone, with 
sycophant smiles, said: 

“ Master, we know Thou art a king, but stop this 
ranting; rebuke Thy disciples.” 

He, the Saviour, turned, and with a withering smile 
of pardon and pity, said : 

“ Know the God whom you know not : I say unto 
you, that if these shall hold their peace, the stones will 
cry out.” 

And they were restless and resentively silent from 
outcry, though they angrily whispered among them- 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 239 

selves. He was a madman, thought they. He had said 
“ the stones unit cry out ” 

Were there lives in those stones? — were other souls 
in material so as to receive the salutary and enormous 
flood of emanating love? Does a Divine life impreg- 
nate every atom of creation ? Aye, the earth was ready 
to burst with restrained joy. 

We entered Jerusalem amid “ Hosannas ” and tri- 
umphant singing. The “ Prophet ” was royally re- 
ceived by those who soon were to cry for His death, 
and curse themselves, saying, “ His blood be upon us 
and upon our children.” And this self-invoked curse 
itself forms a terribly blighting penalty of an awful 
crime. 

As we were entering the City He gazed sadly at it 
and silently wept for a short time, then in sadly sweet 
accents, He mournfully said : 

“ If thou hadst known in this thy day , the things that 
are to thy peace, hut are now hidden from thine eyes. 

“ For the day shall come upon thee, — and thine ene- 
mies shall cast a trench about thee, and compass thee 
round, and straighten thee on every side. 

“ And beat thee flat to the ground, and thy children 
who are in thee, — and they shall not leave in thee a 
stone upon a stone; because thou hast not known the 
time of thy visitation. 

“ And even so as thou refuseth Me, as thy priests 
will seek to kill Me, so also in futurity, I see that the 
world will fall from Me, the professed-religious men 
will be hypocrites ; the vicious will be declared pure ; I 
shall be denied. The priests will refuse clothing to the 


240 


Infans Amoris. 


poor, will close the doors of the houses of prayer upon 
those of their displeasure, will not visit the poor; and 
thus will Me deny. Amen, amen, when they do this to 
the poor they do it to Me. 

“ As Jerusalem in such a day seeth her doom, so in 
this coming day will the world be destroyed. Then 
the abomination of desolating will stand in the holy 
place! For to worship God they build fanes of gold, 
and hence comes corruption. 

“ Jerusalem, thou art a type of the time to come.” 

And so saying, He gazed heavenward in mute grief. 
At that moment I was carried away in chaotic dark- 
ness. But soon again I was on earth, and saw this 
Man of Sorrows as He was entering the Temple. He 
entered the House of Prayer with a slow, imperial ease, 
and sorrow shone from His loving eyes of tender blue. 
Four shimmering beams of argent brilliancy dazzlingly 
shone from Him in the form of the Cross. 

“ What meaneth this sign of a malefactor’s igno- 
minious death? It is absolutely impossible that this 
Man, the God of Love, could die such a death ! He 
is surely exempt from such a fate!. . . .What can this 
Prognostic foretell ? ” — so I argued. 

I loved Him, this Sweet Love, with the greatest 
Love. He was Joy to me ; Him I loved as a God. My 
love for Jardac was a minor love, — yet the greatest of 
minor loves. Since being in contact with Jesus, since 
seeing Him, I had the singular sensations of growth 
and satisfied longing. I was in greater joy, and 
my grief was alleviated ; I exulted to sun myself in His 
blessed Presence. 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 241 

He entered the magnificent Temple. A reproving 
look of displeasure asserted itself upon His counte- 
nance. Near Him was a man selling oxen. 

“ Begone,” cried Christ, and He with marvellous 
speed liberated the oxen from their stalls and chased 
them out of the Temple. He then went to a seller that 
sold doves. 

“ Rabbi,” said the seller, “ take not my doves. They 
are being sold for circumcision.” 

“ Begone,” cried Jesus, “ so much the more outrage. 
Sell ye these out in the streets. Sell ye not in My house 
— not even if it be the indited Law itself. For what is 
consecrated should not be defiled.” 

He made by His power the man leave, and then 
overthrew his chair. 

Likewise, He acted thus to many. He went to sell- 
ers and changers who had vast amounts of coin. 

“ Rabbi, we give the God offerings in person of the 
priests ; we fill the treasury,” was cackled out by sev- 
eral cracked; creaky-voiced men of avariciousness. 

“ The money given to priests is not God’s ; — they 
savor of worldly things ; — Mammon is far removed 
from Godliness. Defile not God’s temple by this blas- 
phemous proceeding. Go ! ” And with a lash of cords 
He drove many away and upset their tables. His eyes 
flashed dangerously, and in a tone of commanding 
menace, of outraged love and sorrowful pity, He said, 
impressively and distinctly: 

“"My house is called a house of prayer, hut you have 
made it a den of thieves. Take all these things from 
hence, and make not the house of My Father a house 
16 


Infans Amoris. 


242 

of traffic .... Yet this will be done in ages to come — 
when the end will be near. A type of the churches to 
come.... when men will be called to pray in public 
... .all to get cash for the priests. . . .and the houses 
dedicated to God will be full of pagan symbols, will 
be chambers of incarnate devils. 

“ Begone, ye ribald cheats and satellites of usury, 
blasphemy, and evil! Ye sellers, you outrage the 
God of Love by the stench of Mammon. Your pernic- 
ious dealings merit fire eternal, — yet God is Love. Be- 
gone, and never reinstate yourselves here .... for only 
a short time will this place last — ’twill then be swept 
away. . . .and naught will remain but ashes. Hypocrit- 
ical priests and vain, empty offerings of pompous dis- 
play cause the punishment. Begone!. . . .If men must 
have an edifice wherein to pray, let it be God’s, — not 
Mammon’s. But, amen, I say, God’s temple is the 
earth , the vault the skies, the altar heaven, whereon is 
not sacrifice — hat mercy; His temple is nature, where 
He is seen, where guilty priests do not defile the altar 
by proximity to treasuries. Let simple Faith be man’s 
— and My Father will be glad.” 

At that moment a wizzened, yellow-faced money- 
changer tottered to Christ, and vindictively gnawing 
the end of a came, complained in a piping voice: 

“ Thou — Thou .... hast caused .... my — most .... 
precious. . . .gold to be reduced. . . .Some is lost. I — I 
— I want my gold ! ” 

“ Amen, Elizur, I say to thee,” responded Christ, His 
hand uplifted, “ that it were better for thee, and all 
similar to thy set, that thou wouldst perish utterly in 


The Saviour's Prescience. 243 

molten gold and fire than to continue to sell as thou 
hast been — avariciously selling in God’s temple, cheat- 
ing and plotting. Go, and take heed lest in time to 
come gold will not burn thy hands.” 

Awed, yet dissatisfied, he complainingly growled and 
tottered away, his cane introverted. 

Growls and complaints were heard, and dismay and 
consternation were plainly exhibited by a certain set of 
creatures. 

But the majority of those assembled there went to 
Him and attentively hearkened to Him and drank in 
His life-giving Words of Love. 

Apart in a secluded spot were several high priests 
in confabulation. Anger and jealousy were the reign- 
ing passions in each crafty, mean priest’s bosom. 

“ He taketh the people from our power,” excitedly 
exclaimed one. 

“ Aye, aye,” asserted another crafty trickster, smack- 
ing his pale thin lips, “ He letteth the adulteress go 
free ! ” 

“ Shame,” said another, “ And ,He sayeth He is the 
Son of God. Many believe this obviously false fa- 
natic.” 

“ Yes,” vindictively asseverated another callous ras- 
cal, his eyes flashing and his hands clenched in ma- 
levolent anger, “ He chooseth these men from this 
place. And if they be fools enough to hearken unto 
Him, a goodly pile will be taken from us ” 

“ And,” interrupted the first speaker, “ many fine and 
grand things, by His calumnious teaching and precepts 
of Simplicity and Poverty will be denied us in the 


244 Infans Amoris. 

worship of the beneficent God of Abraham and 
Moses.” 

“ As long as He existeth,” cunningly said speaker 
number two, “ people will fall from us. He calleth us 
the abominable names of hypocrite and whited sepul- 
cher. He condemneth our raiment. He loves sim- 
plicity. And he promiseth to aggrandize and give life 
eternal to all — even Gentiles and sinners! Why ’tis 
awful ! And ’tis said He possesseth a prolific and 
potent power, a clear, unassuming and convincing style 
of narrration, and poetic speech and a kindly loving 
face. Aye, if any one individual or mortal of earth 
be a hypocrite, this humble Nazarene is. He hath a 
wonderful and marvellous power in rodomontade ; — 
His mendacity is entirely undetectable; — His condem- 
ning tongue is eagerly hearkened to, and though sub- 
ject to many insults and much misprizal, He, by a great 
minority, is exceedingly loved. He and His modicum 
of disciples threaten to submerge us. Many look with 
pitiful eye at us . . . and refuse us offering and 
coin ! ! ! The bags from the treasury number less than 
they used to.” 

They remained silent for a short length of time, each 
engrossed in basely speculative, egotistically sophisti- 
cated thoughts. 

“If we could get Him,” at length cautiously sug- 
gested one of the unscrupulous wretches, “ by some 
intrigue, or catch Him in blasphemy ... we might 
put Him away.” 

“Amen,” said another more boldly, “the very chil- 
dren love Him and sing to Him. And He hath the 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 245 

boldness to tell the^people to be like children! What 
a precocious child he must be, so ingenious in plot ! 
yet..., His plots shall fall: We will, — we must , — 
succeed. We dare not be impeded !” 

“And He must die/’ eagerly cried one, giggling 
cynical laughter. “He preacheth of life after death. 
He soon must taste that ‘life’ if we can work well.” 

“Not so loud, Annas,” said another in a cautious, 
reproving tone, “He must be put away or our power 
will cease.” 

“ Aye, aye, aye ! ” murmured all in unanimous ac- 
cord. And whispering, with many gesticulations, and 
triumphant smiles on their evil faces, they moved away 
into the inner recesses of the gorgeously adorned temple. 

I was then whirled away, and instinctively rose. . . . 
And rising — I saw the empyrean World; and O, I 
heard the music of His tones ! 

What a veracious and vivid representation of priest- 
craft ! And as it was then, so it is now — The Past and 
the Present are as one. And how Christ does hate this 
sin ! 

And now — in To-day — readers, ask yourselves what 
Christ would do were He on earth in human form! 
What would He say to the selling of “ holy candles, 
statues, and religious articles ” in a church ? What 
would He say of the paid prayers? His command 
was to love and to bear one another’s burdens. He did 
not authorize or even permit the act of saying prayers 
for “ contributors,” — the prayers being an advertise- 
ment. Let me insert a jarring article from some papers 
exhorting “ the very small sum of twenty-five cents ” — 


Infans Amoris. 


246 

for which to educate young men for the priesthood 
from persons wishing help (the help to come from 
these paid prayers). Whereas, those who wish to live 
as Christ wished them, should contribute extemporane- 
ously and secretly, without wishing to be rewarded by 
paid prayers. This mode Of getting money is a clever 
one — but in direct contradiction of the Law of Christ. 
If money was needed, subterfuge and infamous hypoc- 
risy were not necessary.; if the laity truly loved God 
it would have given without the promise of intentions 
remembered in masses. I select this paper from a 
million money-making schemes of priests, and it shows 
what sort of Judas exists To-day. Christ said: 

“ Take heed that ye do not put your alms before 
men, to be seen of them ; otherwise ye have no reward 
of your Father which is in Heaven. 

“ For when thou doest alms, let not thy right hand 
know what thy left hand doeth ; and thy Father which 
seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.” 

“ Ask, and ye shall receive ; seek, and you shall find ; 
knock, and it shall be opened unto you,” again saith 
the Embodiment of Truth. 

“ Ask, and ye shall receive,” He says ; not, “ Ask 
another, or pay another, to ask for you.” If one does 
charity one shall be rewarded, — for saith Christ. “ Not 
a drink of water given in the name of a disciple shall 
go unrewarded.” So one must not give charity for 
the reward, to have priests pray for one. The charity 
engenders reward ; — consequently, one needs no pray- 
ers in reward for charity to gain reward. No beating 
around the bush, — but, “Ask, and ye shall receive 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 


247 


Apropos one must not placard one’s charities by having 
one’s names among the contributors ! ” Thus we see 
that the priests ask us to do what Christ distinctly for- 
bade. This is a common example, which is at present 
happening. 

And the contributors’ names being among the “ con- 
tributors,” their work is seen ; whereas, if they were 
to give secretly, not asking the offered reward of paid 
prayers, the Father in Heaven would reward them by 
the richer reward. This is the inducement circulated 
in the United States by a certain Roman Catholic col- 
lege. 

“ Contributors to the Burse will, no doubt, be grati- 
fied to learn that the names of all Contributors to the 
Burse are placed in a receptacle before the statue of 
Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Mass is celebrated daily 
at an altar, which stands immediately beside the statue 
and Shrine of Our Lady. Each day the intentions of 
our Contributors are remembered in the Mass.” — 
Christ would, free of charge, remember one’s “ inten- 
tions ” without the necessity of one’s being a “ Con- 
tributor.” 

This is copied verbatim et literatum from the leaflet. 
The leaflet tells how one may have the reward of hav- 
ing one’s “ intentions ” remembered in a mass by the 
Altar of the Virgin. The Contributors, only, are re- 
membered, — and to become a Contributor — notice the 
paramount necessity ! — one must “ cough up ” the 
twenty-five cents. And this is the way the churches 
are made a “ den of thieves ” to-day,— and it is worse 
than the old way. 


Infans Amoris. 


248 

A Catholic priest on the Altar during Mass recently 
made this statement : 

“ I will not say a requiem mass for less than ten 
dollars.” 

And not long ago some clergymen of a large and 
so-called Christian nation, got together to try to make 
a fixed charge for attending burials. What a sad 
World ! a miserable World.* 

This needs no comment, save that it is suggestive 
that Heaven is bought by base gold — as though a “re- 
quiem mass ” — said for a fee — could open Heaven ! 
Oh, vile, base, low, mean schemes ! And the saying 
of “ Masses for the Dead,” so popular in the Roman 
Church, is an excellent scheme on part of the priests, 
to “ hoof in ” money. They accept the money — the pay 
— at an “ offering,” but if a mortal has not the “ of- 
fering,” the “ Mass for the Dead ” will not likely be 
said. 

What would the loving Christ say of the minister 
whose aim is supposed to be godly, but whose perpet- 
ual, discordant cry, dinned into one’s ears Sunday after 
Sunday continually without cessation, is the jarring, 
grating, sickening exhortation for “ Money, money ! ” 
Now, — in To-day, — the invariable and pre-t minent 
aim of priests and preachers is the desire to amass 
materialistic and ungodly coin, and to rival one 
another in church and temporal advancement, and 
in acquiring mundane glory. Mammon reigns in the 
places built and intended for the worship and adora- 
tion of God. Die, and leave a legacy to a church : you 
shall surely be called a saint. What would Christ’s 


* Facts, 




The Saviour’s Prescience. 249 

verdict on this state of affairs be ? As this is plainly 
and evidently the case, what edification is there in 
going to church ? 

As I saw how the Man of Sorrows foresaw the 
evils of To-day, as I have come to write of myself and 
Him, as an example and warning, who lived when He 
did, sinned and died, I may dwell upon the Evil in 
the Churches founded by Him who forgave me. 

Let one of America’s foremost poets here utter his 
cry — the cry of a child for its mother — for Truth and 
Pure Worship. 

“ The groves were God’s first temples. Ere man learned 
To hew the shaft, and lay the architrave, 

And spread the roof above them, — ere he framed 

The lofty vault, to gather and roll back 

The sound of anthems ; in the darkling wood, 

Amidst the cool and silence, he knelt down 
And offered to the Mightiest, solemn thanks 
And supplication. F or his simple heart 
Might not resist the sacred influences, 

Which, from the stilly twilight of the place, 

And from the gray old trunks that high in heaven 

Mingled their mossy boughs, and from the sound 

Of the invisible breath that swayed at once 

All their green tops, stole over him, and bowed 

His spirit with the thought of boundless power 

And inaccessible majesty. Ah, why 

Should we, in the world’s riper years, neglect 

God’s ancient sanctuaries, and adore 

Only among the crowd, and under roofs 

That our frail hands have raised ? Let me, at least, 

Here in the shadow of this aged wood, 

Offer one hymn — thrice happy if it find 
Acceptance in His ear.” * 

* From “ Forest Hymn,” by William Cullen Bryant. 


250 


Infans Amoris. 


And the forest, God’s primeval and pastoral tem- 
ple, is undeniably the most gorgeous, the most sancti- 
fying, the most edifying, and the most purely sublime 
church of all existent Churches ; for in the Churches 
Mammon thrives in a contented and an undisputed 
sway. 

There is no touch of filthy lucre in the grand piles — 
the trees ; there is no assumed and ostentatious air in 
the ubiquitous birds’ songs — songs sung extem- 
poraneously from their simple, guileless hearts, free 
from vulgar pride and empty agony; there is a true, 
straight, plain prayer of deep, fervent thankfulness 
in the wild animal’s tongue; there is an equally sub- 
lime and solemn hymn in the forest song; there is an 
intangible sacredness and an edifying example in the 
simplest beautifier of the soil — a flower, For 

“ The simplest flower that grows, can give 
Thoughts that lie oft too deep for tears.” 

And it was of this primitive, unsophisticated 
church, where birds continually sing dulcet, melliflu- 
ous anthems with facility and true-heartedness, — 
where the mated beasts with celerity and assiduous 
zeal, lovingly tend their young — (shame to men!), — 
where the forest is filled with spirits real, — where the 
flowers are emblems of God’s dear Love, — where the 
brook gurgles a sweet, uncomplaining prayer, — where 
the visible stars at night foretell a never-ending sys- 
tem of glories supernal, — where man can peacefully 
rest, — where spirits may roam, — of this church it was 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 251 

that Bryant said : “ Let me, at least, here in the 

shadow of the aged wood, offer one hymn.” 

How much better and purer would not Humanity 
be if it would go into a rural secluded wood and med- 
itate on the verdant beauties of Nature, the sublime 
cadences of the winged songsters of carols, and the 
goodness of God and His unsurpassed Love, instead 
of conventionally “ going to church ? ” The beauty of 
Nature would elevate Man to higher thoughts and as- 
pirations than any dogmatical form of religion could. 
For there is more edification in Nature’s church than in 
the “ temples built with hands ” — temples of which St. 
Stephen said: 

“ But Solomon built Him a house. 

“ Yet the Most High dwelleth not in houses made 
by hand, as the prophet saith : 

“ Heaven is My throne ; and the earth My foot- 
stool. What house will you build Me? saith the Lord: 
or what is the place of My resting? 

“ Hath not My hand made all these things? ” * 

Yet people think it their duty to go to these tem- 
ples ; — yet what good do they get out of the insipid dis- 
courses, the fallacious, egotistical reasonings, the 
mediocral, vapid, verbose prayers, the dreadful per- 
sonal prerogatives of the ministers — prerogatives usu- 
ally used in invariably authorizing and getting char- 
ity for the church (and in many cases the clergyman 
is the “ church ”) — and the gabbering blarneyism and 
the platitudes of the clergymen?. . . .Here in the forest, 
where pharisaism defiles not God’s work, Man would 
* Acts vii. : 47, 48, 49, 50. 


252 


Infans Amoris. 


truly pray — he could not possibly do otherwise. And 
in Nature he would rejoice and glorify God, for Na- 
ture would be a sure, joyous precursor of better 
things, of grander beauties to come. Here he would 
be more than a mere automaton of dogmatical and 
methodical prayers. Here men would be equal, — the 
lewd but wealthy man-animals could not hide their 
tails in front pews; the poor would not have to sit 
back: — all would be equal, as all things should be 
equal; for Equality is the Law of the Brotherhood of 
Man. 

It was under the blue sky, in a river, amid Nature, 
that Christ began His mission of surpassing fecundity, 
of great, extraordinary love, by being baptized ; it was 
in the secluded desert that He was tempted as man ; 
it was on a mountain, under the cerulean vault, that 
He was transfigured in empyrean glory; it was in the 
field, midst simple flowers, that He spake the words : 
“ Consider the lilies of the field how they grow, they 
toil not, neither do they spin. 

“ But I say unto you, that not even Solomon in all 
his glory was arrayed as one of these.” 

Even Solomon in all His glory — surrounded by un- 
limited wealth, by a grand, gorgeous Temple of 
jewels and gold, by fair women and petitioning 
priests — was not arrayed as one of these*! What a 
stupendous truth! What a crushing and devastating 
phrase to the grand cathedral! For if Christ spake 
thus of the ancient Temple, in His impartial equity 
He means also the Present, — for to God the Past, the 
* St. Matthew vi. 28, 29. 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 


253 


Present, and the Future are as one. Hence the great 
golden incrusted St. Peter’s at Rome is not arrayed as 
one of these. The great paintings and the works of 
gold and art are not even as a small lily of the field ! 
Hence would it not be better to worship the Maker of 
all beauty amid things which are arrayed better, and 
are hence superior, than the gloriously decked church ? 
Would this not be better than to worship Him in an 
inferior place? 

It was under the blue sky, upon the bare earth’s 
sod, that this Embodied Truth healed and forgave; it 
was in a garden that He shed loving, bitter tears ; it 
was upon Calvary’s bare mountain that He was sus- 
pended in air, a Spectacle and Proof of the Greatest 
Love. It was not in a fane built by Man’s hand that 
He manifested and proved the greatest Love existent 
by laying down His Life for His friends. 

Let the true priest without purse, nor script , go into 
the forest, and, amid the glories of Nature, the birds 
sweetly and reverently singing, cure the sick, comfort 
and teach men, and pray to God with simple prayers, 
heartfelt and deep. Then, when this is done, the 
world from the Path of dread and fearful Retrogres- 
sion, will have begun to return into the Path of pure 
Love and Virtue. 

This would exceedingly and exceptionally please 
God. He wants no grand, money-adorned churches 
built from the hard-earned cash of those who can 
barely afford to compete for a mortal existence. No 
fee of “ ten cents ” to go to High Mass, no “ dollar ” 
for pew rent, no “ ten dollars ” for a requiem mass, 


Infans Amoris. 


254 

doth God desire. Such proceedings are awful and 
sacrilegious deviations from His simple Law. A 
calm and incontrovertible negation to this cruel, 
hard, down-right robbery on part of His “ min- 
isters ” are the words of Christ Himself, spoken to 
those whom He sends to preach and promulgate His 
Laws : 

“ Carry neither purse, nor scrip, nor shoes, and sa- 
lute no man by the way. 

“ Into whatsoever house you enter, first say : Peace 
be in this house.” * 

Do the clergymen of To-day act in accordance with 
this? No! sadly it must be confessed that they do 
not. They unscrupulously reverse the Law : They 
carry well-filled purses, wear the best and most ex- 
pensive made shoes, salute the rich and ignore the 
poor, and instead of saying “ Peace be in this house,” 
they say, “ I have come for a donation.” To uphold 
their illicit, dreadful, abominable practices, they pun 
on the phrase: 

“ Those who preach the Gospel, should live by the 
Gospel. ” 

Were they to study this ever so lightly, they could, 
if they zvould, see the untarnished, plain, and straight- 
forward truth, — “Those who preach the Gospel should 
live by the Gospel, ” and not get fat on the money 
of the Gospel, but simply live. There is not the least 
suggestion of a hint in this phrase to give rise, or 
legalize, the act of rearing superfluously decked 
churches from the money of paid prayers — and lost 
* St. Luke, x. 4, 5. 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 


255 


souls. For many souls realizing the extreme and 
total ungodliness of this work, fall from God, and 
then ultimately shift to Hell. They have no coin 
wherewith to pay for a pew ; and to go to High Mass, 
then their innate pride rebels against being looked 
upon as dependent paupers. Hence they go not to 
Church, they go nowhere — and for a time lose God 
and suffer. To them, I say: Go to the woods of 
vernal beauties, meditate, thank God, and pray. 

In To-day, it is plainly evident that the houses 
built for God are mere houses of traffic,— yet these are 
declared to be the true houses of Christ. The gold- 
incrusted church, worked from and fed by Poverty’s 
grimy hand, is said to be pleasing to God ! Hal- 
lowed by God’s pleasure is the glaring, flaring fane 
of gilded, sickening garniture, say the clergymen. It 
would not be a wonder if their lips would parch and 
shrivel with heat in the utterance of the gross blas- 
phemy. A house of Thanksgiving and Praise, un- 
tainted by money, decorated by Nature and works of 
God’s inspiration only, would be pleasure to God, — 
and to men. But the Churches of To-day are not 
thus: they are more like a stock-exchange — the more 
cash invested, the more favors of the clergymen. And 
the clergymen show a greater aptitude to money mat- 
ters than to charity, mercy, goodness, and virtue. In- 
stead of giving half to the poor, half of the poor’s 
earnings are extorted from them ! Verily, verily true 
is the world retroceding. Christ’s Laws are detruded, 
priests’ laws upheld. What will the good Christ say 
when He comes? — where will be the fruits of His 


Infans Amoris. 


256 

Laws ? — but in the church ! And will the fruits of the 
church be pleasing to Him ? 

Think. Meditate upon it. 

* jj« Sfc 

I was on earth again and saw my Lord. But how 
did I see Him? In what an anguished state! 
Kneeling almost prostrate on the earth, His hands 
clasped hard in convulsive torture, His sweet face 
of meek resignation emaciated, wan, and pale from 
superhuman sorrow, His eyes overflowing wells of 
burning tears, His surcharged bosom heaving con- 
vulsively in gasping stitching pangs of pain, — there 
He was, well-nigh procumbent to the sod, alone in His 
grief, a forlorn Sorrow. Near-by lay three men 
asleep. 

“ Father, father,” I heard Him brokenly, deplor- 
ingly mutter, between gasps of choking sob's, “ at 
last, when the consummation is near, I submit to 
knowledge .... and I see. I see that My Love will 
be scorned, laughed at, and will be to many of no 
avail. I see that in coming ages those who elect to 
follow me, to feed the flocks, will shear the wool and 
drive the flocks into the cold. The flocks will suffer 
and blame Me ! O tender flocks, ye will be led astray 
.... I see that those who will obey the priests will 
come to Me only through form, without motive, 
methodically, from compulsion and custom. Few, oh, 
so very few, will come to Me from pure Love. I see 
that Love will hardly exist, Love begets, engenders, 
thrives on, and nourishes Love; stern, harsh rules 
repulse Love and breed form without heart. Chil- 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 257 

dren even will sin in heinous crimes, be full of vice 
and cynicism*. — their bestialities will be beyond mortals’ 
counting, — they will care naught for Me, and less for 
Thee, O Father in Heaven ! ” And an unearthly, pro- 
longed wail, like that of some lone animal shorn and 
cleaved from its dearly loved mate in some dark wood- 
land, came from the lips of this Man of Doleful Woe. 
“ Reared to method, taught dogmatical prayer, im- 
pressed not of My Love. .. .they, these flowers, will 
in the insufficiency of faith fall from Me, ....and be 
lost ! Oh, oh, oh ! . . .Men will deny Me, . . . laugh at 
My Name,. . . .and be lost! Women will care naught 
for virtue,. . . .will laugh at purity,. . . .will be harlots 
and sinners. Infidelity will reign, — love be spurned 
and sacrileged, — sin, life’s only joy. Men will marry 
uncongenial and unfitted women. Men will beat, 
starve, and abuse the few remaining pure women, the 
martyrs of Virtue . . . Priests will amass coin, preach 
of Me as being stern and cold, tell of My Father as 
a God of vengeance ; they will sacrilege My mission 
for many will be out of their place in the Order. O 
Father, incestuous priests, personifying themselves as 
saints, will desecrate the very altars ! will gaze to 
Heaven with base effrontery, congratulating themselves 
at their easy method of. living! They will seduce 
women ; and many, many will be lost. Worst of all, 
they will change My doctrine, inserting their dreadful 
laws : — a religion of priests will exist ; — where will the 
fruits of My Love be ? ” A long shuddering sigh broke 
from His lips. “ O Father,’’ He went on, “ the poor, 
the dearly beloved poor, will be slurred in the churches, 
i7 


Infans Amoris. 


258 

will be left* uncared and unfed. Masses will not be 
said lest paid for — where will be the fruits of My 
Love? . . . .Many will be called, but few chosen, — 
where will be the reward of My death ! Aye, aye, 
aye, the very head of Christendom, so placed by the 
hands of men, will have to be seated on a ‘ Papal 
throne/ — whereas to follow Me the earth and stone 
should be his mundane throne, then these would win 
a throne for him in the Kingdom of Heaven. Where 
will Faith be ? ” He paused, arose, and surveyed the 
air about Him, then He said: 

“ The very stars in Heaven are open to My cir- 
cumspection — yet there is none so defiled as this one, — 
none . . . .” He paused, then wringing His pale 
hands, He cried vehemently, a cold perspiration ooz- 
ing from His pores: 

“ O Abba, Father, the whole futurity of sin is un- 
furled to Me : I see every deed, and every crime which 
will be perpetrated ! Every one is a pang to my heart ! 
Oh, why need I so suffer and die? the majority of man- 
kind will be lost to sorrow ! ” And He, gazing into the 
open inventory of crimes which would be done will- 
ingly by men, sank prostrate on the earth in dire, de- 
jected misery. A moaning, fluttering sound whizzed 
through the heavy stifling air, as the Saviour of the 
world succumbed to pain and hard truth, — and pitiful 
was His excruciating agony and woe-begone pain. His 
every muscle became convulsed ; His form trembled 
and writhed in the acutest, keenest pain; His eyes 
wildly protruded from their sockets ; His lips moved in 
fervent, petitioning prayer. He deeply and heartfully 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 259 

prayed, shedding tears as of anguished fire, which, as 
they fell, seemed to burn holes into, and scorch the 
ground. He prayed that those awful, dreadful things 
might be averted or lessened . . . He besought His 
Father in piteous appeals that sin might be completely 
obliterated from his globe, and that universal love 
might be accepted by men. He prayed that Man 
might do right, for Man alone can stop sin. Never, 
never was there in any man such a poignant, bitter, 
burning pain and sorrow. He swayed to and fro in 
overmastering throes of agony. His lips became hot 
and parched, and He became exceptionally weak; and 
the blood oozing from His pores was a proof of the 
purest, divinest Love that ever beat in the heart of 
Man. Many and many a sinner was, and is, being 
saved by those burning Tears, by that sacred Blood, 
by that superhuman Woe — for He has given the ex- 
ample of brotherly Love, Death, and Resurrection to 
Life. 

“Abba, Father ,” He said in loving resignation, full 
of dolorous pleading and supplication, “all things are 
possible with Thee: if Thou wilt , remove this Chalice 
from Me: but yet not My will , but Thine, be done. 
Have mercy for, and forgive those that will wrong 
Me.” 

And He arose slowly and went to the sleeping men, 
and sadly said: 

“ Why sleepest thou f couldst thou not watch one 
hour ? 

“ Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation. 
The spirit indeed is willing , but the desh is weak.” 


26 o 


Infans Amoris. 


While the Son of God shed burning tears, when 
His most awful passion began, His followers slept. — 
What a true type of the present seeming-Darwinian 
mankind ! The Saviour lives in Heaven and per- 
petually loves ; Man chooses to sleep in the darkness 
of error and sin. 

Oh, I suffered with this God-Man? I dearly loved, 
truly loved, Him. Oh, how richly should not His 
love be rewarded; — what could ever repay such 
unselfish, saving pain? Man, think, meditate, and 
worthily love this One Perfect Man. Accept the Ex- 
ample. Stop His pure Sorrow. 

He prayed again, and thought, and grieved. He 
saw every atrocious and malicious deviation and 
derogation from His Law which would be done in 
years to come. “ The very prayers,” He moaned, 
“ will be drummed off in verbose meaningless ; — 
all I wish is simple, true, heartfelt prayer! And this 
will be, even though I suffer all this looming agony 
of judgment and ‘ death.’ ” 

What must not have been His stupendous, horri- 
fied torture ! How terrible must not be every sin of 
men, if it almost discouraged the mission and broke 
the heart of a God ! After a while, in a frenzied, ag- 
onized, frozen tone, the plaintive orison ascended to 
Heaven : 

“ Father, I have the prescience of all bad deeds 
which will inevitably come. Of what avail is My 
death? But My Father, if this Chalice may not pass 
away, hut I must drink it, Thy will be done!” 

And behold, I perceived a Radiant Angel before 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 


261 


Him ! Around her head was a splendid coronal as 
of frosted silvery radiance ; her face was as a reful- 
gent sun. And a look of joyful love made her coun- 
tenance surpassing in the extraordinary brilliancy of 
supernal light. She delivered the comforting and en- 
livening message: 

“ Weep not, O Lord, Thy death shall be of great 
avail. There shall be great fruit; for though many 
will not receive this proof of Thy Love, yet some 
will. And happily knowing that Thou hadst for 
them the greatest Love, proven by Thy dying, they 
will be saved. And the example is unsurpas- 
sable.” 

“ Aye, aye,” murmured Christ, a melancholy ex- 
pression of piteous pain upon His face, “ for the sal- 
vation of one soul 1 would die. I shall prove My 
Love, and show Men how to die — and What follows. 
My death will be the Example of how Truth will al- 
ways be martyred, — but how rewarded. But many of 
My sheep will be lost ! ” Then He arose, gazed 
Heavenward with a fixed, frenzied stare, and moaned 
an uncanny, piercing moan. He walked to the sleep- 
ing men, gazed pityingly at the oscitant disciples, and 
said : 

“ What, — steepest thou ? couldst thou not watch one 
hour zvith Me? 

“ Watch ye and pray that ye enter not into tempta- 
tion; prayer can conquer all inclination to the indul- 
gence of the things at variance with God’s Law. The 
world will fall — because it will not truly pray. The 
spirit indeed is zuilling, but the flesh is weak” 


262 


Infans Amoris. 


And again, the third time He went and prayed. 
The Radiant Figure of lightning splendor and heaven- 
ly sheen, hovered in tremulous love before Him. For 
a long time He prayed in fervent, beseeching petition- 
ings, then concludingly said : 

“Though a renewal of ungodliness will be done, 
though churches will re-crucify Me and derogate from 
My Law, though nations will tremble at the name of 
earthly kings and scorn My Name, though men will 
entice Purity and commit heinous sins, yet I still 
love Man. I will prove My Love by Example. Some 
will be saved, — and though many be lost to pain, My 
mission will be perfect, and Man can follow Me. 
My Father, if this Chalice may not pass from Me, 
but I must drink it, Thy will be done.” 

Then, as caught in a tremendous light-emblazoned 
cloud of fire, filled with wind-like music, the Angelic 
Messenger went up to Heaven. The Christ arose and 
went to the sleeping disciples ... I was carried 
away ; — the sublime scene of the sorrow in the Gethse- 
mane Garden, on Mount Olives, where He was usual- 
ly wont to pray, was vanished from my vision com- 
pletely .... I was in that tremulous state of atonement 
and work. And again the intense longing for God 
drew me up towards the grand rolling World of 
prismatic glory divine. And my delirious longing 
and yearning became more unendurable. 

“ Thy will, not Mine, be done.” Ah, what a per- 
fect submission was this God-Man’s. “ Thy will, the 
will which leads all aright, — not Mine, — encased in 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 263 

human flesh , — be done , — for other doing than Thine 
cannot be right.” . . . Thus Jesus spake ; thus He gave 
mankind the example — the one unparalleled, perfect, 
flawless Example, the Example for which the world 
had waited over six thousand years. In every episode 
connected with the life of Jesus there is a lesson for 
mortals, an example which the mortal is to follow. 
And this episode of the Garden, of how Jesus sub- 
mitted to His coming sorrow, when He knew how 
many would scoff at and ignore the Love proven, is 
how we all must obey God. It is not a pure life which 
says, “ I thank Thee, O God, for health, comfort, and 
joy;” but it is the true life — the life after the exem- 
plified one of Jesus — which says, “I am afflicted; 
thanks be to Thee, O God. This affliction may be of 
some avail ; it strengthens me, makes me more patient, 
more solicitous for the sorrows of others. And I 
thank Thee.” Jesus, when He knelt in the Garden, 
saw the rebuffs, the sneers, the sufferings He would 
have to undergo ; He saw His death upon a disgrace- 
ful tree; He saw Himself maligned, — and His mortal 
body quailed. Joyfully He wanted to give the ex- 
ample — the Example that only by endurance, 
submissive prayer, and love for fellow man, by the 
path of sorrow borne bravely, by suffering the con- 
demnation of men and having the favor of God, can 
Immortally be reached. And to give this sublime, 
unselfish example, there were necessitated bodily pain, 
anguish of soul and earthly misprizal, — and His hu- 
manity recoiled from this physical pain, His soul re- 
coiled from the sins which He saw would not, could 


l 


Infans Amoris. 


264 

not, be averted, — but God’s will was supereminent, 
God’s will alone was obeyed. 

Thus all should comfort themselves in the sorrow 
that leads to the Cross and Death, — and this Death 
is but transition. God’s will obeyed, others unselfish- 
ly warned, helped, and suffered for, love strengthen- 
ing the spark of life, — this being done, — the Soul in 
his Cross, on the Altar of the world’s misprizal will 
attain the culmination of the purpose of its creation, — 
and Heaven by the “ valley of death ” will be given ; 
and by the resurrection of Truth over Lie, will Right 
be proven. 

By the Example of His passion — the nonpareil 
Example for which the world waited ten thousand 
years, and which the majority of the world has re- 
jected for two thousand years — we see how Goodness 
and Truth are scorned, rejected, and seemingly sub- 
merged by leering Untruth ; but the Resurrection 
proves that the temporary rule of Untruth is only 
seeming, — and eventually Truth rises, for it is abso- 
lutely impossible to conquer Truth with Lie. Lie 
has a fabric dark and strong, but no foundation ; 
Truth is, on this world, seemingly frail and weak, 
but it has an invulnerable foundation — God Himself. 

Writing now I know the cause of His agony. 
Then at the occurring of it I knew and felt only in 
part, for then darkness was upon me — now is Light. 
And as an angel of light, I am sent, I come to warn 
the world of its probable Doom — the Doom which 
Christ foresaw, — the Doom that is awful. I know 
what is the penalty of sin, hence in love I warn. . . . 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 265 

Now I am in Light ; and now I see my “ visions ” 
fulfilled. And the worst and most evil-generating 
fulfillment is the absence of Christianity in hearts 
which are supposed to be pure. This is the seed of 
Evil, — this is the cause of the Sacrilege of Love To- 
day. Subtle are the obscurities and iniquities of the 
prelates and princes of the Church and the State. 
The abomination of desolation is insufferably palpable 
in its unbridled sway. Ah, and Christ would be des- 
olate were He on earth. Think you that if He were 
to come as an itinerant beggar He would receive 
shelter from, that good clothing would be given Him 
by, the corpulent “ prelates ” and lean “ preachers ? ” 
Would these individuals, whose chief characteristic 
is an erubescent nose, a protuberant, well-filled pouch, 
and a self-convinced brain, give the Christ help? 
No; — they are too busy plotting how to gain money 
(by religious shrines or bazaars) to give any time to 
charity ... I sacrileged Love by want of Religion, 

. . . and Religion is wanting To-day. 

I love — Oh, how I love Him ! ... He is in Heaven, 
I am of Heaven. On earth He loved and forgave 
me: in Heaven He still loves and forgives. I know 
this ; I know His Law. Man can easily learn it ; and 
I shall help him. In Love I shall do as Love com- 
mands, as a receiver of God’s bountiful Love should 
do. Being now on earth, in the chronicle of Jardac 
and me, I will draw the reader’s attention to facts 
as they are. 

As ages went by, men inserted and interpolated 
their defiled teachings and beliefs to suit their own 


266 


Infans Amoris. 


selfish selves. Doing specious good, they did incal- 
culable harm ; — and “ the doctrines and command- 
ments of men ” are so grafted on His Law that no 
church is true. . . . 

Truth is nowadays hard to find. Instead of hav- 
ing its steps accelerated, it is retarded. Many try to 
find it, grasp for it — the worker, the thinker, the phil- 
anthropist, the prelate, and the unsectarian theologian. 
Truth is an elusive thing nowadays, — and why? — Sim- 
ply because one is so environed by Untruth, so strong 
is the sway of Lie. 

Like an unimpeded engine in locomotion, roaring 
with flagrant Lies, having for fuel specious Truth, 
crushing in its grinding, murderous force, in the 
track of a lost Sphere, in the never ending space of 
Eternity, weighed in the balance and found wanting, 
Irreligion steams abroad. Like a grewsome thing — 
fair without, and within full of blood-stained gold, 
damned souls and Death, with a history of Shame in- 
delibly written upon it in condemning characters of 
flame : a history bearing the appalling words, Papacy, 
Inquisition, Rapine, Theft, Murder, Impurity, 
and Avariciousness, — it awaits the end grasping with 
withered hands — Gold. Besmirching empires, repub- 
lics, and congregations, breeding a pestilence of In- 
fidelity, Lust, and Egotism, bringing with it the 
effluvia of incense of pagan Rome, orisons to idols, 
and altars to “ THE UNKNOWN GOD,” it has 
swallowed into its cavernous bosom, Good, Virtue, and 
Love. Insatiety, voracious gormandism, imperialism, 
and gold, have all their thrones in this Temple of Ini- 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 267 

quity — Irreligion : — In it are the nations — Sects ; the 
rulers — Popes, Kings, Queens; the altars — To the Un- 
known God. — Aye, God is unknown in the sad world 
To-day. 

Does the insatiable lust of gain obviously revealed 
in St. Peter’s tell of Christ’s poverty and His love of 
the poor? Does the mixing of the Crown and the 
Church tell that “ My Kingdom is not of this world ? ” 
NO — No — No . . . When the Son of Man cometh, 
think ye He shall find faith on earth? — Yes, if Faith 
were to be found in the suppositions and spurious 
“Christian Churches ” — which Church must eventually 
go into the pool burning with fire and brimstone. 

True, there are a few faithful servants: — there are 
those who frantically cleave, with a fanatical adora- 
tion, to the Churches, — but is this pleasing to Christ? 

Answer it, reader. 

I, who love Christ, — I, who know, — I, who see, — I, 
one of millions of His Kingdom, am allowed to visit 
the world where I sinned and was forgiven; and to 
help it, I am allowed to narrate my chronicle partly. 
And in giving a timely warning, I must say that the 
greatest evil which environs the world, with a copious 
shroud, is Irreligion, i. e., the absence of Religion 
where Religion is supposed to be. 

So in my tales, I do a little towards helping poor, 
degenerated Humanity. Humanity needs some brave 
ones who would think, who would act as Jesus would 
act. But if such a one were to step forward, would 
not many of the insignificant units called “ preachers ” 
and “ critics ” sneer at him ? hurl invectives at him ? 


268 


Infans Amoris. 


speak blatantly of him as a “ meretricious charlatan ? ” 
True : but was not even Christ spat upon and crucified? 
Yes; and so is, forever on this earth, Genius, Truth, 
and Love. 

The Key of Heaven is in the Gospels — Gospels taken 
in their true significance — i. e., neither changed nor 
taken literally. But is the Gospel thus preached by 
the derelict clergy? Most decidedly — NO. 

Were I to appear in my blinding, spiritual glory 
behind the Papal Throne, I would be christened with 
a name and placed in the calendar. And orisons, rich 
with magniloquent language, would be wafted to me 
by the adulating, ignorant laity ; and many charitable 
ladies, desirous of my “ patronage,” would “ will ” the 
Church “ something.” 

“ How lovely ! How lovely is it not that we have a 
saint to pray to — a saint who lived as we do, who suf- 
fered, and who died, who can obtain favors quicker 
from God than we can ourselves,” think all good ad- 
herents of the Roman Church. 

How utterly ridiculous ; how wholly irreligious ; 
how blatantly blasphemous! The idea! — By this one 
infers that God will more readily give the creature 
what He needs by the “ intercession ” of the special 
saint than if he were to ask himself. As though the 
saint knew better the needs of the sinner than the Cre- 
ator! . . . When John the Apostle knelt down to wor- 
ship the angel, as recorded in the “ Apocalypse ” or 
“ Revelations,” the angel said : u See thou do it not : 
for I am thy fellow-servant, and of thy brethren the 
prophets, and of them that keep- the words of the 


The Saviours Prescience. 269 

prophecy of this book. Adore God.” And so we all, 
spirit in the flesh and spirit out of the flesh, should 
as the spirits out of the flesh do, adore only God. 
Never did Christ command or ask men to worship an 
angel or a saint, but “ thus therefore thou shalt pray , 
Our Father who art in Heaven! . . . God is the Cre- 
ator and Lover of souls : hence to Him only, should 
we — His beloved creatures — make supplication, “ for 
your Father knoweth that you have need of all these 
things .” 

But the good servant of the Church would not listen 
to such “ demoralizing rant “ the Church is infal- 
lible; it alone may interpret the Bible.” Thus the 
Word of God is disregarded; the Church uphtdd. Yet 
I who say this, am a greater saint than many that are 
canonized. 

Love and pray for your neighbor, is Christ’s wish. 
Said He : “ Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” 
And this is not the kept law of the Sects. 

“ The Roman Catholics are idol-worshippers, hypo- 
crites, murderers. They eat Communion like hogs. 
Their nuns are secret sinners. We are better than they. 
Our Lord loves us better and will help us ; and we shall 
get to beautiful Zion. There we shall travel the golden 
streets and play golden harps,” say many good Protes- 
tants. They do not seem to be aware of the tell-tale 
phrase, “ If thine eyes be evil, thy whole body shall be 
darksome.” 

And between the two factions of “ Christianity,” 
Christ is re-crucified again and again. With preachers 
eloping with other men’s wives, etc., and bazaars, and 


270 


Infans Amoris. 


denunciations against the Romanists on one side, — 
with saint-worship, a kingdom of this world, an arro- 
gant priesthood, and superstition on the other: and 
with both a disregard of Christ and His teaching, we 
cannot fail to see that the' end must soon come. Cor- 
ruption is in the governments of the world, hypocrisy 
in the religions — “ and when you see the abomination 
of desolation standing where it ought not: he that 
readeth let him understand . . . Take ye heed, watch 
and pray. For ye know not what the time is. . . . 
And what I say to you I say to all : Watch A Christ 
in the Garden foresaw this, and prayed against it. 

Then, hear ye the Word of God. Let no bigoted 
church close Heaven upon you, but reject the “ false 
christs and false prophets,’’ and follow Christ. “ Go, 
then, and learn what this meaneth, I will have mercy, 
and not sacrifice” Christ came, the Great Physician, 
to heal the sick and the ill. He wishes to cure their 
griefs and infirmities. He does not wish their sorrows 
(even as “ penance ”) ; but He wishes to cure the 
lame, the halt, and the blind. “ I will not have sacri- 
fice but— LOVE.” 

Picture the simple Christ, the God in Man, treading 
the softly carpeted aisles of a great, gilded cathedral, 
clothed in rich vestments of sickening embroidery and 
gold, swinging a jeweled censer and sprinkling “ holy 
water.” Picture Him thus, — place Him where His 
“ ministers ” are ! ! ! 

And if His ministers wish to follow Him, may they 
do what He would not do, what would be incongruous 
to Him? If He in His Truth was simple, dare His 


The Saviour’s Prescience. 


271 


servants be elaborate in empty Form? Truly Goethe 
says: “The Good, the True, and the Excellent are 
always simple; — Error is elaborate.” 

Hence dare the priests act in a paganish circus of 
ostentatious display? Yet what is the Church? — A 
circus where the nondescript audience — the “ Four 
Hundred ” — kneel and growl out in their hearts the 
lion-like roaring for More — more Sensualism and 
more Sin; a circus which is spectacular with elaborate 
scenic effects of symbolic gild and dross, and where 
the pandering clowns — clergymen — cater to the gold- 
lined pockets of the wealthy laity, singing their trite 
songs of mere words and delivering witty “ sermons ;” 
a reeking circus where the nude female gymnast — 
Hypocrisy — plays on ropes to the gratification of the 
audience, and whose exposed legs — nice to the eye, but 
full of saw-dust — constitute the pleasure of men; a 
mundane circus where the protagonist “ hears con- 
fession ” of, and “ gives absolution ” to, the trained 
donkey who kicks twenty times for “ penance,” and 
who never intends to cease his noisome braying. . . . 

What a sad and deplorable contrast between the ex- 
isting “ Christian ” Church and true Christianity ! 
The horror of the Lie would naturally bring angels 
from Heaven — angels who loved, sinned, suffered, and 
now know ; angels whose own experience on earth con- 
tain a lesson — a lesson after the Great Lesson, — that 
of Christ. And in His life of example, His sorrow 
in seeing the decline of the world before Him was in- 
consolable, beyond bounds. Hence He sends me, one 
of the least of His Kingdom, to give my life connected 


272 


Infans Amoris 


with Him to the world, so as to show that the most 
heinous sin God will forgive, that for the worst sinner 
Heaven is open, what His love and grief for men was 
and is — hence I come, tell, and warn. Hence I nar- 
rate His sorrow so that the world may know, — my life 
of love and sin and pardon as an example of His 
Mercy, the terribleness of the Sacrilege of Love, — 
warn because I know His Love, what Spiritual Pain 
is ; for I know the sad fruit of Insufficiency of Re- 
ligion. 


CHAPTER XII. 


THE CONSUMMATION OF THE SAVIOUR'S MISSION. 

The Sublime Tragedy of Calvary was before me 
when I was before Christ the world’s Saviour again. 

“ Greater Love hath no man than this, that he lay 
down his life for a friend” 

A roaring wind of awe-inspiring weirdness heralded 
the Greatest Proof of Love, passing over the moun- 
tain — the Temple of Love, up to the sky — the dome. 

Upon a rudely made Crnss hung the almost nude 
Christ. The extreme pains and fierce tortures of dis- 
solution were becoming plainly discernible upon Him. 
The sacred limbs stretched upon the wood quivered 
and writhed in convulsive twists of pain, — His face 
wore a pre-human expression of angelic sadness and 
wronged love, — pitiful wrongs wounded His Soul. 
All the tortures of a body in the extremes of pain, all 
the agonies and anguish of a soul in the utmost misery 
were experienced by this dying King. He gazed with 
a far-off expression into the heavens ; — He seemed to 
— and did — penetrate the veil, and saw thousands of 
worlds circling and existing in vast space ; — then His 
head drooped low in meek sadness, and tender tears of 
unselfish pity trickled from His gentle eyes, and a pro- 
18 273 


Infans Amoris. 


274 

longed wail, the most piteous of an anguished soul, 
broke from His pure lips and sounded on the hushed 
silence of the awe-struck air. The very tension of this 
mystic silence was awesome and dreadful. On each 
side of the Cross was a thief also crucified on a cross. 
And gazing at this awful portrayal of man’s san- 
guinary bestiality, I heard some one cry derisively: 

“ He saved others. Himself He cannot save 
Many smiled at this, nodding approval, and gazing 
at the suffering “ Nazarene ” to see whether it had any 
effect on Him. But His sad face was inscrutable. 
Then one woman — a woman whose face was that of 
an angel, and whose soul was that of a fiend — ap- 
proached the Cross and maliciously laughing, she 
pointed to Him and cried : 

“ What an exquisite physique ! O King of the 
Jews, come down from this gibbet, this disgraceful 
tree, — and Thou shalt lie in mine arms, and Thine 
hours, instead of sermonizing hours, shall be hours 
of rapture. Truly Thou art beautiful ! ” And turn- 
ing to the people — “ The animal is too beautiful to die 
thus, — too beautiful to live in purity ! — Look at the 
delicacy of the soft flesh ! ” 

And she boldly walked to the Cross, . . . gazed at 
the face of the Christ, . . . put forth her soft, delicate 
hand to touch the suffering Saviour’s quivering flesh, 
. . . but — suddenly, — a whole world of roaring fire 
seemed to overwhelm her, . . . and she fell writhing 
in convulsions. 

One of the Pharisees came running to the spot, 
anxiously bent over the beautiful creature, swearing 


Consummation of the Saviour s Mission. 275 

at, and cursing the “ Nazarene.” She was then car- 
ried away, and the enraged Pharisee ran up to the 
Cross, confronting the Man of Sorrows. 

“ Thou accursed demon,” he snarled, “ knowest 

Thou what Thou hast done to my — my ” He 

broke off in confusion ; the word “ mistress ” had al- 
most fallen from his defiled lips. 

“ Nay, He is not a demon,” said a wealthy oxen- 
seller, his face undergoing hideous contortions, 
“ He is the Son of God— He— He— He ! He lashed 
Me out of the Temple — Me! No one but the Son of 
God would dare do that ! ” He went up to the Cross 
— “ See how I love the Son of God — ” And he spit 
forth on to the sacred flesh some fetid saliva. 

Many others came and reviled Him, hurled blas- 
phemous phrases at Him, and no consideration was 
shown Him. And so it is To-day: no consideration is 
shown in the condemnation of Genius and Truth. 
And following this Divine Example, all should say 
for our enemies, as He did, “ Forgive them, Father, 
for they know not what they do.” 

“ If thou he Christ , save Thyself and us” cried the 
one thief, blaspheming Him. 

“ Neither dost thou fear God” said the other in sad 
reproach, “ seeing thou art under the same condemna- 
tion f 

“ And we indeed justly, for we receive the due re- 
ward of our deeds: but this Man hath done no evil” 

He groaned, and suddenly turned to the crucified 
Saviour, and in a beseeching, fervent tone, almost in- 
audibly said: 


Infans Amoris. 


276 

“ Lord , remember me — when Thou shalt come . . . 
into Thy Kingdom! ” 

“ Amen, Amen ” answered the dying Christ in a lov- 
ing tone, “ this day shalt thou be with Me in Para- 
dise.” 

At the hearing oj. this most hopeful and surpassing 
promise, the thief’s perturbed and pain-distorted coun- 
tenance changed into one of tranquil peace and expect- 
ant love; — and in the ecstatic sense of joyful expec- 
tation, his head sank low . . . and he afterward died. 

Suddenly, as a spark blown out, the sun decame ob- 
scured by dark shapes and disappeared from mortal 
sight, but He shone plainly distinct in pure white bril- 
lancy in the dense darkness. Nearby in the darkness, 
never deserting Him, was one whose angelic beauty 
was truly celestial, but who was in the extremes of 
purely maternal sorrow and compassionate pain — His 
Mother . . . The darkness was fraught with pregnant 
mystery, . . . and presently a huge, colossal cloud of 
luminous red fire, appalling in its stupendous magni- 
tude, awful in its amazing vastness, and crushing in 
the terror it imparted, came rolling slowly along in 
the dark heavens, . . . and it hovered sentiently above 
the central Cross. 

Suddenly there sounded the roar as of a far-off 
ominous rumbling, as of a perturbation and war be- 
tween conflicting caverns in subterranean places. It 
became more audible, and . . . slowly, ... it came 
near, nearer, . . . and it was as a roaring thunder un- 
derground. The earth hove like the billowy waves of 
a sea in restless commotion. After a while of sus- 


Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission. 277 

pense the earth before the Cross opened . . . and 
thick, belching flames ascended high into the air — an 
eerie, seething sound came from out this fiery chasm 
of terrifying flame and spiral conflagration. 

Tapering in symmetrical twists and pyramidal 
forms, in changing colors of brilliant crimson, un- 
earthly blue, pale white, and green, and mixed, with 
sooty smoke, it sibilantly hissed and writhed, and . . . 
in the sinuous tongue of every jetty flame was a soul in 
awful torment. In every restlessly twisting, ever- 
changing colored, smoky tongue of this weird fire, was 
the model form of an anguished soul. His death was 
to save souls from pain by showing the sequent Life. 
And I knew that a Great Love was being consum- 
mated; but I never had the faintest suggestion of the 
grand fecundity of this spectacular scene. A God 
nailed to a tree ! The Powers of Heaven moving Na- 
ture a-trembling, I gazed at the Tragedy in tremu- 
lously expectant and dreadfully horrified awe. Hiss- 
ing in fury, sooty smoke grotesquely darkening the 
volcanic fire, with a swift swirl and a deafening rum- 
ble and a growling roar, this ignivomous pit of subter- 
ranean smoke and fulignous fire closed. And at that 
moment, a strange white lightning curiously flew and 
danced and played, and hovered lambently about the 
inscriptions on the Cross — 

“ JESUS OF NAZARETH, KING OF THE JEWS.” 

Almost all of the startled spectators were prostrated, 
procumbent upon the ground, crying for light in a con- 
fused and jumbled scramble, and in a fearful, terrified 


Infans Amoris. 


278 

fright. Many deeds, strange and unreal, both bad and 
good, were perpetrated before the circumspecting Eyes 
of Love so sweet and divine. 

Across the troublously thundering clouds, I saw 
mystic tongues of forked coruscant lightning of sing- 
ularly blinding blue and crimson, flashed alternately. 
Presently ... a glowing, silvery, delicate crown of 
light became visible above the thorn-crowned Head 
bowed low, from which slowly trickled drops of pure 
red Blood. Ah, how I loved the Suffering God ! 

The dead appeared to many in this Stygian darkness, 
illumined only by the preternatural illuminations. For 
a long time thus it remained — then, after three hours 
of darkness ... as rent forcibly asunder, amid the 
roaring of angry thunder, the darkness became quickly 
enubilated, and slowly rolled and melted away, dis- 
solving into space. The red sun shone as some 
huge, bloody shield behind the Majestic Man of 
Sorrows on the Cross. The Magdalene was then seen 
to be prostrate at the Saviour’s feet ; His flowing blood 
dyed crimson her golden hair ! Near-by was the 
Virgin Mother, all a perfect mother’s love, all a true 
mother’s sorrow, all a faithful mother’s commiseration, 
bespeaking themselves upon her. In her eyes was a 
look of pure ecstasy and sadness. Others were near, — 
even Satan. Bowed low in sentient, shamed confusion 
and love, he gave vent to rending groans and awfully 
despairing cries. He frenziedly beat his bosom and 
dolorously lamented his fate, longed for and besought 
forgetfulness and respite from pain. 

“ Is it strange that I hate Man when such a chance 


Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission. 279 

is to him given, subject to his rejection, while I for 
such a Chance, whereby to redeem myself and return 
to that lost Home of perennial beauty of surpassing 
delights, I would do — oh, what would I not do! Yet 
I am made weaker in influencing — for that I am 
glad, — some of my burdens will be mitigated. O dear 
loving Christ, have mercy ! Have mercy though I can- 
not, will not, cease to hate.” 

The sun grew brighter; it seemed to stare aghast in 
startled wonder at the Pageant of a World’s Salva- 
tion. 

A noise suddenly quivered through the gloom. His 
body writhed and strenuously convulsed in the agon- 
ized throes and frightful pains of approaching dissolu- 
tion. His tender eyes rolled upwards and downwards 
in the most excrutiating pangs and torturing pains of 
body and soul. His lips mutely moved, — and they be- 
came burningly parched His breath came in operose, 
slow, and convulsed gasps. He gave vent to shudder- 
ing sighs — sighs of longing for love. He saw in that 
awful, terrific moment all the fearful crimes that 
would be done in coming ages — how vain for many 
that Death would be. All the pains of an unrewarded 
love were most horribly felt by this divinest Love. 
Death of the most painful kind, full of poignant long- 
ings and pains, was near. And strangely I longed for 
His release from flesh. 

I felt as though I were compressed and confined. 
I longed for a union with Him. Tremendous 
thunder, in a deafening din of rattling roar, rever- 
berated and volleyed around me in such lion-like fury 


28 o 


Infans Amoris. 


and prolix roaring, that it seemed to rend the heavens. 
Darkness thick and sooty, through which I saw hosts 
of spectral, dismal faces, with looks of awful, pallid, 
frozen yet hopeful woe upon them, I saw. I seemed, as 
it were, entering some indefinably dark, illimitable, 
awesome chasm of eternally frozen darkness and de- 
spair, when, as bells toning on a breeze, I heard the 
words, uttered in a painfully fervid tone: 

“ Eli, Eli, lamnia sabacthani.” 

Then, as in a sea of molten glory I moved closer to 
the Cross, whereon He whom I loved and adored was 
dying. 

The sun, reposing amid beautifully roseate clouds of 
sunset glory, with scalloped edges of silver and gold, 
was sinking behind Calvary’s historic mountain. And 
the rays, shining upon His face transfigured its pain 
into heavenly beauty. 

“ I thirst ” was feebly muttered by this Sweetest 
Love. 

Vinegar on a sponge was given to Him by a near-by 
soldier. And at that instant, as on golden pinions of 
blinding -brilliancy and light, an Angel Celestial de- 
scended from Heaven with lightning velocity and cele- 
rious speed to the Cross, and bowing low, a look of the 
most exquisite love upon its beaming face, it waited 
for an expected summons or command. 

“ Carmena ! ” was presently uttered by a grandly 
piercing Voice from above. 

Then . . . music sonorous, grand, and sublime, 
floated — like a rich sea of terrific, exquisite, enthralling 
melody — through the air. Then the angel sang, in a 


Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission. 281 


tone piercing in its surpassing richness and exquisite 
sweetness and fullness, the song: 

“ O glory, glory be to Thee, 

Of grandeur full, a seething sea 
Of sweet, surpassing melody — 

The melody of fervent prayer. 

The world from Death is truly saved, 

The Path to Heaven is well paved — 

Paved by the Cross of Grief and Love. 

“ The bleeding heart shall bleed no more ; 

Hereafter God they will adore. 

Oh, angels, come, and hither bring, 

While the world does take the Lesson, 

All love to Christ, the sad -world’s King. 

Come, come, the bells do sweetly«ring — 

Glory to Christ — God, Saviour, Iving.” 

Then the wondrous Face of marvellous, gentle Love 
gazed at the world before Him. His indescribably 
awful pains were seemingly lessened; His passionate 
grief was abated. The Soul purely divine was ready 
to leave the Body perfect and pure . . . He gave the 
world a gaze of transcendent, rapt, and unequalled 
Love; — a grand ecstasy transfigured that Holy Face 
into a beamingly refulgent sun of yearning Love, 
boundless Mercy, and tender Pity. Then . . . slowly 
. . . a look of pardoning pity, sweet and thrilling, be- 
gan to shine from that Countenance of Love Supreme ; 
and He gave a farewell gaze to earth — such a Gaze! 
such as never again would the sad world receive, — a 
look of wonderous pardon, merciful pity, and marvel- 
lous Love divine. Suddenly around the thorn-crowned 


282 


Infans Amoris. 


Head, aureole-like, circled a circular stream of sub- 
lime rainbow fires, from which colored stars of won- 
drous beauty were emitted arrow-like ! And in this 
tangent glory of supernatural beauty, the vortex of 
Love at hand, the expiring Saviour cried in marvellous, 
entrancing tones, silver bells chiming sweetly with 
pure Heavenly melody upon the air : 

“ Father , . . ” He said, “ into Thy hands ... I 
commend . . . My Spirit .” 

His divine head fell. Torture unnameable, mixed 
with unspeakable, fervent, unbounded joy, convulsed 
His most pure Form, which as polished marble gleamed 
in the oblique rays of the setting sun. And as He 
writhed, the sword tacitly pierced His heart, . . . 
water and blood flowed out of the wound, . . . His 
body ceased to quiver, . . . and His head bowed low. 
Several seconds of strained suspense elapsed, then the 
Holy Form again writhed and twisted, as though to 
extricate itself from the rude Tree, ... a dark 
shadow seemed to fall over the whole earth, . . . the 
ground rocked and seethed with audible underground 
roaring, . . . the red sun quivered and pulsated in the 
heavens, . . . and the roseate clouds swept the 
heavens staring aghast and affrighted at the strange 
scene of love unfurled below them. Women — both 
sinners and angels — were at the foot of the Cross. 
The rabble was spell-bound in mute and silent terror. 
Never had any one died thus, so strangely! At the 
same moment, a liquid, delicious, mellifluent melody 
floated in amorously dulcet tones upon the breeze ; and 
an odoriferous zephyr of almost unexcelled sweetness 


Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission. 283 

permeated the air. Lightning quivered in the heavens 
. . . And that tangent, starry glory playing beauti- 
fully in strange contrast with the other manifestations 
around His head, silvery radiance dazzlingly playing 
on the beams of the Cross, He gave a last gasp, . . . 
the Body relaxed, . . . silence and deeper darkness fell. 
The bird’s amorous song ceased ; the earth ceased to 
tremble and roar ; the sun ceased to pulsate ; the light- 
ning suddenly stopped its fantastic play ; only the tan- 
gent Glory around His head was mystically there. 
The disturbed air in perturbation seemed as it were in 
troubled expectancy. And after that gasp, His eyes 
rolled in a glance — a look of the Greatest Love and 
Tenderest Pity imaginable, — and they became suf- 
fused with tears. There was a strange sound as of 
sighs of pain, in the dismal gloom, . . . and He 
was dead. . . . 

Yes, Jesus was dead — but alive in glory in Real 
Life. His Mission was over ; His task was well done. 
He had lived in Love, died in Love, proved Love — He 
was incarnate Love. Truly says that man Emerson — 
“ Love is our highest word ; and the synonym of God.” 
Love embraces all — has embraced all, for the Saviour 
has brought Love from Heaven, planted it on the earth 
— and His death proved that pure unselfish Love, and 
His Resurrection proves Love’s life. 

“ Truly this is the Son of God,” was the late cry of 
recognition from many. 

Off in a remote, secluded place were several priests. 
On their acrimonious, sneering, crafty faces was a look 
of triumphant hate and satisfied malice. These pol- 


284 Infans Amoris. 

troons of hypocrisy fondly felt safe from any future 
exposure. 

Thus, with a great love of man, mercy for all, and 
for sinners pardon, surrounded by tricksters and hypo- 
crites, He died. Thus the Embodiment of the 
Greatest Love, of the most wondrous Mercy, died. 
Such was a God’s love — God’s own, unselfish, ineffable 
Love and Divine Pardon. Thus was the Consumma- 
tion of the greatest, sweetest, and most unselfish Love 
demonstrated and proven to Man. 

As the Divine Pardoner of Sins left the mortal 
Form, He came into the Spirit World in the God-like 
glory of dazzling empyrean beauty of His. And . . . 
as His Head fell inert, I beheld to my exceeding joy 
and ecstatic amazement a figure bound to the bur- 
dened Cross, which seemed as ustulate matter, and 
clasp his virile arms about the dead Body of a God 
Incarnate. He cried: 

“ O Jesus of Nazareth — Saviour of the World — God 
incarnated in flesh — Spirit of God, of Light, of Love, 
let me not alone in this drear and sinful world. Thou 
. . . Holy One . . . Thou hast saved me, . . . lift 
me from death to Life, from pain to Love ! Thou 
Loving Jesus, . . . give . . . to — me . . . my — love, 
. . . Nathana.” 

And in frenzied longing and fervent love, he kissed 
the dead body of the world’s Redeemer. Then a 
beaming smile of ecstatic rapture passed over his care- 
worn countenance — it seemed that he saw an unex- 
pected vision of a distant glory grand. With a sudden 


Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission. 285 

bound he leaped into the air, . . . shook, . . . uttered 
a choking cry, . . . and fell — dead. 

He was by me, my soul's own dear, longed-for 
Companion. . . . 

“ Soul of Nathana,” he cried, and his voice was 
melody sweet to me, “ forgive me. As I wronged thee, 
leading Pure Love astray, now I am at thy mercy. If 
thou dost hate me, . . . revenge is thine. Satisfaction 
so exact as to be terrible is the Law. Atonement is 
necessary — atonement or pardon . . . O ! — O ! — mar- 
vellous is the Justice! Terrible is the hating soul’s 
Revenge ! Dost thou hate me ? or forgive me ? — to be 
in Love . . . together ? ” 

“ I forgive thee, Soul of Love,” I cried, “ I love thee, 
Soul of Mine.” 

I was not unrepentant — I forgave him. Thus do I 
beseech all to be — lenient, loving, merciful. With the 
soul who has been wronged and hates, rests revenge — 
and revenge is terrible. Christ wishes all to have sat- 
isfaction, but not Revenge O souls of mortals, think 
ere you lead one astray, or murder, or do any wrong — 
beware of the just Retribution, when Satisfaction will 
be denied ! Let the man who seduces a girl to sin be- 
ware ! — he is not free — no he makes himself a slave, 
a debtor. Let the false wife beware — let her beware 
of coming Justice, of Revenge! Let all sinners be- 
ware — sinners who are slaves in shackles that can be 
taken off only by — Love. O mortals, forgive and ask 
forgiveness ! As ye mete to others , so shall it he meted 
to yon . Pray for, have for others — Love and Mercy. 


286 


Infans Amoris. 


O wondrous, inexplicable joy of Love! O rapture 
of Completion! Jardac was by me — my Love . . . O, 
what exquisite, almost unendurable delight! 

Words are inadequate to express the joy — the joy of 
Perfect Heaven! 

The Saviour blessed the World, — and the World 
was reborn — reborn to Love, Faith, Purity, and 
Heaven. His Mission was done — He did all things 
well. 

Tremendous thunder and rattling, furious roar! 
Lightning of supernal brilliancy dazzled our visions, 
shooting in pre-natural glory around and about us — 
then . . . lo ! we were before Christ — the Saviour and 
Redeemer of the World — the Risen from the Dead — 
the God of Mercy and Love — again. He was at 
Bethania, speaking to the mortal men that were before 
Him. And as we gazed, He raised His dazzling Hand 
and blessed them — And as we steadfastly watched 
Him in expectant joy, He rose! . . . Many angelic 
spirits were there, — many were waiting to ascend with 
Him. Higher . . . He rose. A cloud filled with a 
summer’s sunrise glory — pink in dazzling symmetry 
and beauty — sailed below Him. Higher, — still higher 
. . . The mortals on earth with strained gaze, and sad 
at His going, gazed longingly and regretfully after 
Him. Then . . . His Heavenly Glory became plainly 
manifest — What beauty was there ! — pen cannot nearly 
adequately describe that supernal, congruous grandeur 
. . . He was Music, Flame, and Beauty. 

He rose on a misty pedestal of dazzling emerald and 


Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission. 287 

frosted silver clouds of fire. Hundreds of angels of 
sweet heavenly purity were around this pedestal of 
brilliant beauty ; they were the souls of the ihfants who 
had been ruthlessly slain by my seeking, at the instiga- 
tion of Satan, for love’s incestuous desires, for which 
I dearly paid, for which I now felt happy. About this 
dazzling pedestal of supernal clouds and flame were 
millions of soft glorious flowers of a thousand thousand 
changing hues ; vines and leaves of heavenly beauty 
grew and sprung up in the air about Him, — all beauty 
was there. Angels hovered near Him — this God. . . . 
All was Light, Color, Music. . . . Behind Him was a 
silver-gray cloud — the very clouds caressed Him . . . 
O He was bright, glorious ! He seemed like the con- 
suming apparition of a newly created sun. And on 
either side of Him were two great Angels — beautiful 
and grand. The glories that were there were num- 
berless, beyond all telling grand. 

Music loud and joyous, strains sonorous and divine, 
songs sweet and celestial were everywhere. The 
music of the rolling spheres died away into silence 
compared with the melody and music of His Presence. 
As He ascended high, higher, the inhabitants of many 
planets offered hymns to Him, the rising God, — they 
drank in the glory of the transcendent Vision, and ex- 
ulted in the joyful rapture of His passing. That Holy 
Face — so exalted, so inexpressibly grand — was and IS 
a Vision of love. Up — up . . . with the rapidity of 
lightning we rose. Higher ! The glories grew 
grander, the polyphonic music more sublime. And as 
we rose higher, upwards, a more delicious, entrancing, 


288 


Infans Amoris. 


joyous, jubilant strain of divine Music throbbed about 
us. And to its grandly martial strains we rose still, 
still higher. The silver-gray cloud behind the God- 
Man manifested, melted and vanished . . . and a 
burning, dazzling molten Glory was behind Him. Be- 
hind Him appeared a Cross of flashing, prismatic fires. 
Like an aurora borealis in ever changing beauty, in 
beams of dazzling molten gold, in parallel shafts of 
frosty silver light, in meteor-flashing flame, in colored 
streaks of blinding, colored fire — holding the glory of 
dawn, the beauty of sunset, the Sign of Salvation shone 
in brilliant, supernal glory behind the Divine One, its 
marvellous shafts of flame consuming the living skies. 
From Him radiated a luminous, flaming Halo of white 
empyrean light. And then ... in the unmarred 
beauty of the turquoise and roseate heavens, delicate 
threads of golden light formed into interwoven, in- 
tricate webs of shimmering beauty. It quiveringly 
filled all the visible space, as it were of a spider’s won- 
drous, golden web. . . . And continually below us, 
amid restless, heaving, trembling clouds full of radi- 
ated glory, were many colored coruscations of electric 
stars. There was the sweet sound of fluttering wings ; 
the melodious sound as of birds sweetly singing; the 
seething, rushing sound of crystalline water-falls ; the 
tolling of sublime silver bells ; — and thunder had for a 
while rattled and crashed in musical, reverent roar- 
ing. ... 

Away down . . . far, far down was the circling 
World — now a black speck. ... We passed many 
spheres of populated beauty. ... I exulted in over- 


Consummation of the Saviour's Mission. 289 

flowing joy. I was at peace, — in the Greatest Love 
Most Holy ! 

And lo ! . . . as He gazed at the vanishing Speck, a 
look of the most exquisite, ardent, holy Love shone 
from that glorious Face of lightning splendor. A 
Gaze of Love unexcelled He gave to Earth. He 
raised His empyrean-illumined Hand in a beneficent 
Benediction, . . . and as this great Benison was 
given to the sad world — a flood of spiritual fire seemed 
to flow downwards, and a Path to Heaven was made — 
the Path of His Love. Sweetly toned bells vibrated 
through the void ; music of war, love, and peace, of 
harmony perfect, was here; clouds of glowing gran- 
deur were lambently about us and Light was every- 
where. And as on a gentle wind, the words floated 
on the air : “ I am the Way, the Light, and the 
Truth : NO MAN COMETH TO THE FATHER 
BUT BY ME.” 

What a magnanimous, perpetual, immeasurable 
Love is not the God-Love ! ... With lightning speed 
we rose. The araneous webs of fire were melting in 
the glory of molten liquid flames above us! Higher, 

. . . into glory surpassing that of the sidereal flowers, 

. . . starry constellations sang carols to us, . . . on, 
— upwards, — higher. . . . 

And again . . . that Smile of yearning, exquisite, 
incomparable Love from the most dazzling Face of 
Light of all, was given to the dark, nether world. 
Such a Love never will this world again have lavished 
in plenteous munificence upon it. Love for sinners, — 
pity for sinners, — yearning for sinners, were in this 

19 


2go 


Infans Amoris. 


God Divine. In life, while on earth, He had said: 
“ For the Son of Man is come to save that which was 
lost.” And He did His utmost to obtain and give sin- 
ners life. — He gave His life,— and His unlimited, most 
sweet and tender Love. 

O what a grand, excessively amazing and stupen- 
dous glory of rainbow colors and electric fires were 
above us ! . . . What a strong, invincible Blaze of Ma- 
jestic Glory was swallowing us up ! . . . Christ was 
God transfigured into His real beauty sublime! . . . 
Angels in multitudinous throngs sang in heavenly, 
rippling strains, . . . clashing music supremely 
charming and sweet in its enthralling harmony, surged 
through the glory, . . clouds of saffron and pure white 
flame were about us, . . . fire empyrean glowed above 
us in indescribable grandeur, . . . and circles of ar- 
gent glowing mist and vapor eddyingly swarm around 
in a whirlpool of gyrating splendor ! 

Suddenly . . . the Face of Love turned to us, 
and joyously in the sweetest accents imaginable, 
said : 

“ Behold the World of Heaven — the Perfect Home 
of God ! This is the World of Love — of beauty, 
flowers, sweets, and joys f This is the World for 
which I have saved the earth — this the World waiting 
for men ! A little endurance, patience, and work — 
Immortality — then Heaven. This the World of un- 
paralleled Love — created in Love, for Love, kept by 
LOVE. Love is the joy of Souls — the wondrous bliss 
of Heaven, sweet in Hell even. For this, O Souls of 
Men, to bring you here, have I lived and died. Follow 


Consummation of the Saviour s Mission. 291 

Me — in poverty, misprizal, and work.... and enter 
Here ; no man cometh to the Father but by Me.” 

L^ud, enthralling, jubilant, and serene music was 
everywhere. O, unutterable Joy ! O, ravishing trans- 
port ! O, wild ecstasy ! . . . Unchangeable love was 
dominant as we entered, following the King. 

O, Glory ! . . . .truly hath Saint Paul said : “ The eye 
of man hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor hath it entered 
the heart of man to know the things which God hath 
prepared for those who love Him/’ 

Into the Kingdom of Heaven, into delights and joys 
free from retrograding mutability ! Environed by rap- 
turous, beaming faces angelic, — in transcendent bliss, 
— in surpassing love, — in the empyreal glory of Hea- 
ven ! .... I saw my beloved mother when I entered 
therein .... There sin hath no place. There all work 
is grandly, munificently rewarded. There no sorrow 
darkens joy. There, in God, all is divine Love: — O 
what a great Reward ! O Man, only try to win this 
holy place. It is beyond the comprehension of men 
to know ! . . . O the bliss of the soul’s brimful joy ! O 
the immensity of the thrilling intensity of rapture ! O, 
the ecstatic balmy rest — where birds in accents of love 
perpetually sing, — where flowers of never-fading 
beauty bloom and are redolent with the sweetest scents, 
— where the luscious fruits are delicious and undecay- 
able, — where lustrous angels in dulcet tones forever 
sing, — where over all this bewildering, shining grand- 
eur, GOD is the Light Supreme. The immensity 
of delicious odor, mellifluent song, eternal beauty, and 
Divinest Love are to be easily had, O Man — simply by 


29 2 


Infans Amoris. 


fulfilling the simple, clear Law of Christ — the Sweet- 
est Love that ever walked upon mundane sod. 

Always in unceasing thanks and never-lessening joy, 
in the eternal ecstasy, joy and majesty of the purity 
of Heaven and God, with the souls of the slain Inno- 
cents and the angels, we sing glorious anthems and 
hymns of praise ; always we drink in the inexsuperable 
Glory of His Presence, the unsurpassable music of His 
Tones, the superabundant delights of His Kingdom. 
And this is forever. O so calm, so sweet, so restful is 
Heaven. O — O — so grand, so dearly loving is He. 
And ever is that beatific and serene Spirit of pure Love 
before us, with us, loving us, gifts giving us, beauties 
showing us, marvels displaying to us, O what grandeur 
is that of His world ! Nature’s glories there blossom in 
perfection; floriferous vegetation blooms and thrives 
on rocks impregnated with the life of His Being ; fruit 
grows on trees of perpetual green, and beautiful trees 
are of color and fire, growing out of empyreal cascades 
— cascades rushing over rocks of jewels and flame, 
shooting into space with music divine, — and, O, in the 
light, they do shine .... The glories, the beauties I can- 
not describe; words fail in the thought of this sphere, 
its marvels and immeasurable expanse, its inhabitants 
and wondrous Ruler, whose Breath is its life, whose 
Love its foundation. This is all awaiting the mortals 
on the sad earth ; — it is to lead them there He died. 

For a long time I have enjoyed this perfect peace 
. . . All the joys dreamt of on earth, — all the beauties 
desired in the world, — all the happiness longed for, 
are to be had in perfect form in the World of God on 


Consummation of the Saviour’s Mission. 293 

High. No superior recompense for a good life could 
possibly be had. 

I enjoy and live in this grandeur; — I am on earth — 
yet I am perfectly happy. Soon I will leave earth, . . . 
but ere that happens, I will do an act — an Act which 
Christ wishes. If any fruit be gathered and engen- 
dered from it, Christ will be happily glad. 

I go around on the. earth both in the spirit and in the 
creature’s form. I see many hidden acts and deeds 
of evil perpetrated. I see sin triumphantly and boldly 
stalking the streets ; I see virtue usually mocked and 
sneered at ; I see theft a popular trade ; I see meanness 
and cowardice predominant among the creatures 
called men ; I see lust the pleasure of women ; I see 
Christ’s gospel torn into shreds ruthlessly and blat- 
antly by self-styled priests; I see clergymen flinging 
their flagrant phrases of sectarian dislike despicable — 
and egregiously at variance with God’s Law — at the 
Roman Church ; while the Roman Church — if it would 
rise in rebellion against the crushing power of Papal 
tyranny and uproot the evilness thereof, and cease 
calling their pastors by forbidden titles, thus breaking 
the commandment, “ Call no man your father on earth,” 
it would be reincarnated perhaps to goodness. Then 
let the priests — the true, simple, unsophisticated priest, 
ordained by God — cast away forbidden titles, fixed-up 
rituals, rich edifices, and sacerdotal hypocrisy, rise up 
and expand and advise the use of Science, and analyze 
God’s Law, — not drill children into Form, welding 
them into insipid automatons — to be easily operated by 
the priests. Now is the time to work the reform ! O, 


294 


Infans Amoris. 


terrible will be the End if the World pursues its down- 
ward career! Now, when every church emits the cry, 
“ I know not the Man,” when the clergymen are Peters 
denying Christ, when Society is corrupt to the core, 
taking its chief delight in bestial sensuality — now is 
the time to Stop ! Will the Saviour return and find that 
His Life and Death are of no avail ? That Ignorance 
is Ignorance still? That Faith is dead? I, who love 
Him, who saw Him die, one of His angels in Heaven, 
— I do speak — speak the truth. Follow Him — that is 
simple. But the world will not follow Him. O Father 
of Souls, how many will reach that Perfect Home! 
How few merit it ! — And why is this the frightful state 
of Man? Whose fault is it? not Christ’s. 


EPILOGUE. 


“ Occultari potest ad tempus veritas, vinci non po- 
test. Florere potest ad tempus iniquitas, permanere 
non potest ” 

St. Augustine. 

A dark, stormy winter night — a night in which the 
faintly discernible snowflakes fell in every varying and 
changing gust of wind — was over the earth. Only the 
sound of the mournful dirge of wind-wailing was 
heard. Dark and somber, cold and strong, like to a 
dark mediaeval prison, intimidating in its black, cold 
aspect, rose a cathedral, a darker silhouette against the 
night’s darkness. Only the dark, exceedingly dark 
outlines could be seen. It stood up in cold, assertive, 
grotesque harshness ; along the walk before it stood a 
row of leafless trees, through which the sharp, biting 
wind passing, made a drear, solemn moan. Roaring 
in unfettered fury, the wind blew the driving snow 
into the small, dark niches, into the faces of the hideous 
gargoyles, and around the towers. The entrance door 
of hard oak, iron-bolted, was repelling instead of invit- 
ing. Securely locked, no weary, frozen wanderer could 
possibly enter therein to rest. A woman, garmented 
in tattered raiment, slowly tottered along, nearly fall- 
ing. Her face was closely veiled. She slowly, with 

295 


Infans Amoris. 


296 

seeming difficulty, at length succeeded in reaching the 
cathedral door. In vain she tried to enter — in vain; 
it was bolted. 

“ O God,” she cried, “ this is the way they treat the 
poor; — whereas to fulfill and follow Thy Holy Law, 
this should be open, so that any weary, sad, and dispir- 
ited creature may enter and pray.” 

She descended the steps, gazed about her, and mut- 
tered in ecstasy : 

“ Thou , O Love, art here. Thou, O Jesus, art ever 
with me — Thou Greatest Love.” 

She walked out of the recess of the embrazured 
church door, and trod across the snow-covered pave- 
ment — leaving no footsteps in the soft snow. She 
went to the richly-hewn door of the parsonage, — the 
bell rang, — and in a very short time a neatly dressed 
servant answered the summons. 

“ I wish to see McKalb,” said this mysterious woman. 

“ Who ? ” exclaimed the girl, questioningly and sus- 
piciously. 

“ The priest who lives here,” responded the woman. 

“ Ah,” said the girl, darkly, “ Father McKalb ! He 
is not at home.” 

“ He is,” said the woman, positively, and with assert- 
ive surety. 

“ Huh ? ” interrogated the gaping girl. 

“He is in.... and I shall see him,” she rejoined, 
composedly. 

“ Well, now, wait a bit ! I’ll see.” 

Whereupon she hastily slammed the door shut. The 


Epilogue. 297 

cold wind blew and moaned a dismal dirge. The 
white flakes fell fast in thick voluminous gusts. The 
cold was biting in its severe sharpness. 

“ Such a night/’ murmured the woman softly — “ on 
such a comfortless night. . . .Salvation came.” 

After several minutes had elapsed the door was 
thrown open. A slender, well-shaven man stood at 
the door in a black cassock. His physiognomy was 
one of expressive egotism and assumed sanctity — yet 
. . . .there was a trace — faint though it was — of Truth 
and Purpose and Destiny written there, — but it was 
nearly eradicated. In his mouth was an odoriferous 
cigar,, from which arose sweetly scented smoke. Tak- 
ing the Havana from his mouth, he angrily inquired 
in gruff, hasty tones : 

“ What do you want ? ” 

“ I want shelter,” answered the woman steadily, 
standing in the blinding gushes of snow — “ and I want 
to enter. I am here on this cold world, snow falling 
and wind blowing; — oh, take me in . . . and fulfill 
your Master’s Law.” 

He searchingly scrutinized her for Sieveral minutes 
with a curious expression of mingled humor and ex- 
asperation. Finally he said : 

“ Get out ; — go to a hut near.” And as he was 
shutting the door a loud voice in sepulchral accents 
broke on the air,. . . .the wind suddenly ceased,. . . . 
several flashes of lightning in livid blue forks flashed, 
. . . .and that strange unnearthly voice cried in pulsa- 
ting tones : 

“ They shut the churches, — they shut their houses, — 


Infans Amoris. 


298 

they honor their Maker with their lips, — of them were 
said the most true words: ‘This people honoreth Me 
with their lips, their heart is far from Me. And in vain 
do they worship Me, teaching doctrines and precepts 
of men / Will Christ of you, vain priests, say at the 
Last Day when Justice will be manifest: Come ye 
blessed of My Father, possess the Kingdom prepared 
for you from the foundation of the world. For I was 
hungry, and you gave Me to eat; I was thirsty, and you 
gave Me to drink ; I was a stranger and you took Me 
in? ’ No . . . He will say : 4 Depart from Me, ye 
cursed, into everlasting fire , which was prepared for 
the devil and his angels : For I was hungry, and you 
gave Me not to eat ; I was thirsty, and you gave Me not 
to drink; I was a stranger, and you took Me not in; 
naked, and you clothed Me not; sick in prison, and you 
did not visit Me. Amen, I say to you, as long as you 
did not feed one of these least — (the poor, the prisoner, 
the dying) — neither did you do it to Me. Depart into 
everlasting punishment .’ And O Jesus, thus will they 
be condemned — even the hypocritical priests who 
ordain to follow Thy Law, and all who do not as they 
ought.” 

Anger convulsed the enraged priest’s smooth face. 
The servant came rushing to him, looking at him in- 
quiringly. 

“ A lost wretch — gone astray — let her go,” mumbled 
the priest, irascibly. 

And then .... moving like wind, the woman, the 
“ lost wretch,” was by him, crying in a loud, reproach- 
ful tone ; 


Epilogue. 299 

“ Mortal, know you not that Christ said in His 
mercy, ‘ Love your enemies and do good to them that 
hate you, and pray for the lost? He never left the 
‘ wretch ’ go, — He would save him. He would never 
cast off the poor, charge dollars for masses — elaborate 
prayers ; — and now listen, — you must, and you shall, 
that you may see your evil. Christ — the Son of 
God — on earth, as you will find in the sixth chapter of 
Matthew, said : 

“ ‘ And when ye pray, you shall not be as the hypo- 
crites, that love to stand and pray in the synagogues 
and corners of the streets that they may be seen by 
men ; Amen, I say to you, they have received their 
reward.’ Does this substantiate or condemn the elabo- 
rate prayers of the Mass — the vainly ostentatious, 
flaring open display ? And further, He says : ‘-And 
when thou shalt pray, enter into thy chamber, and 
having shut the door, pray to thy Father in secret: 
and thy Father who seeth in secret, will repay thee. 
And when you are praying, speak not much, as the 
heathens. For they think that in their much speaking 
they may be heard. But be not you therefore like 
them, for your Father knoweth what is needful for you, 
before you ask Him. Thus therefore thou shalt pray : 
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy 
Name; Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on 
earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our super- 
substantial bread. And forgive us our debts as we 
also forgive our debtors. And lead us not into tempta- 
tion. But deliver us from evil. Amen.’ ” 

A look of rapt ecstasy was the aspect of the 


3oo 


Infans Amoris. 


“ wretch,” and half-startled, half-irate, and half 
amused priest, unmindful of the cold, was absorbed in 
listening to her fervent discourse. She went on : 

“ How often is that prayer said in the Roman 
Church? And instead of teaching secret prayer, you 
command the laity to come to mass under penalty of 
mortal sin? You should teach your people to sincerely 
forgive one another, for unless that is done — disaster 
zvill fall. And furthermore, you teach doctrines and 
perform deeds distinctly forbidden by Christ. For 
instance, the marking of the Cross upon the foreheads 
of the laity on Ash- Wednesdays ; — Jesus hath said: 
‘ And when you fast, be not as the hypocrites, sad. 
For they disfigure their faces, that they may appear 
unto men to fast. Amen, I say to you, they have re- 
ceived their reward.’ O the horrible irreligion of 
Form ! 

“ And about the Form of Faith ; — You drill prayers 
— hastily said — into young children — Christ’s angels — 
they become mere, vapid automatons. You blatantly 
condemn good education. In God’s name, how can 
any one love the Maker of beauty when that beauty 
is hidden and obscured? Your one discordant cry is 
for money, — for to raise edifices and to live a life of 
luxury. Christ said to His ministers, when He sent 
them to teach ; ‘ Behold, I send you as lambs among 
wolves. Carry neither purse, nor scrip, nor shoes, 
and salute no man by the way. Into whatsoever house 
you enter, first say, ‘ Peace be in this house.’ He did 
not confer upon you the title of ‘ father : ’ instead, He 
said : ‘ The Scribes and Pharisees have sitten in the 


Epilogue. 301 

chair of Moses — (as priests sit in the chair of Peter 
to-day.) All things therefore what they shall say to 
you do — (things pertaining to the welfare of the soul), 
— but according to their works do ye not ; for they say 
and do not. For they bind heavy and insupportable 
burdens, and lay them on men's shoulders ; but with a 
finger of their own they will not move them. And all 
the works they do to be seen of men.’ As you priests 
build hospitals, etc., doing specious good, to be seen of 
men, — to make proselytes. You seldom go secretly 
among the poor and thus fulfill the Master’s Law. He 
continues : ‘ For they make their phylacteries broad 
and enlarge their fringes. And they love the first 
places at feasts, and the first chairs in the synagogues, 
and salutations in the market-place, and to be called 
by men, Rabbi. But be not you called Rabbi. For 
One is your Master, and all you brethren. And call 
none your father upon earth, for One is your Father 
Who is in Heaven. Neither be you called masters ; 
for One is your Master, Christ.’ Thus, O Priest, see 
how you fulfill Christ’s Law . . . You, and the jesuiti- 
cal, crushing power of Rome insatiably grind money 
from the poor man’s hand,— ye take, not give, — ye do 
not sell half of what you have and give to the poor 
and follow Him. Love engenders Love. The haughty, 
overbearing bold assertions of the priests intimidate 
Love. The sole, fundamental principle of cosmical 
creations is Love. You are a dissonant sound in the 
symphony. You do not teach the marvellous and 
wonderful power of prayer — O wonderful is the power 
of a simple prayer free from sophistry and guile! — I 


302 


Infans Amoris. 


was saved by a simple prayer, — while in purging fires 
I always prayed .... as all suffering souls do. You 
teach of the wonderful blessing of the Pope, — of won- 
derful miracles done. Why have you not power to do 
these ? Did Christ not give all His disciples the power 
of the Holy Ghost, the power to cast out devils in His 
Name? Why have you not that power? Simply be- 
cause you are not His true disciple, and have not His 
Faith ; — you condemn other sects. In the ninth 
chapter of Luke is recorded the unsectarian Love of 
Jesus. Thus we find it : ‘ And John, answering, said : 
“ Master, we saw a certain man casting out devils in 
Thy Name, and we forbade Him, because he followeth 
not us.” And Jesus said to him: “Forbid him not, 
for he that is not against you is for you.” ' Now it is 
absurd to say that the Protestant Version of the Scrip- 
tures is less the word of God than the Douay Version. 
Instead of praying for those sects who have by dense 
reformers fallen into a perhaps darker darkness, you 
condemn them and commit a sin, and hence merit 
their antipathy and hate. Allow me to cite another 
extract from the Book you dislike your people to 
read, but which you dare not forbid : 

“ ‘ And He sent messengers before His face : and 
going they entered into a city of the Samaritans, to 
prepare for Him. 

“ ‘ And they received Him not, because His face was 
one going to Jerusalem. 

“ ‘ And when His disciples James and John had 
seen this, they said : “ Lord, wilt Thou that we com- 
mand fire to come down from heaven and consume 
them?” 


Epilogue. 303 

“ ‘ And turning, He rebuked them, saying: “You 
know not of what spirit you are. 

“ ‘ The Son of Man came not to destroy souls, 
but to save/ 

“ The Inquisition of Spain and the massacres of 
France are atrocious blots upon the Roman Church. 
Christ won love by Love, He did not force it. The 
Jesuits untiringly slaved ^or mundane glory; — Christ 
said: You cannot serve two masters, you will either 
love the one or hate the other. You serve one master — 
Mammon ; to the easily duped world you serve another 
Master ; whereas, you serve not the Master ; — but you 
are flagrant, meretricious blasphemers! You are, you 
know it ; I know it. Gaze at me — I am a ‘ wretch,’ yet 
I do tell you what is true, without polish or prepara- 
tion. When a church has bishops that issue legal pro- 
ceedings against a priest so as to make him get out of 
his parish, all because he mercifully attended the dying 
bed of an excommunicated man, — when the priests 
openly declare their ‘ superiority ’ over ‘common’ men, 
and declare things with assertive obtrusiveness, saying 
it is their prerogative, which from the mouth of a lay- 
man they would most strenously condemn, — when 
priests invent schemes and play on the credulity of the 
faithful for money, — when priests declare nauseous 
lies, call upon God to bear witness to their lies, when 
they chase children from the Sunday-school for small 
ofifenses, when they expectorate and swear on the altars, 
— when a church of such priests allows such execrable, 
dastardly acts to go unreproved, — when a church sets 
up a mortal and declares him to be a god, able to speak 


304 


Infans Amoris. 


infallibly, who counts money in leisure hours, who 
condemns his brethren, and who gives ‘ blessings ’ for 
‘ offerings,’ — when this wretch of iniquity pardons 
whom he favors, and to his brethren, whom he dis- 
likes, says : ‘ Let him be anathema,’ — when this prolo- 
cutor of the Devil declares himself to be upheld by 
God, an oracle of the Holy Ghost, — when all this is 
done, upheld, and made open — then . . . the abomina- 
tion of desolation stands in the holy place! and, oh, the 
sheep must needs ivatch. The sheep are not watched 
by the men-appointed shepherd — him who is said to 
be the ‘ Representative of Christ,’ but who, to use 
Moore’s words, is : 

“ ‘ A wretch who shrines his lusts in heaven, 

And makes a pander of his God.’ ” 


“ These words of the poet describe the Repre- 
sentative of Peter, the man whose god is Gold — 
bright, evil-generating, yellow gold. Yes, it is a 
church of iniquity, papal intrigues, and supersti- 
tion. You pray to mortals, you condemn Science 
and Genius, you allow no room for advancement, you 
make men come to confession and make game of their 
foibles, berating them, while you are worse sinners 
than they ! You do not go among the poor ; you should. 
Instead of going to the rich and pandering to them, 
you should follow Christ to the slums, the sick, and 
the dying. Your faith should give you power to im- 
part joy to the sad, heal the sick, raise the dead, con- 
trol the elements, — and you should worship Him in 


Epilogue. 305 

Nature’s temple, praise Him, thank Him, tell of Him, 
and glorify His Name. Simplicity would be a gran- 
deur. The churches and their gilded garniture are 
worse than the conceived place of hell — incense, can- 
dles, statues, ornaments, symbols, all relics of idolatry, 
breathe not of God ; simplicity is ennobling, nature 
appeals to men. Yes, go to the poor, comfort them — 
not with formulas of prayers and ‘ holy oil ;’ go to the 
sick, cure them — not with ‘ holy water ’ and other 
symbols ; go to the sad, relieve their sorrow, bear their 
burdens — not with intercession to saints and by giving 
them ‘ holy medals.’ Discard all gross superstition, 
accept the simple, clear teaching of Jesus, teaching 
that Heaven is open to all, that He will forgive without 
a mortal’s permission, that He will speak by the Holy 
Ghost through men, not one unit. Teach purely, teach 
conscientiously ; and yoUr instinct will lead you aright ; 
God will lead you. Examine all you see and hear : ob- 
serve the beauty in a flower ; the glory sang to God in 
the song of a bird ! Everything of creation will teach 
you a lesson — a lesson that you may teach others. 
And progressing in spiritual knowledge, you will lead 
others into the light of Christ. In all things follow 
Him, not the derelict ‘ Representative of Christ,’ the 
successor of Peter ! Reprove your brother priests who 
lie, telling what they don’t believe, who lust and sin, 
who are proud and inordinately haughty! Do this; 
from the corrupt Roman Church bring forth a Pure 
Church, a Church for every man, of every creed, of 
every color. The Roman Church has excellent plans 
for giving consolation to the laity by superstition, — but 
20 


/ 


Infans Amoris. 


306 

the pure teaching of Christ would — O ! — give so very 
much more. The Roman Church is a money-making 
stock exchange, the priests investing in stock-shrines 
and superstitious beliefs. The Protestant Church is 
growing thus, — money in it is becoming more valued 
every day; — no wonder a large party of clergymen 
tried to pass a resolution to charge for services ren- 
dered to men; no wonder a clergyman claims that it 
is not a clergyman’s duty to visit the sick. Christ did 
all His work in love, helped the sick, and in Him there 
was no hypocrisy; His Love subsisted not on Cash. 
Priest, I who am nothing to you, do tell you this — will 
you work ? will you lead ? will you follow the incarnate 
God, by precept, example, and work? Will you be 
poor, and free? Do not be the satellite of a man who 
says he is the ‘ representative ’ of a God, and whose 
chief delight is in gold : Because iniquity shall abound, 
the love of many shall grow cold; the love is cold, has 
been cold — for iniquity does abound. Cast from your 
church the priests who are pri-ests only in name — who 
are wicked, demoralizing, and corrupt.* Purge your 
faith in the fire of the Gospel, and heed the warning: 
Watch. 

* Note. — A correspondent from Rome in the Chretien Fran$ais, 
says that since the accession of Victor Emmanuel II., no less than 
176 priests of the Roman Church have been punished by the tribu- 
nals for offenses, one-third for various crimes and approbating King 
Humbert’s assassination, the other two-thirds for offenses against 
public morals. Says Dr. C. A. Robertson : “ So degraded, with 
some exceptions, have the priests become (in Italy), that they are 
not admitted into society ; they have been banished as teachers from 
public schools. Theological faculties have been discontinued in the 


Epilogue. 307 

“ Priest, hear me — one who knows — who suffered — 
who loves man. Beware of coming Evil, of imminent 
Tribulation, of Fire, and Bloodshed! Beware! Be- 
ware of the evil days to come, when the sheep shall 
starve and die amid groans, when the moon will weep 
for the sad plight of this sphere, when the sun shall 
burn you, the ungrateful recipients of God’s blessings ! 
Disaster will submerge the world ; Ruin will devastate 
the nations ; Pestilence will destroy all fairness ; Star- 
vation will goad men to hell ; Fire will consume the 
earth — and it will swallow Rome, the abode of crime ! 
Beware ! Beware of the vengeance you bring upon 
yourselves ! . . . . Priest, man, save your soul, save the 
world. Follow the Master, avert the Doom. 

“ I see you are amazed ; you are shivering. You 
think me a disguised somebody. You partially fear 
me; you need not. Better fear the things which you 
do not do! For at the Last Day the Do Not rather 
than the Do will condemn you. Go in ; I’ll follow you. 
Reverend sir, you are interested in me — I in you. 
Enter. Lead me to your study. You will catch a se- 
vere cold if I keep you here.” 

The priest, somewhat regaining his composure, 
coughed, gazed distrustfully at the woman, stooped and 

universities.” This state of affairs is bad for Italy ; and the hos- 
tility against Rome is founded on the ground that “ it (the ‘ Holy 
Roman Catholic Church ’) is a political institution, aiming at the 
restoration of the Pope’s temporal power.” “ And the people are 
finding a pure Christianity,” says a religious weekly, “ inside the 
pale of other churches ” — a purer, not a wholly pure Christianity, 
inside the pale of more perfect, perhaps, but not perfect churches. 

Author. 


Infans Amoris. 


308 

picked up his cigar which he had let fall, and which 
had been extinguished. Then he turned, preceded by 
the terrified servant, and followed by the “ wretch.” 

“ I will hear what this degenerate heretic will invent 
at the priesthood, what schismatic invectives she will 
hurl at Holy Mother Church. I’m a fool to hear her, 
. . . .but — she uses the Bible — but what is the Bible 
compared to our Church ? ” 

Somewhat timorously he placed a chair for his visi- 
tor when they were in his “ study.” She stood silent. 
He in nervous, fidgety restlessness, moved to a table 
and shakingly lit a match — it went out. He lit an- 
other — it also went out, as though blown by a strong 
breath. With an exasperated imprecation, he thrust 
the cigar into a silver stand. Silence depressing and 
dismal reigned save for the monotonous ticking of a 
huge clock. 

The apartment was typically that of a sacerdotal 
occupant. A large painted picture of the “ Mater 
Dolorosa,” and a likeness (an unlikeness) of “ Ecce 
Homo,” were upon the richly papered wall. Several 
mohair chairs of ebony were carelessly standing 
around on the floor. A niche in the one side of the 
wall contained a colorerd bisque gold-crowned statue 
of the Virgin. And on the top of a huge desk was a 
large brass crucifix. Before the statue of the Virgin 
were a vase of carnations and two votive candles ; the 
image of Christ was but faintly discernible in its cob- 
webbed canopy, in the faint light of the dim lamp. 
Several morocco-bound books were lying about. 
There was a fine library there, but it was little used. 


Epilogue. 309 

The most used books were those “ approved of by His 
Holiness the Pope ’’ or some other dignitary. 

Paper, ink, cigars, a small crucifix, a rosary, and 
other pamphlets and articles were copiously scattered 
about on his desk. 

Everything was lavishly and richly furnished: the 
carpet of moquet was soft and velvety; the furniture 
was of expensive make : — the luxuries, cigars, wine, 
and many other convenient accessories, were there to 
be had. 

Suddenly a vehement voice caused the silent priest 
to tremble. 

“ What is the Bible compared with ‘ Holy Mother 
Church? ’ ” cried an ardent voice, “ The Gospel is the 
Word of God : — The Church is the word of men. The 
Bible teaches man how to simply win Heaven ! The 
Church — no doubt with good intention — teaches intri- 
cate ways, invariably leading to hell. The work of 
Christ in this sublime Book of Truth says, in regard 
to Mercy and Pardon. ‘ I say not to thee till seven 
times seven, but till seventy times seven times.’ The 
word of man says ‘ Let him be Anathema ! ’ 

“ Ah, the Bible is hard for you. No wonder it is 
not allowed to be read in subjugated, dusty France 
and starving Spain and fallen Italy. Ah, you priests 
with a merciless and iron heel, crush the poor and de- 
trude them into pitiful ignorance. Look at Mexico, 
South America, Spain, Italy, France, and Hungary! 
Look at the debased ignorance, the filth, the barba- 
rism ! Why do they not progress ? Why is not sunny 
Italy a universal smile? Why is lusty poverty pre- 


3io 


Infans Amoris. 


dominant? Why is Spain fast retroceding into san- 
guine barbarism? Why is her power of the seas the 
least, as it was once the greatest? Why is the irre- 
ligious belief in superstitious Form all the faith in God 
these sad nations have? — To all these questions comes 
the answer: The iron heel of the Papal Throne! Why 
are England and America the foremost nations on the 
face of the earth? — Because Rome’s fearful power is 
not in plenipotent rule. God knows the governments 
of these nations are rotten with mercenary men ! but 
the morality and brain-power of the populations are 
not compressed and limited. God knows Rome is 
trying hard enough to sprout and to compass these 
nations! — an incipient growth is beginning. 

“ Thus as things are, does the Church of Rome ful- 
fill Christ’s ennobling Law? No; the Testament, the 
Word of the infallible— not Pope — but God, is 
slighted.* Why? ... So that Priestcraft may reign 
with impregnable hauteur and undisputed sway. And 
it does reign — reigns with a tyrant hand, a blatant 
blasphemy to Heaven, a flagrant negation of Love. 
Enter the Churches of To-day, listen to the ser- 


* The Author recently attempted to prove to a fervent, staunch, 
Catholic lady — a friend of his — (may her life be one of holy joy 
and Heaven her end, where she shall singly see) — by quoting sev- 
eral verses of Scripture, that the priests are unhappily wrong. 
“You’ve a Protestant Bible,” she in anger expostulatingly said. 
“ I use the Douay Version,” I answered, “ and you know that is 
the one ‘recognized’ by the Church.” Finally, in baffled exas- 
peration, she in fidelity to the “ Infallible Church,” said : “ The 
devil with the Bible ! ” 


Author. 


Epilogue. 31 1 

mons! ! ! Some would cause the blood of a good 
person to freeze with cold horror. 

“ Now, To-day, priests boldly step upon the steps 
of the altar with souls steeped in sin, a nauseating 
smell of liquor about them, expectorating on the very 
floors of the fane ! Now — he offers up the spotless 
Host — repeats the words of a God forgotten, — and 
gazes with sensual, defiled eyes full of impenitence, 
towards Heaven. Now — he turns and condemns the 
poor who cannot pay, shouting for Pay! Pay! Now 
is it that he carelessly lets souls go astray, changes the 
Law to suit his desire, scolds in the Confessional, 
telling the repentant sinner that he is the worst one he 
ever met ! — Now he drowns in sensuality, — in wine ; — 
O God of mine — he fears no righteous fulmination ; 
he knows that unrighteous fulminations are hurled at 
innocent heads, not at the demoralized satellites of 
Rome ; he should be the one who receives fulminations, 
not those who have the laudable courage to refute the 
glaring lies of Rome. The evil priest knows his ; he 
knows he will be shielded. Whereas such as he should 
be shamed to the world, and instead of growing, per- 
haps this aberration of good, this cursed thing, would 
cease! Now — he smiles at the wealthy adulteress, 
and flatters her ! Now — he condemns children in 
Sunday School, and teaches Form, not Faith. Yet one 
of your prelates says : ‘ The exalted dignity of the 
Priest is derived not from the personal merits for 
which he may be conspicuous, but from the sublime 
functions he is charged to perform. To the carnal 
eye, the Priest looks like other men, — but to the eye of 


312 


Infans Amoris. 


faith, he is exalted above the angels, because he exer- 
cises powers not given to angels ! ’ 

“ Aye, he is charged to perform ‘ sublime func- 
tions and it is his simple duty to do so. But does 
he? And although he performs these, he is in every 
respect as other men : each man has his mission ; each 
mission leads to the same Heaven. But ‘ exalted 
above angels ! ’ What pride — what unchristian pride ! 
.... But further on he says : ‘ But should a Priest con- 
sider himself greater than other men, because he exer- 
cises such authority? Far from it!’* Aye, he 
should not ; but he does. He does, — yet he denies it. 
But his denying it will not squash the evil and the ill 
repute of it, — no, but like Poe’s raven it shall shadow 
him — to the end of the world, to his existence in hell, — 
and though he cry, ‘ Leave no black plume as a token 
of that lie,’ its stern reply as “ a demon that is dream- 
ing ” will be — ‘ Nevermore.’ And then the prelates 
may lamenting say truthfully, ‘ He is exalted below 
the devils, for he exercises powers not given to 
devils.’ 

“ Man, hear ye me ? The world is ready to burn ! 
The wolf in sheep’s clothing is devouring the flock, the 
abomination of desolation stands in the holy place ; — 
and who shall say God is not desolate in the Churches ? 
The beds of marriage are defiled, — virginity ceases 
to exist,— Faith is crumbling to ruins on the shift- 
sands of Priestcraft and Sectarianism ! ‘ Think ye, 
will the Son of Man find Faith on earth when He 
cometh? ’ ” She swayed as a supple tree in ardent ges- 

* From the “ Faith of the Fathers,” by Cardinal Gibbons, 
Archbishop of Baltimore, Md. 


Epilogue. 313 

ticulations. The man gazed at her. His equanimity 
was solely his again, — for thought he, “ She is pos- 
sessed.” Softening, she went on : “ The moths are eat- 
ing the fabric, the mice are in the house. A radical 
change must be made, O Priest, a change full of Love 
and Mercy, Christ its only Ruler, re-beginning a pure 
Faith free from sophistry, the Holy Gospel of Christ 
its only reliquary and archive. Such a Faith the 
world wants. Many would grasp at it. Many are 
falling away from the Churches of To-day, — for any 
sensible person realizes that God is not God in these 
places. Rome’s power is decaying, though she is 
striving hard to regain her former place. She tries 
not to relax her power. The Pope, ‘ the Representa- 
tive of Peter,’ is an infallible Oracle? To Peter, 
Christ said : ‘ Thou savorest of the things of the flesh.’ 
The Pope is truly a follower of Peter, only he does 
not the meritorious works which Peter did. He is not 
congruous to the Law of Christ, — neither are the 
priests. It is unfit for a priest to slur the people 
because of not giving ‘ their just dues ’ to church 
collections. Yet many priests berate the people for 
not giving more than they do to all collections, ranging 
from missionary collections to seminary collections — 
seminary collections to make more priests of men. 
The seminary is the place where good-intentioned men 
enter, and come out egotistical, haughty, aggressive, 
and domineering priests. No doubt there are many; 
very many good priests in the Catholic Church ; — these 
think they do their duty by fulfilling the Law of the 
Church — poor souls! — they are ignorant. They do 


3i4 


Infans Amoris. 


not see with a single eye their reprehensible work ; — 
they see not how deficient are their teachings: — they 
believe the Church to be infallible, do not doubt it, and 
consider it a gross sacrilege to even question for an 
instant the authenticity of truth of the Form. Your 
Church should teach Science, expand the glories of a 
God-resplendent Nature — the flowers, the birds, the 
beasts, the planets, and the stars. The Protestant 
Church engenders and breeds intellect, — in its arm 
intellect has grown ; and sadly, morality has retro- 
graded. 

“ Christ’s teachings were purely taught ; but as ages 
passed, men added laws, till at present, the existing 
Church has laws — many of which are incompatible 
with Christ’s Law. These aberrant appendages are 
rancid, — yet as it is, the Catholic Church is the gran- 
dest Form of Faith on earth at present ; — in the quar- 
relsome sects there is little efficacious religion. But the 
Catholic Church needs a purifying. The trash must be 
thrown out, and the house carefully and diligently 
cleaned. Then there must be no arrogant priests, no 
‘ Holy Fathers’ no gold statues of saints and no vain 
display. Then the priests must not be sordid, godless, 
mercenary, plotting gormands. Then they must have 
no temporal supremacy, potential power, and despotical 
sway over eager, simple, trusting souls. Then their 
haughty, mercenary sway will not be a repellent sil- 
houette against the resplendent glory of simple Chris- 
tian Faith. Then they will not, with notorious alacrity, 
attend, and sit for days by the luxurious couch of the 
wealthy dying, and let the poor die in neglected grief, 


Epilogue. 315 

regardless as to how they die, whether good or bad ! 
Then they will not have pretty young girls for house- 
keepers, or elope with organists. Then will these 
evil things be done away with, — and, with untiring 
patience and orthodox exactitude, will Christ’s loving, 
simple Law be taught to all ; with fervent zeal will the 
dying be led to the welcoming Master; and with un- 
bounded love will souls be healed and saved from pain. 
O Priest, I know what pain is ! I — I know. Would to 
God no other would need know .... 

“ The Church must reform — otherwise it will fall ! 
fall deeper than you imagine. It is falling — falling, 
assisting others to fall, falling from God,. . . .falling to 
hell ! ” 

The priest with an angry snarl and an access of 
courage strode forward threateningly, and in menacing 
anger cried, his black eyes flashing and blazing fire, 
his bosom heaving in constrained passion, his fists 
clenched : 

“ What right have you to vaticinate the fall of the 
Church? You ranting beast — animal — why have I 
listened to you ! What are you! you speak like a devil ! 
Begone, or Heaven will rain fire on this house.” 

“ If Heaven wishes to rain fire on this house,” the 
woman answered composedly, “ it would have done so 
long ago. Worse things have happened here. Re- 
member the night, the lamps turned low,. . . .you and 
two worthy colleagues were in here. Five bottles of 
the choicest champagne were on the table. You noise- 
lessly left the room ; — it was thirty-five minutes of 
eleven. You were drunk, toppling in liquor; your 


316 


Infans Amoris. 


speech, usually so eloquent in delivering mean, stinging 
invectives and exhortations for cash from the altar, 
was impaired by hoarseness. Slowly, — slowly . . . you 
walked through the dark hall,.... a sensual smile 
marred your red face. On — on — on ! at last you were 
at the door of the room of the pretty, superstitious 
Irish maid. You knew she had retired .... Several 
hard bumps resounded through the house — Do you re- 
member this ? . . . /’ 

His face in terror had grown deathly pale — in pallor 
like to bleached parchment. His form shook as with 
ague and seemed to become attenuated and tall. 
Terror froze him still, like a pallid, staring corpse. 
The woman raised her slender hand high, and went on, 
ardently : 

“ Yes, you remember. ‘ Sir, who is there? * cried the 
girl. ‘ Me/ you replied hoarsely. 4 Father, do you 
wish me/ she asked tremulously. ‘Yes, yes; hurry 
yourself. I need you/ you imperatively roared. ‘ Wait, 
wait — ’ she faltered. You imperatively commanded 
her to open the door immediately, not giving her time 
to make herself presentable. There was a cynical, 
sensual smile on your evilly contortioned face. Slowly 
the door key was reluctantly turned in fear, quickly you 
unceremoniously pushed open the door, — entered, — and 
seized the shrinking girl by her bare arm, — and com- 
mandingly whispered, ‘Now you listen to me!’ and 
you led her to^this room. Your maudlin fellow priests 
glared at you in stupefied amazement. ‘ Now/ you 
said, ‘ we’ll have some fun.’ ” The priest turned to a 
deathly pallor and fearfully drew away — further — 


Epilogue. 317 

further — his throat rattled, but no word did he utter. 

“ Then,” the “ wretch ” went on, “ you coerced the 
girl by blasphemous words to drink. She became 
drunk, and unconsciously to herself, in a dazed state, 
implicitly obeying a ‘ holy priest/ the poor thing pan- 
dered to your passions. Wine flowed, — faces were 
cut, — blood flowed. Sin was triumphant here where 
Faith should have been kept sacredly.” 

She paused, went close to him. He fearfully re- 
treated, glaring like a madman at her. A luminous 
vapor seemed to float around in the silent place. Seve- 
ral minutes of terrible silence passed. 

“ Who — what . . . are — you — you ? ” faltered the 
priest, staring aghast in fear at her ; slowly, “ Won’t 
you — come — come — to — con — fess — a — a — on ?....” 

“ Me? Come to confession to you ? Me!. ...” 

And suddenly .... a bright, rapt Angel stood where 
the woman had stood. Her face aglow with dazzling 
light, it was a marvel of resplendent, marvellous love- 
liness. A golden Aureole of glory in flashing gold en- 
compassed her. . . . 

“ A devil/’ slowly enunciated the priest. Somewhat 
relieved, he mechanically grasped a crucifix. Then, 
at the right side of the Mystic Glory, tfyere shone the 
four radiant beams of a grand empyreal Cross — a 
cross of translucent, shimmering, rainbow brilliancy, 
and an unearthly strain of music began to sound — hi 
low sweetly solemn strain. 

“ No, no devil,” said the Spirit, “ but one who loves 
Man, one who desires his welfare. I will not harm 
you; — do not fear me — but fear yourself. Thus do 


Infans Amoris. 


3i8 

you priests keep the grand vow of perpetual chastity; 
thus do you secretly sin. That girl lost her self- 
respect by you — oh, Man, beware ! A fearful Retribu- 
tion there is for such as you — take care! Chastity is 
a god — sublime! But you priests are not chaste — 
many of you seduce girls to sin, make love to married 
women, and commit all foul crimes. Are you fit to 
serve Christ as you are? Ah, beware ! ! !. . . .beware 
of the revenge of souls lost by you — and thousands 
thus see their doom. 

“lama Spirit of God’s World, a Soul that loved, 
sinned, and suffered. I love you — as God loves you. 
I exhort you to repent, to return to God, leave Rome, 
and follow the Way, the Light and the Truth. Pray 
for the girls you lead astray — and warn others by your 
experience. You can atone — wipe away your crimes, 
— do it. For the immorality that you revelled in, 
the negligence of your life, atone by work; for your 
pride, live in humility, — and in all things do as He 
would do. Terrible and egregious are the priestly 
crimes carefully concealed. Uproot them ; reform 
your brethren regardless of the censure you will incur 
upon yourself. Truth will always be downed and 
made suffer — hence the Death of Christ; Lie will 
always seem to thrive and grow fat — hence the richness 
of the Roman Church. Preach to the people of God as 
a Friend, not as an unapproachable Vagueness. All 
will then love Him, all will then follow Him — and you, 
O Priests, will save yourselves, and begin a Church 
of Truth. Do not start another new sect; — there are 
too many sects. The creeds of the world are pestilent 


Epilogue. 319 

species of insects devouring and destroying the wheat. 
Be you a laborer, and gather the wheat into the barn. 
Purify the Roman Church — it is the work of you 
priests — do it — and God will bless you. God will 
speak through you to men — the Holy Spirit will be 
upon you. Speak as you feel, with purity, truth, sim- 
plicity, without preparation — and your eloquence shall 
melt the clouds — and men’s hearts. Do not teach elab- 
orately of scapulars, shrines, miracles of the Virgin, 
of the flying House of Loretto, and other vile impos- 
tures and inane sacramentals. Preach Simplicity, 
scientific Truth. . . . 

“Teach Truth, preach Truth, pray Truth — Truth 
that is simple, pure, thankful. And in this Truth you 
will combat Error — you shall drive it into its lair of 
darkness, and it shall be afraid to seek prey in the sun- 
light of your Truth. Oh, Error is ruling the sad world 
to-day, Error that is base, vile, untrue. The seven- 
headed monster is roaming the world, the monster of 
Error, with its seven heads — Sensualism, Superstition, 
Pride, Love of Gold, Hypocrisy, Untruth and Irre- 
ligion. Sensualism is inundating the world, — it is 
men’s only pleasure, women’s chief joy; it is regarded 
as a virtue in the demi-monde and society queen, as a 
failing in the lost sister of the slums. Yet the poor 
outcast who earns her bread by pandering to the vices 
of men — and it is men who make women bad — is more 
virtuous, stands a better chance of getting to Heaven, 
than the wealthy adulteress. For necessity goads the 
one to sin ; Depravity and Love of Vice the other. And 
Necessity’s votaries will be pardoned, forasmuch that 


320 


Infans Amoris. 


it is the wealthy that create the demoralising neces- 
sity by not helping the poor. You can controvert this 
Evil, do it. Tell that he who creates the Cause of Sin 
will bear the punishment, not the victim. And if the 
wealthy woman refuses a cry for bread from a starving 
woman, and that woman to get bread submits to deg- 
radation, not she, but the rich creature will suffer for 
it. This is Justice, Justice that is not heeded To-day. 

“ Also I exhort you to reform and go and preach in 
truth of Love : first the Love of God, then the soul’s 
mutual love. Expatiate on the true Marriage: of the 
marriage of Rebecca and Isaac. It is said in Scrip- 
ture, ‘ Let the same be the woman whom the Lord hath 
prepared for my master's son ! He who has the des- 
tiny to marry, has a Mate prepared for him. This, 
then, is the true marriage. Many persons meeting 
their mate, let earthly desires and lust predominate, 
and hence a great sin ensues. Use every precaution 
in your power to guard against this ; — it is one of the 
worst sins. I know , for I have seen and done: I know 
the awful penalty . Few, very few, fulfill this destiny 
now. Just gaze at disreputable, degenerate society! 
.... Meditate ! . . . . 

“ The angel Raphael led Isaac to his true mate ; and 
to him said, ‘ Hear me, and I will show thee who they 
are, over whom the devil can prevail. For they who 
in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God 
from themselves, and from their mind, and to give 
themselves to their lust, as the horse and the mule, 
which have not understanding, over them the devil 
hath power . . .’ Thus do not the people of To-day 


Epilogue. 321 

marry — for the pleasure of sin and ‘ for position ? ’ 
Then they tire of each other — the spiritual attraction 
and contentment being non-existent — and they seek 
others with whom to sin, — and Infidelity reigns . . . 
It is a gross blasphemy to think that the least thing is 
left to casual chance when the hairs of the head are 
numbered ! 

“ I ask you to preach of this, to expand upon this 
vital theme, and to tell what a great and awful sin im- 
purity is — for by it a good Destiny is swept away, and 
the soul is left shivering and shamed in dark confu- 
sion. ‘ Every one,’ saith Saint Paul, ‘ hath his proper 
gift from God ; one after this manner, and another 
after that. As the Lord hath distributed to every one, 
as God hath called every one, so let him walk ’ — and 
thus walking, Heaven is the positive Reward. The 
idea that man is, of no fault of his own, either pre- 
destined for Heaven or Hell is an erroneous error, 
one which is one of the most reeking blasphemies 
against the God of Love in Heaven. 

“ I ask you to repent, to go and to teach — teach as 
Christ told you to, as depicted in the Gospel, — and ful- 
fill your Destiny. 

“ Go among the poor, — labor hard, — and never more 
earn dollars by saying paid prayers. I ask you to look 
at things with a single eye . — But you must repent. Re- 
pent, pray, go among the poor, work with untiring 
patience, indefatigable zeal, unlimited love, and un- 
swerving fortitude ; work for Christ, winning a place 
in the Kingdom of Heaven. Preach, and tell of the 
great Law of Atonement, to forgive and to ask for- 
2 1 


322 


Infans Amoris. 


giveness of our debtors. Go into the open air, into the 
woods, and, in simple thankful prayer, feed the flocks 
with the Words of Life. Study what you say, — and 
in the true words of Christ, a glorious orthodox 
Church of Universal Christianity shall rise, — the het- 
erodox Church of Rome shall fall — fall into forgotten 
ruins, be a name for parable; and in its moldering 
ruins will be given to Heaven a great satisfaction. 
Would it not be an awful thing if the walls of St. 
Peter’s at the Last Day should volley out in irrepres- 
sible accusation the blasphemous and plotting words 
uttered therein ! What if the walls of the churches 
and ‘ sacred places ’ should roar out in volleying, vol- 
uble truth the words of sin secretly hidden! Aye, 
material walls have ears that hold all words ! Let the 
priest think ere he speaks ; let you all do likewise. Take 
warning by the inventor Edison’s phonograph. The 
inventions are not without prognostication. Take care! 

“ Teach true, fervent, loving faith. Tell how you 
may all become gods. Heretofore all that was needed 
of a child was to know the Pater Noster , the Ave 
Maria, the Confiteor, the Act of Contrition , and the 
Creed. And to give utterance to these in lightning 
rapidity was approved. Man, lately I have been in a 
church; many were going to the altar to make their 
‘ First Communion.’ One in a hundred, I may safely 
say, thought with expectant joy alone of the coming 
communion. The majority fixed their dresses and 
flowers, fooled with the burning candles and uttered 
hollow prayers. The singing rose as a cloud of black 
smoke to heaven — a gross blasphemy. The Mass was 


Epilogue. 323 

a terrible reeking crime on the part of the priest. He 
uttered his Latin doggerel without thinking of the 
meaning, in an incorrect pronunciation. This is Form 
and Dogma. Christ’s pity has been one of Love. 
How many precious souls have been lost, and are be- 
ing lost, by this revolting work ! The work of such 
bad, aggressive priests is nauseating and damnable. 

“ You have a Destiny. You have gone astray. Re- 
form and do your duty. You can.” 

“ What — what . . . must I do ? ” interrogated the 
priest in a frightened whisper. 

“ Do as Christ commanded you. Read and teach, 
not detrude the Word of God. Teach and love. 
God’s word is generative and full of meaning : Christ’s 
Law sufficeth for all. ... I warn you, I exhort you. 
I know the awful, indescribable pains of purgatory, of 
atonement. I know the great power of woman, — how 
she can save souls, and damn souls. Aided by Satan, 
she can sway kings, rule empires, and destroy good in 
souls. It has been done. I know the power of man, 
— how he can edify, teach, and greatly work. Teach- 
ing the Law of Christ, he will himself save, saving 
others — ” 

The priest had approached this Radiant Apparition, 
and now he fell on his knees before her. 

“ Angel-saint,” he murmured, “ if thou art of heaven 
— be — my — my — mediator. Pray for me . . . Holy 
Spirit, pray — Be merciful — ” 

A roaring wind seemed to pass through the room. 
And in a stern voice the Spirit said: 

“ Pray to God, — not to His creatures. There is but 


3 2 4 


Infans Amoris. 


one Mediator , Christ. . . . Do as He bids you, and 
thus follow Him, leading men aright, freeing them 
from the awful power of sin. O priest, terrible, pow- 
erful is the power of unseen wills over material — over 
men’s minds. I once lived on earth, loved, and, in the 
insufficiency of Religion, fell ; by the unrecognized but 
still-working power of Satan I willingly did vast evil, 
left God for sin, and was punished. The world is sur- 
rounded by unseen beings who work — who are either 
malign or loving in their influence. Destroy the evil 
influence of these beings by Faith, and mortals, instead 
of being aided to sin by the power and thoughts of 
these, will be aided in good works by holy spirits — 
and pure Faith will open Heaven on many. For this 
do I come, for this do I entreat you to destroy the 
Basilica of Peter, the evil Power of Popes. Do this — 
follow only Christ — love one another — and . . . till 
we meet again — Beyond ” — She pointed above — “ may 
God bless you, and may you repent, for Christ came to 
save sinners, not the just. Repent and do as Christ 
bids you, thus saving souls from pain ; for you can if 
you will. I exhort you to do so — for I know what 
is spiritual PAIN : I KNOW WHAT IS HEAVEN.” 

A fiery Flare dazzlingly seemed to consume the 
whole apartment in a grand flood of glowing radiance 
— and in this brilliancy, I disappeared — and was gone. 
For it was I. 

Were a priest to do this : disengage himself from the 
temporal lust of tyrannizing Rome, and go to preach 
among both poor and the rich, of every creed and 


Epilogue. 325 

color, implicitly following the Law of Christ, there 
then would be that acceptable and edifying “ One 
Faith ” — a Faith of simple truth would be the result. 
And the answer to the question, “ When the Son of 
Man cometh, think ye He shall find Faith ? ” could be 
affirmatively answered. * 

The Roman Church, by its teaching and obviously- 
seen evil practices not in accordance with the teaching 
of Christ, proves that it is not a pure, unsophisticated 
Church ; hence Christ not lying, proves that this 
Church is not His Church : — His Church is in the vast 
beauty of Nature. His Law is the only Way wherein 
to travel to Heaven. And this Law is the fruitful tree 
which shall last, — but the evil tree shall be cut down 
and cast into the fire! 

And are not the popes mortal? It Peter savored of 
the things of the flesh, why would it be impossible for 
his “ infallible successors” to do so? If the Pope is 
infallible, he is infallible in Darkness ; for “ If thine eye 
be evil,” says Christ, “ thy body also will be dark- 
some.” Hence on the Last Day may not these words 
of Christ ring in the popes’ ears as a hopelessly con- 
demning tocsin of condemnation? — : 

“ Call no man your father upon earth, for One is 
your Father who is in Heaven;”- 

“ Love your enemies and do good to them that hate 
you ; ” 

“ And when ye pray, you shall not be as the hypo- 
crites, that love to stand and pray in the synagogues 
and corners of the streets, that they may be seen by 
men ; ” 


326 


Infans Amoris. 


“ Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth ; 

“ And why seest thou the mote in thy brother’s eye ; 
and seest not the beam in thine own eye ? ” 

“ Condemn not and you shall not be condemned ; ” 
“ Why call you Me ‘ Lord, Lord,’ and do not the 
things which I say ? ” 

“ Take heed and beware of all covetousness; ” 

“ Sell half thou hast and give it to the poor ; ” 

“ And to whomsoever much is given, much is re- 
quired ; ” 

“ Judge not that ye be not judged;” 

“ For there is nothing covered that shall not be re- 
vealed ; nor hidden that shalt not be known ; ” 

“ For whatsoever things you have spoken in dark- 
ness, shall be published in the Light : and that which 
you have spoken in the ear in the chambers shall be 
preached on the housetops.” 

Aye, and are not those words enough to cause any 
potentate to tremble and writhe on his throne in fear 
and apprehension, provided he has the least faith in 
God ! And moreover, to the Pope, the “ Infallible 
Speaking Ex-Cathedra ” the “ Successor of Peter,” the 
“ Representative of Christ on earth ” — must not these 
words cause him to tremble if he reads them (which is 
not likely), when he is cognizant of the sacerdotal 
secrets and sins ! Think ! — what a tremendous noise 
would be dinned forth out of the housetops and inani- 
mate chambers of the Palace of the Popes ! — what an 
awful, vengeful cry would not the walls thunder forth 
in rolling, voluble torrents, telling of massacres 
planned, men’s lives desired, and incestuous sins care- 


Epilogue. 327 

fully hidden! Then a rich, true fulmination — a late, 
just fulmination — would condemn many. What a cry 
to Heaven would not the blood-stained soil of France 
and Spain cry out irrepressibly! And to these na- 
tions will the word of God to Cain be spoken : “ What 

hast thou done f the voice of thy brother’s blood crieth 
to me from the earth.” Then will the guilty rulers be 
brought low, their secrets openly revealed. Who will 
dare to assert that this cannot be? The phonograph 
proves that sound lodges in material. And what if the 
voices of sinful, incestuous clergymen should thus be 
preserved for their judgment! 

So will many popes, priests, kings, scribes, and sin- 
ners be condemned — by their own words, by fearful 
transmagorias ; — and Sin, irrepressibly, with a black, 
grim, hideous, sardonic smile, will condemn the sin- 
ner. This will be when to all Justice will be made 
manifest. Neither extenuation nor apology will be of 
avail: — Truth will rule with an undisputed sway. 
And Rome will then have fallen in the vocal ashes of 
condemnation ; and so will the dissenting and quarrel- 
ing Sects. 

* * * * * * 

“ Amen, I say to you, if you have faith as a grain 
of mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, ‘ Re- 
move from hence thither,’ and it shall remove; and 
nothing shall be impossible to you. ” * So spake the 
Messiah. 

Faith — a grand, potent, sublime thing. Faith makes 
all things possible,— and Faith can be acquired only 

* St. Matthew, xvii. 19. 


328 


Infans Amoris. 


by work and faith in Christ. Faith opens heaven, — 
it can move mountains. We have Christ’s incontest- 
ible words for it. Hence we must believe. The 
clergyman cannot move a mountain, they laugh at the 
idea: they have no faith. If a person is inconsistent, 
he is untrue. This is a warning, an advice. And a 
parting word : Carefully obey Christ, following the 
Way, led by the Light, speaking the Truth ; Sinner, re- 
pent ; Priest, reform, atone ; — let Darkness roll away, 
and dissolving into oblivion, let Light replace the 
Darkness : — Believe — believe only Christ. And this 
being done, the Risen from the Dead, the Incarnate 
God, the Saviour of the World, the Infant of Love will 
come in clouds and glory with His angels and find the 
world ready to receive Him. 

Now as I have executed a mission of love, since I 
give example and tell, since I, an angel of Heaven, 
have told a truth shall depart. . . . 

The sky — expansive, silent — is above me. Huge 
clouds whose rifted edge shine as masses of gold and 
silver stand — still. Long ridges of mountains sol- 
emnly rear themselves upwards towards heaven . . . 
Trees down in the vale moan a plaintive song . . . 
But here — here on the summit of the snow-covered 
mountain all seems comparatively silent. An occa- 
sional cry from a wild animal ascends, then dies 
slowly, echoingly away. The dull sound of a roar- 
ing cascade can be faintly heard, — yet all seems still. 
No mortal man treads these sacred hills, no human 
hand desecrates and alters the sublime works of Na- 


Epilogue. 329 

ture. The snow sparkles in the sunlight, . . . green 
plants creep forth to gaze at the sun, ... a few trees 
wave their branches, and a scent of pine pervades the 
air. Spirits are here, . . . souls may here find rest, 
... a whisper is borne over the mountain and on — a 
wind containing the wail of souls in hell, the song of 
souls in joy. . . . The hills undulate and sparkle, . . . 
the sky is sweetly blue, . . . Nature is grandly sub- 
lime. 

Here is the snow-capped mountain, a white Altar in 
the Temple of the World, upon it the spotless cloth of 
immaculate snow, bearing the sacred Tabernacle of 
Silence, only now and then opened by Sound — expres- 
sive, speakable, pregnant; above hangs the Sun in the 
heavens — the sanctuary lamp before the Real Presence 
of God ; the midnight stars here burn for midnight 
prayer — in the undefiled, sacred Temple where Sen- 
sualism and Irreligion do not supersede the Grandeur 
of Purity, the Simplicity of Prayer ; above is the limit- 
less, immeasurable dome — the cerulean vault of end- 
less sky ; and in it are the Guardian Angels of earthly 
things — clouds, — ethereal forms bending in devotion, 
ready to give life to vegetation by a downpour of en- 
livening rain ; below are flowers in the valley, speak- 
ing of Love, trees telling of omnipresent Joy — silently 
speaking worshipers of God. A breath of air sweeps 
the mountain — a cooling message of the Creator, an- 
swering prayers. Every atom is sentient with reverent 
gladness Here is a hallowed fane — here souls do rest 
from pain. The birds may here sing undisturbed ; the 
trees may bow to God not fearing the sneering mock- 


330 


Infans Amoris. 


ery of men; the falling waters may caress the moun- 
tain, and no sin mars the love. Here is heaven on 
earth, away off in the city is hell. Vast, expansive, 
grand — O the mighty majesty, the unutterable grand- 
eur of God’s sublime creation ! . . . All is beauty, 
sublimity — love. Love consumes the hallowed place 
— love shown everywhere, love not hindered in its 
work, not defiled by Sin. 

I will rise, and go to God . . . O joy, O happiness 
of souls ! . . . O God is kind, God is good ! . . . Let 
rocks break forth and give Him praise, — let all the 
earth its anthems raise ; His Love flows down to all the 
earth, — all Mercy — Love in Him have birth. . . . 

Hark, . . . the angels call, — beckon, — smile! . . . 
Up . . . Away ! — I leave the mundane sphere, ascend 
among the clouds, rise among sidereal stars, on — up- 
wards . . . past the planet Mars. Music passionately 
throbs around me, ... I am in a sea of brilliant 
light and sweet tunes . . . Higher, . . . up. I pass 
bright Sirius. The world recedes, the distant spheres 
near the sun grow dim, ... a million blazing suns 
I see. I pass the three Suns of the Pole — what sweet 
rapture pervades my Soul ! Away, . . . high, — 
higher ! through the sky so calm and blue, into heav- 
enly beauties true, past clouds of color, light and form, 
past orbits where the planets swarm! . . . Higher — 
to the World of Perfect Love, the World of God, 
of Beauty, of Fire ... to the ne’er decreasing, ec- 
static, enthralling, transporting bliss of Heaven — 
Away! ... to empyrean light, music, and joy . . . 
Let birds pour out their liquid hymns, let Nature 


Epilogue. 331 

bloom and with rapture tremble, let rocks and streams 
grand Hosannas sing! Let all earth rejoice that 
God truly lives — lives in a World divine, a World 
which man can enter, where his sorrows shall cease, 
his joys increase. Up — up — into the glistening radi- 
ance of a million trillion stars; — up — up, a Spirit 
— an Angel of Love, a Spirit that sinned . . . 
At last . . . calm, unutterable . . . ecstasy! — peace — 
light. . . . Beyond, — 0 sublime grandeur! ... is the 
splendid . . . rolling . . . majestic World — of Mel- 
ody, Beauty — G od. . . . O wondrous spectacle! O 
ravishing joy! . . . Into the Fire, into the Sound, — 
let Heaven with Hosannas resound! . . . O Glory to 
God, to the Messenger Christ — the Redeemer, the 
Saviour, the Infant of Love ! . . . Farewell, sad world 
of sinful men, . . . fare . . . thee — well 

******** 

* * * * - * * 

* * * * 

* * 


APPENDIX. 


“ Too many, Lord, abuse Thy grace, 

In this licentious day ; 

And while they boast they see Thy face, 

They turn their own away.” 

Cowper. 

Now let us pause, think and realize. Let us awaken 
from our settled state of mediocral uselessness, and do 
Christ’s Law. Why do we live? Of what use is 
earthly labor? Is Christ’s Law hard to fulfill? Are 
its fruits poor — or abundantly rich? Now, when all 
the Churches are passing but devasting and virulent 
miasmata of noxious corruption, — when men sit on 
the Papal throne vehemently crying for mundane 
power, — when men enter the White House with crafty, 
sinister, sycophant smiles, and secretly steal — steal not 
only money, but the peace of a nation, — when they 
care naught for the welfare of the citizens who make 
the nation, — when morality is on the fast ebb, — when 
the tide of dissentient politics is ruled by base coin, — 
when men fall away from God, crying “ Show me a 
God,” — when unpitied poverty is depressed and un- 
helped, — when the silk-hatted rascals aggressively de- 
fraud the laboring miner, molder, or any laborer, — 
when the high art of Literature is ruled and degraded 
by base Cash, the “ successful ” authors being those 
332 


Appendix. 333 

who “ boldly, daringly ” write such indecencies as 
would make a barn-yard cow blush if she could read 
them, the “ greatest poet of the day ” being a depraved 
wretch who shows his degenerate vileness by calling 
the God-in-Man a “ carrion crucified,” and God 
“ the shadow called God,” and who is praised 
for showing his impure love of sensuality by daring to 
“ paint the beauty of the flesh in words,” the great au- 
thors being those who, like De Maupassant and others 
of his ilk, degrade purity, advocate “ free love,” write 
“ sexual problems,” thus corrupting the minds of the 
young, — when Christ’s “ ministers ” are too inert to 
discourage and condemn this demoralizing trash, and 
when they are the secret lovers of society women, — 
when the men of society are weaklings whose only joy 
is Gratification, — when the powdered ladies are con- 
tinually drunk and enjoying immund revels, — when 
priests associate with these serpents, and cry for 
“ Gold,” — when the breweries are flourishing and flow- 
ing — when the nation, aye, the whole world, is rushing 
in frenzy to the end — while all this is occurring, would 
it not be well to think? to act? . . . For what do we 
labor ? for what do we raise churches ? for what do we 
raise a nation? For what but the progress of moral- 
ity! If we work for ephemeral earthly glory, our 
work is in vain. Why work for perishable matter ? 

Gaze at the nation shining in its luster of corruption 
and sin ; gaze at the streets and see the amorous juve- 
nile sinners. Gaze at the clergymen — are not some 
of them repulsive negations of good ? Gaze at the sena- 
tor, governor, or statesman — Does he unselfishly hold 


334 Appendix. 

this position for the welfare of others? — or for him- 
self f Gaze at the children; — one can barely find an 
innocent child above the age of five. 

Fast — fast — the nation is falling: — Rome’s sway is 
powerful; Sectarianism, like the restless waves of an 
uncertain sea, rises and falls in error and bigotry ; 
conjugal infidelity is a fhost fashionable and popular 
crime; wickedness is jokingly winked at; the apoth- 
eosis of the clergymen is accepted ; priests cry for 
gold ; — Money is god, — Wall Street is paradise 

Is it not a wonder that the barbarous yet faithful 
aboriginal inhabitant of this land, the redman, does not 
rise from his forgotten grave and cry: 

“ Why do you fall lower than I, when I, mine, and 
all were sacrificed to you? In my untutored savagery 
I dreamt of no such immorality as you practice and 
bombastically bo$st of ! ” 

In what a state will the Son of Man find this nation 
when He cometh? . . . 

Oh, let us rise. Let us conquer the Tyranny of 
Rome, partisan Imperialism, and apotheosized Gold. 
Let undiscovered Genius bud out and grow. Let the 
Constitution and the Gospel reign. Let the mammon- 
ized churches fall into forgotten oblivion, — let the 
breweries crumble into ruin, — let the bestial husband, 
who maltreats his wife, be castigated till his blood 
flows, — let the degenerate, unfaithful wife be openly 
whipped and be a thing to be pitied, not smiled at, — 
let evil tremble, and Good rise, a glorious morning! 
Then Religion, Science, and the Promise of the Im- 
mortal Hereafter shall be a Goddess of Liberty. And 


Appendix. 335 

Liberty will reign, Liberty free from Mammon, Im- 
perialism, and Rome — Liberty in which the Infant of 
Love will be poorly thanked by being obeyed; and this 
unsophisticated, unostentatious, God-loving Liberty 
shall be a sure precursor of Life Everlasting. Soon 
shall we be passed away ; — whither will our evil 
deeds take us? whither will the true Christian go? 
. . . Of what avail are our evanescent joys, soon 
passed away? Ere we sin, let us pause, look into the 
Future — what are several minutes compared with 
thousands upon thousands of years ? . . . Will we suf- 
fer in all this vast, vast expanse of time for a moment 
of delusive joy? No, in our grand Liberty we will 
rise — rise morally, and, in an opulent power of right- 
eousness, shall be a nation which will be prepared for 
the Master when He cometh. 


Author. 








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